We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Skylar. one of the most endearing things about my home state is the ferry-system…..Washington State Ferry’s are the bomb!!!!
Hi Kim,
yeah it’s so scenic. I’m partial to the scenery around here. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. I love the juxtaposition of the mountains and the water. I guess we’re all biased toward the places we grew up.
Last weekend, I met a spath in Eastern Washington, which as you know, is mostly desert. I told him that I preferred the west coast. I guess it was a narcissistic injury because he said that the only thing he liked about Seattle was seeing it in his rear view mirror!!!
LOL! That isn’t why I called him a spath. He was a conman pretending to sell some land but he advertised a different size and price than what it actually was. Funny thing, he lied just like the ex-spath did. He made up words and everything.
Skylar,
Tonight I was doing a bit of research on the BS. I saw moved up to Tacoma/Seattle area.
I was thinking of you……He’s a hot mess and a con through and through. BUT, he’s not stupid. And he comes across educated to some degree. He’s got the gift of the gab.
Apparantly, he just moved up there in the past few weeks and he’s nestled in quite nice with 2 different gigs. One he will ‘get’ recognition from possibly. (I’m pretty sure he’s portraying a former pro football player by the same name in order to get his foot in on this one)
One he will achieve his ‘goals’ from and steal from the co. owners…..the same con he’s played in other cities.
Once I see some legal ‘value’ titled in his name…..I’m swooping in for the judgement he owes me.
He ripped me off when I was at my lowest and sick and really needed the money…..and he claims to help cancer patients as he scams them.
He’s a doozy alright!
Skylar, I would really like to read some more of your insight as to the trauma-bonding. I’m concerned that I will succumb to this given my history with abusers and spaths in even non-romantic relationships.
Is it possible to recognize the situation as it’s happening, or is it something that you recognize after a while of exposure?! I’m susceptible to the trauma-bond AND pity-ploys, though I’m getting much better at avoiding the pity-ploys. The trauma-bond is something that I’ve obviously experienced, but I haven’t sorted out as much as I’d like.
Brightest blessings
EB, I really would like to read about you collecting on the judgement. Seriously.
I have considered, numerous times, about suing the exspath for fraud, but I’ve been advised that he’d only bankrupt himself and have the judgement forgiven.
It’s crazy! Someone can defraud another person of tens of thousands of dollars and, if a judgement is rendered, the defendant can simply file for bankruptcy and never be compelled to pay a dime!
Yes, I sure hope you get something back, EB.
Brightest blessings
skylar and kim:
Seattle is on my bucket list. I can’t wait to visit there someday; I have always wanted to…seems so beautiful!
EB,
send me any info that you think makes him vulnerable. If I have the opportunity, I will look him up and see what turns up. It’s amazing what the spaths will reveal when they think they have a new victim on the hook…
Truthy,
You most definitely will be susceptible to trauma bonding.
In my experience, it feels like a mixture of nervousness and fascination about the person.
One that comes to mind, I had posted about meeting him last summer. I was picking something up that he was giving away on craigslist, and he saw me drive by while we were talking on the phone. He walked out with a single flower and big smile. Then he asked me to walk way back to the end of his property, but I told him I would drive the truck in, instead. He made a comment about how it wasn’t safe for a young woman to go onto a wooded property alone with a stranger. Then he said he had a bad back and couldn’t carry the buckets of tar that he was giving away, by himself (Ted Bundy anyone?).
Well he wasn’t bad looking but I saw red flags so I investigated him based on his property address. He had even lied about his name…
But, he kept emailing me about how sad he was that I had a boyfriend.
So, my senses told me that he was a spath but I kept thinking about him. He had rented space in my head from the very first meeting. That’s how I knew I was trauma bonded.
There have been other similar men and even some women who made me feel the same way.
When someone takes up that much of your thinking process, it’s because you feel that you NEED to think about them. That’s what spaths do. That’s how you will recognize them. I think it comes from a latent fear that is in our minds but that we have denied.
I’ve heard it said that those things we deny are the things that end up taking control of our lives. The spath denies his emotions and his life is nothing but drama. We deny our fears and that’s when those fears come calling.
Recently I read that people who were not loved as children cannot “learn to love ourselves” the way all the therapists tell us to do. The window for learning that, was in our infancy. Instead, we should accept the reality that we were not loved.
http://cigognenews.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-psychology-of-great-actor.html
This makes sense to me because as long as we believe that the fake love which we experienced was “real” or even that it “looked real” or “felt real” then we will continue to look for that kind of love again. And it will always turn out to be fake — again.
I think that escape from that cycle happens when we commit to reality, completely. It’s not easy, our minds are built to use deception as an automatic defense mechanism.
Louise,
if you make it out here, I’ll take you sight seeing!
Skylar, thanks SO much for the priceless insight on the trauma-bond. I particularly identify with the “false love” perception – it makes absolute sense to me.
Brightest blessings
They alway seem to go back ‘home’ when they’ve got nowhere else.