This week I want to reach out to all of you who feel that you can no longer trust people. Imagine a world where your worst fears have come true, a world where everyone over the age of 15 is a sociopath. What would it be like to live in that world?
If you only read one book this summer, I strongly urge you to read Chimpanzee Politics: Power and Sex Among Apes by Frans de Waal. I have said before that I think the social-brain of sociopaths is similar to that of chimps. Now having read that book I am even more convinced.
Chimpanzee Politics is the true life story of the relationships between individuals of the Arnhem Chimp Colony. Scientists carefully observed, photographed, filmed and recorded every interaction between troop members over several years. I don’t want to give away the story, because it is shocking, and you should read it for yourself. The chimps’ story is presented as a very readable narrative that brings to life all of their individual personalities.
I want to outline here the major findings that help us to understand ourselves and sociopaths.
1) Chimpanzees practice deception extensively. Take this example given on page 36:
Dandy is the youngest and lowest ranking of the four grown males. The other three, and in particular the alpha male, do not tolerate any sexual intercourse between Dandy and the adult females. Nevertheless, every now and again he does succeed in mating with them after having made a “date.” When this happens Dandy and the female pretend to be walking in the same direction by chance, and if all goes well they meet behind a few tree trunks. These dates take place after the exchange of a few glances and in some case a brief nudge.
This kind of mating is frequently associated with signal suppression and concealment. ..Dandy and a female were courting each other surreptitiously. Dandy began to make advances to the female, while at the same time restlessly looking around to see if any of the other males were watching. Male chimpanzees start their advances by sitting with their legs wide apart revealing their erection. Precisely at the point when Dandy was exhibiting his sexual urge in this way Luit, one of the older males, unexpectedly came around the corner. Dandy immediately dropped his hands over his penis concealing it from view.
2) Chimpanzees manipulate and instigate.
3) Chimpanzees fake emotions to get attention and influence others.
4) Chimpanzees hurt one another and only care about the hurt because of what others will think. There is an awareness that hurting is wrong and those who hurt are punished, but they do not appear to care unless someone else sees it.
5) A male chimpanzee will use a “friend” to form a coalition to achieve his aims, then soon after turn on the friend. Male chimps have no problem killing their “friends.”
6) Most interestingly, chimpanzees remember each other and recognize individuals but only females take that a step further and maintain a slightly loyal relationship with another individual. All of the chimps’ loyalties are temporary. Their loyalties are based on exchange. Touch which feels good, sex, food and protection are part of the exchange. They have incredible memories for who they have done favors for, and who has done favors for them. The pleasure they receive due to another’s actions is not lasting and if a coalition is to be maintained, it has to be continually reinforced, with touch, food, sex or some other favor.
7) For chimps, affectionate touching is part of dominance coalition development as opposed to meaningful friendship. In other words, my dog comes to get a caress and kiss me because I am special and he loves me. A chimp engages in the same behavior because he knows it will get him something.
I am very interested in the idea that affection and touching can be part of either love or power motives in humans. It is my observation that many of the worst sociopaths/psychopaths enjoy giving and receiving a touch and a hug. If they are incapable of love how can this be? Is it really all fake? I do not think so. I wrote one of the country’s leading chimpanzee experts about the idea that touching is linked to dominance and power motivation. This is what he replied:
Your recent email was very interesting. Indeed there has been a considerable amount of research on grooming in chimpanzees and it appears that much of male grooming does conform to your hypothesis about grooming being related to dominance status. The grooming is clearly related to achieving or maintaining status and usually does not indicate anything close to affection.
A related phenomenon is the role of grooming in all male patrols in wild chimpanzees. Chimpanzees live in large groups that are highly territorial. All male coalitions sometime form and engage intense grooming among themselves. They proceed in single file towards the territorial boundary, remaining uncharacteristically silent (as if on radio silence). If they then encounter a single male from the adjoining troop they attack him usually killing or severely injuring him. Females or infants from the adjoining population are also sometimes killed.
So grooming in the first case is simply part of a political strategy involving status. In the second case, it seems to solidify group coherence to achieve a rather nasty result.
I offer you this to help you in your recovery: next time you are daydreaming of that wonderful touch from the sociopath you loved, picture the person with the face of a chimp! Get it through your head, the touch was not about love. It was about power and control over you. Like chimps, sociopaths can only retain the pleasure of what you bring them for a short time. The minute you no longer serve a purpose you risk being discarded or worse.
Now go back to imagining a world consumed with deception, fake emotion, manipulation, power and violence. That is the world of the chimpanzee NOT the world of homo sapiens. The majority of our species has the capacity for bonds of affection. Furthermore, for many, many people, real affection and genuine caring even extends to strangers. After reading deWaal’s account, I feel very optimistic about us.
DeWaal drew some interesting conclusions of his own:
Politicians, for example, are vociferous about their ideas and promises but are careful not to disclose personal aspirations for power. This is not meant to be a reproach, because after all everyone plays the same game. I would go further and say that we are largely unaware that we are playing a game and hide our motives not only from others but also underestimate the immense effect they have on our own behavior. Chimpanzees, on the other hand are quite blatant about their “baser” motives. Their interest in power is not greater than that of humanity; it is just more obvious”¦Humans should regard it as an honor to be classified as political animals.
I agree that humans as a species are preoccupied with power and that the preoccupation is no less than that of the chimpanzee. However, balancing that power motive for most of us is an equally strong love motive. The love motive, not our political cunning is our true claim to greatness and honor. Thankfully, for humans, unbalanced power motives, egocentricity and the incapacity for love constitute a disorder and not our way of life.
britneyhammer
I believe that true and when we are ready then we will be able too. When I learned to be happy is something I need to do for myself and then I will be able to share that happiness with others.
Hmmm…..I don’t think this gives a complete picture of chimpanzee behavior, compared to some of Jane Goodall’s writings, and others Or even from that book. Discussing chimps is not the point here, but let me say that chimp orphans are victims of the bushmeant trade in Africa, and the humans who risk their lives to save them and teach them about the forest and re-release them and protect them from poachers are true heroes. Chimps aren’t cute and cuddly once sexually mature, but those that raise them in sanctuaries can tell you many stories of TRUE compassion and bonds…more than the S I knew was ever capable of!
I think many young human primates exhibit these same traits (minus the sexuality). Psychopaths seem stuck in that development phase and never grow out of it. And while young humans are mostly “all about me” , they are capable of some touching loving acts that I do think are real.
But I do agree that the loving touch of a S is false and fake and manipulative, or a best, very shallow. I’ve certainly seen animals demonstrate levels of concern, honor, commitment, devotion, loyalty that a S is incapable of.
My one bird who has had the “helen keller moment” and realizes words have meaning and ONLY uses words appropriately, has made it clear when he “loves” and it is usually very conditional….but he has his moments of compassion (once I accidentally shut his neck in the aviary door and I was frantic, but he was fine and he said after a moment “okay, accident, I love you.”…..and he rarely says I love you.) and my vet said he is the most empathetic bird he as ever seen, in regards to how he treats other birds.
I think we share about 98.7% dna with chimps. To see them slaughter and eaten has caused me much personal pain. To see them kept in a cage in a basement for decades has caused me much pain. Who is the one without compassion or empathy in those scenarios? Okay, off my soapbox. But S/P/N’s are so awful to compare them to chimps just seems like a huge insult to chimps! I’ve been charged by male chimps, I don’t have a romanticized vision of them. But believe me, the P I knew was far more dangerous and harmful at least emotionally!
That was a lovely post, Rune. Didn’t bring tears to my eyes, but touched my heart. Truly it did.
I wish to respond to Katya’s post regarding fear of strangers. As you know, each of us in a different stage of healing on LF. Some are still as fragile as porcelain, emotionally delicate to any perceived unintentional slights from the other members. I consider this a natural occurence after being involved with predators.
It’s most certainly OK to feel vulnerable, still reeling with confusion, heartache and despair after all the turmoil created by the predator. The damage they cause hurts tremendously and stays with us for a long, long time.
For me, it’s been about a year since my last sociopathic lover. I don’t label him haphazardly. The dude was just not right! His eyes betrayed him time and time again as they were the eyes of a soulless humanoid. Black, merciless and cold as the darkest winter night. I know what he is now by reading the literature available from many sources.
As you progress with your healing, you will discover that little by little, your innate strength returns to you. That you no longer feel as delicate and fragile as you did in the beginning. You begin to prepare your non-negotiable boundaries to save yourself from future predation.
You begin to listen closer to your beloved intuition and heed her protective wisdom fervently. When your intuiton is warning you that the person you are now conversing with may be dangerous…you pay attention and split.
I do this quite often, though not coming from a place of fear (I won’t give predators that satisfaction) but from my own sense of self preservation, because I love and respect myself to take care of me. First and foremost, I WILL protect myself from any perceived danger. It’s a practical, logical and rational way to live your life.
To get to a place where you are completely comfortable in your own skin, firmly aware that you are a valuable human being and deserve to be treated with kindness, consideration, thoughtfullness and love, you no longer will cringe in fear of strangers. Hold your head up high, be confident and self-contained but to be cautious and shrewd when in the presence of a stranger.
Oh, awesome article Dr. Leedom.
Thank you so very much for writing and sharing it with us!
🙂
They are finding out now that wolves in the wild don’t have the “alpha” thing going on quite as it happens when they are in confinement. As I recall, these chimps in the study were a zoo colony. Might be a temporaryor not-normal behavior brought on by the stress of the confined area. I dunno. I’ve heard of situational narcissism, but not situational sociopathy. But certainly stress can bring out the worst in any of us.
For the VICTIMS of sociopaths, I think sometimes OUR vulnerability was situational. The S I was involved with mildly stalked me for 40 years, I even saw him once during that time, but nothing happened because I was in a strong place. But finally he happened to hit on me when I was down, and that time he succeeded in getting me into the fog,as he had when I was 15.
Janesmith, I loved the end of your post about protecting yourself. That is right where we need to land.
Chimps, I believe, are our closest “relatives” in terms of DNA and the percentage is in the high 90s, though I don’t remember the exact numbers without looking it up, so I would believe that we humans have a great deal in common with chimps.
In fact, I have seen groups of “humans” who make the “warrior” chimps out to protect their territory seem benign.
All you have to do to verify my above statement is pick up a history book or look at stories on the internet or the local news about “man’s inhumanity to man” any day of the week. Darfur for example. Nazi Germany.
Some of this may inideed be “learned behavior” and some linked to genetics for aggression. Doesn’t matter really in the end, as we all know that the psychopaths will do whatever it takes to get what they want. I watched Dateline and 48 hours Mystery tonight and saw chilling stories of psychopaths and the things they will do, the arrogance of their entitlement mentality. The devestation in their wake.
I doubt that there is anything that can change the basic character or the genetics that produce psychopaths, but we can and I think, we MUST, learn to protect ourselves as best we can. to learn to not be TOO trusting, and yet to maintain our own elevation above THEIR LEVEL and be able to trust appropriately and to love. To me, there is not much value in “life” if it is spent either living in terror or fear, or living without loving human contacts.
Oxy OMG I watched that tonight to….We were on tornado watch the entire evening (I am TERRIFIED of tornados and severe thunderstorms) and I was actually not even focusing on the weather, even with warnings scanning the bottom of the screen during the entire program. That second story was unbelievable. The couple with their boat. I wished they had showed more of the court proceedings as I wondered if his pregnant wife was really more of a victim (of him) or of she really was as cold blooded as he was.
Liane,
This brought me moments of ‘aha’ and a sense of relief and joy. Thanks for the wonderful article!
With those who know best, adult male chimps are among the most dangerous animals in Africa. For all practical purposes they have four hands (each of which is at least five times stronger than a typical human hand), which they use to unleash their primary weapon ”“ a bite force, which is on a pounds per square inch basis, double that of a pit bull. There are a lot of stories out there about researchers and chimp pet owners losing fingers, noses and worse to chimps that suddenly snapped. Adult chimps, regardless of their “domesticity”, are ticking time bombs.
But then you have the bonobo, the other highly shared DNA primate. Their social structure is completely different from chimps. Lots of love motive with that species. Have they ever compared chimpanzee vs. bonobo vs. human brain physiology? If not, why not?
I personally believe that humans have a broader ’temperament curve’ than any animal – you really do have to take each and every person on a case by case basis. But I’m still greatly disturbed by the lack of skepticism, or lack of wisdom about human nature, or whatever you call it… that causes so many people to be ignorant or unsympathetic to sociopathy and its victims.