Our society rarely talks about evil. There’s little discussion of morality, and even less of its opposite — wickedness. As a result, we don’t know that evil sociopaths exist, so we don’t know to protect ourselves from them. I can’t tell you how many times people told me, while relating their awful stories of being deceived and betrayed, “I didn’t know people like this existed.” They do. So why is there no discussion? Why don’t we know about evil sociopaths? I can think of two reasons, one related to cultural change, and the other to confusion about terminology. Cultural change When I first started my career in the early 1980s, the term “politically correct” came into vogue. The …
3 reasons why you encounter a sociopath later in life
Perhaps you’re in your 40s, 50s or 60s — and you have just come to the shocking realization that you have a sociopath in your life. Maybe even multiple sociopaths. So you wonder — why did you encounter a sociopath later in life? I have three answers for this question. One is about awareness, another is about life stages and the last is about healing purpose. Awareness of sociopaths I am willing to bet that sociopaths were always in your life — you just didn’t know it. By sociopaths, I mean people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorder. (The original definition of “sociopath” was “anything deviated or …
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Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you?
Your sociopathic partner picks, picks, picks at you. “You’re a lousy mother and the kids hate you,” he says. “You’re so stupid that you’re lucky you don’t get fired,” she says. The nasty comments keep coming. You’re upset but try not to say anything — until you can’t contain your emotions anymore and you explode. Then the sociopath smiles. Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you? The key to understanding this behavior is knowing what sociopaths truly want in life — power and control. Everything else is secondary. Social motivation Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and Lovefraud author, believes that the sociopath’s out-of-control drive for dominance is the motivating forc …
Listen to Donna Andersen on KSCO radio
What is a sociopath? What are the warning signs? How can you avoid them? I talked about all things sociopath on The Nighthawk Resurrected radio show on KSCO AM 1080 in Santa Cruz, California. The hosts, Ginni and Kelly Powers, asked lots of great questions about Lovefraud, sociopaths, and how they impact society. It was a long interview on March 25, 2025, and as usual, I had plenty to say. You can listen here: Donna Andersen interview on KSCO AM 1080 …
Red Flags of Love Fraud #2: Sudden soul mates
When sociopaths target you for romantic exploitation, it seems that their favorite term of endearment is "soul mate." That’s why “Sudden soul mates” is the second warning sign in my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath. When they’ve set their eyes on you, sociopaths gush about finding the man or woman of their dreams, the person they've wanted all their lives. They liberally talk about destiny, how the relationship was meant to be. If you, the target, are religious, sociopaths smoothly proclaim that God has brought you together. My book is based upon the 1,352 responses that I received for my Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey. Asked to describe the so …
Intuition and the purpose of the sociopath
When I realized that the man I married was a sociopath, and our entire marriage was a scam, I was shocked. I didn’t deserve it. I was a good and honest person. Why did this happen to me? Today I’m going to propose that there may be an unexpected answer to the question. I’m going to talk about intuition and the purpose of the sociopath. Here’s my proposition, which you may find surprising at first, but stick with me: Our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose, and that’s our personal spiritual growth. This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the b …
We’re divorced, have no kids — so why is my ex driving slowly by my house?
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce with a sociopath. They try to ruin you financially. They smear you to everyone who knows you. This is what a Lovefraud reader experienced. So she sent me an email and asked, “Why is my ex driving slowly by my house?” Here’s the full email, from the reader whom we’ll call Cecilia25: I had emailed you about a year and a half ago. I explained to you that my husband had a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde personality. He would disappear for hours sometimes days and would not answer calls or texts. He gave me the silent treatment and was a pathological liar. He had beaten down my self esteem. You told me that was typical sociopathic behavior. You told me …
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My heart felt full in Italy: A sign of recovery
I just spent two and a half wonderful weeks in Italy with my husband, Terry Kelly. We gave ourselves the trip for our 20th wedding anniversary. It was the trip of a lifetime, and multiple times in the first few days I said to Terry, “I can’t believe we’re here.” The art was astonishing, the food was delicious, and the people were warm and friendly. The entire time, my heart felt full. It was a feeling that I hope all Lovefraud readers can experience, even after a run-in with a sociopath. Rome, Naples and Sicily We spent five days in Rome, five days in Naples and five days in Acireale, Sicily. In Rome we saw the major sites — the Colosseum, Vatican Museum, Sistin …
Red Flags of Love Fraud #1: Charisma and charm
Because the word "sociopath" is often used to describe criminals and murderers, you may expect these people to have angry, foul temperaments, and they often do. But that comes later, after they have their hooks in you. When you first meet them, many sociopaths have an attractive, appealing energy about them. They demonstrate their interest in you through lavish attention, flattery and kindness. That’s why the first Red Flag of Love Fraud is, “Charisma and charm.” My second book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, reveals the tactics of social predators who pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation. There’s a lot more understanding of a …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Layers of shame and guilt
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who is herself a mental health professional about the layers of shame and guilt that she feels. Names have been changed. The sociopath has an amazing ability to determine who can be manipulated or is vulnerable. When I separated from my sociopath, I had to recognize how I was conditioned as a child to be trusting and compliant. I was rewarded when I took care of others; my parents wanted a kind child. Their shaping was successful and I care very well for others. What I lacked was the ability to care for myself and to discern who deserved my care, who would return the love and respect that I gave. Lack …