LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Sociopaths love only themselves

Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Carlamac.”

I wish I had known about your website and ways to obtain support 4 years ago!!! I can’t believe I have found you! I spent 3 years with a sociopath and although he didn’t get me for money, per se, he did convince me to buy a home using a story so similar to yours ”¦

I moved with him from New York to Florida with promises that his new business (I aided him in starting and developing) would flourish and we would end up in a house on the water with a Cigarette speed boat ”¦ etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. I left my adult children, family and an endless amount of friends on Long Island!!

It didn’t even take him 3 months to start having 3- and 2- hour conversations with his ex-wife (I thought we had ESCAPED all that by leaving New York). In the 3 years I was with him, I NEVER heard one of his conversations with his ex. He always talked to her when I wasn’t around.

It was him!

He crushed me emotionally, mentally and yes, even physically. I see myself in ALL the definitions and always KNEW it wasn’t ME, it was HIM! He would tell me he was “confused” about leaving his SECOND wife (he had cheated on her and his FIRST as well) ”¦ God, the writing was ALL OVER the walls!!! I would say: “How can you be CONFUSED?? You haven’t been with her for 8 years?? How dare you bring me into this WEB of DECEIT and LIES!” I used to think he was bi-polar, but I later realized his sociopathic tendencies.

I would break up with him and within 2 weeks’ time, he was “pining” for me and begging me to come back to him, always promising things would be better and he would PROVE to me I could trust him again. He DID move out after 4 months but we STILL saw each other, even though he was at another address. That became ridiculous financially and he moved back in. It didn’t take a MONTH for his phone calls, texts from other women, missing minutes on his phone to start.

I was a WRECK ”¦ he wondered why I drank or had to take anti-anxiety meds ”¦ it was BECAUSE of HIM!!! But yes, it was also because I was ALLOWING him! I know all that NOW!

He proceeded to make friends with seedy, low-life “characters,” making me realize I just HAD to get this guy out of my life. I noticed none of his friends have much going for them ”¦ I can only guess he picks and chooses people he can feel superior to ”¦ always has to have attention, be above or “outdo.”

Asked him to leave

He is someone else’s problem now. I finally asked him to leave the day after Christmas 2012 and although it hurt, I had made a major move and changed my life, my children’s lives, all because I thought I was in love and he “loved” me.

Sociopaths only love THEMSELVES!!!! But they are needy and oh, so convincing! He could be very loving towards me, then he would put me down/belittle me. I heard from him up until April 2013, even AFTER he put “In a Relationship” on Facebook!! I found the strength to say no, enough was enough. I never married him, though we were engaged. It was the worst relationship of my entire life!

I warned his new “victim” ”¦ but she will have to find out for herself, and I know, in time (wasted time), she will. He is a wolf in sheep’s clothing and has the tongue of a slithering snake. A salesman by occupation, a conman, liar, sneak and cheat in life.


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19 Comments on "LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Sociopaths love only themselves"

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Being “over emotional,” and “living in the past” can be attributed to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When people say that suffering intense emotional pain can change you, they are absolutely correct.

Some children would simply like the pain of your past to disappear, as if you are intentionally holding onto it. The heartbreak of betrayal, no matter what form it took, caused you to feel as you do.

What your children fail to understand is that it is a normal reaction to have the symptoms you mentioned when a devastating betrayal happens to you. You can unknowingly become hyper vigilant and reactive. You can constantly ruminate over the past, particularly when others fail to validate your beliefs and you feel alone in your pain.

Your children’s sense that you are “exageratting” is likely to be because of their own inability to see through their father. He conned them, just as he conned you. Also, if you are right about him, he’s not much of a father, and they could feel as “conned/abandoned” by him as you feel if they were to give you credence. You can’t both be right in their eyes. And they would rather be dismissive of your feelings than be abandoned. They fail to see that in their way, they are abandoning you, and you have every right to feel hurt by it.

You could try family therapy to overcome the issues between you. Look for a therapist who is trained in treating PTSD.

I didn’t know I was suffering from PTSD for years. I had no idea what was impacting me or why. I only knew the horrific pain of falling prey to a pyschopath and the ongoing impact of raising our child.

I sincerely hope you can get the cooperation of your children in dealing with the pain that is creating friction for you. While we can get the predators out of our lives, our children, and the impacts on our children, will haunt our lives forever. I hope that your children are still young enough for you all to benefit from family therapy. Once they become adults, it’s difficult to get their commitment.



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