Society is always telling us not to be judgmental. We should let people express themselves and accept them for who they are. This is fine with people we encounter in stores, at work or in the community. It is not fine in dating. As you look for love, you absolutely must be judgmental when you choose a romantic partner. You especially need your judgment to avoid the 12% of the population who are sociopaths. These people make terrible partners. They do not have the ability to authentically love, but they are really good at faking it. That’s why it’s so important to look carefully any potential suitor, especially if the person is rushing the relationship or you’re feeling doubts. I, …
9 Questions to help you discern if your caring, helpful partner is faking it
UPDATED FOR 2026. She makes you drinks and home-cooked meals. He cuts your lawn and fixes your car. Your new romantic interest just can't seem to do enough for you. You never felt so cared for. It must be love! Maybe it is. Or maybe it's a sociopath who is trying to soften you up for later exploitation. I've often written on Lovefraud that sociopaths do not have the ability to be caregivers. Many readers find this confusing — the sociopath they know was always doing things for them. So let me explain. First, some background. Three components of romantic love The core of sociopathic personality disorders is an inability to authentically love. What, exactly does this …
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Will you complete a survey on toxic and deceptive relationships?
A psychologist and university researcher is seeking people to participate in a survey on toxic and deceptive relationships. His study called, Understanding toxic breakups: Creating a recovery source. The researcher is from Gitam University in India, which was inspired by the ideals of Mahatma Gandi. The research is being conducted in English. Here is the announcement. Call for survey participants Dear Lovefraud Community, We are reaching out to gather vital insights on the reality of toxic and deceptive relationships. While this research focuses on the experiences of young adults, the wisdom of this community is invaluable in helping us understand these patterns. We are …
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11 brazen lies from my sociopathic ex
All sociopaths lie. They tell big lies, little lies, stupid lies. They lie when they would be better off telling the truth. But what’s really shocking is the brazen lies — lies so big and dramatic that you would never suspect anyone would have the nerve to make such statements if they weren’t true. Ha! Today, I offer you 11 brazen lies from my sociopathic ex. If you’re new to Lovefraud, you may not know my personal story. I learned first-hand about sociopaths and their brazen lies when I married James Alwyn Montgomery. I met Montgomery online back in 1996. This was when online dating was in its infancy. Everyone was using “Love at AOL,” where you could post text but no photos or …
7 sociopath strategies for making demands
Sociopaths view you, and all other people, as objects to be used. They want something, and they believe that your purpose in life is to deliver it. But how, exactly, do they get you to do what they want? Here are seven sociopath strategies for making demands. In the beginning of your involvement, of course, sociopaths typically sweet talk you into going along with what they want. They work to convince you that it’s a really, really good idea, or it will be really, really fun, or they really, really need it. Then, when you agree, they can’t stop thanking you. But once sociopaths feel that you are sufficiently under their control, that all stops. The niceties go away and they simply …
5 warning signs that your online love is a scammer
UPDATED FOR 2026. It’s wonderful to hear, “I love you.” But if the words are coming from someone you recently met online, maybe what they really mean is, “I’d love to exploit you.” Is this person for real, or is your online love a scammer? The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) collects data on all types of online crime. In its 2024 report, the most recent available, 859,532 complaints were filed. This actually represents fewer claims filed than during the previous year, but the dollar losses ballooned. The report stated: "Last year saw a new record for losses reported to IC3, totaling a staggering $16.6 billion. Fraud represented the bulk of reported losses in 2024, and …
Is it love or is it love bombing?
Almost everyone who is targeted by a sociopath in a romantic relationship experiences love bombing — over-the-top attention and affection. In my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, Red Flag #4 is love bombing. When they're in full seduction mode, sociopaths want to be with you all the time, and if they're not physically with you, they want to be in constant communication with you. They proclaim their love — quickly, frequently and persistently. Most of us interpret this ceaseless devotion as an indication that our new partner is truly smitten. But it's not love — it's love bombing. Unlike true love, love bombing is insincere. It is not an …
Asking the wrong question about coercive controllers
UPDATED FOR 2026. Coercive control is a pattern of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten the victim. Where does this behavior come from? A Lovefraud reader sent me an article by Dr. Emma Katz, who describes herself as a “globally respected expert in coercive control, domestic violence and domestic abuse.” I invite you to read the article: She didn’t “pick wrong.” Society failed by creating millions of abusive men. In her article, Katz says there are so many abusers in the world that “we need to stop blaming women for ‘ignoring red flags’ when men turn out to be controlling and abusive partners.” I listened to Katz …
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Sociopaths exploit everyone in their lives
Here’s a fact that many people have a hard time wrapping their brains around: Sociopaths exploit everyone in their lives. On Lovefraud, we spend a lot of time talking about how sociopaths seduce caring, unsuspecting people into romantic relationships. Then, once they’re hooked, sociopaths treat them with unbelievable meanness and cruelty. Well, guess what. Sociopaths do that to everyone — family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and even, sometimes, random strangers. They are equal opportunity manipulators. Definition of a sociopath First of all, whom are we talking about? My friend and colleague, Dr. Liane Leedom, defines a sociopath as “someone who preys on …
Sociopaths as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
In my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, Red Flag #10 is a “Jekyll and Hyde personality.” The term “Jekyll and Hyde” originated in a Gothic horror novella published in 1886 by Robert Louis Stevenson. Today, the phrase means a person with a two-sided personality — one side good and the other evil. In the original story, Dr. Henry Jekyll was an upstanding gentleman and Mr. Edward Hyde was prone to violence. The story reveals that Dr. Jekyll was drinking an elixir that turned him into Mr. Hyde, who committed multiple murders. Eventually, however, Jekyll spontaneously turned into Hyde, without the elixir. Then, he became Hyde permanently. Romantic …