We know only too well that by far the majority of psychopaths are men. Or at least we think we know that. Could it be that the criteria used to identify psychopaths are biased towards men? After all Hare began his work in male prison.
Think about it. While behaving and being the way the PCL-R without doubt earns one the label psychopath, this is simply a list of symptoms. It says nothing about the underlying dynamics. If psychopathy is life centered on the principle of power (as opposed to love) and if it is therefore characterised by what Liane Leedom nicely calls ‘warped empathy‘, then wouldn’t you expect there to be more or less the same number of woman as men psychopaths? And wouldn’t you expect them to come across differently?
I am beginning to wonder whether there may be two broad types of psychopathy – a ‘male’-type and a ‘female’-type. I place these in quotes because, when I think about it, men with might be thought of as ‘female’ psychopathy come to mind and we all know about women with ‘male’ psychopathy. And yet, at the risk of being un-PC, I want to maintain these descriptors for now so that the difference I think I see doesn’t disappear.
A ‘female’ psychopath would not necessarily commit crimianl/antisocial acts like her male counterpart, but she woud be as power-driven, as toxically narcissistic as a ‘male’ psychopath. The control, the manipulation, the dishonesty, the selfishness, the callousness – all these would be present, but we might not recognise them for what they are because of 1. media portrayal and 2. medical diagnosis of psychopaths. The difference would come in the gendered style of their behaviour.
In my clinical work I have come across this phenomenon. For example, a woman I now consider to be of the ‘female’-type of psychopath didn’t come close to committing a crime and yet the way she mothered her daughter, my patient, came close to destroying the child’s mind. This seems to me to be a perversion of motherhood eqivalent to the perversion of fatherhood we read about on this website.
Do readers have any comments? I’m particularly interested in any examples you might have of how ‘female’ psychopathy – if such a thing does exist – manifests itself?
Truthy,
He’ll always be visable, because he refuses to go underground for too long.
EB, if I knew of a way to get a judgement against the exspath that would NOT result in my losing alimony, I’d do it in a heartbeat. He can keep his deviant lifestyle and interests in veiled necrophilia – I couldn’t care less. But, he literally stole, by forgery, over 75K from MY private account, and either coerced me out of or helped himself to another 275K.
The spath that stole from you sounds like a very, very dangerous individual to ANYONE that he comes into contact with, whether they’re a willing spath participant, or not. I truly look forward to reading that he experiences consequences.
Brightest blessings!
Truthy,
Compare your statute of limitations in your state vs. how long the alimony will be……maybe you can file something AFTER he makes the last of his alimony payments. 🙂
Itcould give you plenty of time (on his dime) to collect solid documentation and legal advice. Then strike.
Just a thought. (Sometimes it’s worth it and sometimes it’s just not…..only you can decide this).
EB, the alimony will outlive the statute of limitation, I’m sure.
The additional caution that my attorney gave me was that I would likely win ANY judgement, but that the exspath would simply bankrupt himself and that the judgement would be moot. Unless, of course, the civil judgement found him guilty of “fraud.” That might follow him to his grave, but COLLECTING a judgement is a completely different ballgame.
VERY interesting with regard to your situation and the empty threats. Eugh….. You’ve got some serious tenacity, EB and it’s one of the many things that factored into your recovery.
Brightest blessings!
Yea, that’s the thing on some of these cases…friend of mine, her husband took out (unknown to their kiid) student loans, so when the kid went to get some student loans. POOF! all his elgibility was gone and he was maxed out.
Now the kid and the dad have the same name….here’s the rub. IF they get him for fraud, which they could do, he would lose his state job, and there goes the child support for the younger 4 kids. But at least she got him to pay them back. Just having 20K$ in debt though in his name isn’t good for the kid’s credit score though so if he tries to buy a car, etc…you know the drill.
EB I love how you backk spathed this guy! You go girl!
skylar:
I would love to come out there…seriously! When I decide to do it, I will let you know!
As usual, your post above resonated with me so much. The things you say just jump off the screen to my mind. The things you described about the trauma bonding were so spot on for me personally…the nervousness and the fascination…OMG…unbelievable because that is EXACTLY how I felt…I was a nervous wreck around him and was absolutely fascinated by him…no wonder he stole my mind!! And him taking up so much of my thinking process…God…this has NEVER happened to me before. Here is a question I have had before, but need to ask again…do you really think he planned it all or do you think he just wanted what he wanted from me and in the process, I formed this trauma bond with him?? Was it just “him” and the way he operates or was he wayyyy more devious than that??
Louise,
I’m sure that the spaths have encountered the trauma bonding process before, but I’m not sure they completely understand it.
Most people know that a frightening experience will bond you to the person who saved you. Even something like going to Niagara Falls for your honeymoon is supposed to create that emotional state of fear and safety.
I wish I could find the you tube of a spath explaining how to stage a robbery on a woman, just to make her think he saved her and get her more dependent on him.
So anyway, I’m sure that they do understand the mechanics of staging their antics, but I don’t think they understand that even if they did NOTHING to scare us, we would still trauma bond because our instincts inform us when we are in the presence of a predator.
I knew the moment I met my spath and I was terrified of him, but he was soooooo nice.
Truthy,
Do you mean that if you get a judgement against the spath, your alimony automatically disappears, even if you are unable to collect against the judgement? Why is that?
skylar:
Thanks for this explanation.
Totally relate to the ‘mother’ who almost destroyed her daughter’s mind. I am that daughter as well.
It is impossible for me to keep jobs due to horrendous mental anguish that “mom” caused. She was very overly protective, which makes a child afraid of everything…and very difficult to perform at work because you are slower by far than others…and you cannot ‘link’ things the way a more healthy person can. These days the ante is way up for high performance on jobs.
I may never work again. And yes…Mom never really ‘worked’ a day in her life.
She was very controlling, insulting, belittling, and cruel…but the worst was that she shamed me constantly, both to others and in private with me. God knows what rumors she spread about me.
I have an example.
A so called friend of mine, whom id known since 1989 needed a place to stay a few yrs back. I happily offered to help her and she accepted my offer to stay. I was excited because i tnought we could have girl talk, hang out, and maybe she could help with my kids so i could go out for a breather. Well she arrived lets say on a monday. Wednesday i heard her on the phone with the house of ruth the program for abused women. I said u can stay here as long as u need to, its cool and i wasnt charging her anything. Btw she was the only person who knew how deeply my psychopath husband had hurt me and our kids. Anyway, she rushed off to house/ruth a couple days later, leaving her bags and clothes in my living room. She asked me to help her receive a security deposit of 300.00 from the program by telling them i was her landlord and proof of being a homeowner. My friend promised me that she would give me 150. For allowing her to stay and the landlord thing. Mind you, i was broke, extremely broke from my ex.
She knew this and knew i would welcome the money. Well, i saw her a couple times within a month when she needed something. My antennas were raising by now. Long story short, i came home from work kinda early and find my friend moving out. Im asking, why whats going on? She then begins her pity party “nothing ever works out for me, i didnt get the job so im leaving and going back home” So i guess if i had come home later, she’d been gone without notice. So i called house of ruth after she left because my friend told me they were mailing the check. They informed me that my nice friend since 1989, had received the check about an hour ago. Wow, i realized, she never intended to stay with me, she just needed me to sign the landlord form to receive the check. The whole ordeal was a scam for her to receive that check. Then skip town and abondon me without notice. I did confront her by phone couple days later and she says to me “you have a job, i dont, and by the way, were no longer friends” I was floored and could not belive she used me like that. Knowing i was struggling to pay bills and care for my kids. Unreal. I really looked at her past and realized shes always been a user of people for her benefit. She called me six months later to apoligize but ive moved on and cannot chance more deep wounds to my heart.