by Quinn Pierce Have you ever looked at someone that you've known for much of your life and thought, “Who are you?” I had that moment today, standing outside my son's doctor's office listening to my ex-husband threaten to bring the police to my house to enforce his visitation rights. I watched his face contort and strain, his eyes hardened to match his tone, and his entire body tense as if for a fight. I looked to his right to see my younger son frozen in place, thrown into a state of post traumatic stress, and I thought: who is this maniac standing here yelling at me? A Moment of Clarity But then, I snapped back into the moment and realized I was about to get sucked into arguing wi …
Divorced From a Sociopath: Tools For Success
by Quinn Pierce It's like a switch, really, the way he turns his charm on and off. I watch the tell-tale facial expressions change in a split second as someone enters or exits the room. I often want to look around and yell, “Didn't you see that?” But he is too careful not to reveal the wrong mask to the intended person. It's another one of those moments when you think, “Am I really the only one who can see this? Doesn't anyone else realize this is all an act?” The Mask Slips And for so long, no one saw. He practiced and planned his timing like a seasoned actor on stage: perfect performance every time”¦.until recently. It may have taken twenty years, but it was worth the wait. …
Recovery From A Sociopath: Redefining Success
By Quinn Pierce I was very proud to be sitting in the front row in my pretty new dress, listening to the speaker praise us for our accomplishments and hard work. I had spent two years taking classes at night while running a business from home and taking care of my two children. There were nights I would be so tired after a three hour class that I would have to pull over and rest my eyes for a few minutes during my hour long commute home late at night. Balancing Act Most nights, I would come home to a relatively calm house, the boys asleep, my husband watching tv. But, some nights I would return to find invoices that need to be entered before the next day, or estimates that n …
Recovery From A Sociopath: Learning From Past Mistakes
by Quinn Pierce I've been thinking a lot lately about the process of learning from our mistakes. It sounds simple enough. After all, it's easy to look in the rear-view mirror and see exactly where we went wrong. Events always look so clear and uncomplicated when looking at them from a safe distance. So, with a little self-reflection, we can identify those decisions that led us into unsafe territory and vow never to make them again. Complicated Choices But, this is where I run into a problem. I know which experiences I do not want to repeat, but the choices I made that led to those experiences are not as black and white as the experiences themselves. For example, I chose to love …
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My Marriage To A Sociopath: Lessons Learned
by Quinn Pierce It's fall in the Northeast. The long humid days of summer have been replaced by crisp autumn air, while vibrant, painted leaves cover sidewalks. It's usually my favorite time of year, but I have to admit that this particular change in seasons has been challenging. Instead of enjoying the beautiful scenery and bright sunshine, I've spent most of my days sitting in the interchangeable waiting rooms of doctors, lawyers, counselors, principals, etc, trying to help my children heal while protecting them from their father. Time to Reflect on Change Sitting in these impersonal, and sometimes, over-crowded waiting rooms, I have had lots of time to reflect upon my fifteen y …
Divorcing A Sociopath: Avoiding Conflict and Other Mistakes
by Quinn Pierce For a long time, I tried to keep confrontations with my ex-husband to a minimum. I always thought that I could avoid causing my boys any further harm by just ”˜keeping the peace'. I considered it a small price to pay if I had to tolerate inconveniences and insults in order to give my children a drama-less environment. But, as is always the case when negotiating with a sociopath, the price was much higher than I ever imagined. Good Intentions I believed I was setting an example by taking the high road and not engaging my ex-husband in his game-playing antics. Unfortunately, what I was doing was letting a bully set the rules and move the boundaries at will. And whil …
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Co-Parenting With A Sociopath: Keeping My Children Safe
by Quinn Pierce If I were to make a list of the events that have occurred in my family over the past month and asked an ordinary person to explain the motives and reasons behind my ex-husband's behavior, that person would have a very difficult time making sense of the whole situation. However, anyone who has had a relationship with a sociopath for more than two minutes would understand his every decision. Unfortunately, I would not only fall into this category, but I may be considered an unwilling expert on his twisted thought process and vengeful nature. The Calm Before The Storm I often wish I was over-reacting or being paranoid when I sense that my ex-husband is planning …
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Recovery From A Sociopath: Establishing Healthy Boundaries
by Quinn Pierce “But, I don't understand, what does he do?” And this is usually where the conversation falls apart. There is no easy way to describe the behavior that sends me and my children into a post-traumatic tail-spin. How do you explain to someone that you can just feel when someone is angry or disappointed with you? Or, what it's like when just being around someone makes you feel self-conscious, insecure”¦small. Obstacles on the Healing Path When I'm faced with this type of skepticism, I have two reactions: frustration that I have to try to convince people that the abuse, and subsequently, the post-traumatic stresses are real and jealousy that the person asking t …
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Divorcing a Sociopath: A Healing Journey
by Quinn Pierce Some days, the sunlight seems just a little brighter than usual as I let its comforting rays blanket my skin with warmth. And for that moment, I can taste the precious peace I so desperately want to give permanent residence in my life. Until, like a sudden rain cloud, a shadow creeps across my heart as a memory sparks to life. And, in an instant, I'm shifted off balance, struggling to maintain my footing, refusing to fall down. Another day, it seems, on the path to recovery after sharing my life for so long with someone whose every emotion was a lie. Necessary Interaction It's an exhausting paradox for me. I would love nothing more than to erase him from …
Ending My Relationship With a Sociopath: Separation and Manipulation
By Quinn Pierce Shattering the Illusion Once I learned that my husband was a sociopath, it was a lot like looking at one of those Magic Eye puzzles that don't look like anything except random, tiny shapes and then, suddenly, a three dimensional image appears out of nowhere. Unfortunately, this lead to the realization that my entire marriage was an optical illusion covering up a very scary reality. And once the illusion was shattered, I felt like I was living with a stranger who was capable of harming my children and me in ways I hadn't even realized. However, I also learned that separating from a sociopath and, subsequently, divorcing one is not any easier than living with one. W …
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