Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "Soundra." Initials have been changed. It started two years ago when I met T.L. through an on-line dating site. We talked on the phone for about a month before we actually met in person. Although T.L. was intelligent, well educated, and came from a good family, he wasn't really my type physically. I also found him to be a little high strung, which I didn't care for. He was interesting though, and he had a great sense of humor, which is always a positive with me, so I went out with him a few times. After a few dates, I told T.L. that I thought it would be best if we didn't date anymore, but that I would like for us to still …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Survival tips when the ex is a sociopath
Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Winifred" contributed the following article. She also wrote The Other Prey — loving someone previously married to a sociopath. My husband's ex wife is a sociopath with borderline personality disorder. Here are tips on how, over the past 9 years, I have learned to stay one step ahead of her and survive with my sanity and our marriage! 1. Do your homework Remember even though you are nothing like them, you must learn to think like them so that you can anticipate their mindset and next deviant move. What they are going thru in their life at the present time will greatly affect how much hell they plan to rain on you, your children involved, or anyone close to …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Ever since this experience, I’ve been afraid to love again
Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Shania." Names have been changed. My comments are at the end of the letter. I'm a 20-year-old girl and I had an experience with a sociopath, or so I think he was one. This traumatic experience actually gave me post-traumatic stress disorder. A few years ago, in my senior year of high school, I started to talk to this boy in my class named Mark. Everyone loved him; he was the most popular guy in my school. He was really good at talking to people, had the charm, very funny, always knew what to say. I first noticed a red flag before we started dating. Out of nowhere, Mark came over to me and cut off a piece …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath
Editor's note: The following letter was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "NomorePTSD." It refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. This letter comes after 3 years of realizing who my mother really is: a sociopath. The first few decades of my life I struggled with what felt like a 5,000 piece puzzle without the picture of how it was suppose to go together. I had every piece memorized— as a way to maintain sanity. I lived in a state of being numb and invalidated. My parents divorced when I was young. A first memory was my mother attempting to kill my siblings and I. It seemed like I was the only one capable of accepting the truth, until …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of
Editor's note: The following letter was written by a woman who posts as "Sam." And to answer her question at the end, it sounds like she's been involved with a series of sociopaths. It all started for me around 11 years ago when I first met what I thought was "the love of my life" and the only man I would ever consider settling down with—up until only months ago. I was only a young 16-year-old girl and he was 21 when we first started seeing each other. I had a rather unstable childhood where I witnessed domestic violence from a very young age, and I left home before my 15th birthday. I did not have the best parental guidance. After leaving home I was living from house to house. I had n …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Signs of poor character
Editor's note: The following letter was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Gwendolyn." I was married to a sociopath and addict for four years. He did the love bombing thing with me and pushed for moving in and marriage very early, within the first few months. I was afraid of the consequences of refusing him, so I foolishly went along and moved into his house then married him. I only lived with him for two and a half years. It was a twisted game of lies, addiction and emotional abuse. It was a long and damaging period of time. At first it was intoxicating. He said we were destined for each other, that I was "the one," and that he couldn't stand to be apart from me so I needed me …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He kept saying God brought us together
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Linette" sent the following email. This article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. I had been out of a different type of abusive marriage for about a year when a friend of mine sent me an ad from one of those local singles sites that she thought I should look at. I was at work and not busy at the time so I went over to the link "just for fun." At the top of the list of "ads" in big bold letters was the title, "JESUS IS LORD." "How bold!" I thought, "to be able to not be ashamed of Jesus!" In my mind I thought it was not a good idea to meet a man online, but well, I kept thinking about that …
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Shining a light on emotional rape
Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a soon to be released book, "Carnal Abusive Deceit When a Predator's Lies Become Rape." The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud. Joyce lives in New York City, where she's a real estate broker, professional tennis instructor and a strong advocate for her community. A Predator's "Mark" Often Struggles to Overcome Rape-by-Fraud or Emotional Rape By Joyce M. Short I was hoodwinked by a charlatan. It was not until I found the appropriate terms to express what I'd …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My ex-wife, the sociopath (Part 3)
Editor's note: The following story was sent to Lovefraud by a man whom we'll call "Anthony." He believes his ex-wife is a sociopath. This is part 3 of 4. The story refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Read: Part 1 - Part 2 The Incompetent Therapist After several years of scratching my head and trying to deal with my wife's odd behavior, and trying to deal with an obvious dysfunctional relationship with her highly manipulative teenage daughter, I finally sought the help of a therapist. At this point in the “relationship,” I had put many of the pieces together. I still did not know about sociopaths\psychopaths, or how these people behave and wha …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My ex-wife, the sociopath (Part 2)
Editor's note: The following story was sent to Lovefraud by a man whom we'll call "Anthony." He believes his ex-wife is a sociopath. This is part 2 of 4. The story refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Read: Part 1 Early Bird Gets “The Worm” When we met, in late January of 2008, Jezabel's morning schedule was to report to the office at 6am, She said that she liked getting her work done while it was quiet. Her alarm would go off at 5am, and she would leave for the office by 5:45, to arrive by 6:00. From 6am until probably about 8:00am, there were no co-workers in the state government building at all. Most of the other workers started to report t …
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