Sociopaths, when we first meet them, typically seem charming, friendly and exciting. Later, after we’ve been exploited, we realize that we were targeted by a professional who deceived and manipulated us. But how did the sociopath become an expert exploiter? How do sociopaths know exactly what to say and what buttons to push? For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are d …
He wanted to psychologically destroy me
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Louann22. She was involved with a lying, cheating man who she now says, “wanted to psychologically destroy me.” He faked being in love with me for a year. I found out so many things were lies. I eventually realised he was filming me through a camera that was attached to his phone. He would plant things in his room to watch my reaction, such as dirty underwear from other women. He faked a future with me. I ended up selling my house and moving across the country, all the while he knew he was not genuine. I'm fairly certain he doesn't actually have a job, but was using myself and other women to make pornogr …
Dealing with dying Cluster B parents
Editor’s note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader, “Matt,” a long-time member of the Lovefraud community. By Matt It has been many years since I last posted on Lovefraud. When I first joined Lovefraud in November 2008, I was among the walking wounded having just pried my sociopath boyfriend out of my life. This site was my godsend. Among the many topics covered, although it wasn’t on my radar at the time, was dealing with Cluster B parents as they came to the end of their lives. Having buried both of my parents within the last 5 years, I’d like to share my experiences dealing with such parents. My parents My parents were two martinets who treated their children as …
Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS In my last two articles, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. She wanted to know why her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex. Read the previous articles: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session discussing how she was infantilized and abused by her mother. In this third session, Mary confronts her father about his relationship with her ex-husband. Mary’s ex …
Doing business and working with Senior Sociopaths
Some senior sociopaths are in jail and many are parasites, living off of a partner or family member. But millions of senior sociopaths are in the workplace, causing havoc with co-workers, customers and sometimes bringing down the company (think Bernie Madoff). If you’re working with senior sociopaths in any context, watch your back. My new book, Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers, is now available here on Lovefraud and on Amazon. It’s based on surveys that I conducted with Lovefraud readers. Most survey respondents described romantic partners or family members, but 62 described a work colleague or business associate. It was not a pleasant exper …
The sociopath ‘ruined me,’ Lovefraud reader writes
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Sassy22.” She says sociopathic ex-partner “ruined me.” I answered the door and a good-looking guy was standing there asking if Sean was ready? I was confused cuz I lived alone with my son, not named Sean. This guy, dressed in construction work clothes was very apologetic, and said he must have got the address wrong. That he was carpooling with a new coworker and was sorry to have bothered me. As he left, he turned around and ask if he could make it up to me by taking me out for a drink later? I politely denied, and closed the door. The next few weeks I started seeing this guy all the time. He drove down …
Senior Sociopaths: Antisocial behavior and abuse until they die
My new book, Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers, is now available in the Lovefraud store and on Amazon. Here’s the book's take-home message: Senior sociopaths engage in antisocial behavior and abuse until they die. I wrote the book because I married a con man, James Alwyn Montgomery of Australia. He swindled my money, cheated with at least six women, had a child with one of them during our marriage, and 10 days after I left him, married her. It was the second time he committed bigamy. Montgomery's behavior made no sense to me — until I learned that he was a sociopath. That’s why I founded Lovefraud — to warn other people about the sociopaths living among us. …
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Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS In my last article, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session telling her father that she is finished trying to reason with unreasonable people. In this second session, Mary picks up where she left off. She wants to discuss her abusive mother. Mary’s father makes a choice too Joanie: Mary, you told your father you are done reasoning with unreasonable people. You told him you made a choice. Did he agree with your choice? Mary: No, by his silence, he di …
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Senior sociopaths in the family create havoc forever
We’re all born into families. Most of us interact with our families throughout our lifetimes. When there are senior sociopaths in the family, it means a lifetime of manipulation, triangulation and havoc. My upcoming book, Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers, is based on information I collected from surveys of nearly 2,400 Lovefraud readers. I asked them to describe their experiences with someone age 50 or older whom they believed was a sociopath. The respondents could write about anyone they wanted, and 153 described disordered siblings, grandparents, family members and in-laws. All the relationships were abusive. It was just a matter of how abusive. One woman …
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The sociopath who documented his abuse
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, “Laurie22.” She wrote about marrying a sociopath who documented his abuse. Names are changed. I met Eddie during the pandemic. We had the most romantic socially distanced first date. As a cancer patient and survivor and single parent, I thought I hit my jackpot. I had waited so long and he wasn’t the typical guy I dated. Icy blue eyes. Short. Balding. But I thought that love meant that you looked inward. And I fell in love with him deeply. We got married December 31, 2020 at a celebrity mansion. Within 72 hours of our marriage, we had an affidavit from his ex-wife (divorced 2 years) claiming abuse. He promi …