A reader says: “I kept wondering what was going on in his head. I could never follow his thinking. I think he might have been into alcohol and drugs and that in itself messes the brain, and along with his other personality disorders, sure makes for a confusing relationship.”
The thinking patterns of the psychopath are indeed weird. It seems there are biological and intentional reasons for this. In others words, he is unable to think very logically PLUS he intends to mislead. No wonder he is hard to follow!
Below I list several factors which together make the psychopath a most bamboozling character.
The odd speech of psychopaths
The psychopath makes “frequent use of contradictory and logically inconsistent statements”, says Robert Hare in ‘Without conscience.’ E.g. “A man serving time for armed robbery replied to the testimony of an eyewitness, “He’s lying. I wasn’t there. I should have blown his fucking head off.” It is as if, says Hare, they have “difficulty monitoring their own speech”.
Psychopaths may also construct strange words: ‘unconscientious’ for unconscious’, ‘antidotes’ for ‘anecdotes’. Perhaps there is something about the brain of the psychopath that contributes to his odd speech.
Drug and alcohol abuse
With their poor ability to tolerate frustration and their high need for stimulation (same thing?), the psychopath is likely to abuse drugs and alcohol which obviously affects the ability to think. Chronic abuse damages the brain.
But, as M.L. Gallagher recently writes, he speaks in riddles purposely too.
The intention to deceive
This doesn’t need much elaboration here. The psychopath wants to get something. He may simply take it by force. Otherwise he will use his cunning to fool the other person. (Interestingly, the illogicality of his arguments doesn’t stop him successfully conning one person after another.)
Logical fallacies
Most of us use logical fallacies when we argue or try to persuade. Some of these are errors in our own thinking, some are conscious manipulations. Just accentuating a different word can make all the difference: “Mom said that we musn’t throw stones at the windows” (i.e. she didn’t say anything about hitting them with a tennis racket).
We can fully expect that the psychopath, with his flawed thinking plus his intention to deceive, will use every logical fallacy in the book. Bear with me for a couple of paragraphs.
Take the example the logical fallacy, the ‘ad hominem argument’. It has two types, circumstantial and abusive. In the circumstantial ad hominem argument the circumstances of the other are confronted instead of the evidence: “Of course you don’t accept that it’s OK to be a loan-shark. You’re a Christian and Christ drove the money lenders out of the temple.” (But that’s irrelevant; if I was Jewish what would your defense be then?)
In the abusive ad hominem argument the opponent is attacked instead of their argument: “You criticise me for loan-sharking, but three years ago you were arrested for drunk driving.” (What does that have to do with loan-sharking?)
Paramoralism
But the psychopath uses fallacies with an evil twist. Whenever possible he’ll use a logical fallacy as a paramoralism. In other words, he won’t use a fallacy only to win a point but also use it moralistically in order to corrode the other’s moral thinking.
How would a psychopath argue ad hominem? Several readers have mentioned precisely this example: “What kind of Christian are you to accuse me of this?” (Again, the other’s Christianity is irrelevant to the topic at hand.) Can you see the difference? Unlike the examples above where the opponent’s Christianity is used to score a point or bring the argument to an end, here the other is being denounced as a bad Christian. An open-minded person is likely to say to themselves, “Maybe he’s right. Perhaps I’m the bad one here.”
Perhaps you have an example to share of the bewildering speech of a psychopath?
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For glimpse into the wacky thought-processes of the narcissist see this article.
findingmyselfagain,
Yes. You got it. You taught how to ACT like a better man. It’s sickening isn’t it?
They are perfecting their game. My ex always told me after we broke up that I would not recognize him anymore because he is even better than before and usually, by the way, he is referring to sex. Thankfully, I have not had a communication from him in over 1 year. His last communication was that he was ready to forgive me now.
Right. Okay.
I noticed words in the above posts like “dramatic” and “babyish”. Are these things traits of sociopaths? I used to call my ex Drama King. He would exaggerate EVERYTHING! He laughed uncontrollably at things that weren’t really very funny, and he dramatized details of any event that he might recount–good or bad. He was also the most immature person I’ve ever known. He’d often say that he didn’t want to grow up meaning that he always wanted to act like a kid in every aspect. It was like he actually wanted the same type of attention that one gives a child. The man honestly expected my undivided attention 24/7. It was very difficult to carry out household tasks and even my job. He was right on top of me–hugging me or copping feels every second that we were together! At first, I thought he loved me that much but after awhile I started to see that it was more about him. He would call me 4-5 times a day when I was at work and seem hurt if I didn’t have time to talk. His girlfriend has told me that he does her the same exact way making it difficult to cook a meal or do laundry and that he calls her cell every hour when she is at work. He has made it very clear to her that he needs a lot of attention and that if he doesn’t get it at home, he tends to seek it elsewhere. He told her that what happened to our marriage was that he was a very clingy and needy person and that I was TOO independent. Aren’t we tall taught that it isn’t healthy to be “clingy and needy”? As soon as he left me for his new girlfriend, he changed his myspace profile name from (we’ll say) “George” to “Georgie”–his childhood nickname. Oddly enough, my son and my ex had the same name although my ex was not his father. My son was tagged with the very same childhood nickname. From the time he was 8 years old, he would have NEVER publicly introduced himself by his nickname! Yet, a 40 year old man actually wanted people to know him by this pet nickname! Another thing, that I noticed about my ex is that he had this extremely exaggerated fake smile. It used to embarass me! He spread his mouth so wide that it showed nearly every tooth that he had and most of his upper and lower gums! Each time I’ve warned and pointed out things to the girlfriend about his strange behavior, she’ll offer her own examples of his oddities. Then, the next thing I know, she’ll tell me how she believes that he’s really trying to change and grow up. Doesn’t she realize that a 40 year old man is as “grown up” as he’ll ever be? And, it’s almost impossible for someone that age to change even if they’re NOT a sociopath. She doesn’t even know WHAT he would be changing from! How could she? And, YES! He can change alright–just like a chameleon–into whatever he needs to be to get his needs fulfilled from her! It’s almost as though these people are born without a personality at all and go through life taking on the personalities of others who they perceive as being respected or of some significance importance. It’s crazy! I’ve noticed in his new myspace pics that he’s trying to strike “mature” poses and more serious looks. But I can so easily see the deadness in his eyes and the new and very different “character” that he is now playing. It’s so scary because I see a part of myself! Oh yeah, my ex thanked me before he left because he said that I had taught him so much!
I love the Paramoralisms, my psychopathic son, who is in pri son for murder, just barely failed this summer to have one of his friends murder me (having to do with an inheritence he would get if I died prior to my mother dying).
After all this came to light, the entire family stopped writing him and SENDING commissary money, so now, as a result of his attack on his family from his prison cell, he is ALONE in prison, without any money and without anyway to know just exactly how his plan went awry, and totally without any way to “fix” it–because he got no responses to his desperate letters to “let him know what was going on.”
Eventually he resorted to writing others to have them call us on the telephone to “see if they are okay.” Then when that failed to get him information, he wrote to a priest that we know and he knows, this long rambling letter telling the priest how “UN-Christian” we were because we did not communicate with him, didn’t let him “explain” and didn’t give him–get this–unconditional “forgiveness” and unconditional “love.” Fortunately, the priest knew the entire situation and the truth, so he got no reinforcement from that angle.
I literally howled with laughter reading the letter he wrote to the priest, talk about PARAMORALISMS–
What is also interesting is that he has written at first, begging letters, then angry hateful letters, and now is writing just “chatty” letters about what he is reading, how his day went, etc. and signing all with “love” and “prayers.” Having read the letters he wrote to his co-conspiritor in the murder plot (after the co-conspiritor was arrested) it is like they are written by two different people–he wrote to us about how much he loved us, about “what would jesus do?” etc. and to his co-conspiritor about how to manipulate each of the different family members. His psychopathic co-conspiritor in his own greed and getting caught in lies before he accomplished his purpose, ended up in jail, awaiting going to prison for weapons in possession of a felon and failure to register as a child molester–so he will do some significant time. Unfortunately, my son will not have additional time added on to his already “life” sentence, but it will most likely deny him parole next time up (3 years from now).
They NEVER QUIT, no matter how compelling the HARD EVIDENCE, or how much they have been caught red-handed with “their hand in the cookie jar”— it is “What cookie jar? You are imagining things. Now what would Jesus do?” LOL
Ohhhh this is gonna be good!
How about “I forgot I was in a relationship…” (excuse for continuing to interact with other women on Internet dating sites)
or
“More importantly, I trust you…”
or
When caught lying, the inarguable position of “we’re all sinners”
Please, give me a fucking break! I would spend HOURS trying to decipher the logic of this narcissistic nonsense, and then finally arrived at the conclusion that this is his unique self-deceptive thought disorder.
Psych: When I found out my ex was leading a double-life with another woman right in town, you know what he said:
“I didn’t fear God.” “I have to get back to God.” “I’m f’d up.”
When I asked him why he did it he said, “I don’t know. Guys do stupid things sometimes.” What a jerk.
I will Iwonder. Another remembrance:
What was so strange about mine is that he would always address people in the third person pronoun: “someone like yourself; someone like myself.” Never, me and/or you.
Also, when pretending to be interested in another such as his brother: “how is Timmy today,” not “how are you?”
Anyone else experience this?
psycheintact: It’s not a thought disorder, they just don’t make privy their ulterior motive for being involved with you … or anyone.
I bet all of them have a favorite movie they can quote verbatim … Gone with the Wind … watch the first 10 minutes of that movie …. Scarlette, the ultimate con artist (aka self centered, selfish, no one else in the world but her) personality. She gets everyone to focus on her using the oldest trick in the world “flattery” … she got what she wanted, when she wanted, anytime she wanted. Anything, anyone else had, she got in full or at least they shared … until, unfortunately, the war rid her of her problem.
Peace.
psycheintact: I don’t know if you play cards … especially poker.
They are the ultimate card players … poker faces, holding their cards close to their chests, bluffing, grabbing the pot?????
Peace.
Psycheintact: He would always address people in the third person pronoun… such as his brother: “how is Timmy today,” not “how are you? Anyone else experience this?”
Not that, but mine (I’ll call himJoe) would sometimes refer to himself by name. he might say, “Joe is the only one at work who knows how to do that,” instead of “I’m the only one at work who knows how to do that.” or “Did Joe tell you how you f**ked him over today?” instead of “Did I tell you how you f**cked me over today?” I wondered a few times if maybe he had DID and one of the peronalities just happened to be a psychopath!!! I always wondered what that means, if anything, when a person sometimes refers to themselves in the third person. It always sounded weird as heck to me.
Jen2008 and Psycheintact: Did you ever think this was your first RED flag that these two characters were not going to EVER look inside themselves to fix their own problems … already building the excuse (in their own minds) that someone else was responsible for their words/actions …splitting off from themselves in their minds already, hence, the words coming out of their mouths …
Interesting … I’m still wondering about the feet thing going on with some of them … bouncing as they walk, not having their feet planted firmly on the ground? My EX having to sleep with 4 blankets folded in square … heavy weight on his feet … to prevent him from floating …
Tells me, they know right from wrong and these are subliminal signals they give out that they are trying to escape from themselves … 3rd party … looking at themselves as a 3rd party … oh, 3rd party did it, not me … I’m not worthy to walk firmly on the ground … cause what I’m doing to hurt everyone isn’t grounded … hence, I bounce … like I’m going to bounce out of my body … or … my feet are floating up first, then the rest of me floats up and out of my body, cause I can’s stand myself … because I do know right from wrong.
Peace.