A reader says: “I kept wondering what was going on in his head. I could never follow his thinking. I think he might have been into alcohol and drugs and that in itself messes the brain, and along with his other personality disorders, sure makes for a confusing relationship.”
The thinking patterns of the psychopath are indeed weird. It seems there are biological and intentional reasons for this. In others words, he is unable to think very logically PLUS he intends to mislead. No wonder he is hard to follow!
Below I list several factors which together make the psychopath a most bamboozling character.
The odd speech of psychopaths
The psychopath makes “frequent use of contradictory and logically inconsistent statements”, says Robert Hare in ‘Without conscience.’ E.g. “A man serving time for armed robbery replied to the testimony of an eyewitness, “He’s lying. I wasn’t there. I should have blown his fucking head off.” It is as if, says Hare, they have “difficulty monitoring their own speech”.
Psychopaths may also construct strange words: ‘unconscientious’ for unconscious’, ‘antidotes’ for ‘anecdotes’. Perhaps there is something about the brain of the psychopath that contributes to his odd speech.
Drug and alcohol abuse
With their poor ability to tolerate frustration and their high need for stimulation (same thing?), the psychopath is likely to abuse drugs and alcohol which obviously affects the ability to think. Chronic abuse damages the brain.
But, as M.L. Gallagher recently writes, he speaks in riddles purposely too.
The intention to deceive
This doesn’t need much elaboration here. The psychopath wants to get something. He may simply take it by force. Otherwise he will use his cunning to fool the other person. (Interestingly, the illogicality of his arguments doesn’t stop him successfully conning one person after another.)
Logical fallacies
Most of us use logical fallacies when we argue or try to persuade. Some of these are errors in our own thinking, some are conscious manipulations. Just accentuating a different word can make all the difference: “Mom said that we musn’t throw stones at the windows” (i.e. she didn’t say anything about hitting them with a tennis racket).
We can fully expect that the psychopath, with his flawed thinking plus his intention to deceive, will use every logical fallacy in the book. Bear with me for a couple of paragraphs.
Take the example the logical fallacy, the ‘ad hominem argument’. It has two types, circumstantial and abusive. In the circumstantial ad hominem argument the circumstances of the other are confronted instead of the evidence: “Of course you don’t accept that it’s OK to be a loan-shark. You’re a Christian and Christ drove the money lenders out of the temple.” (But that’s irrelevant; if I was Jewish what would your defense be then?)
In the abusive ad hominem argument the opponent is attacked instead of their argument: “You criticise me for loan-sharking, but three years ago you were arrested for drunk driving.” (What does that have to do with loan-sharking?)
Paramoralism
But the psychopath uses fallacies with an evil twist. Whenever possible he’ll use a logical fallacy as a paramoralism. In other words, he won’t use a fallacy only to win a point but also use it moralistically in order to corrode the other’s moral thinking.
How would a psychopath argue ad hominem? Several readers have mentioned precisely this example: “What kind of Christian are you to accuse me of this?” (Again, the other’s Christianity is irrelevant to the topic at hand.) Can you see the difference? Unlike the examples above where the opponent’s Christianity is used to score a point or bring the argument to an end, here the other is being denounced as a bad Christian. An open-minded person is likely to say to themselves, “Maybe he’s right. Perhaps I’m the bad one here.”
Perhaps you have an example to share of the bewildering speech of a psychopath?
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For glimpse into the wacky thought-processes of the narcissist see this article.
Talk about how ‘they’ talk..
I had a couple of dates recently with an attorney.. that would say a fairly well-known quote or write it and claim that it was his.. I called him on it and he didn’t respond.. and he kept doing it..
I guess, he has gotten away with it before and didn’t realize that I was so well-read.. or something….. but it was bizarre… and he sent me a poem and claimed it as his own and it was song lyrics from a well-known song..
What is someone that does this.. delusional.. delusions of grandeur.. claiming someone else’s obvious work as theirs..
There are so many wackos in this world that it is unbelievable.. I guess that it is the sign of the times… the break down of humanity…
People just lie and lie and con and con.. and try to impress and mislead…
That is what is making me sad.. there is no honor .. truth…. or plain integrity….
and that last spiritualman gave a good impression of it.. ‘acting’ so good…
It just makes me feel so alone.. like I am one of the few in this world that is real.. or something.. and it is a feeling of being really alone..
I woke up still struggling with anger toward the co-workers and it is stuck and starting to turn into depression again. Story of my life. I wish I could just process this before going back to work tomorrow. I’m afraid I will go back and be too nice again because the anger has gone underground and turned back into depression. I think I will try and call someone today to talk this out. It’s so difficult.
Star.. talk it out.. but my suggestion and what works for me at times, is a vigorous workout in some form.. cleanse your system by perspiring and movement.. it is a great release.. and what you do on the physical level.. manifests throughout the body..
……….
Parasite; scrounger.
==new answer== Confused. this person would have little idea of their own importance in the scheme of things. Each person has contributions to make and many are simply unaware that they have anything to give and so the only avenue seen is to take. I like to look to identify something in each person which they can give and look for ways to stimulate them to do so. Insistance only causes withdrawal.
Answer
A freeloader.
one-step, yes, he did indeed show his true colors. He is banned from every household (for the time being) in my family. All of them are searching to see what they are missing and oh my, things are popping up all over! This one is missing this, that one is missing something else. My sister had actually fired the girl that cleaned her house, thinking it was her doing the stealing. NOW, my sister is going back to make amends to the girl wrongfully accused.
EB: Yeah, it was ALL for me! How generous can a person be? NOT. I’m laughing at your response because he is exactly all that and more. My father was a cop at one time and has been the ONLY one who nailed his personality. Now, of course, he too is proving to others that he was right. The ex will not be invited to anymore family events. He will not be allowed to cross anyone’s threshold. He is bile, scum, and regurgitated food all rolled into one.
Ox, you gotta love it, don’t you? He isn’t being charged because of me? My response to that is that he be charged fully for what he did. He has already admitted he did this. He already has a court date in January for stealing my debit card, which he will be sentenced for. The jackass had the nerve to tell me this had nothing to do with me (this is after his telling me he had done it for me!) and that I should “stay” out of it. OMG-I am rolling here! Here we go with the twisting and turning and the lies. I AM out of this. I am not contacting my family because I’ve already heard that some of them feel “sorry” for him and the mess he’s gotten himself into. I don’t look at it like that at all. I see him as exactly how I described him to EB.
You know, the interesting part of all this? I had prayed that God somehow help my family see him for what he really is? God did exactly that, but there’s no controlling this pity crap he’s trying to dredge up. So, some have gotten it and some haven’t. God is awesome.
Now, I have to go shopping for jewelry. 🙂
Hugs!
Cat
one step – thanks for the book recommendation. sounds interesting – will check it out!
If you have ever been to a 12 step meeting you might have heard what is commonly said around the tables. That recovery is a journey and not a destination. Oxy says this and reminds us of this often here at LF.
In real life when we go on a journey or a trip we usually pack a suitcase, if it is a long journey we might pack several bags.
I watched my 17 yr old son do that a few weeks ago as he was preparing to leave on his birthday. He took everything he owned and packed his bags.
If I thought that I had already felt every conflicting emotion possible, and that I was somewhat prepared for his departure I was wrong.
Ironically today when I think of the long recovery journey ahead…I liken it to opening up my own suitcase and unpacking the layers and layers of things in there.
I may set aside a wool sweater as I unpack it, because it can’t be “washed” with the cotton shirts but I still have to deal with that sweater later. I have to wash it by hand.
Isn’t that what we try to do in recovery sometimes. Set aside the “hard” stuff? I know I do.
Kathleen speaks in her above post of the phases of anger.
Anger for me is the wool sweater I set aside. Only now I have a pile of wool sweaters that I have set aside.
Each of us has to face our own monumental task of dealing with the layers. Anger for me is where I become “stuck”. I have developed to many defensive skills (avoidance) and not enough offensive skills.
Although I recognize that I am stuck here I don’t seem to be able to have the ability to know what to do about it.
Dear Cat,
Yes, I believe GOD IS AWESOME! And I also believe that the things that we NEED TO LEARN come at us in “lessons” like the one your family got—(Letter from God to Cat’s Family)
“Dear Cat’s family,
Cat has been trying to tell you this man is dishonest, but you didn’t want to believe her, so I am sending him to your house at your invitation to demonstrate by stealing your things that he is DIS-honest.
I tried to give you the message via Cat telling you this, but you didn’t want to listen, so I am giving you a lesson that you can’t miss.
Love, God”
Yep, I have had plenty of “letters from God” and the subsequent lessons and remedial lessons that went along with them when I didn’t listen to the easy lessons and had to do it the HARD WAY. LOL
Witsend,
Yes, unpacking that suitcase adn “sorting that laundry” is definitely something I am guilty of, putting the hard stuff aside “for later” and then later goes on and on.
Erma bombeck, the comedy writer, talked about her “mending basket” where she put navel binders to mend and then threw the kids’ College Foot Bal uniform on top of that and the stack in between. I am soooo guilty of that in real life with mending clothing, but also with “emotional” mending as well, but a while back I got out the sewing machine and did all the mending in the basket (literally) sewing up rips and tears in my sons work clothes, and so on, fixiing a hem in a skirt that had lain there for months, and you know, it felt really good to accomplish that and see the BOTTOM of the mending basket, and I’m working as well on the “emotional mending basket” as well.
Taking out the remenents of my childhood and mending the tears in the fabric, getting out the paint and stains and fixing the holes. Some things I am deciding are just not “worth” mending, or it doesn’t fit me any more so I am getting rid of it, or I don’t have a need for it any longer.
Looking back on the paths I chose as a young adult and middle aged adult, putting it all together into a whole fabric of my life, what was, what is, and what is to come, God willing, for my future. Sometimes my path looks like the circuitous path drawn in the cartoon “Family Circus” when the author shows where a kid has been in a day. It sure has not been the straight line I envisioned when I started out on my life’s independent journey, it wasn’t nearly as independent as I thought it was, and I kept coming back for reassurance at some pretty toxic places I should have avoided all together.
Now, with my feet (I hope) FIRMLY planted on the journey toward Healing, I see that I am making some progress in life, in working toward and traveling toward where I WANT to be, and ENJOYING THE TRIP as well. I’m no longer looking “forward” to being “happy” I’m happy today. Content, satisfied, but continuing to journey and carrying my mending along with me, and lightening its load as I go.
HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR GUYS! (((hugs)))
WITS:
See… my parents are wool sweaters in my suitcase….and I left them at the airport unclaimed for 2 years……the airlines eventually found me and dropped the suitcases off at my house….so I unpacked the ‘forgotten’ items I had taken on my life trip.
I decided to put the wool sweaters out in the bottom of the compost pile……but my mother found the wool strands, eroded and knitted me a stupid ugly miniature afgan with it…..
So I guess I can’t recommend to you that you put your wool sweaters outside either…..they will come back and show their ugly faces….in another form.
Even if you leave the suitcase at the airport…..for someone to steal…..unless Cats ex is around…..to steal the suitcase…..no one wants our old ‘clothes’…..so we gotta deal with em at some point huh!?!”
XXOO
EB
Dear EB,
Well, I guess I SET FIRE to my pile of old ragged family clothes. LOL Poured diesel fuel on them and struck the match back when I took my egg donor to court for incompetence. It was the ultimate “airing family the dirty laundry” in public. But you know, all in all, I would do the same thing again.
Let the whole thing STINK to high heaven cause you know, the ONLY way you can get the STINK out is to let some FRESH AIR AND SUNSHINE OF LIGHT AND TRUTH come in. Covering it up doesn’t make it stink any less than a cat box does just cause the cat covers it up. There comes a time you have to clean up the mess, air it out and start over and my life smells a lot better now, and feels better, so examining your relationship or lack of it with your “family” may be in the offing at some time in the future.
YOu at least ALREADY know they don’/t love you, it is a control issue, a public-personna issue, and I didn’t even know that much when I started on this cleaning out the cat box. I just knew something STUNK to high heaven. I have been pleased to say, too, that both of my non-P sons get it that their GM doesn’t give a rat’s behind for them, even though they have been the ones to be there FOR HER night and day, day and night while their P brother has never been there for her except as a MOOCH AND LEECH.
Well, actually, she is putting her money where he delusional mind is, protecting the psychopath at any cost to anyone, including herself. It’s a shame, but it’s HER shame, not ours.
ErinBrock,
Yeah, those dang wool sweaters….And now you got a “to small” blanket and scarf to set on the pile of sweaters.
Your mom is classic….Family dynamics really ARE something aren’t they? NO ONE can push buttons like family.
Many, many years ago my parents had come to visit me for the Thanksgiving Holidays. My parents lived in another state but only about 2 1/2 hrs away from where I was living.
Day after they left I asked my husband for a divorce. (my oldest sons dad) We had been together for 16 yrs. Now mind you I had been unhappy for 8 of those years and tried everything I knew how to make the marriage work. I LABORED over the decision to divorce or not divorce for the last 2 years of our marriage.
I had the “talk” with my husband and had told him I was filing for a divorce. The “talk” wasn’t easy…..He had cheated on me for years and had a drinking problem but naturally he promised me the moon, the earth and the stars all rolled into one if I stayed. I had heard this all before, even though I never asked for a divorce before and it was quite frankly to LATE. I didn’t love him anymore.
I called my mother right after I had the talk with him and I was still upset…..I told her I was going to file for a divorce on Monday and already had the appointment and had saved a retainer fee. Blah, blah… I told her how difficult this decision was and how scared I was (had a craapy job and a child to support) etc…..Pouring my heart out…..
And she said to me : “You know you picked a really BAD time to ask for a divorce”
And I said: “Pardon me?” What do you mean?
And she said: “Well you know with the holidays coming and all….I have already purchased _____ (my X’s) Christmas present”
I was dumbfounded. I am like WTF? I responded in a very sarcastic manner something to the effect of…Well the next time I get a divorce I will check with you first and see if its a GOOD TIME OF THE YEAR for you.
The thing is I really loved my mom….And she was a tortured soul in her own right, being married to my dad…..But that was my first BIG lesson of family dynamics and how they affect us, even when we are “adult” children dealing with parents.
This happened almost 20 years ago. And my mom has passed away since and I have long forgiven her for not being supportive when I needed her during that time.
She was a great grandmother to both of my children. And she was not “happy” when I remarried and had my second child. But although she never “warmed” up to my second husband she was a good grandma.