The day after Christmas, I got a lesson in respecting the elements. It was about 35°F, not really that cold, but there was quite a wind chill. The kids and I went to the beach to run the dog on the sand at about 3:30 in the afternoon. We got back to the van at about 5 to discover that good old Mom had lost her keys. (Actually, a prior foster dog had chewed a hole in my jacket pocket and the keys fell out.) I ended up calling a taxi, but we waited in the elements for at least an hour total.
We were all properly dressed with boots, hats, gloves and heavy jackets. In spite of being prepared, we were chilled to the bone when we finally got home. I said to my daughter, “I can see how easy it is to freeze to death in the cold, and why people die when they get stuck in the snow.”
I’m sure most people who live in places where it gets dangerously cold have their own stories to tell. That is why it is so tragic and unbelievable that an Idaho father “allowed” his 11 year old daughter and 12 year old son to attempt to walk 10 miles in the snow Christmas day after their vehicle got stuck.
Temperatures ranged from -5 to 27°F when the two set out from the disabled vehicle. According to the Associated Press, the children were living with their father Robert Aragon and were being driven to visit their mother JoLeta Jenks. “After the sedan got caught in the snow, authorities allege Aragon let the children out to walk to their mother’s house while he and his cousin Kenneth Quintana, 29, stayed behind to free the car. (They freed the car and went home rather than driving to make sure the kids made it.) Jenks said she eventually called Aragon because she was concerned after no one arrived at her home on Thursday.
Aragon had driven back to his hometown of Jerome after letting the kids out to walk to her house, Jenks said.
“I could not believe it,” she said.”
The 12 year old boy was found 4 ½ miles away, delusional from hypothermia. His sister was not so lucky, she was found dead 2 ½ miles away. Fleming (the local Sheriff) said she was wearing only a brown down coat, black shirt, pink pajama pants and tan snowboots.
He reportedly commented, “I’ve never seen anything like this, it was a 10-mile walk, the way they were dressed, it’s just all mind-boggling.”
Incidents like this one are the answer to the “So what?” question. What’s the “So what?” question? It is the response judges and attorneys have to the finding that a parent is a sociopath or has psychopathic personality traits. So What?
| DSM IV Sociopathy (Antisocial Personality Disorder) |
| 5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others. 6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations. |
| PCL-R Psychopathy |
| 10. Poor behavioral controls 13. Lack of realistic, long-term goals 15. Irresponsibility 16. Failure to accept responsibility for actions 17. Many short term marital relationships |
The table above shows that irresponsibility and recklessness are part of sociopathy as defined by the psychiatry’s DSM and psychopathy as defined by the PCL-R.
Why are sociopaths so consistently reckless and irresponsible? These traits get us to the core of the disorder. At the core of the disorder is poor impulse control. What that means is that if there is a situation where the sociopath has to balance pleasure and risk, the sociopath will always choose pleasure over managing risk. Sociopaths are unable to feel fear or concern for consequences during the time they are focused on immediate pleasure or comfort.
In situations like the father and the kids in the snow, the pull to get the car out and go home is stronger than any concern for the kids. While in pursuit of a goal involving pleasure, thoughts of risk or danger simply are not there. So why would a sociopath drive to go find the kids when he can go home and be warm?
Also sociopaths are unable to love so they lack working empathy. Thoughts and feelings of another’s physical suffering simply do not register on the radar. Out of sight, out of mind defines sociopaths and their relationships. The minute the kids set out, they are gone.
Sociopaths also lack moral reasoning ability. That means they are unable to detect and interpret situations that have moral implications. The moral implications of parental responsibility do not register at the time life and death decisions have to be made.
There is not much information regarding Aragon’s psychopathic personality traits. But he does have two drug convictions and often drug abuse/addiction causes these personality traits. I am sure we will learn more about this tragic story over the next few months.
Sadly, most people do not understand sociopathy and how it is disabling for a parent. To expect a sociopath to execute sound judgment or be a protective parent when forced to choose between his pleasure and his child’s pain is like expecting a mentally retarded person to do calculus.
One of our Lovefraud readers, Rune sent me these comments to this story as posted on AOL.
Nanamummy
05:41 AMJan 02 2009
If this man is such a criminal…why did he have custody of the children? Yes, he made a decision which will haunt him for life…..what’s to be gained by putting him in jail for life? Over zealous authorities and a useless justice system…..this case really depresses me.
JAKVINOCUR
04:39 AMJan 02 2009
so we are now putting fathers in jail for stuff like this. seriously whether they went walking or not they would have still needed to be in the snow. the father was only doing what he thought was best. if he was such a bad father than why does he have custody of them over the mother. yes it was a bad judgement on his part but dont you think he has been punished enough by losing his daughter. we will punish people for [heinous] crimes but we still cannot find osama bin laden or even catch murderers here or sex offenders. wheter what he did or not is irrelvent he lost his daughter let him go find peace in his heart. if god can forgive him why cant we. stupid to let this man go to prison.
Keshet333
11:55 PMJan 02 2009
This is a very unfortunate accident. The fact that the man had custody of the children tells me that he was a good father. In situations such as these, decision making is sometimes not the best. This man will be haunted by this for the rest of his life. They should drop all charges. Isn’t he paying enough for his bad judgment?
Russiawthluv
06:08 PMJan 01 2009
Obviously the man did NOT mean to harm his children. His son and daughter lived with him. He took care of their basic, daily needs. Why would he intentionally bring harm to either child when he has taken care of them so well for their entire lives? There’s no doubt in my mind he made an extremely poor decision. Then again, these two kids were more than likely used to snow, rain and other extreme weather, being that they grew up in that climate. The way he is portrayed by the media is simply unacceptable! Especially with the eye-catching headline..”MAN ALLOWS HIS CHILDREN TO WALK 10 MLES IN DEEP SNOW. 11 YEAR DAUGHTER DEAD FROM HYPOTHERMIA.” For the most part, even if this man wanted a fair trial….how’s he ever going to get one if slanderous & severely misconstrued statements were already pumped out to the masses? That man is in bitter anguish. It’s a “life sentence” if you ask me for this individual to have to spend the remainder of his life knowing his poor decision resulted in the…
The comments also indicate that people don’t know that sociopaths frequently get custody of children. One cannot assume that the parent who has custody is “providing for them.”
It is time for family courts to learn to assess sociopathy and its meaning for parenting. The very least they could do in the case of two sociopathic parents is to educate them about their defects. At least we should tell them, “Look, you are missing all of your decision making social brain, so don’t put yourself in a situation where you will have to choose between your child’s welfare and your own comfort!”
FYI AOL has a poll, I participated and got the following results:
Poll Results
Do you think a murder charge is warranted in this case?
No 47% 101,555
Yes 31% 66,279
I’m not sure 22% 46,384
I have a saying which I tell my children often and with deep passion.
“Guys always remember that I am expendable and that you are not!’”
In short my life is there for them and it’s my responsibility to care for and love them to the best of my ability. And if even their be that choice I will always be the first one in line to die and would give my life up freely for them but would never expect nor want that from them.
I also have my own personal rule which is that I would never ask anyone to do something I myself wouldn’t be willing to do myself..
Is this man a uncaring father and a possible sociopath?
In my book the answer to both questions is a very strong yes!!
The trouble with the poll is that it left out negligent homicide and manslaughter. If the story is entirely true, without unknown mitigating factors, then he’s committed one of these two crimes. Negligent homicide is when someone does something careless they should have reasonably known would result in the victim’s death. Manslaughter is when the perpetrator intended to injure the victim, and killed the victim instead.
These are serious crimes. There is nothing here to suggest that the father intentionally killed his daughter. Murder is the charge when a person sets out to kill his victim and succeeds.
My guess is he’ll be charged with negligent homicide. If it was illegal in that state for the daughter to be unsupervised at the age of 10, they might be able to stretch the charges to criminally negligent homicide. This is the usual charge when the perpetrator was doing something both illegal and negligent that resulted in the death of the victim.
I feel very, very sorry for the kids. One wonders if they knew the walk to Mom’s house was a probably death sentence. One also wonder’s if Kenneth Quintana realized how dangerous it was. It is entirely probable that both men were too ignorant to know better. We may eventually learn that Robert Aragon and Kenneth Quintana were dumber than stumps.
Thanks Rune for the link of this tragedy concerning these two young (children) lambs. I watch the footage while cussing thinking!
OMG! THERE AREN’T EVEN TRESS TO BLOCK SOME OF THE WIND! HOW IN GOD’S NAME CAN THIS FATHER BE SO STUPID!!!!
I know that I myself will get upset with my two boys when they only want to wear a hooded sweater for a coat to walk 2 city blocks to the local library during the winter months and this fool let them walk 10 mile in the open field with no protection from the winds and cold??? The boy who suffered from hypothermia was wearing a “black sweater and blue jeans“. Clothes that both my boys love (and no doubt most teenagers) to wear again even during these winter months.
I remember just a few days ago (the day after Christmas) telling my youngest son to stand against the building for protection from the cold winds!!!! I don’t own a car in Chicago so we take public transportation whenever we go anywhere. I also remember that day when my youngest slipped on the ice (twice) and ask if he was okay! Telling him how he has to be careful when walking on the ice. How we help each by holding on to each other when crossing patches of frozen ice on the sidewalk. Him telling (yes I make sure he had the proper clothes on, that was part of the deal if he wanted to go and spend his Christmas money on video games while I had to visit one of my client that day after Christmas) me how cold him was and how I told me we would be home soon. Again I ask everyone what in God’s name what this brainless fool of a father thinking???? Or is it just that! He wasn’t thinking?
OMG there are some news reports that are very hard to watch!!! This is one of them!! But yes it does put things into perspective when viewing the terrain and what these two lambs had to travel thru. But still how this tragedies should have never happen if only the father was a responsible person!
James and Elizabeth: What if it comes out in court that the father hated the mother and therefore, was always making it as difficult as possible for the children when it came to seeing her!
This is probably going to be (sadly) a perfect example how everyone, no matter who we are, have to get to that place of peace and serenity in our hearts with regards to our EXs no matter what they did or who they are.
Peace.
It wouldn’t surprise me if the father knew the kids wouldn’t make it. Maybe they were inconvenient for him, and he was looking for a way to get rid of them. He may have even rigged the car to break down so he could engineer the whole thing. I know this is wild conjecture, but after all, this is the way a sociopath thinks! (Good God, I’m starting to think like a sociopath).
Wini, this may be a perfect example of how we should never get to a place of peace and serenity when it comes to “entrusting” our children to the S/P!
Yes, with normal people, we need to “get over it.” When we’re dealing with the S/P, that’s how they get away with it. That may be why this guy had the kids and she didn’t — she tried to make peace.
This is the horror, the double- triple- quadruple-bind that we find ourselves in. When do we fight? When do we walk away?
James, you got it! I used to drive past that very turnoff, thinking how desolate the landscape was. Beautiful, but no room for mistakes by the unprepared. The ground has holes that drop away, This is lava rock, with caves underneath. No, the trees don’t grow there.
I think some elements of psychopathy have crept into our society, like the idea that we should each be able to take care of ourselves. (Notice how that idea lets the S/P off the hook, because we “should have taken better care of ourselves!) Actually, we as humans thrive in community, and our immune systems become compromised and we tend to become more depressed as we feel isolated. The notion that these kids should have been able to “take care of themselves” is part of that dangerous brainwashing.
Children trust their parents to watch over their welfare. They assume the loving care of their parents. What else are they supposed to do? And what if they have an uncaring, unfeeling, irresponsible, conscienceless, remorseless parent? Tragedy is an altogether too-likely outcome.
Wini,
“What if …”
We just don’t know, and maybe we never will. Sadly, stupid kills at least as many people as sociopathy.
I’ll give you another “What if…”. What if the mother is no more capable or willing to parent than the father? Then who raises the son? The “What ifs… can string along forever.”
We don’t know. We’re seeing this story through the lens of people who’ve tangled with cluster Bs and been badly burned.
In the long run, our experiences should improve our judgment, rather than merely alter it. N/P/S is bad, but there are other relationship problems that also hold the potential for tragedy.
Elizabeth & Rune: We don’t know who had what personality in the relationship. We only know the couple broke up and had children. I’m not suggesting not to be the responsible parent and keep an eye on the former spouse that is an anti-social, I was just saying if it was the ex wife that was anti-social and the father is the “normal” ex spouse, then anger in his heart for his Ex wife could have shifted his focus making it difficult for his children to visit their mother, the woman he hates was the focus instead of the children’s safety. If it’s the father who is the anti-social personality, the scenario is more devastating because it was inevitable that these children hadn’t a chance to survive the likes of an anti-social.
Sorry if I shook you up in my original writing, it wasn’t my intention.
It’s obvious there are sociopathic ingredients to this tragic happening.
My core question would be, “Do we treat them as criminals, or do we treat them as “ill”…?”