Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a man whom we’ll call Sam22. He describes his experience of sociopaths bullying the disabled. I met a sociopath in New Orleans. It requires a lot of details to explain such a complicated and long story. Basically I was looking for someone to help me with a move to California. He drove a moving truck for me. I knew nothing about his long criminal record (in several states). I also was unaware that he was wanted by the city of New Orleans. That would be the last thing I would suspect anyway since he attacked me and the police did nothing about it there. Became roommates So there was a series of violent unmanageable incidents with …
‘Under the ether’ – why you fell for the scam
When I finally realized that my husband was a complete con artist, and I had been thoroughly duped and betrayed, the person I was most angry with was myself. I’m intelligent, educated, responsible and self-sufficient. Why did I waste $227,000 of my hard-earned money on his so-called business plans? Most of them, it turned out, involved trysts with other women. Why did I believe him? Why did I fall for the scam? I am certainly not alone in asking these questions. In 2021, American consumers lost a record $547 million in romance scams, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). This was a jump of nearly 80% over 2020. Losses to romance scammers in the last five years totaled $1.3 b …
Obituary for a sociopath: Evil does eventually die
https://youtu.be/lFz3Ye351YE It's refreshing, and for some people healing, to see an honest obituary for a sociopath. Lawrence H Pfaff Sr. died recently, and the notice in the Florida Times Union reflected how his son truly felt about him: Lawrence H Pfaff Sr. was born in Belmont, NY, on April 16, 1941. He passed away on June 27, 2022, living a long life, much longer than he deserved. He is survived by his three children, no four. Oops, five children. Well as of 2022 we believe there is one more that we know about, but there could be more. His love was abundant when it came to himself, but for his children it was limited. From a young age, he was a ladies' man and an abusive alcoholic, …
Perspecticide and percepticide: effects of psychological terror
The primary goal of anyone trapped in an abusive situation is survival. When you feel like you aren’t in charge of your life, and you see no way out, how do you survive? This can happen to people who are being coercively controlled in an intimate relationship, are stuck in a cult, or are living in a region of declared or undeclared war. Sometimes the situation is so threatening that the mind can’t deal with it. Psychological solutions include perspecticide and percepticide — the inability to see what is really happening. I first encountered the term “perspecticide” in a Business Insider article from 2017 entitled, Manipulative people brainwash their partners using something called ‘perspect …
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I was caught in a trauma bond with a psychopath
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Samantha22.” Her husband said, “their love was destined in the stars.” Much later, she realized that what she felt wasn’t love, it was a trauma bond. I was caught in his gaze when I was out one evening watching his band play a local pub. He didn’t take his eyes off of me, and my boyfriend at the time wanted to leave. A few months later, I was single and I saw he was playing again, and I planned to go with a girlfriend. She bailed right before, so I went on my own. A promoter was chatting with me about music, and saw him and offered to introduce me. I first declined, saying that’s okay, but he’s insisting, s …
Guidelines for dealing with female sociopaths
Millions of sociopaths live among us, and a significant proportion of them are women. Unfortunately, many Lovefraud readers have learned about female sociopaths the hard way. Over the past few years, I’ve exchanged emails with a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Steve22.” Steve22 has been involved with a woman for about 20 years. Slowly, over the last 10 years, he figured out what was wrong with her: She has a serious personality disorder. She exploits and manipulates others — particularly him. Luckily, Steve22 never married the woman, and now he is planning his exit strategy. He will soon retire, and he’ll leave not only his job, but also the female sociopath. They do share a house, and sh …
The generational abuse is finished
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS This is the last article in a series about my work with a client, “Mary,” in which I used the empty chair technique. This therapy technique helped her explore generational abuse and express long-suppressed feelings to her father, who was deceased. You can read the previous articles here: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex During Mary’s processing of her emotions through this empty chair technique, she realized that she had nothing to do with the origination of her family’s chaotic problems. Mary learned that while she wa …
How sociopaths become expert manipulators
Sociopaths, when we first meet them, typically seem charming, friendly and exciting. Later, after we’ve been exploited, we realize that we were targeted by a professional who deceived and manipulated us. But how did the sociopath become an expert exploiter? How do sociopaths know exactly what to say and what buttons to push? For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are d …
He wanted to psychologically destroy me
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Louann22. She was involved with a lying, cheating man who she now says, “wanted to psychologically destroy me.” He faked being in love with me for a year. I found out so many things were lies. I eventually realised he was filming me through a camera that was attached to his phone. He would plant things in his room to watch my reaction, such as dirty underwear from other women. He faked a future with me. I ended up selling my house and moving across the country, all the while he knew he was not genuine. I'm fairly certain he doesn't actually have a job, but was using myself and other women to make pornogr …
Dealing with dying Cluster B parents
Editor’s note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader, “Matt,” a long-time member of the Lovefraud community. By Matt It has been many years since I last posted on Lovefraud. When I first joined Lovefraud in November 2008, I was among the walking wounded having just pried my sociopath boyfriend out of my life. This site was my godsend. Among the many topics covered, although it wasn’t on my radar at the time, was dealing with Cluster B parents as they came to the end of their lives. Having buried both of my parents within the last 5 years, I’d like to share my experiences dealing with such parents. My parents My parents were two martinets who treated their children as …