By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
S1, well I don’t want to say hip hip hooray to that, but it’s good to know that someone else struggles with it.
It is WAY cool! One how long does it take to do that?
What was your experience in those ways wiht your spath S1?
LL,
What a porno perv…. that tried to seem like he was from “The Cleavers”!!!! He had ruined hisself with prone position masturbation and porno and didn’t “get it” when it came to being flexible in the bedroom. A machine that had to be in one particular position, stimulation only on one spot and physically hurt me to get there. If he didn’t have it in his own hands with porno on the tv it wasn’t happening. His penis was DEAD!!! Take it from a sexual woman…. major disfunc!!! He pleased me… but trying to please him was like nailing jello to a tree!!! That took alot away from my self esteem, his porno was OK and him watching every skirt go by was OK but the woman by his side had to endure such physical pain to please him…. it felt like I was raped and he knew it… he would ask if I was OK.
HOW FRIGGIN SICK IS THAT?
I was finally able to load your last post, but I can’t go back to that thread, it takes forever to load it is too big!
Dear LL and Not crazee –
There was a discussion along these lines on another thread some weeks back. I’ll try to find it and post it here.
Seems that all of us who are women who were involved with sociopathic men have experienced the same things sexually:
the porn, the perversity, the disconnect on any real intimate level, the inability of them to function normally (as someone who was married twice and engaged once – so 3 long term relationships prior to the spath – I have basis for comparison) and the feeling of being raped or otherwise used by them.
Ugh.
Aussie,
That would be AWESOME! The more info I get on that the better. I suspected my Spath might be into porn, (we did a sexcapade tape, oh god he still has it too!), but he was on the computer ALOT and it was LITTERED with CRAP all over the desktop. Took up over half the fricking screen! The disconnect, etc. Withholding was a big one for my Spath or disappearing for days at a time, only to resurface for the niceties (I need to get laid) love bombing stuff,then the crap would start immediately the next day or right after the sex…Jekyl and Hyde. Unbelievable!
Aussie, I’d like to know what your basis for comparisons were and if you could clarify that for me?
S1,
I do know what you mean about physical pain. I felt like a human form of the game twister,…”ok, this way,ok,that way, no wait, this way”…..it got soooooooooooooooooo boring!!! He always wanted me to use my vibrator. I could never bring myself to do it. I’m okay with SHARING things like that when it’s a mutually loving, TRUSTING, secure relationship, but in that way, I withheld from HIM, but all I could feel about it at the time, was that he didn’t deserve that kind of act WITH ME….I’m so glad I never did it!!! SO GLAD! He always wanted to do that too. I always did what he wanted me to do, but it only happened ONCE and NEVER AGAIN, ie: things like doing it in a hot tub or outside on the lawn (he lived in the sticks on beautiful property and it was secluded), but NEVER AGAIN. He always complained that his wife was such a prude, so I outdid myself big time. The last six months, he wouldn’t let me perform oral sex or any foreplay on him, when before he loved it. I enjoyed pleasing him…he seemed to love that,can’t understand why he stopped allowing it…..just weird stuff, ya know? It was like I was being transformed into “wife” rather than just forbidden girlfriend. I think my POS likes triangulated situations A LOT!
Aussie,
Thanks! Ox did a great job explaining the discconet and sex…. like it is with a warm blow up doll with us!!! EWWWW
LL.
I hope she finds that thread. But yes we do need one to spill our guts out about this issue during our healing just like people with children have a thread to post. This is all part of our healing and understanding. The spath makes you feel sick and ashamed. It’s awful!!!
S1,
I think that’s the hardest part of all of this. The shame. The guilt,but I think more the shame….sick, yes, that too.
I feel “infected” by this man. And THAT makes me SO angry!!!
LL,
Sounds like the dysfunctional spath to me, they need the adrenaline rush and feeling of control. Thank God you held yourself back. I didn’t…. I was his wife… he is 50 and has never shared a shower with a woman. With his issues mentioned in the previous post I think he was either molested or was the molester at a young age and he can’t get past it with having reclused and ruined hisself with porno and masturbation. He really loves teenagers too. PEDOPHILE!!! He needs major help!
LL,
I felt like I couldn’t get clean enough while living with him. Couldn’t brush my teeth enough, take enough showers, clean the house… it was awful!!!!!! We know they are sick inside and can’t get it right ourselves. they throw us so out of balance ourselves we can’t deal with it!
I was really reserved about what I shared with the spath. I sent some lovely pics done just for ‘him’, but they were not sexual. even still, i know that the bitch has probably used them in a scam. i used to have a blog too, and sure as the sun rises she was lifting pictures form it.
She lifted about 200 hundred pictures from someone elses blog to con me with. grrrrrrrrr.
I met ‘him’ in on a kink community website. Kinky, yes. Me too., but that’s not the issue here – it’s about being drawn to do things we didn’t want to sexaully.
I had a lot of phone sex with the spath. What i do feel bad about is the couple of times when I felt NO emo connection coming from ‘him.’ As time went on ‘his’ emotional emptiness when sexual became obvious. There was a very short time span between my recognizing that and his faked death; only a few weeks. She did try to create a triangle between me and ‘his’ bf – both sexaully and romantically; striving for jealousy she was. Didn’t get much from me. I am really good at keeping that sort of stuff hidden. I just decided that i wouldn’t ‘play’ at all and that seemed to curb the jealousy drama somewhat – not that it stopped, she kept trying to find out ways to get it going. ergghh.
I have heard that other people who have interacted with her in other cons think she’s really pervy, and not in a good way. she really toned that down with me. she presented him as a certain type of kinky person, and then modified it to suit most of the people she was conning. i am not sadistic, or domineering, and not into a whole whack (no pun) of things she hinted at as the fake boy. she used to bring it up as ‘things the dead boyfriend did to me that traumatized me and almost killed me’. oh, poor you. let me lick that wound for you. i am SUCH a dupe!
and for those of you confused by my pronoun changes in my posts – the spath is a woman, who pretends to be a boy, and his lovers and family. the ‘he’ i talk about, aka ‘the fake boy’, was the central character in her con of me and the rest of the fetish community.