A reader says: “I kept wondering what was going on in his head. I could never follow his thinking. I think he might have been into alcohol and drugs and that in itself messes the brain, and along with his other personality disorders, sure makes for a confusing relationship.”
The thinking patterns of the psychopath are indeed weird. It seems there are biological and intentional reasons for this. In others words, he is unable to think very logically PLUS he intends to mislead. No wonder he is hard to follow!
Below I list several factors which together make the psychopath a most bamboozling character.
The odd speech of psychopaths
The psychopath makes “frequent use of contradictory and logically inconsistent statements”, says Robert Hare in ‘Without conscience.’ E.g. “A man serving time for armed robbery replied to the testimony of an eyewitness, “He’s lying. I wasn’t there. I should have blown his fucking head off.” It is as if, says Hare, they have “difficulty monitoring their own speech”.
Psychopaths may also construct strange words: ‘unconscientious’ for unconscious’, ‘antidotes’ for ‘anecdotes’. Perhaps there is something about the brain of the psychopath that contributes to his odd speech.
Drug and alcohol abuse
With their poor ability to tolerate frustration and their high need for stimulation (same thing?), the psychopath is likely to abuse drugs and alcohol which obviously affects the ability to think. Chronic abuse damages the brain.
But, as M.L. Gallagher recently writes, he speaks in riddles purposely too.
The intention to deceive
This doesn’t need much elaboration here. The psychopath wants to get something. He may simply take it by force. Otherwise he will use his cunning to fool the other person. (Interestingly, the illogicality of his arguments doesn’t stop him successfully conning one person after another.)
Logical fallacies
Most of us use logical fallacies when we argue or try to persuade. Some of these are errors in our own thinking, some are conscious manipulations. Just accentuating a different word can make all the difference: “Mom said that we musn’t throw stones at the windows” (i.e. she didn’t say anything about hitting them with a tennis racket).
We can fully expect that the psychopath, with his flawed thinking plus his intention to deceive, will use every logical fallacy in the book. Bear with me for a couple of paragraphs.
Take the example the logical fallacy, the ‘ad hominem argument’. It has two types, circumstantial and abusive. In the circumstantial ad hominem argument the circumstances of the other are confronted instead of the evidence: “Of course you don’t accept that it’s OK to be a loan-shark. You’re a Christian and Christ drove the money lenders out of the temple.” (But that’s irrelevant; if I was Jewish what would your defense be then?)
In the abusive ad hominem argument the opponent is attacked instead of their argument: “You criticise me for loan-sharking, but three years ago you were arrested for drunk driving.” (What does that have to do with loan-sharking?)
Paramoralism
But the psychopath uses fallacies with an evil twist. Whenever possible he’ll use a logical fallacy as a paramoralism. In other words, he won’t use a fallacy only to win a point but also use it moralistically in order to corrode the other’s moral thinking.
How would a psychopath argue ad hominem? Several readers have mentioned precisely this example: “What kind of Christian are you to accuse me of this?” (Again, the other’s Christianity is irrelevant to the topic at hand.) Can you see the difference? Unlike the examples above where the opponent’s Christianity is used to score a point or bring the argument to an end, here the other is being denounced as a bad Christian. An open-minded person is likely to say to themselves, “Maybe he’s right. Perhaps I’m the bad one here.”
Perhaps you have an example to share of the bewildering speech of a psychopath?
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For glimpse into the wacky thought-processes of the narcissist see this article.
Just a comment on the discussion that followed this article – Jules and others felt that they had trained their sociopaths to behave better in relationships, and feared their next victims would be taken in…I had the same feeling, and the same happened to me: from being a very lousy boyfriend and lover, my sociopath improved his behaviour, as part of his game and to keep me hooked. I was delighted of course…now I know that the better he behaved in our daily life, the more he was cheating etc.
And I don’t think he’ll be any better with his next girlfriends – he was 38 when I met him and I have no doubt that his numerous previous girlfriends (like other sociopaths he claimed he had very few, but of course that was a lie) had also tried to teach him to behave decently. At the time I met him he must have known how “normal boyfriends are supposed to behave”. But for them, even if they know the tricks…it’s just too much hassle, they can’t be bothered!! I remember him protesting when we were having arguments: “but I shouldn’t have to…”. On the one hand, they know how to pretend, but on the other they are so arrogant that they don’t think they should have to bother!! So I have no doubt he won’t treat his next victims any better.
I’m pretty sure this is an example of paramoralism that the ex Narcpath did:
Me: I will not accept that kind of behavior. There ARE some things that are inexcusable.
[note: He never apologized for a vicious rage and attack on me – only made excuses]
Him: You’re with me aren’t you? You say you love me, but you can’t forgive . That’s exactly your problem. Your inability to forgive and to trust. What else am I suppose to do if YOU won’t trust me? A relationship needs trust and you obviously have a problem with it. This goes way back for you I’m sure. We are finished and doomed if you refuse to forgive and trust me. When you came back, you said you had forgiven me, but it’s clear to me you haven’t. That makes you a liar and a hypocrite. None of us are perfect, yet you EXPECT perfection from me. THAT’S hypocritical. YOU YOURSELF have flaws, but you WON’T see them, only mine. I’m the one tring to connect here and you’ve disconnected. YOU are the one always disconnecting. I’M THE ONE HURTING HERE CAN’T YOU SEE THAT!!! You’re the one who should be apologizing!!!
icanseeclearly now – and he didn’t like, MELT, when he said that, no house dropped on him? wow. the laws of oz mustn’t have been functioning.
thanks for good wishes. am done for the night now. bed beckons.
haha No kidding. He really by all rights should have. I’m sure I had visions of flying monkeys many times :/
I can see clearly = I got paramoralisms like that too = would usually end up apologising when he managed to twist the argument to a way that suited him. The verbal volley was incredible when we had an argument – I would walk into the discussion calmly and raise the point I needed to make, then it would all get twisted, I’d get upset and everything would go to pot. Just dreadful the accusations he made against me.
Towards the end I actually started pulling apart his statements and then he would just walk out or accuse me of abusing him or shouting at him – funny when he was the only one shouting. I can’t believe the circular arguments that went on and on with no progress//
pollyannanomore – Yes. They are a twisted lot. Their thinking pattern is twisted worse than that big ball of Christmas lights in the movie, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”
I’d like to share an example of the way the exSpath that I did time with expresses himself.
The following which I have copied and pasted to share here is taken from an online forum that he joined with another one of his aliases/personas. This is the first time in public that he has shown his true dark side. In other places online he is the charmer or the fake victim.
He joined the forum that this excerpt is from last fall after I had left him to come and attack me for outing him. He also got another person (sock puppet) to join the forum to attack me. I went through weeks of convincing the admins and them monitoring the activity of both of them before they were permanently banned. I left the forum for my own sanity and for NC.
I knew he would be back there after moving and getting a new IP. He needs to vent his rage and has no target for it now. Sure enough, at the beginning of this month there was a new member on the forum stirring the shit and provoking things there. This time he has chosen to go full dark provoker with his persona. I do believe he thinks that I am still on there lurking and he’s affecting me somehow with his socioshittalk. The thing is that I only just checked in there yesterday and found his twisted stupid game.
So, to give some background. The forum has a psychological theme and there was a topic thread started by another member which was basically about rape and teaching women self-defense. A dialogue ensued for a couple of days in which forum members talked about issues of education re: teaching respect for women to young boys as well as teaching women to defend themselves. A bit of a debate started that got slightly heated but still remained within forum rules. Then the ex sociopath joined the debate. The following is an excerpt from the forum. I think this is an excellent example of how sociopaths’s view sex as a tool as well as showing the paramoralisms and their twisted projecting way of speaking.
This is it:
Anonymous Member#1:
So it would more or less be equal if boys got taught that women are not objects for their own amusement.
Sociopath:
Ah, but women are that, to boys.
And no amount of brainwashing is going to change that.
Brainwashing takes time to be effective.
Sex drive takes not nearly as long, and it bypasses all the cerebral guilt/aversion stuff that brainwashing relies on.
But rest easy: men soon do come to realize that women have become far too dangerous to risk messing around with.
Many an upcoming old-maid is going to rue the day feminists began to get their way.
Anonymous Member#1:
It’s rare that I say this. In fact, I think this is the only time I’ve said something on this board:
Your statements are so messed up and twisted that I can’t in good conscience respond to them.
Sociopath:
My my.
That’s just a wee bit judgemental.
I am sure your view is the only possible one.
In which case, my humble apologies, for whatever transgression I may be guilty of.
Anonymous Member #2
You just said women are sex objects…. seriously..
Sociopath:
Don’t any of you have the faintest clue why males are attracted to women in the first place???
What, are we all so mired in the appearance of things that to speak truth gets us a ticket to the gallows???
Males see women as sex objects.
Get over it.
This is called natural.
It is why we are not extinct, quite yet.
Face it: why else would a male even bother with a female, at least when his juices are still vital.
Females talk gobbledygook, act funny, look strange and can’t spit.
What boy would be interested if he didn’t think she was pretty?
It’s the sex that keeps it all happening.
Really.
What manner of madhouse have I wandered into here?
Maybe I should add these little factoids about myself:
Just so you all know and are not horribly shocked:
I know what a man is.
I am a man.
I am not a woman, a gay, a sissy or an androgyne.
I am not a feminist.
I am not a leftist.
I am not a rightist.
I have no desire to make anyone exactly like me.
I am afraid of nothing.
I don’t care what you believe.
That should go a long way to explaining the truths I am prone to express.
If you can’t deal with facts, truth or reality, too bad.
Phew…
And that’s as emotional as I am going to get.
Anonymous Member#2:
I don’t know how you treat the women in your life. But I will say that despite jackhammering the point in that you are a man– you are not typical.
Maybe sixty years ago you’d be an average joe, but if you said anything like this to any of the men I know, you would be laughed out of the room.
Sex is vital to humanity’s existence.. Duh… But I’m not going to fuck every man I talk to, and I hardly expect the majority of men I talk to to expect such.
Did you just hop out of a time machine?
Sociopath:
Clearly there is a reality disconnect at work here.
A common thing for me to get treated like a non-member of humanity, for my views.
They are my views.
You have yours.
I do not treat you like you are less than a flea for holding them.
I realize that you are the product of your society.
I have moved around the world too much to be as brainwashed as I might be.
Yes I did just step out of a time machine.
The sort that allows one to remain human in spite of everything.
Wow – just wow – that’s quite an example. He actually had the audacity to articulate it. What a shocker. I am so glad he got shot down in flames by others and so glad you got away from him – looks like you had a very narrow escape from a real sicko.
My ex would never go on record with views like that – he just enacts them in relationships behind closed doors. The sad thing is that in real life nobody cares – as long as the abuse isn’t happening to them they don’t like to think it is happening to anyone else. The ‘just world’ theory is correct – people don’t like to think there are millions of dangerous people living in the world ready to take out anyone for their own benefit.
This must have been an enormous relief for you to see in black and white when you already knew this attitude was there all along. I think they should all be locked up somewhere – they certainly are not fit to be wandering through regular society. There must be something we can do about them – every day there are more and more victims of these monsters and all most people do is shake their heads and say ‘Well why did she stay so long with him if he was so bad as all that?”
It seems to me there is no end to the nightmare. Even when they are gone from the relationship the torture continues by proxy – now I hear stories about what a great guy he is and see him partying all around town but he can’t contribute to medical expenses for the dog that is in HIS name because he’s too poor to do that. What a guy. If they knew this and other things I wonder if they would think he is so great.
pollyannanomore –
That’s only one example. He was on the forum for a week before being banned and made hundreds of posts. It started out that most other members ignored him and his inciting, cryptic “riddle-me-this” posts. Probably they were bewildered and taken aback and didn’t know how or what to respond to his bait. After a bit he was called a troll, passive-aggressive and a strawman by a few members.
The thing about his audacity is that it’s all anonymous. I’m certain he is using an IP screener (or whatever they are called – his real location cannot be tracked), as he did the last time. I however, KNOW it’s him. I know from the names and images and icons he uses and I know from the way he speaks and the things that he targets.
I’m not shocked by anything he does anymore. He has shown me what he really is. He no longer has the other real life source of supply he was using as well as me and needs to spew his venom somewhere.
It is vindicating for me in a way to see him do this in public. The downside is that he is still out there playing his game.
Yes, I did have a narrow escape from a sicko and thank you for being happy for me. I don’t know if happy is how I’d describe myself yet. Relieved and grateful is where I am right now.
You get to be quite familiar with their phrases eh? Quite amazing that he was banned so quickly and the members were so perceptive – mind you that’s the power of the written word and having other witnesses – we had no witnesses to what happened to us behind closed doors.
I am the same as you — not quite in the space of being really happy yet but relieved to be away from him. My Pex is handing out old scripts to ‘friends and admirers’ – the same sort of activity he did when we first got together. He doesn’t direct them to studios or script readers for any kind of constructive comment because he doesn’t want that – he wants people to fall over themselves giving him praise – people who believe his lines that he’s going to be famous some day. It is such a joke. He was laughed out of the few studios he submitted to – not even a bite. I bet he doesn’t tell the admirers that though. It should be fairly self evident as he gets older that he’s a loser – if you haven’t made something of yourself in film by a certain age, you simply aren’t going to. I wonder when he will get real about himself and this lie he tells that he wants to be a great film maker – wait – he actually says on his profile that he IS a film maker, writer, editor, camera man and director. The only true ones are camera operator and editor. The rest are fantasy.
It’s sick to see exactly the same ruse being pulled over people. They don’t seem to know that these scripts are now fourteen to sixteen yrs old and have gone nowhere – they haven’t even been rewritten or edited – they are crap. Wonder where it will all end up though – I can see some people volunteering themselves to help him ‘reach his dream’ – oh how sad. That’s what I did too – bent over backwards to help him make it and he didn’t – he’s just a loser.
I am prety sure that i found another ‘profile’ for the spath i tangles with – a couple of months ago or so. it was on the same webiste (which has a community) where we met.
I really just happened upon it – but it struck me as familiar and i looked more closely – read the posts to one of the forums i belonged to…two or three people answered ‘him’ and then they started treating ‘him’ suspiciouly. I messaged ‘him’ in my anonymous guise and made it quite clear i knew what ‘he’
was – and the response i got TOLD me it was her.
i messaged the others who were suspicious and said – keep it up, you are right, don;t trust this one. she has had a hard time gaining a toe hold for this ‘character.’