Last week I ran across the book, Criminal Interrogation: A Modern Format for Interrogating Criminal Suspects Based on the Intellectual Approach, by Warren D. Holmes. The author spent his early career in law enforcement and now runs a private polygraph company in Miami Florida. He has interviewed many psychopaths including murderers and child molesters. I was anxious to read this book and understand a law enforcement officer’s view of psychopaths. I was happy to see that the book is very well written and I would recommend it to Lovefraud readers who want to know how a law enforcement officer approaches interrogation of psychopaths/sociopaths.
Many Lovefraud readers have expressed the desire to know how to “out” a psychopath/sociopath. In this book Mr. Holmes gives his ideas about this subject. In his Chapter “How People Lie” he discusses the neurotic liar and compares lies told by these people to psychopathic liars. He has also listed and categorized what he calls “liar statements.” These are statements that signal someone is lying. In reading his list, I found that psychopaths/sociopaths use many of these.
Here are his categories of liar statements:
A. Loophole statements like, “To the best of my knowledge.” By using these statements a person can easily have wiggle room to excuse any lies he/she tells.
B. Over-sell expressions like “honestly” and “Believe me.”
C. Thinking time expressions like “can you repeat the question.” Liars use these to give them time to think up lies.
D. Brooklyn Bridge remarks “I need to know if I did it.”
E. Offense statements like “Are you calling me a liar.”
The book discusses each of these in detail. If you have spent time with a psychopath I’m sure you have heard every one of these. Although he is not a psychologist, Mr Holmes discusses his theory of why neurotic, almost sociopathic people lie and what tactics they use. This discussion might be beneficial for those who have a family member who has sociopathic traits but who may not have the full disorder.
The book also discusses what it is like to interview a psychopath. Mr Holmes says what I have said here on this blog and in my books, that is that psychopaths/sociopaths are preoccupied with power and dominance. They show this in every aspect of their behavior. They violate personal space, make inappropriately personal remarks and attempt to control the interview. He says, “When they enter my office, they generally jump into my secretary’s lap.”
I am very grateful for the fact that Mr. Holmes also granted me a brief interview. He is a friendly and wise man, who is certainly an expert on psychopathy/sociopathy. The question I most wanted to ask him was what he thought about the estimates of only 20% of people in prison being psychopaths. He agreed with me that this estimate is too low. He also expressed concern that there is an increase in the prevalence of psychopathy in America.
I asked him if he had any words of wisdom for Lovefraud readers regarding sociopaths/psychopaths and avoiding them. He said that we should always be suspicious of any person who tries too hard to sell himself. He said to beware of people who are overpowering. That sounds like great advice and right on the money to me!
tobe,
Yep. This one was a real eye opener for me. It’s just WEIRD isn’t it? That one is so obvious….just SO obvious….do you think that perhaps we stayed, at least some of us because what we were seeing and hearing was partially just so unbelievable? With the last lie, when I had proof even AFTER talking to love bomb, he DENIED IT. Amazing!!!!
I caught him outright lying to his son too IN FRONT OF ME!!
It’s just amazing…
I think I felt sorry for him…and deep down I felt that he really loved me and cared about me…
I wonder if its because my socio mom was a liar but I always wanted to believe that she did love me…..
I started to see him as a little boy who loved getting caught and wanted me to reprimand him…(sick psyche..) lol
When I got mad at him he joked and said…”I want you to yell at me a call me a dumb idiot….”
HUH?? He was still a child who wanted to be disciplined..omg
Sick stuff….
to be.
In my heart of hearts, I knew mine didn’t love me. I think I was just hoping he did. That very hope is what kept me there for such a long time….I DID love him, very deeply…..I have to try to accept that the man I thought I was loving, was not that man at all….but at the same time, I believed that love was what I was feeling…and I think I’ll let that part of it go……..I felt love. He did not.
I do think you’re right thought tobe. I think it does have a lot to do with what we didn’t get in childhood on some levels, ya know?
Wow, my typing REALLY sucks tonight!
I loved him because I felt sorry for him….I knew he was insecure and not the “bully” that he portrayed. I loved him until I found him lying. Once I caught him on that “tagged” site…it was over in my heart. I couldn’t love someone that didn’t love me and wasn’t honest.
I know he “loved” me in the sense that he knew I was a good person. He saw me as an “angel”. But, he really isn’t capable of loving anyone. He is too self centered and can’t GIVE. Love is giving….he just takes..uses people…lies and manipulates….
He considers his brother and me his “best friends” in life.
He lies to him too!!!
THey just don’t trust the world….they fear it…so they lie and use everyone….just to get through the days and nights….
They need new brains..lol
tobe,
I felt sorry for mine too. But ya know what? Mine gave new meaning to the word cruel and mean. I remember POS told me his wife wanted a meeting with him to tell him she wanted a divorce as quickly as possible. He told me about this the next day and said, “she sat me down and let it go, she went way back and she said I was nothing but mean to her!”..but he was saying it as a victim, not that he believed it was true. I do now. Boy do I ever.
I knew mine was insecure, but I never had that feeling of pity upon him as one who could not pick up his little boy self in the world. Mine was mean bastard. And VERY alcoholic
They are selfish too. Mine had a g/f who took every personal possession he owned from their apt..and burned it in the back of a pickup truck on a lot…and got arrested.
When I asked him what he did to piss her off…he laughed devishly…then said that she cheated on him and was an sick alocoholic.
The truth is that HE probably cheated on her, drove her to drink..and made her crazy.
His lying got me so angry that I wish I had the nerve at the time to do something to hurt him back…but I just left him
Losing me is punishment enough. He’ll never get a supply like me…..someone stupid as me…
tobe,
Seems to me that the earlier you figure out that something isn’t quite right with them, the crazier you feel!!! I acted JUST LIKE what you describe your exspath’s previous gf. I felt I was literally going insane with my anger, I did the CRAZIEST THINGS!!! stalking, lying manipulating, I was INTO THE GAME WITH HIM…….and drinking like a fish…school…………saved my life. That ONE single decision that I see now, was an effort to save my life, literally did…and was my foot out of that door. You can’t be acting like a complete loon and drinking like that while trying to get an education. So many decisions I made that I was only partially aware of what I was doing in trying to get out of that……..the abused human spirit is truly amazing when trying to survive. With them, it’s either do or die. I was an absolute basket case with that man.
to be,
HE WILL get supply “like you” again. I don’t mean that in a mean way, just a generalization that there are ALWAYS victims out there who they can exploit. It matters NOT whom they are.
Just be thankful it’s NOT you anymore 🙂