By AlohaTraveler “Why?” Why is a hard question to deal with when recovering from a sociopath or pathological partner, and yet, when we distill our questions down to their purest form, “why” is all we want to know. Why did he ____________________ ? Why couldn't he _________________? Why does he think _______________? Why can't he stop _______________? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? There is no answer that will satisfy you because you are looking for a reason in the wrong place. Chances are, you are looking for a link between you and what you did and him and what he did. There's nothing. Let us pause for a moment and repeat that …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Online predators aren’t who they say they are
Editor's Note: Lovefraud's Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. They Aren't Who They Say They Are By Skipp Porteous, Sherlock Investigations Skipp Porteus profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide People contact Sherlock Investigations every week that have been taken by someone they met online. To make matters worse, the perpetrators die off before the benefactors even realize that they've been had. We've all heard of the Nigerian scams. (It's amazing how many people still fall for them.) They contact you by email claiming to be the wife, husband, son, or daughter of someone who had control of a lot …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Online predators aren’t who they say they areRead More
The gift of forgiveness
By Peggy Whoever Today I had an epiphany, certainly my first, and perhaps the only one I shall receive in this lifetime. I consider myself blessed. I equate this epiphany, an almost supernatural experience, as being akin to what someone on LSD may have experienced, whereby every nerve ending, and the synapses within every cell is felt at a deep sensory level, where there is a oneness and synchronicity within me and outside of me, a oneness with the universe. (No, I have never experimented with drugs!) I equate this feeling with Abraham Maslow's study of “peak experiences”. This is a rare moment, sometimes a once-in-a lifetime vision, comprehension, and/or deep level of spirituality. …
Risk Assessment for Violence, Playing the Odds
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I recently bought a book, Violence Risk and Threat Assessment: A Practical Guide for Mental Health and Criminal Justice Professionals, by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D. I actually bought it to give some “credence” to the statistics I put into my letter to the parole board protesting the release on parole of the Trojan Horse-Psychopath that attacked our family, Of course this book is directed, as the title says, to professionals, and to assess risk of violence. But since we are dealing with psychopaths, it is, I think, a good idea for us to be able also to look at the assessment for possible violence in our own psychopaths when we thwart their desires, or kick the …
A list for leaving the sociopath behind
by AlohaTraveler How many of us have a list, or know someone who does, of the ideal qualities we are looking for in THE ONE? I think these lists can sometimes cause us to miss out on someone quite wonderful because we get so attached to a check list. But that's another topic. I have a different kind of list. It could be called the list of EXACTLY what I DO NOT want in a life partner! This list has helped me to heal and come to terms with the reality of the Bad Man. While going through my things this morning, I found a piece of binder paper with a list I had written about the Bad Man in the early stages of my healing. It was written sometime within the first year after I had left him. …
Going forward, while looking back
by AlohaTraveler Today, July 3, is a significant day for me. On this day, three years ago, I left the Bad Man. Let's take stock of that moment in time: Total cash = $700 Debt = at least $16,000 Job = None Place to live, bed to sleep in, a clue = No Plan = None Me = A total wreck. Between May of 2005, when I moved in with the Bad Man, and May of 2007, I have moved 10 times. This includes one move back to the islands in September 2005 and then back to California again on November 29, 2005. My car has 7,200 nautical miles on it and it shows. It looks like it's eating itself. Cars aren't meant to go to sea and mine crossed the ocean three times between July 3, …
PROFIT: A (cancelled) TV show championing a sociopath
Editor's note: The following essay was contributed to Lovefraud by Kenneth Royce at www.javelinpress.com. Ken discovered that a “friend” was a pathological liar, serial thief and con artist. “Though he made off with over $10,000 of my property in a very complicated scam,” Ken says, “it's had the ironic benefit of outing him for the sociopath he is, and thus warning many other unsuspecting people.” He previously contributed "Optical illusions, autostereograms and sociopaths." A two-hour pilot and seven hour episodes were filmed in 1996. Critics raved about it, calling it one of the best TV shows in years. The writing, direction, and acting were all very good. PROFIT follows the corporate …
PROFIT: A (cancelled) TV show championing a sociopathRead More
The verbal attacks of the sociopath
Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader Aloha Traveler. Who are you calling BLEEP!? I have always been a person that is hard-wired for honesty. If you are into astrology, I am an Aries and my Chinese sign is Rooster. This doesn't mean much to me but a friend once wanted to know my birth sign and the year and then responded “Oh. Now I see.” According to my friend, Aries born in the year of the Rooster have a double scoop of honesty. What does this have to do with a being the victim of a disordered person? I'll tell you. When they are attacking you, they never say anything true about you. The Bad Man was always insisting that I was a very di …
The fantasy of magic moments with sociopaths
Editor's note: The following essay was submitted by a Lovefraud reader. Snapshots By AlohaTraveler In our lifetime, we hope to capture the best moments of our lives in pictures. We keep albums of our family events, weddings, births, first dates, proposals, holidays, vacations, and so on. There is another kind of snapshot that keeps many of us longing for our sociopaths. These are the “snapshots” we hold in our minds. They are the ideal moments, the perfect words, the heightened romance that so many of us felt when we were being seduced by a sociopath. Browsing through my mental album, I see a snapshot of myself and the Bad Man, as I call him, passionately kissing in Safeway next to …
Red flags–if you see them, run
Last week Lovefraud posted an article that described one woman's experience of romantic manipulation by a sociopath. Another reader responded with advice. This woman had been married to a narcissist, which in many ways is similar to a sociopath. Once she divorced him and started dating again, she relied on a list of red flags. "If I saw even ONE flag, the guy was OUT of my life, period," she says. Here is her list. Red flags 1) Needing to be around you as much as possible and knowing where you are at all times. 2) Refusing to have any meaningful social life, even with his own family. 3) Telling you what to wear and advising what is "appropriate clothing" for you. 4) …