Question: Why do people engage in aggressive behaviour (some, as we know, rather more than others)?
Answer: Because they enjoy it.
There’s a bit of a flutter on the internet (see here and here) about research coming out of Vanderbilt University. Studying mice, Maria Couppis and Craig Kennedy have found that aggression can be as emotionally rewarding as food or sex.
The neurotransmitter dopamine has been implicated in nearly every experience we consider rewarding, such as love, drugs, eating, and sex. Indeed, the mesolimbic dopamine pathway is referred to as the reward system of the brain. Dopamine is necessary for reinforcement, e.g. the ex-smoker’s craving brought about by the whiff of cigarette smoke.
Now a direct connection has been drawn between dopamine and aggression. In the experiement the male home mouse continually pushed a button to let in an intruder mouse which it then aggressed. When treated with a dopamine antagonist (blocking the activity of the dopamine) the home mouse decreased its button-pushing. (For a discussion of the experiment see here.)
(Incidentally, it is important not to conflate aggression and violence. Aggression is dominating behaviour. For the mice aggressive behavior included tail rattle, an aggressive sideways stance, boxing and biting – two non-violent and two non-violent behaviours.)
“We learned from these experiments that an individual will intentionally seek out an aggressive encounter solely because they experience a rewarding sensation from it,” Kennedy said. “This shows for the first time that aggression, on its own, is motivating, and that the well-known positive reinforcer dopamine plays a critical role.”
Not that surprising?
I suspect that lovefraud/blog readers who have been on the receiving end of aggression won’t be surprised by these findings. Says Dr. Bliss at Maggies’ farm, “I cannot speak about mice, but every psychiatrist – and every person – knows that this is a fact for human beings.”
Any comments?
A query I have is runs something like this. Many commentators on this blog speak of increased assertiveness, anger, determination, etc. which has enabled them to get through relationships with psychopaths, to gain self-respect, and to make new lives. Would you say that you have learned to better access aggression? And if so, is there pleasure in it?
I enjoyed the opportunity on Monday when the business spath contacted me, to be aggressive.
I was VERY aggressive…..total biatch status! Hung up with a HIGH…..
I felt empowered.
I also enjoyed calling the FBI to alert of their whereabouts…….that was aggressive on my behalf….and once again….I felt empowered by this ‘move’.
NOW……I don’t feel good telling an employee they are not doing a good job, or critisizing poor work.
I don’t enjoy or feel empowered disciplining my children.
I don’t feel empowerment, telling a friend of somehting they may have hurt me.
The above cause anxiety or discomfort. NO EMPOWERMENT, no power, no ‘fun’.
I did feel empowered when I had a boarder staying here who did NOT comply with the house rules, and when I got a call from the Sheriff in the middle of the night asking me to come pick him up (declining), I kicked him out when he showed up the next morning.
Initially, when I smelled rancid alcohol the week before penetrating the community hallways…..I felt anxiety at the confrontation I needed to do…..the eggshell feeling…..but knowing I didn’t want this in my house.
But after the police incident the next week…….I had NO problem when he showed back up….telling him, I hate to make a bad day worse, but you must be OUT by noon.
He groveled, cried, begged and whatnot……I didn’t buy any of it…..I told him I appreciated his emotions, yet it didn’t change my mind.
I was very firm in my decision and approach.
I was very pleased with the fact I didn’t sway or break, and offer the 2nd chance he begged for……
It was VERY EMPOWERING……but not without a bit of anxiety. Yet, again…..not joyful, just empowering at the chance at proving to myself I COULD stand up for myself!
So…..when I’m dealing with a spath……I gain great pleasure from the backspath and the counter control, power and the chance to be calculatedly agressive.
I view it as…….If it’s me or you…..it’s GONNA BE YOU SPATH!
Your going DOWN, and if I have ANYTHING TO DO ABOUT IT…..down HARD!
I feel good about that. GREAT PLEASURE going on IN THE RECEPTORS! 🙂
Dear EB,
That’s a very good post you did above about the feeling of ENJOYING back-pathing them, versus the feelings being different when you have to SET AND ENFORCE A BOUNDARY.
That woman I took in last year that I had to ask to leave (she turned out to be a P masking as a victim) when I told her to leave she went into the groveling, whining, crying, projecting, scapegoating, blaming carp, and I DIDN’T FEEL GOOD, but I DID feel FIRM in my resolve that she had to LEAVE TODAY. I even gave her a little over $100 just in case she didn’t have gas to make it out of town…I didn’t feel that I had to do that, but the thing is that I didn’t want her to have ANY excuse to hang around.
With my “X-friends” that I had to ask to leave here and that had all the stuff stored in my storage building that they left after I told them to get it out (gave them like 6 months notice) I didn’t feel good or empowered in setting limits with them, but I did feel FIRM and RESOLVED and that was a GOOD feeling, much better than feeling like a door mat.
You are right though, when we back-path them there is a feeling of EMPOWERMENT for me…but not when there is setting a boundary with someone we know in a different circumstance.
I enforced the boundary last year with my Son C, and it hurt like heck, it tore my heart out, but I did it, but there was NO feeling of empowerment, no feeling of fun or enjoyment, only heart break.
This parole hearing thing has been traumatic as well, but it is EMPOWERING, and I will CELEBRATE and DANCE AND SING when I get the word that he has a 5 year set off before he can even petition the parole board again, and I WILL BE THERE IN FACT OR SPIRIT EVERY TIME he goes back for as long as he lives.
Thank you EB, I learn so much from you, GF!!! (((hugs))))
EB – it’s the difference between back spathing (which by definition means damping down our emotions, and being less empathetic), and being vulnerable.
We got here because we were overly caring and empathetic…and part of how we get out of that is to protect ourselves from being vulnerable. I know that right now, i would be more likely to drop a relationship than to try. I cannot be ‘the’ one to try, and it’s even hard to take a first step.
I will have won the post spath battle when i can again allow myself to be vulnerable to another; when i meet people and don’t focus on trying to figure out what their game is; when i don’t think that people are trying to fuck with me all the time; when i can feel love and care coming from people; AND when i have the attitude that they do care.
i kinda enjoy the fact that the spath is fucking with me and i find it a nuisance – albeit a major one – and it isn’t freaking me out. she doesn’t realize how much she has revealed herself by what she is doing lately. i know even more about her m.o. now and that is added to our bank of knowledge and she doesn’t even know she’s shooting herself in the foot. bless her heart.
I look at all spath ‘contact’, whether near or covert as an opportunity to learn about the behaviors.
They DO reveal their cons……and that, to me is invaluable information to take into my ‘future’.
I also feel in control, as I KNOW what’s up. I don’t fall for the ……claims of wanting to right their wrong…..(because Spaths DON”T DO THAT)….and it reveals their ‘real’ intention and they have NO IDEA i’m on to them, because to them…..there is ‘nothing’ to be ‘on’ to.
Sit back and listen….pay attention…..and do it from the comfort of your own livingroom…..with complete control of your emotions,disecting each word with intent……and a smile!
This was an absolutely fascinating thread. Fascinating and gave me a totally different perspective on spathy behavior and motive. THAT is the key to get to reality and understanding just what was going on.
Absolutely outstanding article with a lot of great posts!
LL
I recently read somewhere that fMRI brain scans of sociopath’s show decreased activity in the Amygdula, Prefrontal Cortex, & Insula. Yes this is a recipe for lack of emotion(s). But I still don’t understand as to why the usual expressed “feeling” from a sociopath is rage/anger, yeah that’s part of an emotion, but does that particularly feed into the network of fight-or-flight portions of the brain? making it more severe?
isabelita – i don’t think they feel anxiety/ fear, so i don’t think that’s it. i think their frustration anger and rage comes out of a sense of entitlement thwarted, boredom/ frustration with the empathic folk and not getting their need for constant stimulation met.
the only time I saw the spath angry and frustrated was when i or someone else wouldn’t play her game and do what she tried to manipulate us into doing – by going along with her ‘story’ we gave her LOADS of stimulation, which i think was the whole point. oh, and that she likes to f***with people and MAKE them do things she can later use against them to F***with them some more.
i wish i knew more about how the brain works. i need to read some more and get a bit more grounded in the research that does exist.
Dear Isabelita,
There is a lot written about brain chemistry and more research going on each day.
It isn’t just one part of the brain, but I think many parts and there is a variety of differences too. Not all psychopaths are exactly the same, and there are different levels of them as well.
Some are more aggressive than others, some more impulsive than others, some more likely to be physically violent than others.
At this point in time even the professionals can’t agree on what is going on with all of them. About all that is known for sure is that there is some genetic and some environmental components to it.
The main thing we CAN learn is that we can learn to protect ourselves by spotting the patterns of their behaviors.
Ox,
Why are there so many professionals that refuse to acknowledge or believe that this condition is unchangeable?
This troubles me.
LL
Not even professionals know everything. Took doctors a long time to realize germs caused disease.