By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
EB –
I’m so sad for you. Wish I could fly right over and help.
Sometimes, we overcome so much that is horrific and we are doing so well but then ONE MORE THING happens and it just gets us where we live and dredges up all of our trauma and tiredness and frailty all over again and whacks us about the head with it.
You can’t feel it right now, because you are IN it, but it WILL pass. It always does. Even the straws that break the camels backs pass.
Big cyber hugs to you. xx
(((((((( Erin ))))))))))))))
I so understand this…..
Abuse of any kind out of your child, an OLDER child is nothing less than unacceptable, but when it’s violent, it’s time to really let go. I know it is VERY painful to do this. But for YOUR sanity YOU MUST get him out of your house. The violence and rage are scary!! It’s much like getting an exspath violent abuser out of your house. The scariest time is when YOU”RE KICKING THEM OUT!! Get back up, throw him out. You’ve done all you can. With all you’re going through it’s not possible for you to keep doing this with him. For your healthy, sanity and PEACE, he HAS to go!!!!
Silvermoon,
thank you for posting that about your son. You are a courageous person with incredible stamina.
Sometimes we are quick to judge here because we are just too tired to do this anymore. Why do we always have to bend over backward for everyone?
The answer is that we don’t, but most importantly, we need to see things without emotional reactions.
When we have strong boundaries we can usually command respect, but not if we sink to the level of emotional disarray that others try to get us into.
My BF’s temper seemed out of control, but I figured out 2 things: one, he was hungry and his blood sugar dropping made him cranky. two, he was used to reacting this way and it was a lifelong habit. He had even warned me about it. It was pretty quick to deal with once I figured it out.
Silver, I have obstructive sleep apnea, quite bad actually, and I am treated for it with a machine at night that pumps air in to keep me from stopping breathing. I’ve had other sleep problems as well, like getting to sleep, and staying asleep. Sometimes medications cause sleep problems as well, and I’ve had that. I know that sleep deprivation can cause some serious problems. Bi-polar is also a cause of sleep deprivation through mania at times. Generally sleep deprivation (unless we are talking about days and days) don’t cause much more than someone being “cranky.” While I know you had some problems with your child that were difficult to diagnose, most of the time if you hear “hoof beats” it is more realistic to think “HORSES” rather than “Zebras.”
Part of the problem that EB has and Witsend (don’t know if you remember her or not) is that you can’t TREAT someone for a medical or mental problem if THEY WILL NOT COOPERATE. An 18 year old, or even a 16 year old who refuses to cooperate with treatment can’t really be forced to cooperate.
Witsend would talk to the psychiatrist and the school and their UN-helpful advise, was “well, just make him take his medication.”
What was she supposed to do, as a single parent, to sit on her 16 year old male child and force the pills down his throat?
There comes a time when an ADULT child who is uncooperative can’t be helped by allowing them to abuse you any more. There comes a time when in order to survive yourself, you have to set them free and not continue to feed and house them while they abuse you and make no effort to cooperate with any kind of treatment. I think EB has reached that point in the situation. It is a matter of her own survival. Not that she has to give up “hope forever” but for right now, she cannot cope with his violent and destructive behavior and keep a roof over her own head much less his.
EB,
Hugzzz woman, I am so sorry you are going through this. I’m no expert here, you know I;m a neewbie. But I was thinking….. If you took him by the hand and helped him find a place to stay and just put the distance between the 2 of you. So you can take care of yourself first. I guess I am tring to say amicable(spelling). Would it work if you told him you would help him and he needs to help you? He has now obviously felt the loss of you and everything else. He is probabaly freaking out over it and doesn’t know which direction to go!
Hugzzz
Soimnotthecrazee1!
Silver,
I haven’t gotten very familiar with you with me being new, I can say..
You seem like you are very “classy”, refined and have the patience of Job. Very good job you did with your son. You have alot to be proud of. Happy New Year!
Soimnotthecrazee1!
Hey SC!
Glad to hear your daughter is doing well!
Oh my God! My eyes nearly popped out when i saw the 48 Laws write-up. I personally had dealing with a spath who I only later found out had this book, when i found the book I was stunned as I could nt quite understand who I was dealing with and why he was cold calculating manipulative and down right diabolical manipulating calculating person. This was not the man I got involved with at the outset. He did whatever he could to get me to drop my guard and was the most charming, romantic, attentive man any woman could ever hope for. However once I was sold on who he was and I had plenty of warning signals that something wasn’t right he wreaked so much havoc on my life, destroyed my core structure on every level and didn’t give one damn about me or my child or the facts that i had given up place to be with him. He turned into a complete monster to me a nightmare that I am still waking up from. I found the 48 laws of power of book he had hidden in his closet, There were a number of highlighted paragraphs and notes he had written on some items in the book. This is when I started to realize what and who I was dealing with. I took the book and hid it in my car so that i could read more in depth of the book. My son who found the book in the car only read the back jacket and inside front of the book, he looked at me and said Oh My God this is who Robert is. This describes him perfectly. The 48 laws of power is a lethal book. I cannot begin to describe how this guy shredded me into an unrecognizable person on every level of my life. 3 years I with him and because of me finding this book and this web site I knew I had to run for my life with what little I had left of me. I have a l few setbacks because I truly loved this man and just couldn’t believe this was all a lie! Im still trying to recover and I thank God for this website, my family and friends who recognize I was in deep trouble and did whatever they could to help shake me out of the spell or stupor I was under. My sister said to me “thank god you left, please dont go back, we have all been to hell and back”! My family and friends watching me continue to be a fool, watching this guy suck me dry and run amuck all over me with no respect for me or my child what so ever. He Never said sorry about anything and always felt he was entitled to do as he pleases and with no regard for consequences. I spent the last 3 years crying, angry and feeling helpless. All I kept trying to do was please him more and more and the more I did the more he wanted until I had no resources left to even do for myself or my son. He saved all his money and I spent all of mine! If I needed a dollar he wouldn’t lend it to me . H e would ask what you do with your money and would turn around and lend anyone else but me money and let me know about it! A slap in the eyes! This book is what a spath is truly comprised of in my person opinion. i consider my ex a serpent! Thanks for posting about this book! It made my day…
Ox,
My son was smart enough to refuse medication to keep his legs from moving early on. He didn’t know at the time that his resltessness during sleep while he was breathing inturrupted probrably kept him from harm.
He refused to take ADHD meds because that ISN”T what is wrong.
You know, its amazing what the right answer and a genuinely concerned approach will do to help a young person have confidence in it.
The first answer isn’t always the right one. Neither is the second.
Sometimes we have to listen to our kids the way we would to our peers.
Sometimes, they know a lot more than we give them credit for.
I was very frustrated when the Docs would make thiese expensive presriptions and we would have altercations over his refusal to take the meds.
But in the long run, my son was correct.
I just put it out there that my son was so perfectly frustrated with it all that he couldn’t express himself without making a hole in the wall or distancing himself.
Now, we are working our way back from that hell and it isn’t easy.
I advocate only the search for what is REALLY true and admit that it can be a rough road.
thanks so imnotthecrazyone for your kind words. Most people would chuckle at the part about being refined and patient who know me, but I like those words you gave and I thank you.
If my words are helpful to any, then that is the greatest reward I could hope for. We all have a story and the stories and words of others here have helped me so very much.
I offer what I have and it is the best I can do.
Silver,
Your words spoken last night,,,, about your son resting and the fire crackling in the back…. was such a peaceful calm scene for me. I wish I could have been on a rug in front of the fire. I find that Fire, Ocean and Sunshine are such “soul” healing matters in my life. I also read about your challenges trying to help your son. Your words express a person of “class” and refinement. Your words seem calming to me.
Thanks!
Soimnotthecrazee1!