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Beyond The Grave – Haunted By A Sociopathic Parent

After being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by sociopathic parents, I often wondered when the trauma would stop.

Would it get better as they aged?

Or would I be relentlessly tormented until they passed away?

The answer:  neither.  After their passing, their legacy continued to haunt me.

My father was the violent, malevolent sociopath.  Yet, my mother caused by far more pain.  You see, my mother was a master of deceit.   If you offended her (or worse, threatened to expose her), she would effortlessly spin webs of lies around you.  Incite her anger, and suddenly you are Alice in Wonderland – sucked into her rabbit hole where nothing is at it seems, wondering what just happened to you.

Sadly, many people experienced her wrath.  I used to get phone calls from some of her targets who feared losing their jobs because of her lies.  “What did we do wrong?”, they would ask me.

No one understood that helpless feeling better than those of us at ground zero:  her children.

Out of all five of us kids, I was probably tormented the most.  This is because my older siblings detached from her early on.  As adults, they protected themselves by setting up strict boundaries with her.

I, however, was the “softie.”  Sociopaths LOVE compassionate people.  They FEED off of them.  I didn’t know this then.

Perhaps the biggest wake-up call for me came after mom passed away.

The senior center where mom lived had a luncheon in her “honor.”  My siblings, feeling very guarded, declined to attend.  Then there was me.  The Softie.  I will go, I said.  I also brought beverages and offered to help serve.

Again, my siblings were rightfully wary.  Unbeknownst to me, mom had convinced her “friends” that her kids – especially me – were evil and abusive to her.  Her “friends” took turns at the microphone  expressing their admiration for her after “all her kids put her through.”  The stories that came out of their mouths would’ve made Stephen King proud.

I calmly went to the bathroom, sat in the stall, and silently cried my eyes out.  I then composed myself and went to the kitchen to help serve the people who just slandered my siblings and I.  At best, I received cold stares.  At worst, I received comments like “I hope you’re happy now – your mom is dead.”

Why did I stay?  Because if I’d walked out (or given them a piece of my mind), mom would win again.  It was almost as if she was still there, taunting me:  Do it!  Get angry!  Show them what a rotten little daughter you are…..

That was easily one of the most painful days of my life.  Public humiliation and mom’s evilness aside, I still mourned.  I mourned the loss of the lady who gave birth to me.  And I mourned the fact that, on that day, I realized that I never really had a mom at all.

 

 

 


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59 Comments on "Beyond The Grave – Haunted By A Sociopathic Parent"

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My goodness, this is almost my story as well. However, the slander was SO under-handed, like with her smearing me behind my back to parents of my friends that I grew up with, I just felt like I was this person held in complete contempt. My GOD….they play the victim ALWAYS, while they are the evil tormentors. At my mom’s funeral, it was amazing to notice some of the stares and loathe of me by her circle of duped counterparts. I didn’t know at the time what my mother was, I was just always just hoping and wanting her love. Then there were the lies about everything to her accomplishments, to her love for her children, spoken by people she had conned every step of the way. Oh, and I was the only child of hers that attended the funeral, because I was a “softie” as well.

I think that beyond the grave, it is the final “F” you by them. The arrogance, the lies, the final wearing of the mask so well is BAFFLING to say the least. How is it that these people are not hunted down like the rabid dogs that they are and put out of their miseries? Looking back at her funeral and listening to the complete BS about what a wonderful mother and person she was, I am completely appalled to say the least.

Thank you for sharing. 1LOVE.

I Agree tdprocessing1. I would have been SO happy if my mother had ever said “I love you”. She never said it, not once. I was told I was the one kid she never wanted. It was like wearing a kick me sign my whole childhood. I mean, what was so bad about me that my mom would lead a convo with the neighborhood ladies by saying that. I could feel them look at me, watching to see proof of my deficiencies. She died, and instead of being angry, I was sad that there would NEVER be a chance for her to hug me, or say she cared. In fact, I was kinda scared she’d come back from the grave and get me, like in a horror movie, vengeance because I lived.

My mom abused me always even in dementa but good old cindy sofie was right there for her to say your parents never wanted you so i took you in. And now i wished i never did.before deminta it was if i knew of abortion i would of got one i never wanted a baby.your father raped me

arbirdie,
I’m sorry for you that was your mother. By now you know, it’s not you. They are filled with poison. You were darling and their captive sweet faced scapegoat.

I was only able to have one child. If she didn’t want you, I sure did.

I LOVE kids.

I guess because I didn’t have a nice mom, I learned to be naturally nurturing because I took care of my siblings/mom. I could never do enough to please them but…

It’s fun to teach and show and watch kids. Fun to give them surprises and watch the happiness shine on their faces. Fun to read stories to and watch their minds twitch with curiosity, they love that story over and over. “I do not like that Sam-I-am”… thirty years gone and I still remember my daughters favorites verbatim. I LOVED being a mom. I hurt because my daughter doesn’t feel how much I love her. My ex has poisoned her mind. I remember the day that he was so strange, telling me that I did too much for her. I thought it was just a little jealousy. And I said, “she only has a few years, then she’ll be gone and we will miss doing these things for her”. My ex, who never lets a slight go unpunished, simply swamped her with “love” and painted me the mean mommy. He was VERY talented at instigating conflict between people and then he’d sit back and enjoy the “show”.

I can not seem to find the words to open my daughter’s eyes to HOW he manipulated her. Now she does many of the same mindtricks, she is controlling and doesn’t understand that those mindtricks do not lead to feeling love and connection with others.

Arbirdie, it’s not too late for you to give yourself the LOVE and tenderness you should have had. In fact, it is IMPORTANT for you to do so. You MUST give, and start with yourself.

This article was posted today’s Daily Mail: “ONE IN A HUNDRED CHILDREN ARE ‘PSYCHOPATHIC,’ WARN RESEARCHERS ”

“Could a test reveal whether your newborn will grow up to be a PSYCHOPATH? Scientists claim that unemotional traits in babies can hint at future personality

Scientists at King’s College London, the University of Manchester and the University of Liverpool studied babies’ reactions to faces and objects

Found that an infant’s preference for a person’s face is associated with lower levels of callous and unemotional (CU) behaviours in toddlerhood

Children with CU traits are defined as showing impaired emotion recognition, reduced responsiveness to others’ distress and a lack of guilt

Study does not show that babies with CU traits grow up to be psychopaths
By SARAH GRIFFITHS FOR MAILONLINE
PUBLISHED: 10:15 EST, 7 September 2015 | UPDATED: 12:31 EST, 7 September 2015

It’s possible to predict whether tiny babies will develop unemotional traits, which may be a precursor to adult psychopathy, researchers have claimed.

For the first time, psychiatrists have shown that it’s possible to predict at just five weeks old whether babies will develop callous-unemotional (CU) traits, by checking if they prefer look at a human face, or an inanimate object, such as a ball.

Children with CU traits are defined as showing impaired emotion recognition, reduced responsiveness to others’ distress and a lack of guilt or empathy.

For the first time, psychiatrists have shown that it’s possible to predict at just five weeks old whether babies will develop CU traits, by checking if they prefer look at a human face, an inanimate object, such as a ball. A stock image of an infant playing with a ball is shown

For the first time, psychiatrists have shown that it’s possible to predict at just five weeks old whether babies will develop CU traits, by checking if they prefer look at a human face, an inanimate object, such as a ball. A stock image of an infant playing with a ball is shown

They also found that in girls at least, babies can be turned away from developing callous unemotional behaviour as toddlers by particularly sensitive mothering.

Limbs-in-the-Loch murderer William Beggs, the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik, are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ’extreme’ examples.

For the study, researchers from King’s College London, the University of Manchester and the University of Liverpool recorded the responses of a random sample of 213 mothers and babies, drawn from a population-based sample of 1,233 first-time mothers.

Infants’ preferential face tracking at five weeks and maternal sensitivity at 29 weeks were used as predictors of CU traits at two-and-a-half years.
Limbs in the Loch murderer William Beggs (pictured), the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik, are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ’extreme’ examples

Limbs in the Loch murderer William Beggs, the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik (pictured), are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ’extreme’ examples

Limbs-in-the-Loch murderer William Beggs (pictured left), the Dunblane mass killer Thomas Hamilton, and the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik (right), are all known to have displayed psychopathic traits, though the researchers warn they are ’extreme’ examples

THE STUDY IN BRIEF
Psychiatrists looked at whether 213 five-week-old babies spent longer tracking a person’s face compared to an inanimate object ”“ a red ball.

They showed that greater tracking of the face relative to the ball was linked to lower callous unemotional behaviours measured using questionnaires when children were two and a half years old.
The study also showed that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler.

The researchers explored whether babies preferred to look at a human face or a red ball and found that babies who preferred the ball were more likely to display CU traits.

Lead author of the paper, Dr Rachael Bedford of the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College, London, said: ‘We found that increased preference for a person’s face -rather than a ball – at just five-weeks of age was associated with lower callous unemotional traits.

’We also found that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler.

’We are the first to find this and others will need to confirm it before it can inform how we support families.’
The study is published in the journal Biological Psychiatry and Dr Bedford said: ’It is very important to emphasise that this study assessed these traits in young children.

’We do not yet know about the stability of these behaviours i.e, whether high callous unemotional traits measured in toddlerhood remain high into adolescence and beyond, nor do we know how strongly early callous unemotional traits predict later behaviours.’

The study showed that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler. A stock image of a mother and baby is shown

The study showed that if a mother responds more sensitively to their baby during playtime, then the child is less likely to display callous unemotional behaviour as a toddler. A stock image of a mother and baby is shown

Asked whether the study offered hope that children displaying callous unemotional traits could be helped so they did not follow in the footsteps of Thomas Hamilton, William Beggs and Anders Breivik, co-author of the study Professor Jonathan Hill said they were ’extreme’ examples.
Professor Hill of the University of Manchester added: ’Callous unemotional behaviours in children are known to be associated with an increased emotional burden on families as well as later criminality and antisocial behaviour.

’This study takes us a step further in understanding the earliest origins of callous and unemotional behaviours.

’However the examples are very extreme and unusual and are likely to be different from the more common types of antisocial problems that we are aiming to understand.’

The researchers say an important area for future research will be to extend the current approach by assessing the overlap with co-occurring disorders ”“ such as ADHD – and disorders with shared symptoms such as autism spectrum disorder, which is characterised by social interaction difficulties including atypical attention to faces.

ONE IN A HUNDRED CHILDREN ARE ‘PSYCHOPATHIC,’ WARN RESEARCHERS
Around one per cent of children could be inherently psychopathic, with parents unable to turn around their behaviour, according to researchers said in August 2012.
Psychologists at University College London (UCL) carried out two studies that showed traits are largely genetic.

The researchers said such children, which they describe as ‘callous-unemotional’, form a distinct sub-group of badly behaved youngsters.
They predicted between a quarter and half of children with conduct problems could fall into this category, equating to around one per cent of all children in the UK.
Lead researcher Professor Essi Viding said that although children who had anti-social behavioural tendencies were more likely to be the product of poor parenting, this was not the case for children with psychopathic tendencies.

She said: ‘For the group which has callous-unemotional traits, there’s a strong genetic vulnerability.
‘This does not mean these children are born anti-social or are destined to become anti-social.
‘But in the same way that some of us are more susceptible to heart disease, these children are people who are more vulnerable to environmental influences that trigger the anti-social outcome.’

Jan7,
I am writing here regarding md.
I am fearful that if she does not get that man out of her house that the state may want to step in.
She posted the abuse here.
Is there anything to do?
She is going through enough already..
SITC

Strong, it’s best to give md23 some breathing room. She is in a very stressful situation still being with her abuser and has just learned that she is dating a sociopath. This is a shock to anyones system.

The best thing to do is to give her some space & wait for her to come back to ask questions & to vent her emotions out. Remember sociopaths brain wash their victims so her mind is slowly opening up to the out side world and this is scary. We have guided her to the domestic abuse hotline & center and let her know that we are here for her. When you are still in the sociopath’s tornado of hell you can only take small steps each day.

Just be patient and she will be back to express her experience on her time line.

Hugs to you for being so concerned for her.

Jan7,
I understand.
Thank you.
SITC

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