The day after Christmas, I got a lesson in respecting the elements. It was about 35°F, not really that cold, but there was quite a wind chill. The kids and I went to the beach to run the dog on the sand at about 3:30 in the afternoon. We got back to the van at about 5 to discover that good old Mom had lost her keys. (Actually, a prior foster dog had chewed a hole in my jacket pocket and the keys fell out.) I ended up calling a taxi, but we waited in the elements for at least an hour total.
We were all properly dressed with boots, hats, gloves and heavy jackets. In spite of being prepared, we were chilled to the bone when we finally got home. I said to my daughter, “I can see how easy it is to freeze to death in the cold, and why people die when they get stuck in the snow.”
I’m sure most people who live in places where it gets dangerously cold have their own stories to tell. That is why it is so tragic and unbelievable that an Idaho father “allowed” his 11 year old daughter and 12 year old son to attempt to walk 10 miles in the snow Christmas day after their vehicle got stuck.
Temperatures ranged from -5 to 27°F when the two set out from the disabled vehicle. According to the Associated Press, the children were living with their father Robert Aragon and were being driven to visit their mother JoLeta Jenks. “After the sedan got caught in the snow, authorities allege Aragon let the children out to walk to their mother’s house while he and his cousin Kenneth Quintana, 29, stayed behind to free the car. (They freed the car and went home rather than driving to make sure the kids made it.) Jenks said she eventually called Aragon because she was concerned after no one arrived at her home on Thursday.
Aragon had driven back to his hometown of Jerome after letting the kids out to walk to her house, Jenks said.
“I could not believe it,” she said.”
The 12 year old boy was found 4 ½ miles away, delusional from hypothermia. His sister was not so lucky, she was found dead 2 ½ miles away. Fleming (the local Sheriff) said she was wearing only a brown down coat, black shirt, pink pajama pants and tan snowboots.
He reportedly commented, “I’ve never seen anything like this, it was a 10-mile walk, the way they were dressed, it’s just all mind-boggling.”
Incidents like this one are the answer to the “So what?” question. What’s the “So what?” question? It is the response judges and attorneys have to the finding that a parent is a sociopath or has psychopathic personality traits. So What?
| DSM IV Sociopathy (Antisocial Personality Disorder) |
| 5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others. 6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations. |
| PCL-R Psychopathy |
| 10. Poor behavioral controls 13. Lack of realistic, long-term goals 15. Irresponsibility 16. Failure to accept responsibility for actions 17. Many short term marital relationships |
The table above shows that irresponsibility and recklessness are part of sociopathy as defined by the psychiatry’s DSM and psychopathy as defined by the PCL-R.
Why are sociopaths so consistently reckless and irresponsible? These traits get us to the core of the disorder. At the core of the disorder is poor impulse control. What that means is that if there is a situation where the sociopath has to balance pleasure and risk, the sociopath will always choose pleasure over managing risk. Sociopaths are unable to feel fear or concern for consequences during the time they are focused on immediate pleasure or comfort.
In situations like the father and the kids in the snow, the pull to get the car out and go home is stronger than any concern for the kids. While in pursuit of a goal involving pleasure, thoughts of risk or danger simply are not there. So why would a sociopath drive to go find the kids when he can go home and be warm?
Also sociopaths are unable to love so they lack working empathy. Thoughts and feelings of another’s physical suffering simply do not register on the radar. Out of sight, out of mind defines sociopaths and their relationships. The minute the kids set out, they are gone.
Sociopaths also lack moral reasoning ability. That means they are unable to detect and interpret situations that have moral implications. The moral implications of parental responsibility do not register at the time life and death decisions have to be made.
There is not much information regarding Aragon’s psychopathic personality traits. But he does have two drug convictions and often drug abuse/addiction causes these personality traits. I am sure we will learn more about this tragic story over the next few months.
Sadly, most people do not understand sociopathy and how it is disabling for a parent. To expect a sociopath to execute sound judgment or be a protective parent when forced to choose between his pleasure and his child’s pain is like expecting a mentally retarded person to do calculus.
One of our Lovefraud readers, Rune sent me these comments to this story as posted on AOL.
Nanamummy
05:41 AMJan 02 2009
If this man is such a criminal…why did he have custody of the children? Yes, he made a decision which will haunt him for life…..what’s to be gained by putting him in jail for life? Over zealous authorities and a useless justice system…..this case really depresses me.
JAKVINOCUR
04:39 AMJan 02 2009
so we are now putting fathers in jail for stuff like this. seriously whether they went walking or not they would have still needed to be in the snow. the father was only doing what he thought was best. if he was such a bad father than why does he have custody of them over the mother. yes it was a bad judgement on his part but dont you think he has been punished enough by losing his daughter. we will punish people for [heinous] crimes but we still cannot find osama bin laden or even catch murderers here or sex offenders. wheter what he did or not is irrelvent he lost his daughter let him go find peace in his heart. if god can forgive him why cant we. stupid to let this man go to prison.
Keshet333
11:55 PMJan 02 2009
This is a very unfortunate accident. The fact that the man had custody of the children tells me that he was a good father. In situations such as these, decision making is sometimes not the best. This man will be haunted by this for the rest of his life. They should drop all charges. Isn’t he paying enough for his bad judgment?
Russiawthluv
06:08 PMJan 01 2009
Obviously the man did NOT mean to harm his children. His son and daughter lived with him. He took care of their basic, daily needs. Why would he intentionally bring harm to either child when he has taken care of them so well for their entire lives? There’s no doubt in my mind he made an extremely poor decision. Then again, these two kids were more than likely used to snow, rain and other extreme weather, being that they grew up in that climate. The way he is portrayed by the media is simply unacceptable! Especially with the eye-catching headline..”MAN ALLOWS HIS CHILDREN TO WALK 10 MLES IN DEEP SNOW. 11 YEAR DAUGHTER DEAD FROM HYPOTHERMIA.” For the most part, even if this man wanted a fair trial….how’s he ever going to get one if slanderous & severely misconstrued statements were already pumped out to the masses? That man is in bitter anguish. It’s a “life sentence” if you ask me for this individual to have to spend the remainder of his life knowing his poor decision resulted in the…
The comments also indicate that people don’t know that sociopaths frequently get custody of children. One cannot assume that the parent who has custody is “providing for them.”
It is time for family courts to learn to assess sociopathy and its meaning for parenting. The very least they could do in the case of two sociopathic parents is to educate them about their defects. At least we should tell them, “Look, you are missing all of your decision making social brain, so don’t put yourself in a situation where you will have to choose between your child’s welfare and your own comfort!”
FYI AOL has a poll, I participated and got the following results:
Poll Results
Do you think a murder charge is warranted in this case?
No 47% 101,555
Yes 31% 66,279
I’m not sure 22% 46,384
It amazes me how many Judges award custody to the parent who is a SP. The fact that the courts awarded custody to this man doesn’t mean he was a good parent or the “better” parent. He proved he was unfit to take care of a dog, let alone children.
Courts have allowed pedophiles to have custody because they didn’t believe, or refused to believe, the other parent.
SP’s, Psychopaths and O’Paths/Pedophiles in general are expert liars. They are very believable and very much in control of their emotions when in court or being witnessed by others.
The judicial system in this country is out of control, anarchy. Some Judges are SP themselves … people like people most like themselves.
The father who let his children die in the freezing cold should spend life in prison so he can’t father any more children.
I hope a State Registry, much like the one most States use for Sex Offenders, is soon put in place for Sociopaths, Psychopaths and Narcissists. I am both amazed AND disgusted that this has not already happened.
I believe ALL O’Paths are also Narcissists … but
Not all Narcissists are also O’Paths … IMO
NONE of these freaks of nature are “cost effective” …
NOT ONE SINGLE ONE. These psycho freaks are the reason
the country is in debt. THEY are the main reason that so many people, both male and female, in all age groups; seniors, adults, teens, kids and even babies suffer.
Many Politicians and some Judges are O’Paths and/or Narcissists as are some Corporate USA high-level Officers. Sometimes it’s the next door neighbor who causes so much trouble that decent families have to move away. Sometimes
it’s the 1-800 Customer Service Rep you can’t reason with regarding an important issue that needs to be resolved. Sometimes it’s a Rep for an Insurance Company telling you they will not cover your claim, after you paid your premiums.
They are the road-ragers and bullies. Some are ID thieves, some are pedophiles, and many abuse their power. Some are in jobs/positions they should never be working in. Some are caring for an elderly parent (in exchange for their monthly SS or Pension check) and abusing them. Some are abusing their own children. Some of them are teachers, teaching kids … your kids. Some are Counselors supposedly providing “advice” and “guidance”. Some of them are Doctors and Registered Nurses, the same ones who might care for you when you are sick, injured or disabled. Some of them are Lawyers. Many of them are Lawyers. Some are in Law Enforcement and might abuse their power when they pull you over for a broken tail light.
The point is, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
Regardless of what happened and how they got that way, they should be listed on a State Registry similar to the one for Sex Offenders, complete with mug shot and description, aliases and so on, that anyone and everyone has access to.
The system should be able to minimize, or hopefully, eliminate abuse of this system and avoid costly mistakes so the lives of innocent, decent people and their reputations are not ruined because of someone seeking some sort of sick revenge. The possibility of people seeking revenge towards someone who is really not an O’Path or Narcissist would need to be avoided and addressed. They ALL need to be registered with the State they live in.
Yes, I have my reasons for believing that it is inherited/genetic and that IS sad, but it doesn’t mean that society should have to put up with this. They cause divorces and bring unspeakable pain to their families and innocent children. They destroy the family unit. They tear families apart. They screw with the heads of kids who grow up to be like them. They cost the State they reside in millions of taxpayers dollars … MILLIONS! All of them.
Why should they hold good jobs while decent, caring talented people are unemployed? Why should they be in high-level positions and paid good money when educated, talented, decent, hard-working kind, considerate, empath candidates are underemployed and underpaid? Why should they be granted custody while the other parent and the child(ren) suffer at the hands of a monster? Why should they be able to own a home or rent an apartment in the same communities and neighborhoods as Non O’Paths/Narcissists? Why should they get to decide if you are guilty or not guilty? Why should we give a shit about them? They don’t care about anyone but themselves.
To the liberals who feel sorry for them, talk to me when they molest or bully your child or niece or nephew or grandchild or put you in a position where you have to change jobs or undergo the stress of moving and relocating.
If you’ve never had to suffer at the hands of one, then shut-up. If your children or you have never been victimized by one or if you have never experienced being in a trapped situation where you could not leave, such as married to one with his/her kids, then shut-up. If you don’t earn the money to pay the taxes for their white-collar crimes, then shut-up. If you weren’t raised by one, then shut-up.
If you could see the color of the auras of these people, it’s black … black as in evil.
Dear Jana,
I am in agreement with your “rant”—totally, but unfortunately, even the registry for SEX offenders has holes in it, and though 80% of the crimes are committed by 20% of the offenders, they are still released on parole REPEATEDLY.
When they have ALREADY committed horrible physical CRIMES of violence, what makes us think the Judge or governor or doctor or lawyer who is a P is going to have to “register”?
You are RIGHT, they ARE everywhere. Look at NY state,, their prior govenor got caught and resigned and the current one got caught with his “ethics down” instead of his “pants down” by trying to “hush up an abuse case” by usiing the STATE POLICE and his Gov’s office to scare her into silence!
When these are the “lawmakers” what can we expect out of the laws?
The “comments” at the end of this article about this man are typical of the general “public” not getting it—they ASSUME he is a good parent because he “got custody”—but they don’t know. ASSUMPTIONS about people based on such things I think is what makes them able to commit what they do and get away with.
“He must be honest, he is a doctor (lawyer, Judge etc)” when that doesn’t mean a thing!
Glad you are here and welcome to LF—it is a great place and you are free to voice your opinons and rants about psychopaths! Welcome! and God bless. One more voice against EVIL!
OxD: when they want to…that is part of the crazy making…they ca n simply leave for a short time, whether it’s parole or just taking a short break from manipulating you…sometimes they take jail for a break from their behaviour…then they can come back with a stealthy vengence!!! My first post …. prolly sounds studpid
Thank you RUNE for your comments … I agree.
“Unfortunately, Judges appear to have absolutely no required training in personality disorders” …
Er, uh, well, very good point and very true and that is certainly an outrageous oversight. BUT many Judges have personality disorders themselves, so how can they recognize this in the Defendant or in the Plaintiff (and as the “theme” of the case presented before them) when they do not see how screwed up they are? Many of them act and think they are God-like, above all and superior … did I just describe a Narcissist?
Many Judges are known to be at least Narcissistic, if not worse. … so I guess court room decisions and freak shows are the new normal.
OxDrover – Thank you.
ptsd= I am so consumed by this relationship, like no other..of course I’ve had doubts and wonderings about others…I’ve been reading this site since October 2009 and can’t believe how it applies to my situation….I have some great friends to talk to … they support me no matter….but I hate that I go over and over it all in my mind….and yes! I stilll “crave” the jerrkk
I don’t even know how this site works…so I apologise if I don’t get back to anyone 🙂
Dear PTSD,
No your post does NOT sound stupid! WELCOME to LF, glad you are here. If you are posting I think you have probably come to the right place. This is a healing place and some good information and great people here!
My P-son has been in prison for more than half his life, he will be 40 in 2011, and only been out a few months since his 18th birthday, less than a year total in the “adult” free world, and his behavior has only gotten worse. There are periods of time when he is in trouble IN prison, but in preparing to PROTEST his parole upcoming in 2011, I’ve been reading through the letters from him I have kept, a foot locker full….going back to 1989 when he was first arrested as an adult for a felony charge. OF COURSE HE DENIED HE WAS GUJILTY, and kept on denying it though the evidence showed he was MORE THAN GUILTY.
When he was arrested for murder in Jan 1992 (I had that date a year off for some reason in my mind for years, but the letters and news clipping show it was in 1992) five months after he had gotten out of prison after doing 2 of a 5 year sentence, he has had one “crisis” after another, been accused of one “false” charge after another, but in letters to his buddies (which I have many also) he BRAGS about his crimes and his breaking of rules inside prison.
He has become over the years more foul mouthed, more harsh, more demanding, more cunning, and finally, LESS BELIEVEABLE to me. I must have been blind or stupid to have “read” these letters and not SEEN what they were YEARS AGO. It is difficult sometimes now to realize I “had eyes and did not see, ears and did not hear” what was OBVIIOUS “to someone with one eye, and half sense” as my grandfather would have said!
There is a thread here about how we are (and most people) lousy lie detectors, but you know, it seems to me that P’s are lousy liars if you really LISTEN because they CONTRADICT themselves so frequently—and we fill in for the contradictions. We trivalize their slips, “forgive” their betrayals, because we WANT to belive they “love” us.
Every letter from him to me is signed “I love you so much” except the last letter, which was threatening. I BELIEVE the threat part!
What he doesn’t seem to get though is that I am not going to lie down and become complacient, or stay stooopid any longer. I’ll do what is necessary to protect myself, whatever that takes. I have a FOOT LOCKER full of his words, his manipulations and his lies to present to the parole board and will “convict” him with his own words and hope he never gets out. It’s a dog-gone shame too, cause he is one of the brightest minds in the world, as smart and talented as they come, and he has not even been able to be a “successful” crook. He is just another low-life convict without a conscience or a soul. Another scum bag, but at least prison has kept him from reproducing.
There was a time when he had great manners and charm, and was nice enough looking, but now after 20+ yrs in prison and hanging out with nothing but scum, his body is shot and his mind and emotions haven’t matured, but instead he has become coarse, profane and foul. Not, of course, what I wanted my son to become, but I’m finally accepting the fact that my “little boy” is gone, and the “man in the cell” is a stranger.
EAch of us when we come in contact with a psychopath, have to come to our own conclusions in our own time and give up the “fantasy” person (whatever the relationship is) we have imagined and let them project and it hurts, but we learn, finally, to see the truth, to keep our eyes focused on what is REAL not a hologram.
We have to learn to respect and appreciate the good in ourselves that made us able to love, and to realize the evil in them that made them choose to be incapable of love.
Love the good and get the heck away from the EVIL. Where ever it is! (((hugs)))) TOWANDA for us!!! STAY STRONG!!!
PTSD–I think wwe were posting at the same time. Just post whatever you feel or think any where. Usually when a new article comes up we comment on that article, but then the conversation drifts ofrf in another direction and that is okay too.
This is a pretty laid back site and everyone is generally kind and caring. The report abuse button is there for any time someone is not so “nice” —just don’t respond to their flames or nasty comments and report them to the owner of the site, Donna. She will block them if that’s what it takes. Doesn’t happen often though, thank goodness.
Ask questions, read the old archived articles (there are some great ones) and bring up an old article by posting a new comment to it if you would like. The posters here are all suvivors and/or professionals so you will get some great answers. (((hugs))) and again, welcome, glad you are here!