How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Lovefraud Reader

TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved me

//  by //  149 Comments

Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a reader who we'll call Mandy. Mandy is 15 years old and dated a sociopathic guy, who was two years older, for over a year. Notice how similar the sociopath's behaviors are to what many of us adults experienced—an indication that this manipulative behavior is instinctual in sociopaths. A person cannot be diagnosed a sociopath until the age of 18, but can start showing symptoms at a young age. He was 15 and I was only 13. We lived in two separate towns. We met on the computer off of an Internet website called Facebook and then started talking all the time on phone. I was a perfect victim. I had no self-esteem when I was younger b …

TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: I didn’t want to be alone and believed that he loved meRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I am losing control as a parent

//  by //  100 Comments

Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, who uses the name Samantha, has sent the following letter. She's looking for suggestions and feedback. I was married for 12 years to a sociopath who was a minister and had 3 affairs ”¦ it took me that many to finally "get it." We had 2 children who were 6 and 8 when I finally filed for divorce 4 years ago. It's been an ugly 4 years. During that time, I have worked as a teacher part-time making $22,000 a year with no benefits. I have been putting myself through school to get licensed in special ed so I can get into the public schools. I am almost there and got a new job this year. It's not public school and still not any more money, but it's special ed and …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I am losing control as a parentRead More

We Can Only Do What We Can Do

//  by //  89 Comments

By Ox Drover I was thinking about a blog post and reply that had gone on between another poster and myself on Lovefraud about trying to “help” others see the “light” and get away from their own personal psychopath. I mulled over what I had done in my life in trying to “fix” others by coming up with a solution that they could take to ease their pain from their prior bad choices. I would wrack my brain up and down, left and right, to try to come up with a “plan” that would help these people “fix” whatever mess they got into of their own free will. Some people would call this “co-dependent” and others would call this “enabling.” Whatever term you want to apply to it, I called it “helpin …

We Can Only Do What We Can DoRead More

Why I don’t ask “why” anymore

//  by //  108 Comments

By AlohaTraveler “Why?” Why is a hard question to deal with when recovering from a sociopath or pathological partner, and yet, when we distill our questions down to their purest form, “why” is all we want to know. Why did he ____________________ ? Why couldn't he _________________? Why does he think _______________? Why can't he stop _______________? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? There is no answer that will satisfy you because you are looking for a reason in the wrong place. Chances are, you are looking for a link between you and what you did and him and what he did. There's nothing. Let us pause for a moment and repeat that …

Why I don’t ask “why” anymoreRead More

RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Online predators aren’t who they say they are

//  by //  23 Comments

Editor's Note: Lovefraud's Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. They Aren't Who They Say They Are By Skipp Porteous, Sherlock Investigations Skipp Porteus profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide People contact Sherlock Investigations every week that have been taken by someone they met online. To make matters worse, the perpetrators die off before the benefactors even realize that they've been had. We've all heard of the Nigerian scams. (It's amazing how many people still fall for them.) They contact you by email claiming to be the wife, husband, son, or daughter of someone who had control of a lot …

RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Online predators aren’t who they say they areRead More

The gift of forgiveness

//  by //  125 Comments

By Peggy Whoever Today I had an epiphany, certainly my first, and perhaps the only one I shall receive in this lifetime. I consider myself blessed. I equate this epiphany, an almost supernatural experience, as being akin to what someone on LSD may have experienced, whereby every nerve ending, and the synapses within every cell is felt at a deep sensory level, where there is a oneness and synchronicity within me and outside of me, a oneness with the universe. (No, I have never experimented with drugs!) I equate this feeling with Abraham Maslow's study of “peak experiences”. This is a rare moment, sometimes a once-in-a lifetime vision, comprehension, and/or deep level of spirituality. …

The gift of forgivenessRead More

Risk Assessment for Violence, Playing the Odds

//  by //  177 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I recently bought a book, Violence Risk and Threat Assessment: A Practical Guide for Mental Health and Criminal Justice Professionals, by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D. I actually bought it to give some “credence” to the statistics I put into my letter to the parole board protesting the release on parole of the Trojan Horse-Psychopath that attacked our family, Of course this book is directed, as the title says, to professionals, and to assess risk of violence. But since we are dealing with psychopaths, it is, I think, a good idea for us to be able also to look at the assessment for possible violence in our own psychopaths when we thwart their desires, or kick the …

Risk Assessment for Violence, Playing the OddsRead More

A list for leaving the sociopath behind

//  by //  536 Comments

by AlohaTraveler How many of us have a list, or know someone who does, of the ideal qualities we are looking for in THE ONE? I think these lists can sometimes cause us to miss out on someone quite wonderful because we get so attached to a check list. But that's another topic. I have a different kind of list. It could be called the list of EXACTLY what I DO NOT want in a life partner! This list has helped me to heal and come to terms with the reality of the Bad Man. While going through my things this morning, I found a piece of binder paper with a list I had written about the Bad Man in the early stages of my healing. It was written sometime within the first year after I had left him. …

A list for leaving the sociopath behindRead More

Going forward, while looking back

//  by //  144 Comments

by AlohaTraveler   Today, July 3, is a significant day for me. On this day, three years ago, I left the Bad Man. Let's take stock of that moment in time: Total cash = $700 Debt = at least $16,000 Job = None Place to live, bed to sleep in, a clue = No Plan = None Me = A total wreck. Between May of 2005, when I moved in with the Bad Man, and May of 2007, I have moved 10 times. This includes one move back to the islands in September 2005 and then back to California again on November 29, 2005. My car has 7,200 nautical miles on it and it shows. It looks like it's eating itself. Cars aren't meant to go to sea and mine crossed the ocean three times between July 3, …

Going forward, while looking backRead More

PROFIT: A (cancelled) TV show championing a sociopath

//  by //  11 Comments

Editor's note: The following essay was contributed to Lovefraud by Kenneth Royce at www.javelinpress.com. Ken discovered that a “friend” was a pathological liar, serial thief and con artist. “Though he made off with over $10,000 of my property in a very complicated scam,” Ken says, “it's had the ironic benefit of outing him for the sociopath he is, and thus warning many other unsuspecting people.” He previously contributed "Optical illusions, autostereograms and sociopaths." A two-hour pilot and seven hour episodes were filmed in 1996. Critics raved about it, calling it one of the best TV shows in years. The writing, direction, and acting were all very good. PROFIT follows the corporate …

PROFIT: A (cancelled) TV show championing a sociopathRead More