A reader says: “I kept wondering what was going on in his head. I could never follow his thinking. I think he might have been into alcohol and drugs and that in itself messes the brain, and along with his other personality disorders, sure makes for a confusing relationship.”
The thinking patterns of the psychopath are indeed weird. It seems there are biological and intentional reasons for this. In others words, he is unable to think very logically PLUS he intends to mislead. No wonder he is hard to follow!
Below I list several factors which together make the psychopath a most bamboozling character.
The odd speech of psychopaths
The psychopath makes “frequent use of contradictory and logically inconsistent statements”, says Robert Hare in ‘Without conscience.’ E.g. “A man serving time for armed robbery replied to the testimony of an eyewitness, “He’s lying. I wasn’t there. I should have blown his fucking head off.” It is as if, says Hare, they have “difficulty monitoring their own speech”.
Psychopaths may also construct strange words: ‘unconscientious’ for unconscious’, ‘antidotes’ for ‘anecdotes’. Perhaps there is something about the brain of the psychopath that contributes to his odd speech.
Drug and alcohol abuse
With their poor ability to tolerate frustration and their high need for stimulation (same thing?), the psychopath is likely to abuse drugs and alcohol which obviously affects the ability to think. Chronic abuse damages the brain.
But, as M.L. Gallagher recently writes, he speaks in riddles purposely too.
The intention to deceive
This doesn’t need much elaboration here. The psychopath wants to get something. He may simply take it by force. Otherwise he will use his cunning to fool the other person. (Interestingly, the illogicality of his arguments doesn’t stop him successfully conning one person after another.)
Logical fallacies
Most of us use logical fallacies when we argue or try to persuade. Some of these are errors in our own thinking, some are conscious manipulations. Just accentuating a different word can make all the difference: “Mom said that we musn’t throw stones at the windows” (i.e. she didn’t say anything about hitting them with a tennis racket).
We can fully expect that the psychopath, with his flawed thinking plus his intention to deceive, will use every logical fallacy in the book. Bear with me for a couple of paragraphs.
Take the example the logical fallacy, the ‘ad hominem argument’. It has two types, circumstantial and abusive. In the circumstantial ad hominem argument the circumstances of the other are confronted instead of the evidence: “Of course you don’t accept that it’s OK to be a loan-shark. You’re a Christian and Christ drove the money lenders out of the temple.” (But that’s irrelevant; if I was Jewish what would your defense be then?)
In the abusive ad hominem argument the opponent is attacked instead of their argument: “You criticise me for loan-sharking, but three years ago you were arrested for drunk driving.” (What does that have to do with loan-sharking?)
Paramoralism
But the psychopath uses fallacies with an evil twist. Whenever possible he’ll use a logical fallacy as a paramoralism. In other words, he won’t use a fallacy only to win a point but also use it moralistically in order to corrode the other’s moral thinking.
How would a psychopath argue ad hominem? Several readers have mentioned precisely this example: “What kind of Christian are you to accuse me of this?” (Again, the other’s Christianity is irrelevant to the topic at hand.) Can you see the difference? Unlike the examples above where the opponent’s Christianity is used to score a point or bring the argument to an end, here the other is being denounced as a bad Christian. An open-minded person is likely to say to themselves, “Maybe he’s right. Perhaps I’m the bad one here.”
Perhaps you have an example to share of the bewildering speech of a psychopath?
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For glimpse into the wacky thought-processes of the narcissist see this article.
Kathy,
But mine meditated all the time and was a freak.. now he was a calm, manilutive freak,,, but he made me never want to meditate like that..
I agree in regulating your breath and I have studied spiritual disaplines in the past….
He would call me negative when I talked about reality.. he was into a dream world and living in my reality…He would test his breath coming through his nostrils and declare.. see one side is blocked today.. He was so into this that it turned me from it..
although I pray, come into myself and breath deeply to calm myslef.. and working out helps to clear and center..
If he is so centered.. why is his life such a mess?
“why is his life such a mess?”
Because he made it that way. Because that’s all he can do. And it’s not gonna get any better because he’s only ever gonna be himself.
style1, you’re ex sounds like a manipulative phony. A type that spiritual “leadership” attracts.
I seriously doubt he was doing this type of meditation, if that’s what he got out of it. This type of meditation isn’t about controlling your emotions, but becoming more aware. Another name for it is “mindfulness” meditation. It’s not mysterious or it doesn’t promote anything but you getting okay with you. (And people who are really okay with themselves become compassionate, not judgmental.)
No one with a serious spiritual commitment would have tried to make you feel small. I mean, everyone struggles and no one is perfect. And all relationships have their risks, but he just sounds like a self-important empty suit to me
NSPs are notable for the emptiness at the center. And this kind of emptiness makes them both needy and grandiose. That’s what your ex sounds like. Not centered at all. Just another big pretender, a small, frightened guy trying to convince you that he’s bigger than you.
The kind of meditation I described, mindfulness meditation, is a great tool for people who want to develop their full potential, while managing life’s inevitable challenges. It’s regarded as a good thing by religious organizations that encourage self-development. And like healing, it’s about you, getting to know yourself, understanding what you really value and want, and becoming more functional in the world.
I forgot to mention another great source of information and CDs — Jon Kabat-Zinn, who wrote “Full Catastrophe Living.” Kabat-Zinn pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation for pain reduction in cancer patients. He work includes a lot of medical research. And his CD set includes a wonderful beginner’s meditation call the “body scan.”
Kathy
But if someone meditates.. reads spiritual material and focuses on God all the time.. so he says.. I would think a life might be a bit smoother…
syle – what you experienced is a form of spiritual abuse.
I endured a bit of this with my ex N. It is a foul foul thing – to cut away at might be our foundation for coming to ourselves.
The spath tried some of this, in her ‘crazy religious sister’ in carnation. I am rather immune to it now. I was inoculated by the N.
I have much healing to do in this area.
I practiced with a Buddhist group for a decade. I don’t know that I will ever be in community like that again. I traveled all over Europe and lived in retreat.
There are always people who are harmful- they have a bit of power from meditation and a lot of ignorance. And they are just run of the mill – but if their teachers aren’t paying attention they can become quite dangerous to the communities. And these are just ordinary folks.
It makes me shudder that the spath i tangled with said how upset she was that her cell phone cut off one of my buddhist prayers. I hope it truly did – otherwise she is using it on the next dupe.
There must be a special hell for these folks. (BTW, there are 7 hells in Buddhism). They abuse our ‘spirits’ in everything they do, but this direct abuse of spiritualism is heinous.
style – just read your last post.
what you say is often true, IF one meditates and focuses on god and reads spiritual material……as a way to truly develop, not just blow up the sense of self and entitlement, and cut oneself off from the world and feeling.
It can be a really challenging road for the NON SPATH.
Style 1, the answer is in the question: “so he says”.
And if he’s really talking to God, he’s probably lying to god as he’s lying to everyone else. My ex-sociopath also claimed he was into meditation. I expressed no interest so he didn’t insist – never saw him meditate actually…that was another lie in his collection-of-lies-to-make-women-fall-for-him. We all have the impression that people who do meditation/yoga are gentle, reflective people. Sociopaths do their best to appear to us as gentle, caring people in order to get our trust…including claiming they meditate when they don’t…
Mine did meditate all the time.. stood on his head with his butt in the air.. read spiritual stuff all the time and I do mean all the time.. so yes, it disarmed me thinking someone this aware and introspective would be a ‘good’ person.. and in ways, he was… but his love was contrived and I felt it from the beginning..
He listened to religious music in the car to keep his mind on God.. perhaps, if he didn’t do this he would be just plain EVIL…
My thoughts if one is truly connected.. why make such a display of it..? And if he is so ‘aware’ how could he be married to a pedofile for 10 years and have two children? When I asked him these questions his response was always Karma.. that the two little souls that came in were supposed to come in through him and that woman.. to me that is a cop out.. although I do have a belief in karma… When I asked him why he married that last wife in two weeks .. he didn’t know her and it ended in her death.. his response karma….
I just saw NINE.. a narcissitic womanizer.. looking for the warmth of his momma that he can’t find in himself… right there on the big screen in a musical… LOL! It wasn’t that good.. several walked out.. it’s been done and done..
style – Don’t know about hinudism and ‘karma’ and yoga is more connected to hinduism than Buddhism. But the answer for most things in Buddhism IS karma.
But karma only explains things, it DOES NOT remove personal responsibility – that’s what’s hard about these folks – they use stuff that’s ordinary as a tool for manipulation.
A Buddhist Lama I know posits that ‘absolute evil’ does not exist; that it would implode. I wish.
and just cause his butt was in the air doens’t mean he was actually doing yoga. my N once yelled at a cab driver ’cause he wasn’t driving her to meditation fast enough.
The ggf said she saw a new movie with matt damon as a spath.
yes.. he doesn’t believe in evil… says that it is all of God.. all under God..the butt in the air comment was that he does headstands… and yoga postures.
and he meditates and his eyes would roll back in his head.. appeared evil to me.. it was Kyirya Yoga or some such…
someone taught him this when he was in his teen years.. and I wondered if perhaps .. it wasn’t a good thing.. or that it led him astray…
and yes, it was like he avoided that personal responsiblity of things..
like I told him that when I knew my husband was an alcoholic.. I decided then and that I didn’t want children with him…as it would be good for no one concerned..
this woman that he had two kids with was according to him an alcoholic, violent and turns out a pedofile with her won two kids…
a bit of a bad choice for a mother…