A reader says: “I kept wondering what was going on in his head. I could never follow his thinking. I think he might have been into alcohol and drugs and that in itself messes the brain, and along with his other personality disorders, sure makes for a confusing relationship.”
The thinking patterns of the psychopath are indeed weird. It seems there are biological and intentional reasons for this. In others words, he is unable to think very logically PLUS he intends to mislead. No wonder he is hard to follow!
Below I list several factors which together make the psychopath a most bamboozling character.
The odd speech of psychopaths
The psychopath makes “frequent use of contradictory and logically inconsistent statements”, says Robert Hare in ‘Without conscience.’ E.g. “A man serving time for armed robbery replied to the testimony of an eyewitness, “He’s lying. I wasn’t there. I should have blown his fucking head off.” It is as if, says Hare, they have “difficulty monitoring their own speech”.
Psychopaths may also construct strange words: ‘unconscientious’ for unconscious’, ‘antidotes’ for ‘anecdotes’. Perhaps there is something about the brain of the psychopath that contributes to his odd speech.
Drug and alcohol abuse
With their poor ability to tolerate frustration and their high need for stimulation (same thing?), the psychopath is likely to abuse drugs and alcohol which obviously affects the ability to think. Chronic abuse damages the brain.
But, as M.L. Gallagher recently writes, he speaks in riddles purposely too.
The intention to deceive
This doesn’t need much elaboration here. The psychopath wants to get something. He may simply take it by force. Otherwise he will use his cunning to fool the other person. (Interestingly, the illogicality of his arguments doesn’t stop him successfully conning one person after another.)
Logical fallacies
Most of us use logical fallacies when we argue or try to persuade. Some of these are errors in our own thinking, some are conscious manipulations. Just accentuating a different word can make all the difference: “Mom said that we musn’t throw stones at the windows” (i.e. she didn’t say anything about hitting them with a tennis racket).
We can fully expect that the psychopath, with his flawed thinking plus his intention to deceive, will use every logical fallacy in the book. Bear with me for a couple of paragraphs.
Take the example the logical fallacy, the ‘ad hominem argument’. It has two types, circumstantial and abusive. In the circumstantial ad hominem argument the circumstances of the other are confronted instead of the evidence: “Of course you don’t accept that it’s OK to be a loan-shark. You’re a Christian and Christ drove the money lenders out of the temple.” (But that’s irrelevant; if I was Jewish what would your defense be then?)
In the abusive ad hominem argument the opponent is attacked instead of their argument: “You criticise me for loan-sharking, but three years ago you were arrested for drunk driving.” (What does that have to do with loan-sharking?)
Paramoralism
But the psychopath uses fallacies with an evil twist. Whenever possible he’ll use a logical fallacy as a paramoralism. In other words, he won’t use a fallacy only to win a point but also use it moralistically in order to corrode the other’s moral thinking.
How would a psychopath argue ad hominem? Several readers have mentioned precisely this example: “What kind of Christian are you to accuse me of this?” (Again, the other’s Christianity is irrelevant to the topic at hand.) Can you see the difference? Unlike the examples above where the opponent’s Christianity is used to score a point or bring the argument to an end, here the other is being denounced as a bad Christian. An open-minded person is likely to say to themselves, “Maybe he’s right. Perhaps I’m the bad one here.”
Perhaps you have an example to share of the bewildering speech of a psychopath?
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For glimpse into the wacky thought-processes of the narcissist see this article.
One step .. you make me laugh…
He just had this Oriental style long robe that he would wear on occasion and when he did he would walk around with his hands resting on his lower back.. like some Monk or Oriental zin master… the rememberance of that site makes me chortle even now…
Oh according to him the Kriya yoga ws the only true yoga and he had been taught by a real master.. and he has left his body many times and viewed it from above.. and he easily goes in and out of worlds… I always wondered if he can do all that then why does he have bad credit and so much turmoil and pick such terrible women and have so many issues with his children… but that is KARMA don’t you understand…
and he and I knew each other in a past life.. we were married and it was long long ago in the Orient. I was his Queen.. and according to him was also a buddhist monk in some lifetime because of the say that I sit cross legged on the floor or kitchen counter…
GEEZ! Okay guys… laughing laughing laughing…
I mean I am open to lotst..
But I would say look we are in Tx. it’s 2007… get a grip…
yes.. he was way into ritual..
I am a Christian.. and he would have us holding hands and praying before every meal.. it felt controllng to me…
I talk to God all the time and don’t need to make a big ordeal out of it…
Oh according to him the Kriya yoga ws the only true BLAH BLAH BLAH yoga BLAH BLAH BLAH and he had been taught by a real master BLAH BLAH BLAH .. and he has left his body BLAH BLAH BLAH many times BLAH BLAH BLAH and viewed it from above.. and he easily goes in and out of SANITY.
Style, guys like the one you are talking about are among the most manipulative because they can use your own spiritual goals against you by telling you what you have to do to become more spiritual. The kundalini teacher I dated wanted to sleep with other people (men and women). When I got jealous, he told me my jealousy was unspiritual, petty, and something I needed to get rid of. Turns out it was HE that I needed to get rid of.
The positive side about dating one of these strongly manipulative characters is that you become very strong when you break free of them. I have dated a few. It took a while to see through them. I was attracted to them because they had qualities I wasn’t owning in myself (confidence, power). Believe it or not, falling for the last few sociopaths was actually a step up for me because these guys at least presented as normal, down-to-earth, guy-next-door types.
…”presented” being the operative word.
You got it one step… he could do all that… but interesting he talked continually about his big business deals that were going to make him a really wealthy man… WACKO!
Star.. I prayed for a spiritual man.. because I am… very.. I didn’t care what disapline but I wanted an aware man.. and that is one of the reasons that I got caught in his web.. He one on level ‘appeared’ so good and aware…
But he was controlling with it.. and wanted me to do what he wanted which I didn’t.. I prayed.. but I noticed when we went to church last Christmas eve, he seemed very disinterested… and he claimed to be a Christian.. it was just all too much with the meditation.. the guru.. the praying … the listening to religious music all the time in the car….
It was obsessive and like he was hiding from something.. I guess, himself…
It’s all a balance.. I work towards balance..
and I feel close to God..
and interesting as ‘spiritual’ as he is… I laid in bed next to him.. praying that God protect me and reveal what it is that I needed to know… and it was..
One thing interesting about him.. he appeared to have no fear.. he didn’t really plan for the future.. and he changed on a dime.. loved me in an instant.. marries in an instant.. gets out of it in an instant… moves here and there…
no roots… he said that his real home is in another world… and that he can fly and soar in his sleep to other worlds…
Did anyone seen the movie WHAT DREAMS MAY COME.. it’s based on Dante’s Inferno..
well, I really liked that movie and so did he.. this was way before we met..
and when we met .. he called me Annabella.. like in the movie.. I have long dark hair and am the same type as that woman…
and my name is close to that…
and he had a child and stepchild that died..
it was like he thought we were that movie….
LOL, style, they ALL come from another world. If only we could all save up enough to ship them back there!
Star..
Yes.. they set themselves up as some standard that us mere mortals must rise to… yep, that’s it!
One thing, he could endure lots and he had tons of energy.. and he did stay positive.. but it was that irriational optimism deal going on.. and when I would talk about REALITY.. I was according to him being negative…
I’m not sure if this is relevant, but one of the decisions I made after my round with the S was that it was easier, cheaper and worked better to hire people, rather than becoming emotionally involved with people that I hoped would help me. Or enlighten me. Or do business with me. Or anything like that.
I have a book written for Buddhist spiritual teachers (it’s around here somewhere, but I can’t remember the title) that talks about ethical and spiritually correct behavior. People do fall in love with their teachers. In fact, that’s one of the signals that the student has found his or her teacher, because the student just wants to be around the teacher all the time. However, the burden is on the teacher to facilitate (not force) the student’s growth, and not take advantage of the student’s feelings. (Like for money or sex.)
I know I was attracted to my ex-S as teacher. He knew how to do and be so many things that were just impossible for me. I was a people-pleasing wimp and he seemed incredibly clear and firm in his goals and nothing distracted him. I did learn all that I hoped to learn from him, because I was determined to do that. But he was also corrupt. His other values were disgusting and he took advantage of my feelings in every way possible, including using my high opinion of him and my desire for his approval to destroy my self-esteem.
Later, I realized that, if I wanted to learn those things, I could have paid someone to teach me. Found a life coach. Maybe a therapist too. Maybe an assistant for the details of recreating my life. But all of it on a paid basis, with nice clean contracts of what they’d do for me and I’d do for them. It would have cost a lot probably, but it would have cost a lot less than I lost financially, and at the end of it, I would have been okay with myself. Not so emotionally sickened that it took me years to get over it.
My ex isn’t the first romance I’ve had with a teacher or mentor. I was an abused child, and in retrospect, I think I was always involved with parent figures.
Fortunately, the rest of them were more reflective and ethical people, though this kind of relationship always has a strange kind of trade built into it. And the risk that the protegee will outgrow the mentor — not necessarily learning all they have to teach, but outgrowing the interest, perhaps, in that particular form of mutual usage. The end of these relationships is often ugly with both parties feeling resentful and used.
I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this, except that I have lost interest in getting intimately involved with people who fall into the position of my teacher or my student. And if I even suspect that I’m looking sleep with someone I want to change my life, I go “Whoa, girl,” and walk away. If I want someone to change my life, it’s my job.
Kathleen – this is interesting, can you elaborate: “though this kind of relationship always has a strange kind of trade built into it.”
Style – did he like the movie before you told him you did……?