By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
Ok… to anybody out there… I put a sign on my mirror that says ” HNY leave it behind you! You understand it now!
I hope that helps me wake up to be the happy person that I always was until the train wreck. I don’t know why I wake up feeling like the “attacked dog” Ox has told me about. I have physically been away from the idiot for 2 yrs now. But I wake up feeling like that “cow” kicked dog every morning. He’s no longer around to intimate me …. it’s like it became a learned feeling and I can’t rise above it. So hence the sign…. hopefully it will work!!!!
Crazee,
Try the cd The power of NOW by Eckardt Tolle. I found some wonderfull insights and excercsies there for the very thing.
Everyone here must weary of my saying so, but it sure helped.
Tolle teaches that you may not be entirely happy, but you can be at peace by being present in the moment. And to do so requires turning off the part of you that is in pain and exists in pain.There is a way not to feel, not to be like that if it is your choice not to be a cow kicked dog.
But here is the thing and every horse rider knows it – when you take a bad fall, you have to get right back up on top or you never will again.
The word in the traditions that bore me is: gumption. You must assume it even if you have it not!
The results were life changing for me.
Thanks Oxy for taking the time to post this – both fascinating and disturbing. It’s a worry that normal people are now wanting to learn psychopathic techniques.
We can practice self defence though – a friend of mine gave me The Art of War for Christmas 🙂
Hope everyone is having a relaxing and spath free festive season 🙂 Alll the best for the new year.
Dear Blackchloe,
You’re welcome. I am glad that finding this book among your X’s possessions woke you up to what you were involved with. We have truly joked here that “they used a psychopath’s play book” and if there is such a book, THIS IS IT. Of course any knowledge can be used for good or ill, any object can be used for good or ill.
It seems to me as others have noted though, that the author’s overall “attitude” in the way the book is written sort of seems to show APPROVAL of using these tactics to GAIN POWER, and some of these tactics are of course illegal and immoral (at best).
While the author never says in so many words, “I think this is the way you should live your life, not caring about others” it seems to be the TONE of the work where other books that describe that sort of behavior show a disapproval for such behavior.
It is a “triggering” book to read and I find myself unable to read much of it at a time. Also each short chapter needs to be “pondered upon” for some time, and digested. It isn’t a quick read for me at any rate.
Dear Silver,
My ADHD son was put on medication at age 7, but it made him a zombie (ritalin) and I took him off of it, and researched and found Dr. Fiengold’.s book “Why our children are hyperactive” and the diet restrictions that he thought would help the children. It DID help my son C, and not only in his behavior, but in other healthy problems, it was a diet I had to read labels, but mostly I had to grow my own food, and milk goats for milk (couldn’t buy goat milk in my part of the country in those years) and a lot of other things, I had to quit work and spend 60 hours a week taking care of my kid’s needs for the foods. It doesn’t work on all ADHD kids, but it has been shown to help in some kids in research projects. (apparently there is more than One “cause” for ADHD) In any case, I know what you mean about not accepting the diagnosis. I’m a medical professional (retired) and I definitely know about missed diagnoses….I could name several serious ones inside my family, that if I had not been VERY STUBBORN and insisted on more tests my husband for one would have died…so I am definitely in agreement with you on that part, but the thing is that EB has gone the limit with her son, there comes a point when you can do no more. NO Matter what the problem is or what (if any) solution there is, he will not cooperate with even diagnostic tests much less treatment. He is an adult, even the LAW WILL NOT SUPPORT HER IN MAKING HIM get medical tests or any treatments.
My egg donor needs help physically and emotionally, she is 82, lives alone, has fallen several times and broken bones, she is not safe to drive, but she does some times, but BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THE NAME OF THE PRESIDENT, HER NAME, and basically what state she lives in she is considered “competent” to handle her own banking business, and not have a “guardian.” It does not take much in the way of “sense” or judgment to be considered competent in this country. Even if someone is RAVING and violent or suicidal, a 72 hour court order is all that they will be held for, and then if they are not screaming “I”m gonna kill myself” they will let them out.
It is Almost impossible to have a guardian appointed if the person is not totally “out of it.” EB’s son is at that stage on the “young end” of the stick, and my egg donor is on the “elderly end” of the stick, but there is nothing either EB or I can do to MAKE them seek or get treatment for their own benefit. While your son apparently eventually cooperated with treatment, neither my egg donor nor EBs son are willing. They want their own “control” and to do what THEY want to do, no matter what the consequences are to themselves or others. It is a shame, but it is the REALITY.
I’m not trying to argue with you or the treatment you got for your son, I am so glad that you did, but this situation isn’t one in where EB even has an OPTION ABOUT DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT.
Thanks Silver!
Ox,
Have you heard from EB? Is she OK?
Ox,
I think, for me personally, that this is the MOST frustrating thing ever!!! Trying to tell someone or explain to someone about a child that REFUSES treatment…it’s enough to make me feel that because it worked for another child, and not mine, that I somehow didn’t do it right or that I failed my child.
Silver, I’m so happy to hear your child was WILLING to adhere to treatment. I totally understand that. I have a child (now 20) who has to be INCARCERATED for behavior that was atrocious!! And he had to be incarcerated, because he would have made the community UNSAFE if not having done so. Secondly, he was in treatment for his behaviors for three years. I’m happy to say that it WORKED! BUT, he had to be WILLING to make it work for himself. Thank GOD he did, but I have yet another son, who is much like EB’s or at least is headed that direction. I’m going to try a couple more things before I totally give up hope on him,but I can guarantee you that if it DOESN”T work, he WILL be gone. After that it’s up to HIM as to whether or not he makes it. It is true you can take a child to therapy or put them into treatment for whatever are the reasons, but only THEY can choose as to whether or not it will WORK and implement the treatment they need.
I want very much to be sensitive to everyone on this issue. I understand your situation Silver and I’m happy that things worked out for you. But sometimes, such as in EB’s case, as well as Oxy’s, you can do everything you can for your child and I do mean EVERYTHING and sometimes, DESPITE everything you do, the child WILL NOT COOPERATE.
With all that I’ve read here so far, I think ox and erin are VERY good parents. Have done EVERYTHING they could for their children who are needing the help. I KNOW I have. And I will continue too. While it worked with one son, it may NOT with this son. I’m prepared for that, to take care of ME and my OTHER children, if he continues to choose NOT to participate in treatment.
EB, I hope you’re alright! I’m saying some very, VERY big prayers for you!!!! Ox, have you heard anything????
I’ve got to go outside right now and pay attention to my horse and dog!!!! 😀
Dear all,
I appreciate ALL of your perspectives and stories of parenting your children, what worked, what didn’t, what you tried and how it ended up.
I guess part of my problem is the ‘letting go’,final straw, end deal, caput…….part.
I, like Silver, want to keep fighting……I think the thing that I wrestle with is the fact of …..’when’ DO I SAY STOP! ENOUGH….and am I quitting too early.
I did the same thing in my marriage, and i can say….I definately don’t ever throw in the towl early on things…..this is a problem for me…..I need to be able to see WHEN enough is enough and the situation won’t change with whatever I do/try/attempt.
I know this kid has been through hell, I know he’s made poor choices for his life…..as far as shutting down and digging his heals in when people want to help and maniopulating some of this help to suit his easy wants.
I know he’d be fine if there was an ‘easy’ button HE could push.
We know there IS NO EASY BUTTON! WE know that…HE doesn’t.
With spath….it wasn’t until the end was clear……drugs/kids etc……NO WAY.
I need to find a balance.
This IS the perfect example of WHY I don’t need another relationship…….I just don’t know ‘when’ to put a stop to it.
I obviously have more issue to uncover about me.
My mother would take whatever from whoever…..and go into denial.
My denial rests with…..knowing I physically can’t do this, there is no room…….but have I tried everything for a better outcome.
I wish I had ansers……a play book…..a guarenteed outcome….good bad or indifferent.
Life just isn’t likethat.
This is why I appreciate ALL angles you have ALL shared.
Dynamics, makeups, genes, individual personalities, choices yadyada……make up each person……
I know there are consequences to each way I push …..
You give me hope…..each of you.
No….he did exactly what I expected….like spath he’s predictable……no move out by 4pm.
I’ve got one last ditch effort at the house, but docs must be in by tomorrow…….so I didn’t fight it…..nice cop out huh?
I told him, i’d buy him a ONE WAY ticket to the tropics…..and that was it. No other help…..he’s got to cover medical, houseing, transport yadayada…..
He lite up…….then looked into his pipe dreams further and said no more about it yesterday.
I don’t know what i’m doing……but maybe it’s just buying time to deal with the business side of my life. That all continues to be pressure laden……but that’s also temporary……until final, final decisions are made…..but dealing with all of this at once is shutting me down on ALL of this…..I just want to walk away from it all.
Last night, I found myself looking into jobs/houseing in AUSTIN TX?
WTF? Why AUSTIN TX? How’d that come up?
I think it was my ‘run’ factor. Just run….EB…..
So, I thank you all for each of your experiences…..I appreceiate it all more than you know. we are mothers…..it’s never easy whatever route we choose. we ALL hope for the best outcome in the end.
XXOO
EB