How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Perspecticide and percepticide: effects of psychological terror

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The primary goal of anyone trapped in an abusive situation is survival. When you feel like you aren’t in charge of your life, and you see no way out, how do you survive? This can happen to people who are being coercively controlled in an intimate relationship, are stuck in a cult, or are living in a region of declared or undeclared war. Sometimes the situation is so threatening that the mind can’t deal with it. Psychological solutions include perspecticide and percepticide — the inability to see what is really happening. I first encountered the term “perspecticide” in a Business Insider article from 2017 entitled, Manipulative people brainwash their partners using something called ‘perspect …

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I was caught in a trauma bond with a psychopath

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Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Samantha22.” Her husband said, “their love was destined in the stars.” Much later, she realized that what she felt wasn’t love, it was a trauma bond. I was caught in his gaze when I was out one evening watching his band play a local pub. He didn’t take his eyes off of me, and my boyfriend at the time wanted to leave. A few months later, I was single and I saw he was playing again, and I planned to go with a girlfriend. She bailed right before, so I went on my own. A promoter was chatting with me about music, and saw him and offered to introduce me. I first declined, saying that’s okay, but he’s insisting, s …

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Guidelines for dealing with female sociopaths

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Millions of sociopaths live among us, and a significant proportion of them are women. Unfortunately, many Lovefraud readers have learned about female sociopaths the hard way. Over the past few years, I’ve exchanged emails with a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Steve22.” Steve22 has been involved with a woman for about 20 years. Slowly, over the last 10 years, he figured out what was wrong with her: She has a serious personality disorder. She exploits and manipulates others — particularly him. Luckily, Steve22 never married the woman, and now he is planning his exit strategy. He will soon retire, and he’ll leave not only his job, but also the female sociopath. They do share a house, and sh …

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The generational abuse is finished

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS This is the last article in a series about my work with a client, “Mary,” in which I used the empty chair technique. This therapy technique helped her explore generational abuse and express long-suppressed feelings to her father, who was deceased. You can read the previous articles here: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex During Mary’s processing of her emotions through this empty chair technique, she realized that she had nothing to do with the origination of her family’s chaotic problems. Mary learned that while she wa …

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How sociopaths become expert manipulators

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Sociopaths, when we first meet them, typically seem charming, friendly and exciting. Later, after we’ve been exploited, we realize that we were targeted by a professional who deceived and manipulated us. But how did the sociopath become an expert exploiter? How do sociopaths know exactly what to say and what buttons to push? For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are d …

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He wanted to psychologically destroy me

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Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Louann22. She was involved with a lying, cheating man who she now says, “wanted to psychologically destroy me.” He faked being in love with me for a year. I found out so many things were lies. I eventually realised he was filming me through a camera that was attached to his phone. He would plant things in his room to watch my reaction, such as dirty underwear from other women. He faked a future with me. I ended up selling my house and moving across the country, all the while he knew he was not genuine. I'm fairly certain he doesn't actually have a job, but was using myself and other women to make pornogr …

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Dealing with dying Cluster B parents

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Editor’s note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader, “Matt,” a long-time member of the Lovefraud community. By Matt It has been many years since I last posted on Lovefraud. When I first joined Lovefraud in November 2008, I was among the walking wounded having just pried my sociopath boyfriend out of my life. This site was my godsend. Among the many topics covered, although it wasn’t on my radar at the time, was dealing with Cluster B parents as they came to the end of their lives. Having buried both of my parents within the last 5 years, I’d like to share my experiences dealing with such parents. My parents My parents were two martinets who treated their children as …

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Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS In my last two articles, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. She wanted to know why her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex. Read the previous articles: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session discussing how she was infantilized and abused by her mother. In this third session, Mary confronts her father about his relationship with her ex-husband. Mary’s ex …

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Doing business and working with Senior Sociopaths

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Some senior sociopaths are in jail and many are parasites, living off of a partner or family member. But millions of senior sociopaths are in the workplace, causing havoc with co-workers, customers and sometimes bringing down the company (think Bernie Madoff). If you’re working with senior sociopaths in any context, watch your back. My new book, Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers, is now available here on Lovefraud and on Amazon. It’s based on surveys that I conducted with Lovefraud readers. Most survey respondents described romantic partners or family members, but 62 described a work colleague or business associate. It was not a pleasant exper …

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The sociopath ‘ruined me,’ Lovefraud reader writes

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Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Sassy22.” She says sociopathic ex-partner “ruined me.” I answered the door and a good-looking guy was standing there asking if Sean was ready? I was confused cuz I lived alone with my son, not named Sean. This guy, dressed in construction work clothes was very apologetic, and said he must have got the address wrong. That he was carpooling with a new coworker and was sorry to have bothered me. As he left, he turned around and ask if he could make it up to me by taking me out for a drink later? I politely denied, and closed the door. The next few weeks I started seeing this guy all the time. He drove down …

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