How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sadists and narcissists — similarities and differences

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS Sadists and narcissists — are they the same? Pathological personalities can overlap each other with their complexities and commonalities. Over the years, definitive conclusions as to whether a sadist is a narcissist, and vice-versa, have been lacking and debate has been ongoing. A person can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, which is a cluster B disorder according to the DSM V. This is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association. However, the opposite is true for a sadist, at least presently. There is no official diagnosis of sadism. Sadism was once referred to as Sadistic Personality Disorder (SPD) in t …

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Asperger’s syndrome protected me from my sociopath ex-fiancé

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Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader in the Middle East, whom we’ll call Neoxes. English is not his first language, so his story has been edited for clarity. Neoxes has Asperger’s syndrome, which he believes helps him to identify sociopathic predators. He says Asperger's syndrome protected him from a marriage to a sociopath. I'm 41 years old and I have Asperger Syndrome! I can say I’m successful in my life and job. I think this syndrome is a gift for me. Four years ago, when I was 37, I met a 27-year-old girl. My goal was marriage and to have a family so it was important for me that I can be married to a girl of the same or near to my status. On the fir …

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How to protect yourself from sociopaths in 3 easy steps

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UPDATED FOR 2022. Yes, you can protect yourself from sociopaths. You can stop them from coming into your life and causing serious damage. I'm going to tell you how to do it in three easy steps: Step 1 — Know that sociopaths exist Millions of sociopaths live among us. I am not exaggerating that number. I use the word "sociopath" as an umbrella term for four serious personality disorders. They are: Antisocial personality disorder /psychopathy Narcissistic personality disorder Borderline personality disorder Histrionic personality disorder Although there are clinical differences among these disorders, there are many similarities. People who have these disorders are usually …

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Suddenly he says his mom died — a sociopathic seduction strategy

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You’re chatting or texting with your new romantic partner. You make plans to get together, and suddenly he says his mom died and he has to break the plans. You react to the tragedy with shock and sympathy. Of course, you understand, and you’ll be there when he needs you. But what if it’s not true? What if when he says his mom died, he was lying? This happened to a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call Charlene22. Her story is below. Names are changed. Lovefraud reader's story I met Rick on Tinder in early January. We sent only a few messages back and forth before he asked for my snapchat so we could communicate there instead. We continued to talk every day for about a week, and had plan …

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After 6 months of No Contact, the sociopath wants to begin again

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UPDATED FOR 2022: Suppose you successfully get rid of a sociopath and he or she leaves you alone. Then, after months of No Contact, he or she reaches out to you. The sociopath wants to begin again. What do you do? Here's an email exchange I once had with a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Alana." Alana wrote: Donna, I came across ur website accidentally after I left a guy and was searching for some answers on whether he was abusive, I was left totally confused. When I met him 4 years ago, he seemed so crazy about me and he would send me hundreds of texts per day and 10 phone calls, he wanted to see me every day. At first I felt suffocated I wanted to run in the other direction, …

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4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheating

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UPDATED FOR 2022. Psychopaths will never stop cheating. If you suspect that your partner is disordered, and you're experiencing any of the following, beware: Do you have absolute proof that your partner is cheating but he or she denies it? When you confront your partner about cheating, does he or she say it's your fault? Does your partner pick a fight with you, and use the fight as an excuse to storm out of the house and see someone else? If you answer yes to these questions, you may be involved with a psychopath — for more warning signs, get the exclusive Lovefraud checklist. If your partner checks a lot of the boxes on the checklist, know this: There's nothing you can do, or …

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Why do psychopaths lie?

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[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/P_6vDLq64gE" title="How%20to%20spot%20a%20liar"] UPDATED FOR 2022: How to Spot a Liar that's the title of TED talk by Pamela Meyer, author of the book, Liespotting. A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to the video. It's a good starting point for a discussion of the question, why do psychopaths lie? How to Spot a Liar, on HuffingtonPost.com. In my opinion, the tips and techniques that she suggests in the video are helpful if you're dealing with normal people. I'm not sure how useful they are when you're dealing with psychopaths. Meyer does point out that people who think liars look away and don't make eye contact are mistaken. The research, Meyer …

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My happy marriage after the sociopath

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This past weekend, my wonderful husband, Terry Kelly, and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary with a short getaway to New Hope, Pennsylvania. We stayed at a nice hotel, went to a museum, ate some delicious meals. But mostly, we celebrated our love for each other, still going strong after all these years. Yes, a happy marriage is possible after the sociopath. Life brings challenges and we’ve certainly faced our share. But the issues were never about problems in our relationship. What’s our secret? I’d say caregiving. I’ve explained many times that researchers have identified three social drives that are components of romantic love: Attachment — wanting to be with your special …

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A Lovefraud reader’s happy ending

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UPDATED FOR 2022 — a reminder to everyone that there can be love after the sociopath. Several years ago, Lovefraud heard from a reader whom we called "Rochelle." After 30 years, she'd reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. It felt like her chance to finally have the love she always wanted. Except that the boy, now a man, was a sociopath, and the love was a mirage. Rochelle knew he was disordered, but still she pined for him. She asked, "When does it get to the point where he stops taking up space in my brain?" Here's her story: Getting the sociopath out of your head She later wrote a Letter to Lovefraud detailing her experience: How sociopaths twist words and a …

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Yes, there can be love after the sociopath

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Relationships with sociopaths are devastating. At one time we thought we’d found the person we’d been waiting for all our lives. Then we were unceremoniously discarded. Eventually we learned that the whole relationship was a lie. We feel like we are emotionally ruined forever. But I’m here to tell you that there can be love after the sociopath. I know, because I lived it. My first book, Love Fraud, is the story of my marriage to a con artist. I describe in detail how he seduced me, then exploited me. But the book is more than that — it is also the story of my recovery. In fact, the sociopath’s betrayal shattered my emotional defenses, which had the effect of enabling me to truly open my …

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