Last week I ran across the book, Criminal Interrogation: A Modern Format for Interrogating Criminal Suspects Based on the Intellectual Approach, by Warren D. Holmes. The author spent his early career in law enforcement and now runs a private polygraph company in Miami Florida. He has interviewed many psychopaths including murderers and child molesters. I was anxious to read this book and understand a law enforcement officer’s view of psychopaths. I was happy to see that the book is very well written and I would recommend it to Lovefraud readers who want to know how a law enforcement officer approaches interrogation of psychopaths/sociopaths.
Many Lovefraud readers have expressed the desire to know how to “out” a psychopath/sociopath. In this book Mr. Holmes gives his ideas about this subject. In his Chapter “How People Lie” he discusses the neurotic liar and compares lies told by these people to psychopathic liars. He has also listed and categorized what he calls “liar statements.” These are statements that signal someone is lying. In reading his list, I found that psychopaths/sociopaths use many of these.
Here are his categories of liar statements:
A. Loophole statements like, “To the best of my knowledge.” By using these statements a person can easily have wiggle room to excuse any lies he/she tells.
B. Over-sell expressions like “honestly” and “Believe me.”
C. Thinking time expressions like “can you repeat the question.” Liars use these to give them time to think up lies.
D. Brooklyn Bridge remarks “I need to know if I did it.”
E. Offense statements like “Are you calling me a liar.”
The book discusses each of these in detail. If you have spent time with a psychopath I’m sure you have heard every one of these. Although he is not a psychologist, Mr Holmes discusses his theory of why neurotic, almost sociopathic people lie and what tactics they use. This discussion might be beneficial for those who have a family member who has sociopathic traits but who may not have the full disorder.
The book also discusses what it is like to interview a psychopath. Mr Holmes says what I have said here on this blog and in my books, that is that psychopaths/sociopaths are preoccupied with power and dominance. They show this in every aspect of their behavior. They violate personal space, make inappropriately personal remarks and attempt to control the interview. He says, “When they enter my office, they generally jump into my secretary’s lap.”
I am very grateful for the fact that Mr. Holmes also granted me a brief interview. He is a friendly and wise man, who is certainly an expert on psychopathy/sociopathy. The question I most wanted to ask him was what he thought about the estimates of only 20% of people in prison being psychopaths. He agreed with me that this estimate is too low. He also expressed concern that there is an increase in the prevalence of psychopathy in America.
I asked him if he had any words of wisdom for Lovefraud readers regarding sociopaths/psychopaths and avoiding them. He said that we should always be suspicious of any person who tries too hard to sell himself. He said to beware of people who are overpowering. That sounds like great advice and right on the money to me!
I wasn’t right the entire time I was engaged in the game with him either….I never slept peacefully…
To be with someone who is lying to you…that say one thing and do another….is SO confusing.
I felt sorry for this woman when he told me about her. I feel sorry for ANY woman who he sucks into his sick world…
I’m just so happy that I am not with him anymore…
I feel FREE….and love myself again.
tobe,
I totally understand. I didn’t sleep peacefully either….I don’t now either but for different reasons….grieving trying to untwist the knot reasons….but I’m also seeing that I’m not living in anxiety every single day wondering what lie I’m going to be told one minute to the next or what mean nasty mood or cruelty he’s going to commit. It’s a different kind of pain now…a very deep sorrow…
I look forward to getting to where you are tobe 🙂
OH, you will. Don’t be sad…stay angry.
Thats what I did….
Don’t turn the anger inwards..or you will become depressed.
Put it out there…where it belongs…at HIM. He was the deciever.
I am happy now because I am free to meet a good man.
Remember..God works in weird ways…this only means something better is coming..
Sorrow….for the end of a deceptive relationship?
No …sorrow for the loss of your fantasy….
You’ll get a real man someday…
Yea, sorrow for the loss of the fantasy, but anger for the pain he caused, MANY lies he told and that I stayed and believed FAR FAR FAR too long……….I know the reasons why too and that frustrates me even more. I don’t want this to ever happen to me again.
tobe, right now, I can’t even conceptualize another relationship. That causes me pain too. I’m not anywhere NEAR healthy enough to think about it. I’m 47 now, not getting any younger and by the time healing has commenced to the point where I would even THINK about it, I’m all the less attractive anymore. Dating sites? Can you say a big HELL NO! I won’t say never, but …….I don’t hold out hope for that either. I’m pissed that he’s getting laid too and I”M NOT. POS. That’s one area I wish I could say I had the ability to have no emotion to be able to switch partners like a chinese fire drill. NOT gonna happen.
Hi LL.
I hope you get past this anger stage. The 5 stages of loss/grieving We teeter totter among them… for a long time.I know I have for the past 3 years. I am making a mental effort to move forward in the stages and stay there. It’s not easy!TIME and acceptance is what healing requires. hugsss to ya woman!
SC1!
Hi SC1, ll, tobe, everyone!!!
HI SC! Hugsss!! Boy what a nice productive NO Spath Sunday I have had!!! and it appears to be quiet here in LF land. This is a nice change!!! I like it!!!
SC1!
I saw spath ride down my street on his motorcycle.
Waved at him. He kept going (thank God).
I wonder how often he drives by my house. :/
SC,
Can’t you get a restraining order to keep him out of your eyesight?
Can we get one for that? 😀
It’s difficult for him to be dead to me
when he keeps driving by.
He was making suprise pop in visits,
but I wouldn’t do anything with him.
I thought he got the message.
Can’t he just forget about me?
There is no sex or money for him here! 😀
I’m worried, since I was outside and saw him,
that he will show up unexpectedly again.
I didn’t cry or anything,
but it does churn up old crappy feelings.
I’ve got to go to sleep now. Took my sleeping pill. :/