The recent post on marital misconduct, and the many letters I have received from Lovefraud readers, have caused me to conclude that love fraud is a spectrum. Because love fraud is a spectrum, there is some confusion about it. To clear up the confusion, this week I will describe the range of motives for this fraudulent behavior. Remember that one of the most important biologic/social functions of love relationships is to produce and raise children. In my opinion, love fraud that involves children is the most serious. These children did not ask to be born and are at the mercy of the adults responsible for bringing them into the world. Next week we will discuss the implications of the spectrum …
ASK Dr. LEEDOM: What is the difference between bipolar disorder and sociopathy?
A Lovefraud reader sent the following question: I have friend who is diagnosed as manic depressive. He displays or exhibits some of the traits of a sociopath, but I read that being manic depressives clouds whether someone is a sociopath. I don't want to believe he is a sociopath, but I also do not want to be a fool. Suggestions or thoughts? I have one person telling me he's a sociopath and I need to run away from him as fast as possible. That seems like the cowardly thing to do though. If we approached all people with problems that way, where would our society be? People with bipolar disorder have sociopathic traits only while manic Thank you for writing in with this important question. …
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ASK DR. LEEDOM: I don’t understand why I still care
One of our readers wrote the following, nearly everyone of us has expressed the same sentiments: One phone conversation with him could go from loving words in the very begining to total ugliness toward the end and he would often get really mean and hang up on me. It was like he was Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde all rolled into one. You never knew what he was going to be like... In spite of all this, I still love him and can't stop thinking about him. I guess it's just that I remember the good times and what a loving and caring man he could be when he wanted to. I know I am still grieving over this, because he still haunts me and I can't seem to get him out of my system. And I know now that …
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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why are addicts and sociopaths similar?
Tough Cookie wrote: I have found that sociopaths often tend to be abusers of drugs. In my case, my sociopathic boy friend was addicted heavily to drugs. It seem to me that sociopaths and drug addicts tend to hold very similar characteristics (i.e. manipulative, selfish, impulsivity). How is one able to tell the difference between the characteristics of sociopath and the characteristics of a drug addict? You made a very good observation, that is, many sociopaths are addicts/alcoholics and many addicts/alcoholics have sociopathic tendencies. Remember, sociopathy is a spectrum, with mild, moderate and severe cases. Severely sociopathic people are called psychopaths. Why the link between …
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“Will I ever be the same” (Part 2)
A syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can affect victims of sociopaths. The trauma of losing love, friends, family, possessions and of enduring psychological/physical abuse is the cause of this disorder. To fight the symptoms of PTSD, it is helpful to understand the symptoms and how they relate to loss and trauma. As I read through the current literature on PTSD, I quickly discovered that there is a fair amount of controversy regarding this disorder. We can actually learn about the disorder by listening to the arguments. The first question on which there is much disagreement is, “What trauma is severe enough to cause PTSD?” There were several editorials by experts dis …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is this child beginning to act like a sociopath?
Recently we received this question: A friend of mine has a 4 year old little boy that I am very worried about. This child shows many signs of anti-social behavior. He is manipulative. He is conniving. He is a liar. He is vindictive. He is sneaky. He will do things, look to see if you are noticing, and have an evil little smile on his face seeming to dare you to do or say anything. Is this the beginning behavior of a sociopath? His mother seems to be oblivious to his behaviors. However she told me that she plans to home-school him”¦so I have to wonder if perhaps she has “seen” something in him. The idea worries me, because at least if he was going to school”¦maybe someone else would truly s …
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“Will I ever be the same?” (Part 1)
Nearly every person who has been in a relationship with a sociopath and survived, has asked, “Will I ever be the same?” When we ask this question, what we are really asking is if we are permanently damaged. We all know that every day we age, grow and change, therefore on a minute to minute basis we are technically not the same even when good things happen. But the trauma we have experienced is different from our everyday experiences that change us little by little. This trauma resulted from an enormous psychological, emotional and financial catastrophe. The trauma is all the more severe because the catastrophe was caused intentionally as an act of aggression by someone we loved-a sociopath. O …
When women are sociopaths/psychopaths
Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don't know if the research results apply to women. There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar t …
Did NASA miss any red flags?
Did NASA miss any red flags indicating that a woman put into a position of trust was a dangerous person? I follow this story with interest, having made this mistake myself. Could it be that even the rigorous psychological evaluations done by NASA fail to predict behavior or detect a sociopathy spectrum disorder? If that is true, those of us also conned by sociopaths can lighten up on ourselves. Trained professionals often miss sociopaths It is well known that even trained and experienced mental health professionals are not very good at predicting behavior and assessing sociopaths. In one study, repeat violent acts could be accurately predicted by therapist's good reports. That's right, …
Female sociopath first described 4,000 years ago!
I searched the scientific literature for the best description of a female sociopath. None rivaled this one that is more than 4,000 years old: For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it. And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill …