By | February 16, 2007 144 Comments

When women are sociopaths/psychopaths

Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don’t know if the research results apply to women.

There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar to those found in men. Namely, female sociopaths lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. Violent and impulsive behavior is less common in sociopathic women. This fact may make them more dangerous, as they more easily blend in with the rest of society.

The key traits of sociopathic females

A recent study of adolescent girls in detention performed by Crystal L. Schrum, M.A. and Randall T. Salekin, Ph.D. of the University of Alabama and reported in Behavioral Sciences and the Law, revealed the core qualities that best described young female sociopaths. The teens were callous and lacked empathy, had a grandiose sense of self worth and were conning and manipulative. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships. Importantly, the researchers revealed that female sociopaths did not necessarily have “shallow emotions.” Again the lack of impulsivity and shallow emotions may make a female sociopath more difficult to spot.

Please read the true Lovefraud story of Michelle Drake. Notice that female sociopaths victimize other women as well as men. This vignette illustrates many of the core qualities of a female sociopath. As I read this case, I was painfully reminded of the male sociopath who was once part of my life; so perhaps the similarities between male and female sociopaths are more important than the differences. What struck me about the story is the elaborate con she perpetrated for really very little money. This case illustrates something truly amazing about sociopaths—the degree to which they derive pleasure from conning others. Their hoaxes are often outlandish and grandiose.

A friend of mine, who was once in law enforcement, says that conning is the sociopath’s profession and that that he/she may not even do it for the money. Conning is instead the work they have a passion for. As my friend says, “When a sociopath wakes up and opens his eyes in the morning, it’s show time!” I can envision Michelle saying that to herself as she donned the fake pregnancy costume.

The public and the courts are sympathetic toward female sociopaths

The case of Michelle Drake also illustrates something else about female sociopaths. The courts are more likely to go easy on them. This attitude of the courts may reflect the fact that many people excuse the behavior of female sociopaths and feel sorry for them. Look at the cases of women in the news lately. We don’t know if the women involved are sociopaths, however, these cases do illustrate the double standard that exists in how we judge female as opposed to male antisocial behavior. Several women teachers have been found guilty of sexually exploiting students. They were treated very leniently for the same crimes that would have put a man in jail for many years.

The NASA astronaut arrested for attempted murder is another example of the way people treat women differently and don’t take their crimes seriously. This week, a restaurant owner in Florida held a benefit night to raise money for the astronaut’s family. News commentators have been quick to voice sympathy for the astronaut, yet I have not heard a one express sympathy for the victim. I remind you that it is alleged that the astronaut sprayed her victim with mace and planned to kill her.

In conclusion, sociopathy is less common in women. Women who are sociopaths may not appear as shallow as men who are sociopaths. They are also less angry and impulsive compared to men. Although violence is less commonly perpetrated by women, if you are the victim, these statistics don’t matter.

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i was married to a female sociopath for almost 18 yrs. the things we found out about her and her double life! the saying love is blind is true. she showed no feelings even while watching a tear jerker of a movie. in a 7 hr trial over custody, she was made to read outloud a 3 page love letter she wrote to one of her boyfriends 22 yrs younger than her!, showed no feelings or emotions! my oldest son testified against her, it seems the only way to hurt a sociopath is through money. i feel so bad for my sons, they lived all this and they didn’t deserve it! i had to put a restraining order on her when she attacked me in front of my sons. my oldest said to me later, dad i don’t know how you didn’t just beat the hell out of her!……..i said i can’t raise you from a jail cell can i?……..i feel like the whole thing was like a damn soap opera!.when i got custody and she had to pay me child support, she lost it, she destroyed my motorcycle with a hammer and threw paint all over my javelin……….i didn’t care all i wanted was my sons………she is with a ex con now who is 13 yrs younger than her, and i thank god every day we are away from her!…………..the sociopath will lie to your face without blinking an eye!……….it is scary as hell! there has to be something missing in the genes or something. it’s been almost 10 yrs since all that happened, and sometimes the pain comes back when you try to understand it all, but these people will destroy themselves, my sons want nothing to do with her at all and haven’t seen her in almost ten yrs she has missed out on so much and doesn’t even know she will be a grandmother!, in a way you have to feel sorry for her……………………..not! even these people have a choice, they are adults not little kids if anyone has ever gone through this and would like to talk my e mail is [email protected]……thanks


All Names are Pseudonyms.

In 2001 my ex-sociopath shot a 20YO man named “Dale Woods” nine times including three times in the back of the head while he lay face down on the floor, she claimed it was self defense despite her weight of 180lbs and his of 140 and no weapons.

In 2004 after my ex-wife (my family calls her “T-Rex”) began another affair I took her back four times; she arranged for strong sedatives to be prescribed for me and they disappeared. She tried to kill me at least two times while drugged. I taped one episode when I knew weird stuff was happening (90 hour digital recorder). I have been paid criminal compensation by the state for one attempt, but she has never been charged for any of the 290 documented crimes against me since separation. It is as if law enforcement just wants us all to go away. (Small county of about 20-30,000)

I first met Dale’s mother Misty in 1999 to discuss the purchase of the home belonging to the estate of her late in-laws. The home was next door to our Victorian home in a rural Iowa town which was one of two relatively large homes in the town. T-Rex and I had decided to commit a substantial amount to renovating our home but were concerned about the state of the abandoned house next door. It was a wreck; unoccupied for years and in need of a new roof, paint, windows, doors or maybe a bulldozer. The “street appeal” differences between the grand Victorian and the hodge-podge Iowa cottage could not have been wider.

We were told by Martha Higgles that the home was owned by a Hospital because the Woods’s were unable to pay the medical bills for the deceased parents. Martha introduced herself to us within days of us moving to Pleasantville and seemed to know everything about everyone and demonstrated little restraint in making her knowledge known. Martha is such a significant character in this tale that she has earned at least one chapter to herself. Martha’s rumor was the first of many rumors that proved false in this bored little town. I am sure that my family’s debut into Pleasantville society has fueled the town’s propensity and love for rumors for many years to come. This is of course “generally speaking”; which is something I usually avoid doing at all costs; my sincere desire at this time is to emphasize that there are some wonderful people in the little town of Pleasantville. However, the emotions felt when recalling the words and actions of the shameless minority that I encountered during my brief time as a resident tends to overwhelm the impact of the noble and discreet majority.

Misty did an exceptional job in clearing up the liens on the old Woods family home and we were able to purchase it for just a few thousand dollars. We then invested tens of thousands more renovating the home in order to convert it into an office for my then growing business.

In Late1999 Misty was sitting in our living room with T-Rex and me. We were discussing the progress of the house sale. We somehow got onto the topic of her husband Bob and his problems with Alcoholism and his relationship with his children. It was what many would consider “too much information” but I tend to have that effect on people, probably because I am guilty of the same thing. Being and open book can be a good thing sometimes but it can be taken too far. As an evangelical Christian I turned the conversation to issues of the heart and the only place I knew that a remedy could be found for the burdens Misty described. Misty was initially hesitant to take this turn, but with gentle persuasion she participated in the conversation with cautious enthusiasm. Over the next hour or two I had described my “testimony” with respect to the wonderful things God had done in my life and the “hope that is within me”. I asked Misty if she thought I believed what I was saying or if I was mad, she indicated that she didn’t think I was mad so I then invited Misty to take a blind step of faith to God’s open invitation to the world to join him on His terms in a love relationship. Misty accepted, I explained to her the prayer that I prayed when I first truly believe on the Lord as well as the sacrifices required to follow Him. Namely the very real possibility that she would be labeled and a nut-case by family, neighbors and others that have not tasted or comprehended God’s amazing love. I told her it would be like trying to make them understand how a strange and exotic fruit tastes that they had never seen, smelled or touched. Misty accepted the challenge with apparent enthusiasm and we prayed together. Misty was beaming and had happy teary eyes. No sooner than Misty’s exit and T-Rex poured water on the happy time by bluntly announcing “you know she only did it to get close to you don’t ya?” I responded “I’ll take Misty’s prayer at face value until her fruit proves otherwise”; I was referring to the fruit produced by her “new life in Christ” which is the only way scripture gives us with which to determine the authenticity of another’s faith.

Within a few days Misty asked if I would help her with her troubled son Dale who was then 18 or 19. She went into great detail about his addiction to computer games and his lack of friends from an early age. With a heavy heart she recounted how even family would react when she and her children would arrive at a gathering. Apparently at the sight of Dale there would be eyes rolled and backs turned. Misty described Dale’s relationship with his father Bob as almost non-existent due to his drinking problems and because Bob had effectively given up on Dale. I have heard some conflicting accounts to this subsequent to Bob’s tragic suicide at Dale’s grave a year after T-Rex killed him, but it may have been in response to the pity felt for the broken man as opposed to having any basis in fact. For the record, I NEVER observed Bob and Dale together, so I have no direct knowledge on the subject, however, a close friend that had a very emotional run-in with the grieving father shortly before his suicide has convinced me that Bob truly loved his son.

Misty asked if I would be willing to spend some time with Dale and to tell him about the same good news that I had shared with her. We brain stormed a few ideas and she asked if I would teach him about gun safety and target shooing; a sport in which I was seriously involved at the time. I had just bought a new target rifle which needed to be “broken-in” so I agreed to take Dale with me. Misty said Dale had been involved with some National Guard youth program and enjoyed the program. I warned her that it may be a little boring because the break-in process takes considerable time in that one bullet is fired and then the barrel has to be thoroughly cleaned before the next shot and the process repeated.

Misty brought Dale to my home a day or two later for introductions, it was either the following weekend or possibly one day after work that I packed up the shooting gear and picked up Dale. During the twenty minute drive to the rifle range I engaged Dale with topics such as “what do you want to do with your life?” Dale’s response to this question had me laughing until I realized he was serious and a little annoyed by me response. The reason I laughed was because Dale said he was going to invent a “time machine”. Not knowing the best way to react I humored him and asked what qualifications he had in quantum physics. Dale then began a detailed explanation of how the machine would work. I recognized some of the dialog as having been sampled from various episodes of Stargate, Star Trek and maybe the BBC’s vintage “Dr. Who”.

After listening to Dale’s theories and explanation, and having recently noticed his annoyance at my initial rejection (or scoffing as he may have perceived my laughter) I decided that rather than rejecting his ideas out of hand I would approach the concept of career alternatives by asking about his “back-up plans” should there be a bug in his worm-hole theories”. there was none, not even to join the Army which tends to be the universal back-up plan anywhere in the world for young men without specific ambition. I should add that I consider a military career to be a noble choice and that many young men deliberately choose and purpose to be professional warriors.

At this point Dale began asking questions about my business, once I had given him an overview he began expounding on his considerable computer talents, it was painfully and uncomfortably obvious that he was pitching himself as a potential employee. Dale’s fear of rejection coupled with his suffocating arrogance and unwillingness to consider the counsel of others if it any way conflicted with his ideas was becoming very apparent. Later that day after privately recounting the experience, I determined that this arrogance may have been a defensive mechanism or “wall” built to shield him from rejection, ridicule and disappointment which was by all accounts the story of his life.

Dale and I spent two or three hours at the rifle range where I gave him basic safety instruction and explained ballistic trajectory as it relates to wind, humidity, distance and velocity. Dale “seemed” to know everything so the conversation was scaled back to small talk.

In the following months I tried to include Dale in a few activities, his mother and sisters accompanied him to a church service once and he also came to a presentation on “creation science” at a local church. On the way home he questioned the logic of my faith and we had a very in-depth discussion on the logic and science that backs up biblical Christianity. The conversation continued for almost 50 minutes in my SUV with the engine running in his parent’s driveway that snowy night. In that time I laid out for him the same good news that I shared with his Mother some months prior.

There was a terrific group of young men from a local church that played paintball regularly. I explained Dale’s situation to them and my commitment to mentoring him and they agreed to let him participate. I was excited about Dale experiencing unconditional acceptance by local guys of similar age, none of whom had met him previously. Dale only played twice, maybe three times; unfortunately he wore out his welcome because he would not retire from the field when tagged (hit), he would continue to shoot paint balls at the other team despite numerous and painful tags to himself. On the last time he played Dale stole paintballs from two young men and a small piece of equipment from me. On the way home I explained that I had a very busy life and could not justify investing any more into our relationship under the current circumstances. I told him that he should take a few months to think about the friendship I offered and to let me know if he felt it was something he wanted to salvage. In the last conversation we had I asked him if he had given any more thought to God’s invitation to join Him in a personal love relationship. Dale’s response was simply “well I’m not stupid”. I do not know exactly what Dale meant, but by the tone used I sincerely believe that Dale was trying to tell me that he couldn’t argue with the argument for Christianity. What he did as a result of this conclusion God only knows. I said “does this mean you have made a decision for Christ?”, he gave a non-committal response. At that point I asked “are you familiar with the account of the thief on the cross besides Jesus at the crucifixion?” He was. I told him that this is an amazing example of God’s mercy and love in that a criminal, a thief and maybe even a murderer who lived a selfish and probably violent life, in his very last words acknowledged Christ as Lord, and as a result gained eternal life. I told Dale that after noon “It is my prayer that if you don’t make a decision about God before your time comes that the Lord will have mercy on you when you die. Whether it is tomorrow or in sixty years, I hope that you will know that you are going to die and that you will have enough time to remember the thief on the cross, and that at that time you will call out to Jesus and that as a result I will see you in Heaven. Who knows, maybe you’ll be hit by a bus and you’ll have five or ten minutes to consider your fate”.

Those were the very last words I had with Dale Woods; the irony is that according to the autopsy, the crime scene and T-Rex’s account of the shooting, he did have at least a few minutes before dying. Dale was shot six times in the torso by a 40 caliber Beretta pistol; he then lay broken, bleeding and probably paralyzed on my bedroom floor for several minutes. If he was conscious, which T-Rex claims he was, he was laying on his left side slightly facing the ground.

T-Rex claimed he was on his back trying to get up into a kind of fetal position which was her justification for shooting him in the head. However, crime scene photos and autopsy may suggest an execution style shooting in the back of the head. Copies of the autopsy and these horrific images are available. He probably paralyzed by the first 6 hollow point 40 caliber rounds

T-Rex had already left the room after shooting him the first six times, some time later he would have heard T-Rex walk up from behind him, he was facing away from his killer as she approached, he was powerless to do anything, he heard her stop and then he was shot twice in the back of the head with the 40 caliber Beretta and then once more by a .357 magnum revolver, also in the back of the head. According to T-Rex the first of these head wounds was a warning and that she aimed away from him.

The crime scene was horrific, the town clerk and her husband graciously volunteered to clean up the mess after the forensics team finished. They were just finishing when I was allowed to return to the home (I had been out of town for 2 days). There was blood, bone and brain matter everywhere, it was on the floor, on the walls and even splatter on the light fittings. The smell was like butcher shop, it was overwhelming. I am very thankful to Mr. & Mrs. Town Clerk, and sorry that they had to experience that task

T-Rex was never charged, she is still free and after this homicide and three subsequent attempted murders and other crimes too numerous to mention. She is living at the time of this writing as primary care giver to our two children My Son 8 and My Princess 6 while I am living in Europe in fear for my life from her and those acting on her behalf.

Subsequent evidence revealed 3 or 4 separate $1Million Life policies on me without my knowledge. The theory of the crime is that T-Rex asked dale to kill me when I was to arrive home at about midnight from the business trip; he refused and she killed him to cover up the crime.

She has managed to have me arrested twice, one night in jail and convinced the judge in our divorce case that I should not be permitted to have a firearm for self defense in my home, her dad is a dirty ex-cop with about 150 guns hidden in the walls of the house where T-Rex lives with him and my two beautiful kids. All charges against me were unfounded, but hey, the men are guilty till proven innocent in these matters right?

I am seeking expert witnesses to help in a modification of child custody:
Psychiatrists with expertise in female sociopaths
Psychologists with experience in parental alienation syndrome
An Excellent attorney offering pro bono or an extremely deferred payment plan
(I am now effectively bankrupt)

Dr Leedom & Donna both know who I am, so if anyone can help, please let them know.


This sounds so much like my ex wife and her two younger daughters its not even funny. Now in their teens they have learned from the best con their own mother. It took me only 7 months married to her to figure out she wasn’t the person I married. After the divorce she trashed the house, and left me with 25,000 dollars in credit card bills I didnt even know I had. She had gotten cards in my name as the main person and her as the co person which left me with all the bills. I didn’t even know about them until I got a call one day asking when I was going to pay my bill I asked what bill? They said you are overdue our collection agency has been trying to reach you. I told them to send me the bill at my parents address and immediately did a credit report on myself. I had several credit cards I hadn’t ever seen or signed up for before. So not only did she do over 17,000 dollars worth of damage to the house after I got her evicted (holes in the walls, writing on walls, cut wires in walls, etcetc trash everywhere door jams busted locks changed etc) She also took all the appliances which were to be left with the home as it was my mothers home which we lived in rent free. All in all we figure over 65,000 dollars between repairs replacing things she stole and credit card debt and more. The problem is shes very smart and very sneaky she opened up a post office box in my name and had bills forwarded there. She stole my mothers credit card number and ordered things with my email address which were tracked back to her computer and I.P. address by the local sherriffs department.
The problem is she hasn’t been charged with anything. Shes so smug and defiant she believes she can do whatever she wants and will get away with it. Unfortunately she may be right. When she stole all the items out of the house she took my file cabinet as well which had all the paperwork for all the appliances and more with all the serial numbers and receipts in them. The cops told me well no serial numbers we cant help you. So shes gotten away with that.
She also filed false injury reports at several places shes worked to get workmans comp checks I know one place she got over 25,000 and another a little less and just did one other place here recently so 3 places in all for the same injury. Also she was fired from one for “defrauding a retail store” in the cost of over 5,000. thn went to work at her next place and 2,500 came up missing and reported stolen as it didnt show up in the drop box for th nightly deposit. She was the manager on duty and was the one to take the drop.
Somehow none of the places do background checks or check references and no one sues her or pursues jail time against her some how.She has gotten away with so much for so long no one can stop her.
She has been evicted multiple times and has done damage to every house she has lived in. One was burnt to the ground. Stolen items were found in all the yards reported by other people who lost items in the neighborhood. After they moved out peope found what was left of their items in her yard. No convictions there either.
The good news it may have caught up with her. Now if they only fine her with something. She is in a local jail on multiple charges. One is unpaid rent from the last guy she lived at s house. And not sure of the other charges. Her daughters have been caught by YDC and family services failed drug test and had them visit the house in 4 different counties she has lived in. I’m sure the girls have wrap sheets a mile long. One was arrested for stealing a lawnmower and that was recovered. But being minors all their records are sealed so once they grow over 18 no one will know what they have done in the past.
I just want there to be a paper trail for others to see what all she has done and continues to do but somehow she sweet talks her way out of things and no judge takes it seriously enough.
I have had to take a restraing order out against her and her kids and I know they have broken a restraining order once before in florida because that is on her record down there. I have also had to file 4 contempt of courts and one no show.
I cant believe how ballsy this woman is.
I will stop ranting now I need a break but I hope others see that there are these fake caring loving so sweet and innocent Ive had a hard life story kind of people who then take advantage of you and take you for everything that they can.


Reading these histories is frightening! But it is true that there are female sociopaths, they are more subtle than their male counterparts, and the legal system protects them.

My fiance is trying to finalize his divorce now from a woman who I believe is a sociopath. They were married in 1979 and separated three times during the course of the marriage. They separated in 1998 and have not lived together since that time. He took her name off everything — bank accounts, credit cards, etc. He has filed his taxes separartely since 1999. He bought a house in 1999 where she has never lived. However, their two sons came to live with him there and they still are living there today.

However, last week in one of their useless court appearances she claims that he has been supporting her for all these years, that she is very depressed and can’t work because he promised he would nnever divorce her and would always take care of her; she claims they have a “father-daughter” relationship although she is only three years younger then he is (and she is no Anna Nicole Smith!). She has also been living with her boyfriend since 1999!

She claims that she lives on less than $20,000 a year but her expenses are $75,000! And her bills are all up to date because “friends help her.” By the way, she holds TWO mortgages in her name and both mortgages are paid up to date. However, the woman has not filed an income tax return since 1999. She collected HUD money for Section 8 apartments she was renting out in two houses that she owned — one house she and her lover had their names on, the other house she put in the two sons’ names.

There is much, much more — businesses she has started during the past three years that she put in the older son’s name. The older son, now almost 27 years old, has never held a job in his life. He has only “worked” with his mother doing real estate schemes, etc. We have eveidence of them filing fraudulent loan applications, etc.

This woman’s divorce lawyer says her client needs therapy becauyse she is so distruaght over her husband seeking a divorce and her helplessness.

There is so much more but the bottom line is that the judge’s law clerk is very sympathetic to this woman. And the older son is has been totally brainwashed by her. He accuses his father of “destroying hte family” even though his father had custody of the two boys and has been supporting them all this time. In fact up until two months ago, we were paying the mortgages on both hte house where we currently reside and the house where his sons reside. Two months ago, he asked his sons to pay rent. They both work — one in law enforcement and the other with his mother. The older son and the mother are running their business out of my fiance’s house!

The real devastation is that this woman will destroy the relationship he has with his sons. She is trying to destroy him by refusing to come to any sort of settlement agreement in the divorce case, forcing him to now commit to a lengthy and expensive trial. She is angry that he wants to marry me because I will get “get all the benefits she is entitled to and steal their sons’ inheritance.” I guess she thinks everyone thinks and acts like she does — despicably.

There is no honor, no ethics or morals between this woman, her lover and the oldest son. Sometimes my fiance fears for his very life because now he just doesn’t know the full extent of what she is truly capable of doing. The older son threatened his father if he insists on going to trial thereby causing all of their financial records, etc. to be subpoenaed.

I pray every day for a resolution to this so that we can just move on and focus on creating our lives together. I pray for a good relationship with his sons but sometimes it is very hard!


Althought I am not willing to use the lables “sociopath” or “psychopath”, I think my ex wife is a just an old fashioned “She Devil”. She turned out to be the most domineering, deceptive, abusive and manipulative person I ever met. Let me provide examples to illustrate, in case you’re doing what even I would do if I read a man writing something like that (doubting him). It might help some other poor sap out there trying to wrap his mind around the living hell a she devil has placed him in.

I really don’t know what she was in terms of lables, and don’t know if it matters. She constantly lied, manipulated, mislead, withheld information, got drunk regularly to “decompress”, acted absurdly jealous, and talked down to me every day in a way that reminded me of one of my frat brothers joking around and trying to “punk me”. At first, I laughed it all off.

Nevertheless, I was the greatest fool. The first red flag I chose to ignore came when she spit on the guy parking the cars on our first date when we first me. It was so far out, I thought it was amusing. Looking back, I see how stupid this is. Next, she told me in seriousness that she would shoot her step father dead if she saw him again. I laughed and jokingly offered to help, thinking she had to be joking about some really powerful feelings she was trying to get over. So I can’t say she didn’t come with a warning lable. Nevertheless, I married her, because I though she was unique, funny, smart, beautiful and basically a good person (yes, I can be very stupid sometimes).

Soon after we married, the hell began. She accused me of working her like a slave, and called the police on me as a reflex at least 10 times over 2 years, lying right to their faces in order to punish me. I stood by the truth, and was never really hurt too badly, but it was always gut wrenching when police took my liar’s word a face value time and again, in spite of her pattern of deception. However, let me say that I was once nearly killed, was falsely arrested and jailed, was professionally investigated the entire time, was robbed of thousands by check fraud and credit card fraud, was falsely detained based on her report that I was carrying drugs interstate, and was humiliated in front of friends and family, and was many more things that would have made the TV news if it were the other way around. It seems the system counts on that (men not making too much of the harm they suffer vs. protecting woman from the well known and broadly publicised danger of wife beating, which was made so in wake of OJ. They call it the “OJ effect” as one policeman put it). I like to call it “superbowl sunday syndrome”, because of the national PR about all the wife beating that takes place when losing team fans take out frustrations on their wives.

On the other hand, there is my reality. My wife once ran me over with her car. After getting out of the ER, where the doctor told me I was nearly killed (the massive trauma was close to the liver), I reported it, and the police did nothing, telling me it was a “he said, she said” situation, even though I had emergency room documentation. Police just told me over and over to leave, stay away and get a lawyer. When wifezilla was questioned, she just walked out of the police state “to feed the meter”, and bragged to me about never going back. She is a licensed private detective, and the most unethical professional person I’ve ever seen in action.

When we went for therapy the first time and the therapist was no good because she read the definition of love from the bible to us. At that point, I didn’t know she needed thousand of dollars in fertility treatments for us to have a chance at having a baby, time was running out, and it was all my fault from her point of view.

The second therapy we went for was worse, as I found out she could not have children, was blaming me for it, and was demanding we adopt ASAP, even though we were broke. With the second psychologist, I found that she was calling him each week privately to voice her problems with me, trying to get me to go for private sessions. I found out later she was lying to him about me when the truth about us came out in due course. Soon thereafter, this second therapist’s work came to an end when she got the answer to the question she ask him: “is a person who has had several love relationships harder to treat, or is a person who has never been in love, or had few (by the age of 40)?” He told her a person who has lived without loving anyone was harder to treat, and she quit because that was her. She thought she had proof that our problems where really just mine because I had several relationships in 20 years, where feelings of love existed. She thought she would establish that I was at fault in some way more than she. But she was shocked when the psychologist told her it was harder to treat someone who did not really feel love toward anyone for 20 years (since childhood). On the ride home, she just smoked hard, pulling all the smoke she could, and saying “huh” (as in suprise) all the way home for 20 minutes.

When the next therapist asked her if she was molested, she said she was (which she never admitted to me until then), until a week later when she told me she was just lying to the doctor about being molested. She’d done that before, when she told me that she tried to commit suicide when she was 15, then told me months later that this was a lie. She never could answer why she’d lie when asked. She did it again when she told me her best friend proposed to her after we were engadged, but with a special plan. He said he would marry her “when our marrage did not work out”. There again, months later, she said it was a lie too. So it was month after she told me all her male friends ask her to have sex when she told them she was getting married.

When I left, she trumped up an affair to push her agenda, which is still ongoing. While she admits to “never trusting” me, she calls herself “a pioneer” for marrying me (whatever that means). Every time she got angry with me, she’d post a personal ad online, with a false age and marital status. She told me it was a way of “releasing”. She has trouble with booze too. There are just too many instances of fraud and lying to recount. Whether it’s to “protect herself”, or some chemical thing does not make a bit if difference to anyone who’se living the nightmare.

So is there a bias? It does not matter brother, if you are dealing with a she devil like mine. You just better listen to people around you and run like hell, no matter what you heart or chemicals, are telling you, because you can bet the only thing her heart is telling her is to pick your bones Jim. It’s reptile or insect politics, and you are just dead meat; your fear, obligation or guilt are just wasted energy when you are outrunning at crocodile.


Anyone any comments on coping with an adult daughter?

Mine fell back into our home 3 months ago, having been evicted after promising to sort out rent for a year (even back then both her father and I refused to be guarantor – we already knew in our bones, but had nothing enough concrete), with an astronomical amount of debt that she just doesn’t care about, and has fleeced EVERYONE close to her, including her little 15 year old sister.

Every day has been a shocking disaster, with promises and appointments broken, our home swamped with rubbish (possessions) that’s never sorted out.

I’ve busted myself trying to get some order and routine going, and to get her to get a job, but again she’s slipped the net, and is moving onto the boyfriend’s house, having convinced them what an unreasonable mum I am.

Every tomorrow she’s going to pick up her stuff, but no phone call, no appearance. If I cave and call her, I can already hear the tears, and the relentless patter of lies and excuses………..

The list goes on and on – the night she landed, she smashed up the car we’d given her only 3 months earlier, and that was the 3rd we were silly enough to give her. At least we refused to sort that one out.

I just twigged what was happening 3 days ago, and since finding these websites ( thank you google for making information accessible), it’s finally for the first time since she was 13 starting to make sense.

Any odd expressions I use, you’re reading English from New Zealand, last stop befor Antarctica!

I’ve also lived through her accusing her stepfather and a previous boyfriend of molesting her, and she’s been stalked, molested and raped by so many men over the years!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Lostmother- So glad you found this site. You recognizing the situation is first step. And keeping close to the blogs here will help. I suggest a good counselor, one who understands the dynamics of a sociopath personality and the persons close to them. One plus you have is that you are aware and can educate yourself not to be a victim and fall into the manipulation and conning trap. I am not in your particular situation, yet understand it must be devastating being that it is your own flesh and blood. You not buying into the lies and excuses will not make you much of a candidate for the role she needs you to play. Therefore, she will move onto someone/s that will be part of the game. Hang in there, be strong, keep reading and get help if you can.


Finding this site was a blessing. I am frightened for my female friend as I believe her mother is a psychopath and may actually carry out her threat to kill her. The mother has assaulted her and had the police arrest my friend for the assault, hopefully we will be able to expose what she really is in Court next month!! My friend is the product of her mothers’ first marriage and mum detests her with a passion as she reminds mum of her first husband and cannot stand the sight of her or any successes she has, she wants to destroy her any way she can. MUm is also extremely manipulative and convincing, conning the authorities to permit her to take care of her grandmothers financial affairs. (there are 4 generations in this family) I also believe mum is after her own parents estate as she was taking all the right steps to get control. I have stepped in and removed some of those to protect the grandparents of my friend at this stage, and I hope it’s enough. Mum has also got two other daughters who are just like her – frightening – and they all know how to ‘play the system’ to their advantage. I’ve never seen anything like this before, how unbelievably good they are at acting – they deserve an Academy Award for their performances, yet people fall for their lies even despite ‘Evidence’ to the contrary. To say this is scary as well as frustrating is an understatement. My friend is terrified her mother will kill her, and /or her grandparents for their assests and / or set her up for their deaths, and I have seen enough to be totally convinced and extremely concerned, but don’t know enough about what to do to help protect them from mum at this stage, but I’m learning, I just hope fast enough. The lawyer we have spoken to said mum fits the classic definition of a female psychopath, so we’re hoping he will have enough skill to expose her lies and manipulations in Court.
Fingers crossed. Any advice from others who relate to this?

Ox Drover

Somehow I missed this thread until Relly brought it up to the recent comments list—unfortunately, most of these stories describe my P-son’s “behavior” and his “wild A$$ plots”—-plots that would sound like a bad novel no matter how true they are.

These stories of female cons and psychopaths are truly scary. They seem so much more filled with RAGE than the average male Psychopath—a sneaky rage that seethes and festers. Of course this may just be because so many of the female Ps actually go undetected and only the really blatant ones get reported in the news. If we only judged psychopaths by the “serial killers” maybe we would get the same picture of most male psychopaths as we seem only to get the media notice of the really outrageous females.

The female prison population IS rising faster than the male prison population, so maybe they are being prossecuted more, but certainally not enough, and not harsly enough. My X-DIL-P got only 5 yrs probation and a felony conviction, while the Trojan Horse-P, her BF got 3 yrs for one crime, with a long list of previous crimes (all felonies, including child molestation X3)

Apparently she has moved on to her next male victim (probably met on the internet) since I was successful in making sure her BOy Friend did NOT get out on parole quickly after she got out of jail, and owuld be in there at least another two years, and she wasn’t about to wait for him to get out and support herself in the meantime. She seems to have an aversion to working at a job to earn money for her own support. She seems to think that it is easier to steal from old ladies who trust her.

I am just grateful to God that this woman is out of my son’s life and that he is OUT OF THE FOG of trying to make that “marriage work.” Without her actually trying to kill him, I’m not sure he would have ever given up and divorced her, so it is an “ill wind that blows no one good.” This ILL WIND did in the end, blow a LOT of GOOD—she is out of our family. My son sees the truth. Praise God from whom all blessings flow, and her exposure was a BLESSING I am SO grateful for!


You don’t know where to find female sociopaths. My God, I worked with them for years. Really look in any office in the country, they are there behind the powers of any company USA. Destructive, totally destructive. They come off like they are sweet angels, when in reality, they know exactly what they are doing. Playing everyone for every thing they can get. And yes, they play the system for everything it is worth and hide behind their female helpless role, poor little me baloney. They are usually the presidents’ secretary or administrative assistant or right hand person of whatever title. They ensure they get the ear of the boss and fill the poor man’s/woman’s head with their nonsense. Ruthless, nonsense that has destroyed more careers than I care to think about today, including mine. Oh, and they tell you how they went to church on Sunday. Give me a break here with all these self serving creatures slithering on our earth. These women ensure they sleep with more than their share of executives in the company … ensuring there is a circle of the elite in the center of things running everything. Open your eyes as to what and how they take over a company. You can read all the by laws of the company and all the equal rights and opportunities, all their laws and all the fairness of employees rights etc. and they (the inner circle) will ensure you are done under any time you figure them out or your qualifications are a threat. You are up against a wall of them … all former and current lovers, doing you under. I know in my heart of hearts that none of these creatures ever read the Bible, but they’ll quote a few memorized scriptures just to throw you off. It comes down to people in positions of authority in this country, from politics, to the courts, to law enforcement to teachers, to clergy, we’ve got to insist people are well versed in reading our Bible and stop passing these airheads threw the system and allowing them to get into positions of power that affect us all. Anyone, and I mean anyone should be grilled incessantly of what their knowledge is of God’s word. Period. Our country was built on the word of God, did we all forget this? It’s time for all of us to stop being lazy and read our Bibles, ensure our politicians read their Bibles, ensure all our officials sitting in positions of authority read the Bible, not just attend church which is community, but to actually pick up the world of God and read it to obtain and learn wisdom. If anyone gets just one passage wrong, give them a make up exam … let them go back and read that scripture until they get the answer correctly. Now this is an easy way to ensure the right person is sitting in a position of authority. Reading, studying, knowing the word of God.


I take exception to your ending statement of this article.
“In conclusion, sociopathy is less common in women. Women who are sociopaths may not appear as shallow as men who are sociopaths. They are also less angry and impulsive compared to men. Although violence is less commonly perpetrated by women, if you are the victim, these statistics don’t matter.”

It is this myth that helps many female sociopaths to continue to prey on the public at large. This myth has been busted regularly but lives on with a life of its own.

An extensive scholarly summary of research on this article can be found at

This is just one of several summaries which can direct to the actual studies. These are all peer reviewed and critiqued.

Also, the U.S. Dept of H&HS maintains a site with DV statistics and their data shows a much greater balance of DV and when the numbers include children who are DV victims, the figures on who perpetrates the majority of all DV becomes very difficult for some to comprehend in this period of time where the media and certain political ideologies maintain an anti-male witchhunt that makes Salem appear pale and un-inspired.

Violence is a human condition and for now we are finding it in all men where it exists in a minority, but excusing it for nearly all women. The first step to controlling DV is to level out the investigatory, prosecutorial, judicial, and sentencing guidelines to a gender neutral standard. As it is half of our society, women are immune except in the most extreme and even then as with the Tennessee Preachers wife and her shotgun, the penalties are shamefully lacking. This does nothing but perpetrate and actually multiply the incidences of children of both genders who grow up to be abusers. Giving a sociopath custody of children is not a very bright social policy. But we do it with socio/psychopathic women every day, all day in our family courts. As a matter of fact the more disturbed and willing to scream obscenities and make outrageous and improbable false allegations a woman is the more likely to obtain custody of children, property, and future income from some innocent man. I have seen one socio/psychopathic man win custody, property and income using this tactic and an attorney known for being sadistic in professional circles.

These myths hurt our society beyond measure as well as destroy individuals. I hope you research this further before making such claims about DV. This myth was originally perpetrated upon the media and Congress for the politcal advancement of certain supporters of an extreme misogynistic feminist movement. It was a mega-example of the method that works in court, scream obscenities and make improbable false allegations at the top of your voice long enough and someone begins to believe.

My ex and the mother of my daughter is a sociopath with psychotic episodes. I have spent 14 years of constant court activity just to protect my child from some of the more extreme abuses. My ex has been kept as sole managing conservator in spite of her open court admissions of felonies involving our child and the conviction of one of her family members for abusing our child and others. My chilid after 14 years of this, at the age of 16, thinks that her life is normal. She once told me that the individuals her mother openly admits to being child abusers in her family are “OK, and just people being people.” the courts ignore even my ex’s own litigation experts who give me glowing diagnosis and opinions.

As an activist court watcher, I am beginning to see more and more women become victims of this tactic that was once solely allowed to be used by women against men. When the pandora’s box of myths used as reality is opened, who will put each one of these evil demons back into the box?

Gender bias is the primary tool of female socio/psycho paths in maintaining a ‘business as usual’ abuse of others, even other women.


I can fully identify with glummerman as to the personal attacks of all categories, including murder attempts. It is the threats towards our child that are the most frightening. I, too, have been jailed on false allegations. The courts do not want to count the documented volume of allegations made by my ex against all who anger her. I have documented over 20 sex abuse allegations alone against over 12 people. And, she never has been held accountable. It has cost me well over 7 figures in 14 years to try to minimize the harm to my child and protect myself enough to be able to stay in touch with my child. The thousands of issues created and raised in the past 14 years since the divorce can fill volumes. The file in the court is contained in two boxes. Half of the court’s file is now “missing” some of the more graphic and revealing exhibits and filings. Some of the specific events of the past 14 years in my case have been documented in Dr. Stephen Baskerville’s new book, “Taken Into Custody”. I have watched even worse cases than mine as an activist court watcher in our local courts. The judges are very much aware of who the innocent and who the guilty are, but will laugh away from the courtroom about doing the PC thing when it comes to gender rulings. It is OK for others children but they would go ballistic if these things were happening to theirs. I have known people driven to suicide and self-destructive behavior after being hounded, stalked, and harassed for years in every aspect of their life by a sociopath/psychopath while the courts found humor and employment for their fellow attorneys.


I did my own research on female and male anti-social personalities as they came in and out of my 52 years. I always asked the victims of female anti-socials (that I knew were of this making), that’s after they licked their wounds and brushed themselves off and picked their lives out of the gutters to start life all over again … about their sex life with a female anti-social. First thing out of a man’s life was the sex. Not the love making … the sex. The sex with these women were intense. I then asked how was the “love making”, for which most responses were “what LOVE making”? If they had to look back and answer this question truthfully, they realized their was no love making what-so-ever with an anti-social personality. It’s all show, it’s all intense, it’s all done to make you feel like you are the most important man in her life. I worked with many anti-social women who hated decent bosses that believed in God, believed in their wives and home life, believed in truth and justice … that they did everything to ensure those bosses were out the doors and soon. These women detested working for decent bosses that they could not manipulate first sexually. After manipulating sexually, all the other tricks to their trades came out to play and every one is fair game to them. Lies are told behind everyone’s back to ensure they get their own way. I remember telling several of them (after they jumped into my life and snared me into friendships with them for years) that friends like you, I don’t need any enemies. Answer from the lead anti-social personality that controlled and manipulated all the other anti-social female personalities in our work place “she’ll be back, just wait”. I never gave my response directly to them … but my response got back to them “they don’t own me, I owe them nothing, I can’t change them, I can’t fix them, I send them love and peace, but I am not staying involved with any of them … they are on the wrong path in life”. Well, you never tell an anti-social personality that they are jerks, because, they are jerks. Jerks that jerk your life into the ground. The rest is history, this conversation took place in 1988 … they worked all the years from 1988 on to nail me… which started the beginning and the end of my career in 1998 until I retired in 2004. Six years of enduring the wrath of all the anti-social personalities that booted all the decent managers out of their positions and installed their anti-social cronies in their places and all the checks and balances were gone. To run that place through CHAOS, anti-social CHAOS. To say or do anything they wanted, when they wanted. Many people lost their careers during this time, but those anti-social women are still there, still allowed to weave their dark evil magic on all the new comers, still collecting paychecks, still getting promotions, still destroying careers and personal lives, still sleeping with bosses, still running the show from behind the scenes … and then some, still keeping the chaos growing. Bottom line, who in position of power does NOT read their Bibles. Who in the court systems doesn’t read their Bibles. And the chaotic saga continues until we ensure those we in trust with authority over our lives … Read the word of God.

2nd final note … Do not underestimate anti-social personalities … they are very good at putting a thought into a person of power’s mind … then backing off for years … out of sight and allowing this dark suggestion to flourish. Do not think they are up front and in the spotlight for anything destructive that they do … and they all have their fall person(s) to take the hit for them. That is their specialty. Planting the dark seed and allowing it to grow … and stepping back into the shadows to watch the fireworks that they lit the match years ago.

3rd Note … quotes from female anti-social personalities that I personally knew “I hate nice guys, they make me sick, they make my skin crawl”.


I once had a female psychologist, Dr. Anne Wheeler, tell me that evey man she knew had at least one brush with one of these women (with no boundaries they can cover a lot of ground) but most managed to get disentangled before too much damage was done. She also used the analogy of why these wome are so successful is what she called the “intense spotlight of their attention that can blind you of all else” until too late. Over more than a decade of now informed observation, I find her observation more revealing now than then. I was one of those deer in the spotlight of a poacher. Who warns us of these types of people? No one. Women are taught the signs of an abusive man. Men and boys are taught that all women are innocent, until too late.


Dear Free, My child is girl in high school. They have had programs for years for the girls, talking to them about abuse and spotting abusive males. There is nothing in the schools. Yes, I generalized. I admit. There will be a minority who do receive some formal presentation on how to spot a female abuser. But as with your son, who was lucky to get off so light, most of us have to learn the hard way (me for one). I grew up in a relatively happy and non-abusive home. Women as abusers were a real world shock. At 60 years of age, I have watched the steady degradation of women’s roles in our society from decent, caring, responsible citizens to an position of super rights and privileges for the least lawful and most abusive. I am amazed at the volume of young women who are now beginning to reject this concept and are working to regain their decency and to help men recover a position of full rights as citizens. Many of these good women are working to normalize or societies views of gender at great cost to themselves. It is my generation, the youth of the 60’s, who planted the seeds of feminism, based on the mythical generalization that all men were abusers for which we all are now harvesting.

You may want to look up Wendy McElroy is just one of these strong voices speaking to return to sanity and to stop putting our female sociopaths into a special privilege category that gives them blanket immunity to harm men, children, and even other women.

There are some very destructive male sociopaths, but our laws and society put up more than a few obstacles for these guys.


Incomplete third sentence in my post above. “There is nothing in the schools for boys on spotting female abusers.”

Just to clarify.


I like your screen name. After many years of being entangled with a s/p-path because of my precious daughter, I wake up each morning grateful that I am both “Free and Alive”. I thank God each morning for those two things. That would sound overly dramatic to anyone who has not survived these wars. But it is so very true.



I’m hoping that someone out there can help me with my female sociopathic neighbour.

She portrays herself as wonderful to my neighbours, while constantly harassing us when no one is looking. She constantly throws debris on our property, steals from us, damages our plants, smashes her car or lawnmower into our fence, throws excrement on our property all the while trashing me verbally to my neighbours. ( I suspect that she is accusing me to my neighbours of doing these things too her.) Three of my immediate neighbours no longer talk to me(which i don’t really care about)but what bothers me is that she interferes with our enjoyment of our property and is hell bent without conscience on screwing us over.

Once i threw the stuff back, and she called the police, and she portrayed herself as a damsel and convinced the cop that she had to fear for her personal safety. we took this woman in when she moved here, gave her a key to our house, and made her meals while her home was being renovated and in return she calls the cops who threaten to charge me with criminal mischief! she took photos of my husband talking to the cop so she could tell her stories around the neighbourhood.

I’ve tried ignoring her as she is just trying to provoke us, but I feel victimized in my own home. We’ve tried talking to her, but she denies there is a problem. Last weekend I photographed her while she was smashing her lawnmower into our fence and she looked around to see if anyone was looking and dropped her drawers.

We just want to live here in peace and hey, if you don’t like us, you live on your property and we’ll live on ours…but this woman is hell bent on destroying us.

Please help by sharing your opinion and advice as to how to deal with this situation please.

Ox Drover

Dear Scout,

I wish I could tell you that there was a way to reason with this woman.

My suggestion is to install video survelience cameras (they make them small now and ones that even “see” and record in the DARK. Point them in the direction that will best catch her at her mischief and then RECORD the action.

I would also get a small pocket sized voice recorder and keep in ON and in my pocket if you ever have to talk to her, or if she starts screaming at you then you can push “record”

With this EVIDENCE you should be able to prosecute her with the LAW which should get your neighbors off your case as well.

This woman may be a psychopath or she may be mentally disordered or ill, but the problem doesn’t matter, it is causing you grief.

PROOF beyond a shadow of a doubt is I think your only option.

The price of the equipment to get PROOF is coming down and you can either install it yourself or get someone else to do so. It can even be disguised in light fixtures or other “normal” things, so it doesn’t look like cameras.

Good luck!


Thanks OxDrover for your suggestions. I’ve been thinking of cameras…whether they should be obvious or hidden but i’m leaning towards obvious as a deterrent.

I know that this woman hates exposure which is why she is so sneaky and an incorrigible liar.

She may be mentally disordered or ill or a sociopath, but one thing is sure; she is able to pick and choose her victims, is able to fool others with her lies, and is able to control when she chooses to act ( at night or out of the sight of neighbours) which indicates to me that she intends to target me, is aware that it is socially unacceptable and doesn’t want others to know. She has discredited me to everyone already, as I can see in their changed behaviour towards me that they believe her lies even though they have never seen me do anything to validate this.

Ugh, I’m frustrated and just need to vent to someone who has an idea what people like this are REALLY like. Damn, they could win an Academy Award for Acting. And those that suspect she is malicious and dishonest are too intimidated to say anything because they’re afraid she’ll turn her wrath on them.

Ox Drover

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. If it were ME, just being the stubborn witch that I am, I would use the hidden cameras and then prosecute her with the law, just to show the neighbors that SHE was the problem all along. But, that’s ME.

Maybe SHE will move then! When she is outed! LOL

Good luck!


Cameras and digital pocket audio recorder are a must. They have kept me out of jail on so many occasions I can not count them. My ex, on exchanges of our child, would call the police at least once a week. She would claim violence, threats, assaults, property damage, etc……. I had a video monitor system with a power inverter from Sam’s club in the trunk with the little cigarette packet sized camera mounted with velcro so that I could just stick it up no matter what the angle I parked. I would start the tape when I left home an hour and a half away and not turn it off until I got home. She would claim I would come to town early or leave late and stalk her, etc…..

I proved so many felony false reports and perjuries, my attorney quit counting. Nothing was done to her. But I was regularly being stopped by police, followed by police and in court bringing the tapes and recordings. The expenses were enormous but without them, I would be in jail like so many other innocent men.

OxDrover gave you the best advice ever and supported by four of my attorneys and more litigation psychologists than I ever wanted to know much less have to pay.

My ex even managed to make my self-protection tapes look like stalking and somehow “bad” that I used them to prove my innocence over and over again.

If she is really exposed, she may move out. These people are all about the image. How else can they maintain their scams.

Ox Drover

Dear Patriot dad,

You are a man after my own heart! Good job with the tapes for the child custody and visitation!

My X-BF-P burned his prior girlfriend’s house, after I broke up with him I figured he might try something similar on mine, so I made sure he knew that I had video survelience AND that my two sons would seek revenge on him. I wouldn’t have let them even if they had wanted to, but the P didn’t know that so having him afraid of my kids didn’t hurt anything either. So he hasn’t burned my house! LOL I even told him that if lightening sturck my house and I SAW the strike, I would still blame HIM! LOL

Good job, dad! Maybe you can use the same tactics against the neighbor, EXPOSURE will take the acadamy award out of her performance. LOL


Dear Scout, I sympathise with you and it is so unfortunate that you are living next door to an anti social. It is a horrible feeling to be fearful of what you may find when you get home, or be afraid to leave your home for fear of damage.

Where I live we pray for rain, because that keeps the anti socials in, the darker evenings keeps the younger ones in. I have endured a fair amount of anti social behaviour where I live and we do not look forward to the long school summer holiday. I never go on holiday for more than a week, because I fear for my property. Alot of trouble is causing by a minority of the same teenagers and small children. Poor parenting I think is probably the root cause. There is one particular young man who lives a few houses up from me who has an ‘anti social behaviour order’ from the police. He doesnt go to school, his named is tagged on walls with drug pictures and because he is often up to tricks at night, speeding up and down at 3am on an unlicenced motorbike, he wakes everyone up. I have spoken to him and his mother on more than one occasion when he was lobbing bricks into my garden, but it is obvious that he cares not a jot. The geographical layout, where I live, makes it easy for them to get away with it. I have spoken to these children and their parents on many occasions about damage done to my property and I usually get abused. Most people here keep their heads down. There is a climate of fear, and I have spoken to people who have challenged and have also been abused, and this scares them off taking it further.

There is no community, so people are on their own. People here get away with behaviour that in more upper class areas, would not be tolerated at all. I think there were some articles written about anti social children in the UK – well I live in one such area and I have seen and experienced first hand, what they do and how they do it. I have my house for sale!


Dear Scout, In the UK, you would be advised to keep a log of events and pictures that you can show to the police. In my experience, I have tried ignoring anti socials, often they just move on, but if they feel like targeting my property, they just do it. So in my mind, either way is not a total solution, confronting them just inflames them and they will be sure to get you back another day – like anti socials do – they want to make you pay. If you ignore them, they step up the action. I used to work as a community worker and when people group together there is much more power. Unfortunately when one person is bearing the brunt of the trouble, neighbours will often not intervene. In the good old days, people would not have tolerated this kind of behaviour.

Ox Drover

Well, Beverly, in some ways the “good old days” are here in my rural area–after the Crazy across the road SUED me for $50K$ for my husband “trespassing” on his land to DIE in the plane crash, the neighbors RAN HIM OUT OF THE COMMUNITY! The store wouldn’t serve him, the local veterinarian wouldn’t treat his animals, etc. so, sometimes the neighbors will help. Since my family has lived here since 1833 and he had only moved in here 10 yrs before, and had already alienated everyone anyway, the law suit for “HIS” DAMAGES–mental suffering! LOL

It never got to court of course, but my attorney told his attorney that IF IT DID there was not a jury in this county that would give him a dime, and there was a good chance they would TAR AND FEATHER him on the way out! I actually did have people offer to kill him for me! NO joke.

Of course in Scout’s situation HIS OX is the only one being “gored” so the neighbors who are NOT a “community” just keep their heads down. Which is a shame our society has come to that. One of the reasons I moved back here was I loved the SENSE OF COMMUNITY here, even now. Maybe not as much as it was when I was a kid, but still a sense of something besides a “house” among people you don’t know.


OxyD is that the guy who wouldnt pay you for renting your land? LOL yes, it is all crazy isnt it. It just shows you where people are at in their heads when they want to sue for a tragic accident on their land – where are their priorities??? We have a big suing culture here in the UK too. Some people make a living out of repeatedly tripping over paving stones in the street, so that they can sue the local council for compensation – even members of the same family have done the same thing!! LOL

Community is the one thing I mourn in its passing. People here have become very insular. Its is shame and also very dangerous. Things have changed alot.


patriotdad: thanks for the advice. your scenario with your ex sounds like an emotionally draining endeavour but it sounds like you have some good ways of disproving the lies.

beverley: when you say that confronting them inflames then and ignoring them causes them to step up the action…BINGO! there is no winning. this woman is hell-bent as i said on making life miserable. I have great difficulty understanding how anyone can be so mean spirited…it seems like such a waste of energy to spend time being so hostile and destructive. What is the satisfaction or payoff for her?

and no, i’m not moving. we built this house and i’ll be darned if anyone is going to run me out…but ignoring her doesn’t seem to help. beverley, how sad you’re moving because of nitwits interfering with your right to live in peace on your own property.

re: the camera suggestions: in canada we have privacy laws. i could only place the cameras to watch my property. she could continue to heave stuff over the fence without entering my property to do so and i would have no photo of her face, just the crap being flung over and be out the cost of the camera. any other ideas.

thanks again for your input, oxdrover, patriotdad and beverley.


Dear Scout. I understand and hear what you say. It is hard to say what the payoff for her is. Is she mentally ill? Was she living there before you built your home there? Do you have any dialogue with any of her family? Why is she so angry?

I have made my place into a lovely home and I have a beautiful garden. When people come to look at my place, they have all said, we like the house, but we dont like the area. For me, it is no good living in a beautiful house, if I feel under seige just over my wall. I value my peace of mind and contentment at the top of my wellbeing list, so I will just make another beautiful home somewhere else.

Here in the UK, if you report harrassment to the police, they will set up a camera. But I see your dilemma, but there is more than one way to skin a cat. There must be clauses to the privacy laws. The same here, local councils have cameras all over every town, I think the UK has a huge amount of cameras everywhere. The local councils had started to film people dropping litter, but they are not allowed to do that, because of peoples human rights.

Ox Drover

Dear Scout–I thinnk I would figure out some way to GET A PHOTO of her doing it–then maybe confront HER directly and say, LOOK, if you do this again I will show this to all theneighbors—then if she threatens to take it to the police–when the police show up, say “WHAT FILM?”

I think that she is doing this for EXCITEMENT and malice, she has nothign better to do so she wants to create chaos–so if you can get proof, you can make her back off. That kind of person is soooooo careful of their “reputation” and if she knows you can expose her (even “illegally”) she should back off.

Just like me making my X-BF-P think that my kids would take revenge (like burning his house) as long as HE THOUGHT it, it put the brakes on him. SOMETIMES A GOOD BLUFF is all you need. You just have tomake sure that the person you are bluffing won’t CALL YOUR BLUFF. So picking your subject is important. your neighbor is doing this I think so she will have some “gossip” and some “sympathy” from the neighbors because her life is BORRRRRRING–she gets ATTENTION.

So if you can convince her that you will EXPOSE her for a FAKE to the neighbors—she will DO ANYTHING to keep that from happening—including LEAVING YOU ALONE.

It is the only way I can see that you can “win” in this one.

Beverly, no, this was NOT the same guy who wouldn’t pay the rent on the land, this was a neighbor who came in and bought land across the road from us. He was ADHD and very socially incompetent, he was a pest and a nuisence and was always over at our airport telling wild tales about what a “hero” he was, a CIA, NAvy SEal, FBI, 5,000 parachute jumps, etc. He didn’t even know enough to tell a believable lie, but he thought he would “impress” everyone and they would like him. Just a pest. I finally got to the point I would tell him to GO HOME, when the plane crashed he was the first person there besides me, my cousin and our hired hand, and he started asking questions and saying things like “I guess I better go call my insurance agent about all this damage” (there was $20 worth of damage and I paid that) He didn’t even offer to call 911 when people were on FIRE! I told him in NO uncertain terms to get the F**K away, and ran back to the house to call 911. HE WANTED TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION at my husband’s death and the severe burning of three other people. I am sure he sued me to “get revenge” for my “embarassing” him at the scene of the crash.

When news of the suit got out (those things are published in the local paper) he DENIED that he had done it. Then when confronted about that lie, he said “Oh, I just turned it over to my ATTORNEY and HE did it” LIke an attorney will file suit for you and you don’t even know about it. LOL

I can laugh about it now, but at the time (a couple of days before the first anniversary of my husband’s death) when I was served with the papers I about LOST IT. Heck, WHY MINCE WORDS, I did lose it! LOL

It is nice that he is gone out of the neighborhood though. He still owns the land but it is up for sale and he has moved.

Sorry about the harassment about your home, I can definitely relate before the TH-P went to prison. At least they aren’t trying to kill you though, maybe that’s some consolation! LOL


This person turned out to be every suspicion I had about her and more.
ALL OF THIS IS RANDOM just so you get an idea.
I Ignored so many red flags. I think what kept me in was the money I invested in this relationship being 2 hrs away.
Annoyed easily at people or her own kids
Example: One of the girls would get ice cream from the freezer and ask mom is she would like some. Mom says no. The daughter would ask mom a second time before the ice cream goes back to the freezer and mom will in a rage say “what the f part of no didn’t you understand”?

Shouts excessively at her daughter during softball games pointing out mistakes made when it’s obvious the daughter is affected by the yelling. I did not observe any other parent shouting except for her ex shouting at his girl. I often observed other heads turn our way. I felt embarrassed at times both for me and the daughter.

The daughters tell their mom often “you are so mean”, “that was rude”, “stop yelling”, “and why are you so mean all the time”? She would explode if woken up by the kids from a nap. She napped frequently.

She would explode at any given moment by shouting at the girls when I saw the girls did nothing to be yelled at. Frequent rages. Yelling so loud it often startled me. I specifically recall a time when we came back from a softball game with pizza and she yelled at the girls so loud I glanced at her with a look of being startled and disgusted and remember thinking what the hell is wrong with you at that moment. She yelled because the girls were noisy and wouldn’t stop talking. She complained often the girls would never shut up and the one daughter is always full of drama and she’s sick of hearing about it.

Constant swearing at the girls. “It’s not my f’in problem”, “go figure it out genius”. I found myself in defense of the girls (often trying to stick up for them) putting the same comments using the same words back on her in an attempt to see how she likes it when treated that way. Then I was accused of undermining her as a mom simply while trying to protect the girls.

I would give her money for bills and extra money to get by until payday which was twice a month and she would use the money to go out or go out to lunch.

I would have to consistently defend my reactions or myself when she would get upset by a question I would ask her or an issue I would confront her on such as lying, especially if I called her out on a lie.

She says openly she is a control freak. She knows she is a bitch. Said, “Don’t ever call me a bitch the first week we met. If you try to help with the dishes, it will upset her. If you try to lend a hand with folding towels ”“ she gets mad. If you try to help put groceries away ”“ she gets irritated. If you say “I will drive” she gets angry if I insist to avoid shuffling cars.

I recall a few times saying it’s as if I can’t experience the real you. Like she was in a shell and very rarely see a glimpse of the true person. Just having that feeling of knowing something must have happened to her in her youth.

She said eary on that most of her friends are guy friends because women are too bitchy
She didn’t like watching TV. Seemed to be out of tune from movies and shows.
She always said “my girls love me” when I would try to talk to her about how she treats them. It upset me to hear her daughters calling her mean especially the 12 yr old. I thought it was tough love.

The oldest daughter 14 was more like her mom. Drama and careless and obviously on a downward spiral. No self esteem etc. Her mom doesn’t know how to talk to her to help her. Melissa would ask me what she should do. The girls have no responsibilities whatsoever and need to be forced and yelled at to clean up after themselves. The girls live like slobs. Don’t take dishes to the sink, leave a trail of clothes everywhere. Always messy rooms. Can’t put things away. These girls were never taught to do these things properly nor effectively.

She said within one week of meeting “you make me want to be a better person”. The first 2 months were nice, fun, exciting, and eventful but loaded with red flags. As I would start asking more questions or probing for explanations or to confront her on lies she became over time resentful towards me which escalated rather quickly.

“I need laid. I either get horny when I’m drunk or bitchy”.
“I’m going to spoil you”
“people f’in irritate me”
“I can’t make promises”
“it’s all about me”
“it’s not about you”
“it’s going to be my way”
“we get by but it might not always be pretty”
“what part of no didn’t you understand”
“looking out for number one”

There were many days I made the trip and within an hour was on my way back home. Her cold careless behavior whether I was in her life or not didn’t matter. I remember sleeping in a rest stop, a hotel parking lot because it was so late and I knew I couldn’t make the drive but I needed to just have her out of my sight. That cold hearted bitchy attitude fueled my anger and left me always wondering why do I stay and why do I constantly help her. I just kept investing and it became increasingly hard to walk away.

I felt like I was dating an escort or a prostitute. I felt like I was a secret boyfriend that she called on when SHE wanted to see ME. This created friction in the relationship. I confronted her many times about it. The fact that she wanted me to park my car in her garage on two separate occasions. The fact she didn’t want me to meet friends or her girls for so long. There were people she talked about regularly (name) who I never met or spoke to.

I think this one is very important to NOTE: Another odd behavior was when she went into a more of feeling threatened and even leading to telling me she will get a restraining order. This absolutely made no sense at all. We never had an argument that was anything more than a minute or two and it was usually over the phone. She would say “Is that a threat”? When no threat was made. But something I said made her feel as if I did. Very odd sense of over reacting. I suspect it was from an experience from her previous relationships that may trigger that behavior or response. Happened twice and both times I was 2 hours away.

She always felt complex to me, I couldn’t figure her out. I commented she needs to have a manual so I can read and understand her.

stories never add up
inconsistencies or unexplained loose ends
doesn’t cry
never says sorry
bad tempered
highly irritable
on edge
admits she is a control freak
intense eye contact or none at all
lack of remorse or guilt*
lack of empathy*
insincere or deceitful*
deceitful and manipulative*
shallow emotions*
short-tempered or hotheaded*
obligations and commitments mean nothing*
“hair trigger,” their aggressive displays are “cold”
highly reactive to perceived insults*
appear completely forthright about the matter
shrug off personal responsibility for actions they cause
indifferent to the rights and suffering of family or loved ones*
handy excuses for their behavior or actions*
doesn’t show emotion
flips out
flips things around when confronted
road rage
constant yelling
difficulty compromising ”“ done resentfully
no sympathy
no compassion
no feelings
no communication
no commitment
no talking about the future
constant lying
always vague
easily annoyed
makes no future plans together
her behaviors become easily predictable
ready with a clever comeback
claims to have specific goals and little or no chance of attaining these goals
everything done on her terms
shuts down when confronted or explodes
avoids confrontation using txt or emails or excuses she’s is busy or napping
offers no explanation for her actions
she mentioned rules about what not to do or say when we first met. For example: don’t ever call me a bitch or we will be finished.
she has a book on the coffee table “Why men love Bitches”
Things she would say such as “I love you” don’t come across in her actions.
Any emotional feeling while rare appeared fake.
You will often feel shock and disappointment
You are and what you have/own are her possessions
I felt her actions towards me often created a reaction from me that further spoiled the relationship. There often was a feeling of shock or “where the hell did that come from, I just asked you a question”. High suspicions of cheating, overwhelming evidence is shrugged off as if you are crazy for thinking that way.
She will want you to make decisions so it can’t come back on her if things do not go as planned.
Smokes while pregnant
She had a ton of contacts in her phone
Her mail goes to a PO Box ”“ Never saw a single bill or paper work around her house
Her parents in all the time at her house (3years) and live 10 mins away have never been there or even know where she lives


Here is a bit more (see my other post). I dated her for 7 months July 31. We split up July 14th after I moved almost all my things there to live with her and her 2 girls. I am losing my house and filing for bankruptcy. She is about 11 weeks pregnant. We found out June 25. We broke it off May 30 and I was done with her but got together one more time in the attempt to raise a child in a normal mom dad environment. At the time she got pregnant, I had the highest suspicions she was cheating. I mean within that week and the week before May 10th. I don’t even know if I’m the father although she insisted. Because she seemed to know a lot about abortion when I was first told she was pregnant I have a suspicion that she may abort and call it a miscarriage. I might be out on the limb with that but I have a hunch. When I first found out, she told me its up to me what I want to do. I said lets have it. She didnt cared either way.

I am such a wreck over this and it was only 3 days ago I came across psychopaths and it was as if I was reading my own story online. I am no doubt in shock and I hate this feeling I was duped when all along I had suspicions something just isn’t right and then shes calling you nuts and then you start questioning your behavior. Ugh! What a mess.

Ox Drover

Dear Onguard68,

Sorry we had to “meet like this” on this site, but I do think you have found the right place to learn about the “train wreck” you were in. I don’t mean to trivialize your pain, confusion, etc. at all…because it IS A TRAIN WRECK when we encounter these psychopaths, and most of the time we don’t even know what hit us.
The best advice I can give you is to read every word written on this site, go back through all the old essays and blogs as there is a wonderful wealth of information here that will help you to comprehend what it is that you are dealing with, to help you heal and recover. It seems like you are starting to “see the handwriting on the wall” where she is concerned, and that is a good thing.

You’ve come to a healing place. Welcome.


I think you can do the math…there’s a lot to do…namely…
find out if she’s pg. That may just take time..and then if she is, and she has child ( I do not support abortion, and would tell you it will only harm you too– not to mention the child) then well, it may not be yours. Lucky you I suppose but well it’s been nine months of thinking you are the dad.

This is awful all around. First no more sex with her, 2nd wait see if she’s pg, and then….well I’d do a background check on her. Warrants etc.? Maybe if she’s wanted, or a druggie etc. you can have her found unfit have those kids and the baby removed.

I’d start working on you first. But to be fair to the child she may be carrying – I’d stay in contact so that she does not abort out of spite.
rt…Better a live child…

OxD is right start reading.


Guys I would like to say something about personality types, specifically the MBTI grid. There are many different kinds of people who can become sociopaths, but there is one type that is particularly at risk for becoming one.. the ESTP type. These people are quite common in society, up to 13 percent of the general public. There is something of the con man in even the good ones, and their representative motto is a quote from PT Barnum: “There’s a sucker born every minute”

Still though, I do believe female sociopaths are more rare. Notice that they seem to be almost alien in their inhumanity.

holywatersalt.. if she wants to abort.. let her.. I know that’s mean but it’s not all about kids. This guy has a lot to deal with already.


Thanks OxDrover and holywatersalt. Im hanging in there. This site is a HUGE help. It helps be understand what happened and what to expect.

This whole thing would be so much easier to move on knowing if its mine and what to do next. Not knowing is the hardest. In limbo.


Dear onguard68. I think when you mentioned the book on the coffee table, that summed it up for me, the female equivalent of a male reading ‘The Art of Seduction’.

But of course, the person you mention did not start the relationship like this, or I am sure you would never have gone with it. How were things to start with? You only went out with her for 7 months. Lots of things you mention sound so familiar. especially the part about hiding behind text messages. My exN was the master of the mobile phone, he had over dozen and still wanted to borrow two of mine? I looked for evidence and nearly went crazy.

Ox Drover

Dear Onguard,

the suggestion about doing a back ground check might be a good one. I had a criminal back ground check run on the trojan horse psychopath and also on my DIL-P and came up with some interesting information. I tonly cost me $225 for each back ground check and I got criminal convictions on the TH-P (15 pages) and on the DIL pages of addresses where she had lived, and lists of the neighbors and phone number to where she had lived, years she lived there, etc. about the only thing I didn’t get was financial information which is now by law private in this country.

If I had needed to, I could have called the people who were either room mates or neighbors and found out I am sure more information about her. So there are lots of ways to get information that is GOOD pretty cheaply. The ON LINE investigations turned up nothing, so I would go to the phone book for a real licensed private investigator, which like I said, turned up some gooooood information that was very specific.

The real PIs subscribe to various data bases that get real information and many or most of the on line investigator programs got nothing at all.

You can also get information on forwarding addresses from the post office easily. It might take some leg work but you might be able to get some good information on this woman and how she operated in the past.

I would also, for your own protection go to your local STD clinic and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Many times the Ps are very sexually promiscious and have a higher rate of STDS. There should be a public health clinic that will do this for free, even without you giving your name.

The ticket now is to protect yourself, heal yourself, and take care of your own financial needs. See if you can find a free or low cost financial counselor to help you get back on your feet financially, and some counseling, Alanon is a good group and is free, and even though she might not be an alcoholic or druggie, obviously she is an abuser, so Alanon can help you with that. There are also group sessions for people who are “co-dependent” and you might also fall into that catagory, I don’t know, but basicly it is people who OVERLY fall for sad stories and try to “help out” people like your X and so if you have a pattern of this, you might qualify, just take it as a suggestion, I am not by any means blaming you for being a victim. I’m just thinking of ways you could get counseling and some support LIVE for free or low cost that might be beneficial to you.

Many times your friends will NOT get it about how injured you are, or understand how you let yourself get this involved. Most of us have had a great deal of trouble explaining to friends and family, some how they just “don’t get it” so have not been really helpful in our recovery. The person who does have friends or family that does “get it” if very fortunate!

Hang on and take care of YOU is my best advice. Come here and read and learn to give yourself tools and information to help you help you.


Thanks OxDrover. Good suggestions. At this point it is difficult to keep a clear thought. I am having trouble keeping notes on what I’m reading as well. So much so fast. I agree with the co-dependent idea. Very well could be the case although if the case I can see how I will overcome that now. 🙂 Its not like I am ready to jump right into another relationship anytime soon.

Mom was just over, nope – doesnt have a clue in understanding at all and I’m not sure I want to lay this on my friends.

I feel fairly angry today. The NC for almost 5 days now is odd. I really cant believe she hasnt sent any txt trying to get me fired up. That is not like her. I feel a calm before the storm??? What is she likely to do now? Nothing until she has the baby? Nothing until shes about to be evicted?

3 things happened different this time around and might be why the txt stopped. 1) This time she is pregnant and I suspect I may not be the father. 2) I told her via txt (she avoids voice conversations) that my fertility test came back with less than 5% chance of achieving pregnancy and 3) I have an std or something and going to the doctor in two days. She knows im going to the doctor.

Ox Drover

Dear Onguard,

The not being able to keepp up with your thoughts and things seeming to whirl all round you in a storm of stress and chaos, that’s pretty normal.

Yea, it sounds like she may have been trying to pin the baby on you and now is wondering who her next potential “father” is. Boy, DNA sure does a number on these women trying to pin the “blame” for the baby on someone who cares! LOL

Feeling angry is normal too…just let it be an energizer to do some things for you, rather than lead you blindly to strike out. My thing was that my anger was so intense I did some pretty stupid things—like write to my P-son and give him the annunition to fire back at me. Keep all information about yourself CONFIDENTIAL—good or bad things that happen, do not share them with her. I can almost guarentee she will twiste them into spears to hurl back at you from ambush.

NOTHING in writing. NO contact if at all possible. Unless she has some of your stuff and you need to go get it. Even then, TAKE A WITNESS and a small audio recorder if possible. The ones they make now have such good mikes you can carry it in your pocket and get good recordings. You can also record phone conversations with it if it is LEGALa in your state. It is in mine if ONE of the parties (like you) kmows it is being recorded. It is illegal if neither party knows in MY STATE and different states are different so CHECK with an authority before you do anything. That has been very helpful to me.

As far as the “co-dependent” part, not lookkng for a relationship NOW is a good idea. I think most of us will agree to that here. Until you are pretty well over the healing process you will probably be pretty vulnearable, but if you do tend to be co-dependent the group support group for that would be very beneficial in helping you work on YOU and not ever again falling into a trap like that. I have found that while I can’t DO anything for them, my best “revenge” is to use this horrible experience as a learning experience and make myself better, and more functional and more healthy. I tended to try to “do more for others” than I did for myself, and that is one of those enabling/co-dependent typ of things I have had to work on very hard. Learning to set boundaries for others behavior toward me and boundaries for myself. I am not willing any longer to do for otherw what they should and could do for themselves. I am not willing to fix problems that their poor functioning and poor decision making brought on them. If I were able to “fix” them, what would they learn from making poor decisions? NOTHING. We learn by making mistakes and if I take away the consequences of your mistake, what has that mistake taught you? That someone else should take care of you?

It is difficult for me to make a 180 degree turn on some of this because I grew up in a family that taught me that other’s bad behavior was to be ignored or fixed, and that if I objected to bad behavior that I was the troublemaker, not the bad actor. DUH! So I’m having to rethink some of the precepts I have lived by all my life. It’s working, slowly, and I’m learning to make baby steps in setting boundaries and enforcing them without feeling guilty. the “without feeling guilty” is the biggest FREEDOM I have ever felt in my life, and I’m 61 (I’m the old lady here ha ha) But learning is definitely better late than never! Changing for the better is definitely also better late than never!

YOu ask what your X is likely to do now–my guess is that she is feeling “bitter and angry” at you that her little ploy hasn’t worked and that you may indeed not be the father of her child and so she is seething in anger, bitterness, and rage AT YOU for being so “bad” to her—so my suggestion is “look out!” That seems to be the usual MO with these people, so I am not a prophet, nor do I have a weegie board or crystal ball, it is just the “way they operate”—keep on reading and learning and you will see more and more and more of a pattern here. Yours sure sounds like an A+ in anger too, and they can actually be more dangerous than the others, so I would not let my guard down at all. Keep doors and windows locked, lock your car in a garage if you can or park it where she isn’t likely to be able to sabatage it. I’m not trying to make you paranoid, but just be aware that they can be VERY VENGEFUL, my X-BF-P burned down the house of his GF previous to me for dumping him to get even with her.

So just be ON GUARD.


How were things to start with?
Beverly, In the beginning things were intense and moved fast. We communicated via email first, then phone then out of the blue at 9:30p on New Year’s Eve she called and said she wanted to come out for new years. She is 2 hours away and we got meet each in person only 20 minutes before the ball dropped. We kissed that night, actually she kissed me and the L word was dropped within a few weeks. She turned to me completely out-of-the-blue on one of the regular nights out with my friends for wings and whispered in my ear “I love you”. Then the rest of the first two months were 2 people moving too fast in one of those relationships you hear about that end up married in 6 months after meeting.

Last night I spent some time reading through past emails and found so many more clues and red flags. By Jan 18th I was ready to walk. Again by March 12th and so on and so on. It was like the hook you can’t get out of the fishes mouth. She had me hooked, intrigued more or less. I think she became a challenge to me to understand her. Based on my past relationships with 3 women all long term, she acted nothing like them. Things that were easy in the past ones were difficult in this one and vice versa.

I was always puzzled and always trying to figure things out where in past relationships I never felt that way. She was unlike any experience in the past. Very quick wit and funny, we seemed to smile and laugh non-stop in the beginning. The fun was short lived when I became increasingly suspicious that something isn’t right here and too many things are not adding up.

Mainly the things she would txt me. “I love you”, “we are kickass”, “I’m so lucky” etc never seemed to come across when we were together. I take that back, when she was here it was but when I was at her house it wasn’t. The relationship appeared as if she was trying to fit me in on her terms. I commented several times “you are the busiest person I think I ever met” in a sarcastic way. I’m a busy person, was then and I made time no problem. After the first 2 months is just felt as though there was someone else. Like I said earlier, things that were easy in past relationships became so difficult. Natural things that happen when two people are in love.

The constant catching her in lies was getting bad, meaningless lies. For example: She told me early on (Jan) she had to help her boss set up quickbooks for the lady she worked for part time at a mortgage company and also owned the bar she worked a few nights at. She was also part time at a small CPA firm, her being the only employee. So apparently she set her quickbooks up, that’s what she said. Then in March she said the same thing, she said I have to go set up my boss’s quickbooks, I’ve been putting it off. I said I thought you already did that?? She said “no, I haven’t had time”. Then in June once again her boss and I heard her boss on the phone this time ask her when she can come and setup her quicksbooks. My X told her “I know I have been putting that off since the beginning of the year, I can come over tomorrow”. Completely forgetting that she already told me she did that two other times.


My female socio was beautiful, charming and so much fun!.. then it all went south, the “rules” of the relationship started to change daily, and I couldn’t keep up with it… I was depressed and sad and couldn’t undertsnd why… wasn’t I supposed to happy with her?… Hard to imagine a woman who was gentle, giving to the homeless, physicaly beautiful, charming, lit up the room when she entered, I was so proud of her and thought how lucky I was to have her in my life….. then…. she turneed on me and became somebody she hated.. after I had lavished on her love, money, gifts, attention….. the biggest shock was how cold, emotionless, hateful she became… then she walks out without a care and totally wiped everything away like I never exisited….. I had never met anyone in my entire life that could be so coldhearted…. and evil… all in a beautiful package that most men would clammer over each other to just get a chance with… I learned so much….now… beauty and charm mean nothing.. being a mother means nothing.. telling me that I am amazing, exceptional….means nothing…. onguard68, I feel for you and know your pain….. these female vampires will suckthe live force out of you, then hang your dried out husk on their web, as a trophy, with the others, as they have already have the next victim in their sights….. BEWARE of women with a anger issue towards men.. even if they treat you nice at the present moment, it’s only a matter of time before their unresolved anger towards men in general is turned in your direction, and you will be the focus of their rage aganist mankind…. and it will never matter how nice and wonderful, understanding you are towards them… this is the truth.


southernman429, yep I’m with you, beautiful, fun etc. Wow you sound like you met her!!! I commented to her during one of our break ups that “just chalk me up on that board of yours ”“ you have another one come and go from your life”, feeling used and assuming this was her pattern but not knowing for sure.

As far as I know, she was married for 12 yrs with the father of her two girls and she told me she stayed because of the girls. She also said she had plans well in advance for the day she was going to leave him. Then I know of one other guy she dated for 3 yrs. She said they argued all the time but she said it was because of his drinking. I don’t buy it. I think what he went through is the same thing I did. He is still around in the sense of one of her girls plays softball his girl. So he is around, I met him many times but never asked him anything but always wanted to. I even feel like calling him. Not sure if that is a good idea but there is no friend of my X I can call on to ask anything about her. I’m left removed from her world, her circle of friends, isolated.

Here is something worth noting: My X told me about her 12 yr X that he used to mark chalk on the garage floor to see if she left the house and did other things out of suspicion that she may have been up to something. I just found that out less than a month ago. My X told me that!!! I’d say from middle of March til June I had every suspicion she was up to something. Just nothing she said made sense anymore.

Wow, I cannot believe my eyes… I just found this forum today. I started researching psychopaths (aka “Antisocial personality disorder”) because I suspected my partner (so-to-speak) is a psychopath. I couldn’t be more right. It is unbelievable the stuff I am reading. It is unfortunate that these posts are from 2008… I wonder if any of the members are still around? I would absolutely love to talk to some other folks on here who have experienced similar issues as I have.

I may at some point list all of the things that I have experienced and endured, but I am going to recharge myself right now. I am a bit exhausted from all the reading. I have some house chores I need to do right now!

Coming soon!

Let me know if you’re available for chat 🙂 Support is good and necessary at this point.



Hello Not2bforgot10 🙂

I have discovered a young female sociopath in my family quite recently, so I would be very interested in this topic being picked up again.

I look forward to hearing from you and am sorry that you have to be here but glad you found us:)

P.S – this doesnt really work as an ‘instant message’ type chat room… unless we’re all on line at the same time… which doesn’t happen to me often, but if you post or have a question…LF folk will respond!:)x



I know two sociopaths both female and they both are similar in many ways but there are some marked differences. One is more clever than the other better able to hide her issues. The other has issues with self control so her issues are very blatant. The more dangerous one of course is the more clever of the two.

My energy is still spent from having been up late last night, stressed, and reading, and from having read most of the morning today, but I will try and respond either tonight or tomorrow.

Anyway, I am really glad that some people responded on here… I thought that the thread was old since the last person that wrote was in 2008. Do you know if onguard is still active on here? I really related to this sharing… everyone else’s, too, of course 🙂

I am hesitant to share how I am feeling until I first share my situation and all I have endured, but I will say that my energy is literally spent, and I am drained and have been highly depressed for quite some time, particularly now since my sociopath partner and I have split up (Things are very confusing between us… to say the least, we are both trying to distance ourselves from one another but keep engaging in push/pull acts), but happen to be living under the same roof. Long story… as I’m sure you know 😉

I’ll talk to you guys later.

scout, are you me writing about my neighbour!? We know the same person, or you are me! My neighbour cried tears to my family, and my DSM sister was right behind her every stepof the way.

Wini, your post on Tuesday, 24 June 2008 @ 6:51am
re: […I did my own research on female and male anti-social personalities as they came in and out of my 52 years. I always asked the victims of female anti-socials (that I knew were of this making), that’s after they licked their wounds …] It was when the DSM neighbour planted that seed of thought in me that I startted researching online. her words had neon blue and lime lights; and I guess I have to thank her for being less subtle (even if it was subtle as hell, and only me and her in her home witho nobody to hear her); The dialogue you exhange with a sociopath is quite unlike any other. If you repeat what she says it sounds utterly hilarious. They hate hearing their crap back. try it; it makes them uncomfortable.

spot on all the way.

My DSM sister met her husband (boss) when his first wife was terminally ill. This lady woudlhave met my sister in her vulnerable state; she would have met this woman who came into her husband’s life. Her husband said his first wife said something about my sister he cannot reveal for its severity. After her death I was invited to a group spiritual reading, her name (spirit) was around me : “she is angry” was her message. My sister and BiL were courting. It pains me what she experienced with my sister. She was flirting with him during her last few months. Perfumed cards. She was so intent on getting him and knew it wouldnt be long. I saw all this right in front of me; no awareness of what others can see. She masturbated when I was sharing a bed (I was at uni) – she can do anything. She could scream at her toddlers with wide staring eyes and a voice that carries ugly threat. She’s a f**ng disgraceful mother when nobody’s watching. But the world see’s a doting mother. She performs much of her abuse to others (inc her children) in front of me; knowing I am silenced and would never speak up. It’s my word against hers – and children either go wit my word or deny it (to avoid punishment).

I have a slim pocket size digital recorder. I must use it I think. Gather up decades of evidence.

Not2be4gotten, when you are ready. We are all ready to listen and respond. It hurts and we know the kind of pain. I didn’t think anyone knew, then realise people have known this kind of pain well before you. Sites like these are protect us in the raw stages. It then helps us heal, educates how to avoid further pain.


Wow.just registered today. i had a relationship with a girl for 4 years that is clearly a psychopath. i noticed odd things in her behavior very early on but i didnt know what to make of it. I live in rio de janeiro. im a foreigner and have been living here for more than 5 years. she´s an absolutely stunning beautiful girl which she uses extremely effectively. better than anyone i have ever met. i was fascinated by her almost imediately. My sex life with her was amazing, intense, anamalistic. i was addicted to her. i had a best friend help me with my situation for some two years. i would send him emails she had written me for him to analyze as well as conversations via skype or messenger that i had recorded. this site has been a wealth of information for me and has caused so much relief for me. whn i told people what i thought of her they wouldnt believe me and must have thought i was exagerating as she made herself to be very innocent. she had the most devilish gaze ive seen in a human being and i can relate to endless stories on this site and others. she sucked all the energy out of me for years. i could see that she enjoyed it. this was her only goal. i am a wealthy individual but she never used me for financial reasons. she manipulated and lied about so many things with so much calm and precision. she was the best manipulater i have ever met without a doubt. soemtimes i found myself in situations that made me think that for her to have caused this she would have had to plan it for months, which was the case.
she would write me emails about how much she cared for me but i never saw any truth behind it. no feelings whatsoever. and she has every charicteristic of a psychopath.always smiling without a worry in the world. manipulates men like crazy. makes everyone believe her stories and lies. she wanted to get married but i knew better. she still sends me emails and writes me like the nicest human being and i can see that it is all fake. its amazing. it was the worst relationship ive had in my life. intense as hell. as dramatic as they come. she still lives in rio and is on to her next victim. a young brazlian soap opera actor. im not worried a bit and im so happy i found this site and others. and more relieved than anyone that i was able to flee without a problem even though those were the 4 worst years i have ever had in a relationship. i thought it would never end. i searched for some sign of some kind of authentic feeling in her since i met her. never found any. i had never come across another human being like this so i had no idea what i was dealing with. i literally studied her for years until a friend asked me one day. do u know what a psycopath is? it took us both years to finally understand what was going on since she showed signs of liking me so many times and i wanted it to work. everything in these blogs about psycopaths fit to describe her perfectly. its amazing. everything. she has one hell of a weapon. shes absolutely beautiful. one of the prettiest girls i know in rio de janeiro, which says a lot. she felt insecure with me at times because im a good looking man myself (not trying to sound arrogant, just explaining the situation). her insecurity just came from the fact that she was worried that she could lose the person she was sucking so much energy from. Ive never had so much energy sucked out of me in my life. Everything she does is subtle and is executed perfectly many many times agressively as well. But always with the intention to hurt. extremely vindictive. I didnt even know the definition of the word until i met her. she is so affective in making others feel badly even if she is at falt its amazing. it has been great for me to share this story with you all. it took me a long time to get over her and i thought the day would never come. This is a relief for me. I know one thing now. I know exactly what a psycopath is. and yes women can be psycopaths. and more accuretly the most dangerous of the psycopaths. poor poor women. i feel so sorry for them. NOT!

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