Healing from an emotional trauma or extended traumatic experience is a like a long, intimate dance with reality. Or perhaps a three-act ballet. We are on the stage of our own minds, surrounded by the props of our lives, dancing to the music of our emotions. Our memories flash on the backdrop or float around like ribbons in the air. Down below the stage, in the orchestra pit, a chorus puts words to the feelings and gives us advice drawn from our parents’ rules, our church’s rules, all the rules from the movies and books and conversations that have ever colored our thinking.
And our job is to dance our way through the acts.
The first act is named “Magic Thinking.” We stumble onto the stage, stunned, confused and in pain. Our first dance is denial — the “it doesn’t matter” dance. Our second dance is bargaining — the “maybe I can persuade whoever is in power to fix this” dance. The third and last dance before the intermission is anger.
This article is about anger.
The emotional spine
Everyone here who has gone through the angry phase knows how complex it is. We are indignant, bitter, sarcastic, outraged, waving our fiery swords of blame. We are also — finally — articulate, funny, re-asserting power over our lives. We are hell on wheels, demanding justice or retribution. We are also in transition between bargaining and letting go, so all this is tinged with hope on one side and grief on the other.
Anger really deserves a book, rather than a brief article. It is the end of the first act of our healing, because it really changes everything — our way of seeing, our thinking, our judgments, the way we move forward. Like the element of fire, it can be clarifying, but it can also be destructive. To complicate the situation further, many (if not all of us) tended to repress our anger before we entered this healing process.
So it may be helpful to discuss what anger is, where it comes from. What we call anger is part of a spectrum of reactions that originates in the oldest part of our brain. The brain stem, sometimes called the lizard brain, oversees automatic survival mechanisms like breathing, heartbeat, hunger, sleep and reproduction. It also generates powerful emotional messages related to survival.
These messages travel through increasingly sophisticated layers of our emotional and intellectual processing. One of those layers, the limbic system or mammal brain, is where we keep memories of good and bad events, and work out how to maximize pleasure and avoid pain (often through addictive strategies). The messages pass through this layer on the way to our cerebral cortex.
There in the thinking layer, we name things and organize them. We maintain concepts of community and identity (right and left brain), and we manipulate them continually to run our lives as thinking, self-aware beings. Beyond the thinking brain is the even more advanced area of the frontal cortex, which maintains our awareness of the future, interconnectivity (holistic thinking), and the “high level” views that further moderate our primitive responses into philosophic and spiritual meanings.
What our thinking brains name “anger” is actually a sensation of physical and emotional changes caused by the brain stem in reaction to perceived danger. The spectrum of those danger-related sensations roughly includes alertness, fear and anger. While our higher brain may see a purpose in separating fear and anger into different categories, our lizard brain doesn’t make those distinctions. It just keeps altering our hormones and brain chemicals for all kinds of situations, depending on its analysis of what we need to do to survive.
The point of this long digression is this: alertness-fear-anger responses are a normal part of our ability to survive. They travel “up” into our higher processing as the strong spine of our survival mechanism. There is nothing wrong with feeling them. In fact, paying attention to them is better for us in every way than ignoring our feelings (denial) or trying to delude ourselves about what is happening (bargaining).
The many forms of anger
One of the most interesting things about the English language is its many verb forms, which express various conditions of timeliness and intent. I can. I could. I could have. I would have. I might have. I should have. I will. I might. I was going to.
Those same factors of timeliness and intent can be found in the many facets of anger. Bitterness and resentment are simmering forms of anger related to past and unhealed hurts. Likewise sarcasm and passive-aggressive communications are expressions of old disappointment or despair. Frustration is a low-level form of anger, judging a circumstance or result as unsatisfactory. Contempt and disgust are more pointed feelings associated with negative judgments.
When anger turns into action, we have explosive violence, plans for future revenge and sabotage. When anger is turned on ourselves, we have depression and addictions. The judgments associated with anger foster black-and-white thinking, which can be the basis for bias and all kinds of “ism’s,” especially if the anger is old, blocked for some reason, and thus diffuse or not directed primarily at its source. This typically happens when we feel disempowered to defend ourselves.
All of that sounds pretty terrible and toxic. But, in fact, the most toxic forms of anger are the ones in which the anger is not allowed to surface. The lizard brain does not stop trying to protect us until we deal with the threat, and so we live with the brain chemicals and hormones of anger until we do.
Anger can also be healthy. The anger of Jesus toward the money changers in the temple is a model of righteous anger. In response to trauma, righteous anger is a crucial part of the healing process. Anger has these characteristics:
• Directed at the source of the problem
• Narrowly focused and dominating our thinking
• Primed for action
• Intensely aware of personal resources (internal and environmental)
• Willing to accept minor losses or injuries to win
Anger is about taking care of business. At its most primitive level, anger is what enables us to defend our lives, to kill what would kill us. In modern times, it enables us to meet aggression with aggression in order to defend ourselves or our turf. We expect to feel pain in these battles, but we are fighting to win.
However, anger also has its exhilaration, a sense of being in a moment where we claim our own destiny. For those of us who have been living through the relatively passive and self-defeating agony of denial and bargaining, anger can feel wonderful.
As it should, because anger is the expression of our deepest self, rejecting this new reality. We are finally in speaking-up mode. We are finally taking in our situation and saying, “No! I don’t want this. I don’t like it. I don’t like you for creating this in my life. I don’t like how it feels. I don’t like what I’m getting out of it. And if it doesn’t stop this instant, I want you out of my life.”
Getting over our resistance to anger
Of course, we don’t exactly say that when we’re inside the relationship. In fact, we don’t exactly think it, even when we’re out of the relationship. And why is that? Because — and this only my theory, but it seems to be born out here on LoveFraud — people who get involved with sociopaths are prone to suppress their anger, because they are afraid of it, ashamed of it, or confused about its meaning.
When faced with a painful situation, they suppress their inclination to judge the situation in terms of the pain they’re experiencing, and instead try to understand. They try to understand the other person. They try to understand the circumstances. They try to interpret their own pain through all kinds of intellectual games to make it something other than pain. To an extent, this could be described as the bargaining phase. But for most of us, this is a bargaining phase turned into a life strategy. It’s an unfinished response to a much earlier trauma that we have taken on as a way of life.
Which is very good for the sociopath, who can use it to gaslight us while s/he pursues private objectives of looting our lives for whatever seems useful or entertaining. Until we have nervous breakdowns or die, or wake up.
We can all look at the amount of time it took us to wake up, or the difficulty we’re having waking up, at evidence of how entrenched we’ve been in our avoidance of our own anger. It retrospect, it is an interesting thing to review. Why didn’t we kick them out of our lives the first time they lied or didn’t show up? Why didn’t we throw their computer out of the window when we discovered their profiles on dating sites? Why didn’t we cut off their money when we discovered they were conning us? Why didn’t we spit in their eye when they insulted us? Why didn’t we burn their clothes on the driveway the first time they were unfaithful?
Because we were too nice to do that? Well, anger is the end of being nice. It may be slow to emerge. We may have to put all the pieces together in our heads, until we decide that yes, maybe we do have the right to be angry. Yes, they were bad people. No, we didn’t deserve it. And finally, we are mad. At them.
Anger in our healing process
Anger is the last phase of magical thinking. We are very close to a realistic appraisal of reality. The only thing “magical” about it is this: no amount of outrage or force we can exert on the situation can change it. The sociopath is not going to change. We cannot change the past, or the present we are left with.
But anger has its own gifts. First and foremost is that we identify the external cause of our distress. We place our attention where it belongs at this moment — on the bad thing that happened to us and the bad person who caused it.
Second, we reconnect with our own feelings and take them seriously. This is the beginning of repairing our relationships with ourselves, which have often become warped and shriveled with self-hatred and self-distrust when we acted against our own interests in our sociopathic relationships.
Third, anger is a clarifying emotion. It gives us a laser-like incisiveness. It may not seem so when we are still struggling with disbelief or self-questioning or resentment accumulated through the course of the relationship. But once we allow ourselves to experience our outrage and develop our loathing for the behavior of the sociopath, we can dump the burden of being understanding. We can feel the full blazing awareness that runs through all the layers of brain, from survival level through our feelings through our intellect and through our eyes as we look at that contemptible excuse for a human being surrounded by the wreckage s/he creates. Finally our brains are clear.
And last, but at least as important as the rest, is the rebirth of awareness of personal power that anger brings. Anger is about power. Power to see, to decide, to change things. We straighten up again from the long cringe, and in the action-ready brain chemicals of anger, we surprise ourselves with the force of our ability and willingness to defend ourselves. We may also surprise ourselves with the violent fantasies of retribution and revenge we discover in ourselves. (Homicidal thoughts, according to my therapist, are fine as long as we don’t act on them.)
It is no wonder that, for many of us, the angry phase is when we learn to laugh again. Our laughter may be bitter when it is about them. But it can be joyous about ourselves, because we are re-emerging as powerful people.
The main thing we do with this new energy is blaming. Though our friends and family probably will not enjoy this phase (because once we start blaming, it usually doesn’t stop at the sociopath), this is very, very important. Because in blaming, we also name what we lost. When we say “you did this to me,” we are also saying, “Because of you, I lost this.”
Understanding what has changed — what we lost — finally releases us from magical thinking and brings us face to face with reality. For many of us this is an entirely new position in our personal relationships. In the next article, we’ll discuss how anger plays out in our lives.
Until then, I hope you honor your righteous anger, casting blame wherever its due. And take a moment to thank your lizard brain for being such a good friend to you.
Namaste. The healing warrior in me salutes the healing warrior in you.
Kathy
hi guys!
I am having major anxiety today. Even my stomach is upset and in knots.
I wish I had known two march’s ago– when he began his wwoing and seduction– what he was. My GOd– if I had only known.
Joy – Your ability to love, and be a loyal caring woman is something to be cherished by you. And something you/we must give to ourselves first. We chose the wrong man to be with. We chose the wrong man. Even if initially he portrayed himself as the right man — when it was clear he was a liar/cheat/thief and it was uncomfortable and feeling all wrong – we made the choice to stay.
WE CAN EXPLAIN /RATIONALIZE WHY WE DID THAT TIL WE ARE BLUE IN THE FACE.
I AM AT THE POINT WHERE I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS A FLAW OF MINE WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE TO STAY WITH SOMEONE TREATING ME WITH VERBAL ABUSE, DECEIT AND INFIDELITY. AND WHEN IM FURTHER AWARE OF HIS HISTORY, FRAUD, DECEIT. I DIDNT STAY BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK OUT, I THINK I STAYED ONCE IT BECAME GOD AWFUL, BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMETHING WITHIN ME EITHER PREVIOUSLY NUMBED, OR SILENCED OR BURIED FROM MY PAST. THAT SOMETHING QUITE POSSIBLY COULD HAVE BEEN MY ABILITY TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF, TRUST MYSELF, KNOW MYSELF — TO BE SOMEONE DESERVING OF GOODNESS – KINDNESS – FAITHFULNESS- TRUST – LOVE. THAT WAS MY INTERNAL FLAW. I MUST NOW FIX.
I THOUGHT, I BELIEVED, OR I MADE UP FOR LONG AGO LOSING THAT INTERNAL UNAWARENESS – BY SAYING I STAYED BECAUSE I LOVED HIM, OR BECAUSE I WANTED IT TO GET BETTER, OR BECAUSE I WAS A HOPELESS ROMANTIC…YOU NAME IT I HAD AN EXCUSE FOR STAYING.
BUT THE REASON IS – I STAYED BECAUSE I HAD AN UNHEALTHY INTERNAL/EXTERNAL GAUGE OF MYSELF – MY SELF WORTH – BECAUSE OF MY PAST. AND PERHAPS LOVING SOMEONE AS MUCH AS I DID THIS PERSON, I JUST DIDNT WANT ANOTHER LOSS, ANOTHER LET DOWN, ANOTHER SURPRESSED MEMORY RESURFACING OF LOSING MY MOM WHEN SHE JUST WALKED OUT/LEFT/NO CLOSURE ?? SO I HELD ON FOR DEAR LIFE…. ???? ALSO IF I LOVED HIM NO MATTER WHAT – WASNT I DOING WHAT I WANTD DONE FOR ME AS A CHILD — AND IF I JUST LOVED HIM — EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK FOR HIM/WITH HIM….
UGH – LOTS FOR ME TO WORK ON – FIGURE OUT – TROUBLESHOOT – ABOUT MYSELF AND WHY I STAYED, ALLOWED, ACCEPTED THINGS THAT NO HEALTHY PERSON WOULD EVER ACCEPT! EVEN TOUGH LOVE/UNCONDITIONAL LOVE DOES NOT REQUIRE US TO ACCEPT ANY KIND OF ABUSE.
I THINK IM HEADED TOWARD THERAPY…SOMETHING IVE NEVER WANTED BECAUSE THEN IN MY MIND, I WOULD BE LIKE MY MOM. BUT ITS SOMETHING I NEED IN ORDER TO WORK THROUGH THE LOSS I EXPERIENCED OF MYSELF WHEN MY MOMS MENTAL ILLNESS SURFACED AND SHE LEFT MY LIFE.
MAYBE NOT ALL OF US HERE HAVE SOME KIND OF TRAUMATIC/PAINFUL BACKGROUND…BUT I SURE DID…AND I SUSPECT IT HAS ALOT TO DO WITH WHY I CHOSE HIM AND SUBSEQUENTLY STAYED AND DID THE THINGS I DID.
JOY, KEEPING WRITING PART 3….IT NEEDS TO BE ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE A VERY LONG HISTORY WITH HIM. THERE WAS SOME GOODNESS IM SURE,BUT ALOT MORE UNHEALTHINESS, CONFUSION, PAIN …WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH WITH HIM. ITS A LITTLE BIT ABOUT HIM, AND A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOU —ONCE YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO STAYS AFTER THE RED FLAGS APPEAR — YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHY.
THANKS FOR SHARING –
AKITAMEG – ITS HELL. TO GET THROUGH HELL – WE MUST GO THROUGH IT. I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW. MAKE A CUP OF TEA, TAKE A BATH, TURN ON YOUR MUSIC AND BLAST IT, DANCE, CALL A FRIEND… THE ONES WHO CAN HELP US THROUGH THIS THE MOST IS OURSELVES. I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW – I AM LITERALLY GOING TO DOWNLOAD A SONG THAT CAN SNAP ME OUT OF IT AND IM GOING TO BLAST IT AND DANCE TIL IM SMILING AGAIN.. AND THEN I AM GOING TO GO DO ERRANDS, AND KEEP BUSY, KEEP MOVING FORWARD. TIME TO PICK MYSELF UP BECAUSE IM FEELING DOWN.
HERE I JUST FOUND THE SONG IM GOING TO LISTEN TO – SRY JIM! LOL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I
AND WHILE I WAS LOOKING FOUND A TOWANDO VERSION TO ~ LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAt0O-RkRwk
WHATS YOUR SONG GONNA BE MEG??
Learnthelesson: Be easy on yourself. We are down here to love.
What our EXs are doing is not what God wants us to do. Period.
Peace.
LTL, MEG, EVERYONE, Here is my song : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk_JH7Y9uJo
WINI – THANKS FOR THE REMINDER…AND FOR NOT SKILLETING ME….SOMETIMES I THINK I THINK TOO MUCH TOO. WHO KNOWS, IT SEEMS TO HELP ME TO EXPRESS IT AND MOVE FORWARD. THANKS FOR REMINDING ME WHAT OUR JOURNEY IS TRULY ALL ABOUT.
KF — LOVE THAT SONG!!! I WILL SURVIVE DOES IT FOR ME EVERYTIME!! A QUICK PICK ME UP! I DANCE ALL GOOFY AND DO MY MOVES! LOL … I FELT THE WORDS TO “FIGHTER” JUST NOW! AND IT DID THE TRICK… IM OFF TO THE POST OFFICE WITH THE TOWANDO BACK IN ME!!! LUV MUSIC…THANKS…
OOPS TYPO….towandA spirit back in me!! lollll
Learn the lesson -thank you
Food for thought everyone as you heal.
Today we begin a brand new 40-day journey of “fasting” from wrong thinking; “fasting” from failure to success; from mediocrity to greatness. We will eliminate mentalities of failure and adopt mentalities of success. Fasting from wrong thinking begins with believing that: As a man thinks, so is he. So, lets THINK God’s way and experience His success.
DAY ONE:
Today we’re fasting from the thought that says:
“If things were different, I could really succeed.”
We dream of what we would do IF… if I had a better education; if I wasn’t tied down to this mortgage; if the economy was better; if people treated me better; if God would come through for me; etc. Notice the common thread of failure: IF.
CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. Drop the “IF”. Stop waiting for things to get better, before you make them better. Give up the excuse of “if only.” “If only I had this, or if only I had that.”
2. FACE life as it is. But don’t ACCEPT it as it is. The four friends of the paralytic couldn’t find a way in the house, because of the crowd (Mark 2:4). So they went up on the roof. They found a way, where there was no way. They didn’t accept life as it was, but faced life as it was, and experienced the will of God.
3. Recognize YOU HOLD the power to do something with your life, regardless of the economy, your upbringing, your past mistakes. God has given you SEED to plant (your words, your choices, your money, etc.). Begin each day sowing a seed of faith, joy, love or hope. You have a smile—use it. You have a mouth to speak God’s Word; to declare His praise—do it.
4. Don’t wait for the perfect conditions. Ecclesiastes 11:4 “He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap.” Don’t wait for the stock market, or real estate or the media to get better, before you do what you know to do. Make your life better by sowing the right seeds, beginning TODAY. Make good choices TODAY.
5. FORGET NONE OF HIS BENEFITS. Focus on the good you already have; what God HAS already done. (Psalm 103:2-4) He forgives all. He heals all. He redeems us from all destruction. The old hymn says: “For He has done great things. He has done great things. Bless His Holy Name!”
THINK IT & SAY IT
I don’t need things to be different before I succeed. I will make them different. I have the power to sow the seeds of a better life. I will not just accept whatever life brings. I will face it with faith and find a way through it. I will remember what God has done. He pardons all my sins. He heals all my diseases. He crowns me with victory. He satisfies my life with good things so that my youth, vitality and outlook on life is refreshed and renewed.
DAY 2
Today we’re going to fast from what I call the “survival mentality.”
“If I can just pay my bills”; “If I can just get my work done”; “If I can just keep my job”; “If I can just get through this—”these all seem like reasonable goals, but the fact is, they are born from a “survival” mentality. They position us to merely eke out a self-centered existence, rather than living the abundant life God created us to live. They set our sights too low to make a difference in anyone else’s life or in the world.
YOU ARE NOT JUST A SURVIVOR—YOU ARE MORE THAN A CONQUEROR and A GIFT TO THIS WORLD.
Start with the end in mind. Proverbs 29:18 says, “Without a vision, the people run aimlessly.” Develop in your mind a vision of victory, favor and blessing EVERY DAY. Begin to see yourself blessed, so that you can be a blessing (Genesis 12:1-3).
2. See yourself as a gift to the world—a blessing and a problem-solver to others. (1 Peter 4:10)
3. Expect abundance. Just having “enough to get by,” is small-minded, and prevents you from being a blessing to others. (John 10:10)
4. Have the right mental attitude toward people. When you truly care about what is best for them, you will succeed. It’s easy to smile when you want the best for someone else. It’s easy to sell when you’re trying to bless them.
5. Put others first. Truly want the best for the people in ’your world.’ In tough times, it’s easy to pull back and focus on taking care of self. But God’s system works otherwise. In Genesis 13:8-17, Abraham put Mr. Lot, first. By doing so, God blessed Abraham—more than he could contain!
6. ADD value to others. Ask God to put a burning desire in your heart to make other people’s lives better. (not as a ’people-pleaser’, but as a gift to their lives). When you do, you’ll never lack a good job, successful business or healthy relationships!
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I thank God that I have a vision for my life. I am not surviving. I am thriving. I see myself blessed so that I can be a blessing. I am a gift to those around me. I add value to their lives, by seeking God’s best for them. God has put in me the desire to love and serve others unselfishly. As I do, I will never be without. God’s blessings will come upon me and overtake me.
DAY 3
Today we’re “fasting” from the thought that says:
I haven’t done enough to get God to answer my prayers or bless me.
When things don’t go our way, we sometimes have this nagging thought that we’re not holy enough or there’s too much wrong in our lives to ’qualify’ for God’s blessing or favor. “I’m not good enough.” “I haven’t prayed enough”, etc.
Today we’re letting go of this destructive mindset. We’re ridding ourselves of a “merit-based” relationship with God.
All our lives we were told, ’you get what you deserve.’ Well, the truth is, we all deserve judgment and hell. BUT GOD! (Don’t you love those two words?!!!!!) Ephesians 2—but God being rich in mercy…doesn’t give us what we deserve…
1. We get what Jesus deserves! Romans 8:17 says we are joint-heirs with Jesus Christ! His inheritance is ours. 1 John 4:17 says, “As He is, so are we in this world.” We deserved the curse, but we get the blessing (Galatians 3:13).
2. Be COVENANT-MINDED. You have a covenant with God (Hebrews 8:12-13). A covenant is a contract. In this case, a contract that is guaranteed by the shed blood of Jesus Christ.
3. Have confidence in God, not in yourself. (1 John 3:20-21). Confidence and faith are what draw answered prayer to our lives.
4. Reject condemnation. It is our heart that condemns us (for our mistakes and shortcomings). When we feel condemned, we lose confidence. Then we can’t receive from God (Hebrews 10:35).
5. Accept your freedom in Christ. (Romans 8:1) There is no condemnation for those who are in Him.
6. Be GRACE-minded. Grace is: God giving us what we don’t deserve. Hebrews 4:15 says, “Come boldly and receive mercy and grace in your time of need.”
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I let go of the mindset that I’m not holy enough or haven’t done enough to receive from God. I receive His promises by faith. I am a joint heir with Jesus Christ. I expect to get what He deserves, not what I deserve. I have a covenant with God. And therefore I have confidence He will hear me and answer. There is no condemnation in Him. I receive His grace, freely and lavishly, in Jesus’ Name.
DAY 4
Hey Gang,
Would you like to change the world? Be a part of spreading the revolution From the Inside Out! Do you know at least one person who could benefit from this amazing fast?
Whether these thoughts are stand-alone thoughts or whether they build upon each other, they will powerfully transform us if we use them as weapons.
Today we’re fasting from the thought that says: “What if I don’t make it?” What if I don’t make it through this financial trouble; what if I don’t make it through this sickness; what if I don’t make it through this trial, etc.
We must eliminate this from our thought life, and our vocabulary. Even if you rarely think this, it’s a mindset that the devil subtly uses to suggest the possibility of failure.
CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. Realize, you’ve already made it! If you’re a child of God, you are going to live forever. Sometimes, PERSPECTIVE is all we need to take the pressure off of our performance and temporary trial.
2. Whatever you’re facing is TEMPORARY.
2 Corinthians 4:17 says, “For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.” This too shall pass!
3. You are more than a conqueror! (Romans 8:37) THIS HAS TO PERMEATE YOUR MIND. As it does, that’s what turns it into a MIND-SET that creates the life of victory.
4. Faith always finds a way (Luke 5:19). And JESUS is PRAYING FOR YOU that your faith will not fail (Luke 22:42).
5. The idea of ’not making it’ is not a part of the plan! Jeremiah 29:11, God says, “I know the plans I have for you—FOR GOOD, and NO HARM.”
6. Rest in the fact that God will never fail you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5-6). It’s like a teacher that refuses to fail a student, no matter what he’s going through…that’s what God is like toward us!
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I am more than a conqueror. No matter what I’m going through is temporary. I already have the victory. And this is the victory: My Faith. My faith will not fail, because Jesus is praying for me right now (Hebrews 7:25). God will not fail me. Love will not fail me. The Holy Spirit will not fail me. I will go through the mountain, go over the mountain or move the mountain, in Jesus’ Name.
DAY 5
Today we’re fasting from the thought that says: “Someone or something is missing in my life.”
This idea that something is missing–is what often leads to failure, sadness and huge mistakes in our lives. It also can make us angry or bitter at someone for NOT being to us what we needed them to be.
Let’s CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. You are complete in Christ. Colossians 2:9—in Him, you have been made complete. Complete forgiveness; complete love; complete victory ARE YOURS TODAY.
2. Everything you need already BELONGS TO YOU in Him. 1 Corinthians 3:22—All things belong to you…Romans 8:32 says He freely gives us all things.
3. Embrace the peace of God in your life. John 14:27. Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” One of the definitions for peace in scripture is: NOTHING MISSING. We have His peace! THINK ON THAT.
4. Expect God’s supply. Meditate on Philippians 4:19 which says, ‘My God shall supply ALL YOUR NEEDS, according to His riches.’ It’s not according to our perfection or our good works; but according to His riches.
5. Understand that people will disappoint and fail us sometimes; but God will not. That’s why we put our hope in God! Psalm 42:11 — Why so down cast, O my soul? Put your hope in God (not people)…the help of my countenance.
6. Ask God to OPEN YOUR EYES to see what is already in you. Ephesians 1:19, Ephesians 3:20. The Holy Spirit. The Love of God. Faith. These forces of God’s power are in you right now, if you are born again. If you are not born again, click here.
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I am complete in Christ. There is no good thing missing in my life. I have all things in Him. My God supplies all my needs and I expect His supply TODAY. I have the peace of God, which delivers my heart from trouble and disappointment. Even if people let me down, my God will uphold me and help me. I have the Holy Spirit; the love of God and the gift of faith in my life. I am complete in Him, In Jesus’ Name.
DAY 6
Today we are fasting from the thought that says, “When is success and prosperity going to come my way?” This mindset is preventing true success from flowing in our lives. When we wait for it to come to us, we miss the point of what it really is.
Let’s Change It Today:
1. Success is NOT something we obtain. It’s something we are. (Genesis 39:2) The Lord was with Joseph, so he became a SUCCESSFUL and PROSPEROUS man. Notice, prosperity was not something he had; it was something HE WAS.
2. Just as the Lord was with Joseph, He is with you—and then some! For Joseph, God was WITH him. For you, God is also IN you. 1 Corinthians 3:16 says, “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?”
3. See the image inside of you: of a successful and prosperous person, regardless of what circumstances you find yourself in. Joseph saw himself prosperous, and therefore HELPING OTHER PEOPLE SUCCEED, was not a threat to him. He knew who he was.
4. You have a treasure in you. (2 Corinthians 4:6) We have this treasure in earthen vessels. Don’t doubt the treasure in you. (You have power, love, sound mind; you have wisdom, faith, joy; the kingdom of God is IN you, etc.)
5. Remember what Jesus said. “The greatest among you is the servant of all” (Matthew 23:11). Understand this starts with KNOWING THERE IS GREATNESS IN YOU. My twist on this: serving doesn’t make you great. But when you realize the greatness God put in you, you will serve others gladly. When you are secure in your own success (on the inside—because God is with you and in you), you neither feel inferior or superior to others; you’re just happy to serve.
Failure can only come when we try to find success somewhere else—other than in us. God put it there.
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I don’t need to wait for success to come my way. I am a prosperous and successful person, because God is with me AND in me. Wherever I go, I bring success. To prosper is not something I do, it’s something I am. Regardless of my circumstances, success is in me. I will not wait for someone to give it to me. I have a treasure inside of me. That treasure makes me secure and confident so that I can freely and gladly serve others and see them become successful.
DAY 7
Today we are fasting from the thought that says: “I’m worried about my finances and what’s going on in the world.”
It’s on my heart to re-visit this theme because so many people are anxious and worried about the economy, and we MUST deal a death blow to these anxious thoughts.
Crisis hotlines and therapists are being flooded by the increase of anxiety, particularly over finances. There is an obvious connection between financial distress and emotional stress, depression, insomnia, migraines, and increased suicidal thoughts. Whether you are affected by the economy or not, ANXIETY MUST GO.
LET’S CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. Know that God wants to take care of you, and take the care off your mind. Cast your care on Him. How? Tell Him what you’re anxious about. Ask Him to take care of it. Remind Him that He promised that He would. Praise Him for the answer. THEN, think only thoughts that are good, filled with expectation, faith and the answers God will give–(that’s my paraphrase of Philippians 4:6-8).
2. Believe that He will supply ALL your needs. (Philippians 4:19) Sometimes, it’s not “money” we need to solve a “money” problem. We need wisdom, ideas, insight. God will provide, whatever the need is. Trust Him and expect.
3. Ask God for wisdom. (James 1:5) The Bible also says that wisdom is MORE VALUABLE THAN silver and gold. (Proverbs 8:11, Proverbs 3:15). Ask God for it, and believe you have received it.
4. Meditate on the people of scripture who God provided for. In Psalm 37:25 David said, “I was young, but now I am old, and I have NEVER seen the righteous forsaken or His children begging for bread.” Also, Genesis 24:1 which says “and the Lord blessed Abraham in ALL THINGS.” Expect this blessing in all things in your life. Why? Because you are the seed of Abraham! (Galatians 3:29)
5. ASK GOD TO PROSPER YOU. Be specific. Psalm 118:25 says, “O Lord, I beseech You, send prosperity now.”
6. See yourself as irresistible. That may sound strange, but you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Expect that people will want to hire you; keep you; or buy from your business. As a child of God, you have love, faith and power on the INSIDE of you. You are made in the image of God. See yourself that way. You have what people need. Believe it. You have not been given the spirit of fear—2 Timothy 1:7
7. BELIEVE IN THE CREATIVITY OF GOD. He is not limited to meeting our needs with just money or our job. He provided water out of a rock; manna out of heaven; fish from an empty lake! He is Jehovah Jireh—our provider (Genesis 22:8).
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I surrender my specific anxious thoughts to God. I believe God cares about my every need, and wants to meet ALL my needs. I may have a need. But He has a supply! I thank Him for the answer, and I think on all the good He has done and will do in my life.
I receive the wisdom of God, and expect that wisdom to empower me more than silver or gold. I receive the prosperity and provision of God.
I am VALUABLE, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have the blessing and gifts of God on the INSIDE of me; and people are drawn to them. I have what people need; therefore I will always be in demand.
I believe God has countless ways to meet my needs, and I thank Him for providing, in Jesus’ Name.
DAY 8
Today we’re fasting from the thought that says: “How could I ever recover from this loss?”
We’ve all lost something at one time or another in our lives. If it hasn’t been money, it’s been time, or relationships, opportunity or HOPE. We’ll today we begin to GET IT BACK!
We must abstain from the thought that we can’t recover; or ‘we’ll never know great days like we did in the past’; ‘I’ve lost too much to recover.’
Let’s CHANGE our THINKING TODAY:
1. Let this thought permeate your mind: God is a God of restoration. Joel 2:25-26…’I will the restore the years that have been lost.’ Whether it’s the stock market, bad decisions, what others have done to you—God will restore.
2. Get rid of the mentality of “settling.” We must refuse to settle—the 10 lepers wouldn’t settle for their leprosy. They cried out to Jesus. The woman with the demon-possessed daughter wouldn’t take no for an answer. Bartimeus wouldn’t stop shouting until he recovered his sight. REFUSE to settle for the way it is.
3. Realize God WANTS you to go to him, and ask him to avenge you. In Luke 18, the unjust judge avenged the widow because of her persistence. HOW MUCH MORE WILL GOD AVENGE HIS CHILDREN!!!!!! (Luke 18:6-7)
4. All the promises of God are YES. (2 Corinthians 1:20) He has promised restoration and recovery—so ask Him for it TODAY. God wants you to recover more than you do. Believe this.
5. Believe the promise: the thief has to repay 7-fold of what he’s stolen. ( Proverbs 6:31) The thief = the devil, time, the economy, fear. These are all thieves that you can expect to give back, supernaturally what has been lost in your life.
6. Re-position your thinking for expectation. 90% of profits in the world made between 1980 and 2000 went to 1.5 % of the people. That means 98.5% weren’t expecting much! Start expecting.
7. Expect recovery! “You shall surely overtake your enemies and you shall recover all.” (1 Samuel 30:8)
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I will recover all that has been lost in my life. I expect the restoration of lost relationships, lost money, lost hope and lost opportunities. I will not settle for loss and lack. God will avenge me. He will restore. I ask Him and expect Him to avenge me of all that has been lost in my life. I call forth a seven-fold return of what has been taken from me, In Jesus’ Name.
DAY 9
Today we’re fasting from what I call the “problem-focused” mentality. And we’re going to begin to think with a “solution-focused” mentality.
What I mean by this is simply: you must choose to live life as a problem solver, not a problem ’reporter’. It’s one thing to ’report’ the news, but it’s another to MAKE the news. The problem-mentality just sees and reports the problem. The solution-mentality solves the problem. Winston Churchill said, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Let’s CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. Never be satisfied with just recognizing a problem. There are enough critics and complainers in the world. The world needs ’solution-minded’ people, not just those who can report a problem.
2. We are compensated in life for the problems we solve; not the problems we merely recognize. Joseph not only recognized the famine coming, he found a solution for the famine. (Genesis 41:25-41) As a result, he became the most powerful man in the world, and the wealthiest. Even Pharaoh bows his heart to Joseph and recognizes his power and authority—Genesis 45:8.
3. Love Math! What do I mean? Mathematics is a great discipline because it PROVES there is a solution to every problem. Whether you liked math in school, or not, we need to get this: There is a solution to EVERYTHING. Look for it.
4. You have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)
With His mind, you will find His solutions. Every problem man created, God had a solution and turned it into an opportunity. Romans 8:28—He will make all things work together for God FOR YOU, who love God and are called to His purpose.
5. Lean on the Holy Spirit. As we are led by the Holy Spirit and pray in the Holy Spirit, we bring His solutions into our situation. Romans 8:26-27 says, “…The Spirit helps our weaknesses. For we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings too deep for words. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, making intercession for us according to the will (solutions) of God.”
6. Stop talking ABOUT the problem, and start talking to it. The solution begins by talking TO, not talking about. Jesus said, “if you shall say TO this mountain, be removed and cast into the sea, and do not doubt…it shall obey you.” (Mark 11:23) Use your mouth to move the mountain.
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I choose the “solution” mentality, and give up the “problem” mentality. I believe God will give me the interpretations to life’s problems, and will bless me with wisdom and answers. I believe there is a solution to every problem, and because I have the mind of Christ, I will find the solution. I welcome the Holy Spirit to pray through me and bring God’s will and solutions to my life and those around me, In Jesus’ Name.
DAY 10
Today we are continuing to fast from the ’problem focused’ mentality.
Yesterday there was so much I wanted to share that I decided to split it up and share the rest today. You can look at life through a ’problem’ lens or a ’solution’ lens. If you’re looking for problems, you will find them. And if you’re looking for solutions, you will find them. Decide where to place your focus. Let’s shift our focus onto solutions. As we change our thinking, we will change our world!
Let’s CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. Stop fighting shadows. Shadows (of fear and worry, sickness and doubt, etc.) leave when light comes. God saw darkness (Genesis 1:2) BUT said “Light.” It was the light that cast out the darkness. Psalm 119:130 says, ’the entrance of His word brings light’. As you shine the light of God’s Word on the ’shadow’ or your problem, it will leave.
2. Ask God for wisdom. James 1:5 says, “If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men generously…” God is filled with solutions for any and every situation we face.
3. Expect solutions. The stream of wisdom that is available to you is unleashed when you EXPECT answers and expect wisdom. Be solution-oriented in everything.
4. See your crisis as an opportunity. In the Chinese alphabet, the character for “CRISIS” is exactly the same character for “OPPORTUNITY.” You can see a challenge as a crisis that produces fear and worry, OR as an opportunity that produces energy, imagination, and faith.
5. Train your mind to look for solutions and you WILL STOP complaining. Instead of just trying to stop complaining by being “holy” enough, let’s change what we’re thinking. As you LOOK for solutions in every situation, you WILL stop complaining.
6. See the ’problem’ you’re facing, as the pathway to your promotion. Once you solve it, you’ll be one step closer to God’s greatness for your life. You’ll have proven to yourself that you can’t be beat. You’ll inspire your faith and discover that God equipped you to face any challenge. And you will win.
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I am a problem solver. I ask for and receive wisdom today to overcome the problems I face. I have the light of God’s Word bringing light to every situation. Shadows of death, darkness, fear and lack, LEAVE my life today. I embrace the opportunity to overcome what is right in front of me, and step into God’s promotion for my life. I look for and expect solutions today, in Jesus’ Name.
DAY 11
Today we are fasting from a “scarcity mentality.”
The scarcity or ’poverty’ mentality says: “There’s just not enough for everybody.” It’s a mentality that also thinks: someone else’s success is a threat to my own; or my success is a threat to others. This is nonsense. This is what causes greed, jealousy and unhealthy competition. When we think ’there isn’t enough,’ we become stingy and reluctant to give. As a result, we paralyze our own harvests.
Let’s CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. The earth is abundant, and always will be. We have NOT depleted this earth. For example, I just read in the paper that there are huge coal mines on certain Indian territories, where they are finally considering mining. Great wealth is still in this earth. Psalm 24:1 says, “The earth is the Lord’s, and the FULLNESS thereof”—notice: FULLNESS, not emptiness.
2. There is a seed in every harvest. Yes, that’s what I meant! Of course, we know there is a harvest in every seed. But we need to realize we will never run out of seeds, which will always perpetuate harvests.
3. God is reserving treasures for you. “I will give you the treasures of darkness. And hidden wealth of secret places, so that you may know that it is I,The LORD, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name.” (Isaiah 45:3)
4. Stop thinking your success deprives others OR that others’ success deprives you. We need to realize in a DEEP way, that having the blessed life ourselves, is infinitely more generous and good for others, than us not being blessed. Give up thinking: “I should be deprived, since there are others who don’t have what they need.’
We have to begin believing there is enough for us, AND for those around us. No one HAS to be deprived of joy, abundance, and successful relationships.
5. As He is, so are we in this world. (1 John 4:17) Jesus fed MULTITUDES, not just a few. He healed EVERYONE who touched Him–Mark 3:10. He found money in fishes mouths. He turned 5 loaves and 2 fish into an all-you-can-eat buffet for 5000 men! He never saw anyone’s need as too great. He always knew there was enough. When He fed the multitudes, they ate, as MUCH AS THEY WANTED, and then there was plenty left over.
(John 6:12-13)
THINK IT & SAY IT:
Abundant blessing is always available for me. I will always have a supply, because I will always have seeds to sow. I expect the treasures of God to show up in my life beginning today. My success deprives no one except the devil! I am blessed to be a blessing. The anointing to meet an abundance of needs is in me, in Jesus’ Name!
DAY 12
Today we’re fasting from the thought that says:
“I don’t have….”
I don’t have…the right job; the right relationships; the education I need; the money I need; the happiness I need, etc. And the hits just keep on rolling.
I am convinced that the more we focus on what we don’t have in life, the more we will miss out on. The more we focus on what we do have, the more will be attracted to us.
Let’s CHANGE IT TODAY:
1. Change the cycle of thinking from: “what do I need” TO “what do I have.” We all have needs, but dwelling on them, doesn’t meet them. A mindset that: “I have a lot,” will strengthen you emotionally, and empower you practically.
2. Embrace the good in your life. As hard as this is, in tough times, we must focus on what we have. Psalm 103:2 says, “Forget none of His benefits—who pardons ALL your sins, heals ALL your diseases…”David was continually attacked by enemies, but his defense included remembering what God had already done.
3. Ask God to open your eyes. Surrounded by enemy armies, Elisha’s servant became afraid. Elisha’s prayer: ‘Lord, open the eyes of your servant, to see that there are more for us than those against us…and he saw!’ (2 Kings 6:17) He didn’t pray for MORE help; but to SEE the help he already had.
4. Stop trying to get your needs met. Give thanks for what He has done. 10 lepers were cleansed; one turned back and thanked Jesus. This one was made WHOLE. See? He didn’t thank God so he could get more. He just thanked God. AND MORE CAME. (Luke 17:12-19)
5. Change how you read your Bible. Don’t read it to get something. Read it to DISCOVER ’whatchya’ already got! (Philemon 6; Ephesians 1:3)
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I choose to focus on what I have. I have treasure in me. I have the power of God in me. I embrace the good that God has already done. I thank God that my eyes are enlightened to see what is for me, and what is in me; and I will thank God for what He has already done. From this day forward I will read the Bible to discover what I already have, in Jesus’ Name!
DAY 13
Today we’re fasting from the thought that says:
“This is too much pressure; too many trials; too much for me to take.”
With all that’s going on in our lives and our world, we often wish it would all just stop. We need to look at pressure, trials and problems in a WHOLE NEW WAY…
Let’s Change It Today:
1. Today, start seeing the pressure in your life as a blessing! I’m not saying to lay down and take whatever life or the devil brings. But look at it as an opportunity rather than a burden.
2. Realize you’re not alone. The apostle, Paul, was so overwhelmed by the pressure around him that he wanted to just end his life. (2 Corinthians 1:8-10)
Discover the silver lining. Paul discovered it and said things were so bad in his life, that “we expected to die. BUT AS A RESULT, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely ONLY on God, who raises the dead.” 2 Cor. 1:9 (Amplified)
3. Intimidate the thing trying to intimidate you. (Teenage version: Freak out the things trying to freak you out!) When you’re up against it, declare like Paul, “this was the best thing that could have happened, because we were forced to trust God totally–” (2 Corinthians 1:9 Message Translation). This scares the devil!
4. Be light-hearted about your trials. James said, “Count it all joy…” (James 1:3).
5. Put things in perspective. Paul whimsically and humorously concludes, “We were forced to trust God totally—NOT A BAD IDEA, SINCE HE’S THE GOD WHO RAISES THE DEAD!” (2 Cor. 1:9 Message). Duh!
6. Say of the Lord, “He is my refuge…My God, in Him I will trust.” (Psalm 91:2) Trust Him who raises the dead to rescue you! (Jeremiah 39:18 NASB).
THINK IT & SAY IT:
I make up my mind to see pressure as an opportunity to trust in God completely. I will trust and not be afraid. Whatever comes against me will force me to totally trust God, and He will deliver me. I rejoice in my trials, because if God can raise the dead, He will certainly rescue me in any and every situation, In Jesus’ Name.
I enjoy these messages from Gregory Dickow’s ministries. If you like what you’ve read so far, log on to his site and submit your e-mail so you can receive his messages daily.
Peace to everyone’s heart and soul as we all heal together.
Wini – A WHOLE NEW WAY TO ADD TO OUR HEALING JOURNEY. DAY 1 STARTS TODAY FOR ME, MARCH 9, 2009.. TODAY I WILL THINK IT AND SAY IT! I WILL BE REFERRING TO YOUR DAILY GUIDE FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS TO ADD MORE ENLIGHTENMENT AND POSITIVE ENERGY TO MY LIFE. THANKS FOR SHARING. HAVE A STRONG DAY EVERYONE…