By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
oxy – i can imagine that it is a book to be studied. it’s kind of creepy that it was written as a resource for those seeking power – it’s all about ‘power over’ (as per the jacket blurb: ‘Amoral, cunning, ruthless’) and not power from within.
i think de cluttering brings us smack up against our attachments. when i moved 7 years ago, some things were easy to let go of, and other’s made it to the hallway and back a few times before i let them go. we find out our true loves/ greatest attachments, and yours is books. mine is probably tools: artist’s, carpenter’s, cook’s. most of my books fall into that category also.
lesson learned
ONE!!
Beautiful! Amusing at times in the way you spell it out, but also so sad!!
Blessings, Chica!
Ox Drover
Dear One, Yea, THAT TOO!!!!! LOL
“Storage is where we keep stuff for 10 years before we throw it away.”
I’ve been there too, though my storage is “neatly arranged” I realize that most of it I have not used (except for building materials or plumbing parts etc as needed for repairs on the farm) since my husband died. I’m tempted sometimes to just call in an estate auctioneer and sell it all off—but would be about 7 cents on the dollar and I’m too cheap to do that but if I have to move I probably will.
Well, I’m putting up and freezing veggies in my new vacuum sealer thingie and it is really fun. Bought celery and carrots on sale and can’t find carrots except fresh witihout added salt, so this way I can put them up and use as needed with NO SALT.
Got some resistence bands yesterday too and so am doing some additional strength training to my exercise routines, so got lots to do and Son D gets back today from visiting his bio family, and our beef butchering is off this weekend (too warm) so will do other things! See you guys later.
skylar
I tried to read this book but was repulsed by it. Made me physically sick. I know it has good info, but I almost barfed.
I guess it just hit to close to home, it was too much like my life for 25 years.
The problem with this book is that it can be used by the budding spath to perfect their skills.
I can only imagine my retarded spath sister reading it and being mesmerized by “the wisdom” in it.
It should be called, “how to behave like a fucking infant for the rest of your life” and it should come with a diaper.
I hate that book.
Ox Drover
Skylar,
I understand your revulsion for the book, it sort of made me sick in a way to read it too….but at the same time, sometimes UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTHS do that to us, and it did make me see some things about myself that I had left myself OPEN TO ATTACK from the psychopaths.
I hated finding out that the swelling in my feet and legs was due to the amount of sodium I was eating (because I LOVE ham and other salty foods) but it was ONLY BY FINDING OUT what was causing the problem that I could fix it. I sure did NOT want to find out I couldn’t have all the salt I wanted, but in the end, while it was an uncomfortable truth, it allows me to FIX THE PROBLEM by changing my diet and the way I choose foods. Ditto with the weight problem, I didn’t really want to admit to myself that I had gained an unholy amount of weight, but It was the truth, and the SEDUCTION of the foods I wanted lured me into denial about the results. So—uncomfortable truths, I’m too fat, and can’t tolerate a high salt diet any more—but the GOOD NEWS IS I CAN COUNTER ACT IT BY MAKING BETTER CHOICES. I think as uncomfortable as the book made me in some ways, it is better to know those tactics so I can counter them by changing my own habits and behaviors.
So I hate the book, but at the same time, it is USEFUL INFORMATION.
dancingnancies
I saw this book… I thought it was quite triggering/off putting at first, when looking through it. But I do think if you go into it reading it with the perspective you mentioned, there’s probably a good deal to be learned. I think it’s best read in small increments though, so it isn’t too overwhelming- but I guess that’s just me.
I will say it is jarring because it’s actually kind of give these things as pseudo advice.. I think reading in the way you mentioned would be useful, but i can’t imagine the real reason people tend to buy this book, it kind of scares me.
True-to-Self
Reading the description of that book made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. The scary thing about my ex spath’s and my recent breakup is that I knew all along, but didn’t trust my instincts. I had even read the books by Stout and Hare. In trying to figure out what was wrong with my exH who definitely D and D’s me at the end, I have read about BPD, Passisve Aggressive, most recently covert aggressive, but when I realized that my recent BF was a spath, I told myself “No Way. I can’t be meeting all of these crazy people.” Besides he didn’t seem to require that much. Although we broke up several times the reason I gave was that I just didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. I could see the potential for disaster.
Last Friday, Christmas Eve, I believe he actually took his mask off. Even though I knew (couldn’t prove it) that he had stolen from me, manipulated me, for what? a place to hang out on the weekend and a cell phone plan. ( His previous girlfriend had him on her’s). This time he hurt me. He actually hurt me because he called me a bitch from hell. That doesn’t seem like much since my ex husband was a master of verbal abuse. It hurt me because I had shared with him what my ex Husband had done to me and he did the same thing,
His anger would have been full blown rage if we would have been in person. I believe it is because of #19 Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person.
I was smarter than this. I knew it all along. I am one of those people who talk and talk and talk. Cell phone plan a good thing. I needed someone who would listen. My husband also listened to me and then betrayed me later. I could have gotten the same thing had I just filled up several journals.
This time is different. spath was angry that I caught him drinking when he had promised not to drink again. I had not asked him to promise that as I knew it was a promise that he couldn’t keep. When I did catch him drinking and wanted to at least talk about our relationship, and he kept hanging up on me, he got the most angry when he found out I had again un-friended him on Facebook. As silly as this seems, he was going to gift me a special creature that he bought with fishbucks on Christmas. Before he had given me a Teddy Bear that was supposed to represent him. The last time, which I thought was the final time, I broke up with him, I dropped Teddy off at a bus bench. Does any of this make sense? I have been had. I got caught in his web. I know he underestimated me because I pulled the plug, but I also underestimated him, because I hurt and he doesn’t.
I posted right after Skylar because I want to ask you about your comment about your life for 25 years. Was the spath your husband? If so, were you taken in for a long time, or did you know and didn’t know what to do about it?
True-to-Self
Ox Drover
Dear Dancingnancies,
I CAN ONLY read this book in SMALL PORTIONS because it is triggering, and because it does bring up memories of “Oh, wow, that was what X did to me, and how they ambushed me.” But at the same time, FOREWARNED IS FOREARMED. If you don’t know what your enemies’ tactics are or how many of them there are or who they are you will end up like General Custer! Very arrogant and very dead. I heard a good interview on NPR yesterday from a historian who had written a new book about that era and Crazy Horse and it discussed WHY Custer lost. Narcissism and arrogance and LACK OF INFORMATION ABOUT THE ENEMY. So I think it behooves us to LEARN about the psychopaths and to know the tactics.
Most SALES PRESENTATIONS are manipulations, to get the person to WANT and purchase what you are selling.
Dale Carnagie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” (book and sales course) is exactly a HOW TO MANUAL to get sales men to use the power of persuasion to convince people to buy from YOU and not someone else. It is A HOW TO MANIPULATE MANUAL. Of course it is all about “manipulating them for a GOOD CAUSE” (YOUR SALES FIGURES) DUH! so it is okay to use those tactics.
That is all this is as well, how to manipulate others so that you can get what YOU want.
We all do manipulation, we MANIPULATE our two year old to get him to cooperate with us and put his shoes on so we can get out the door to day care and work. We manipulate our lover by giving them a massage so they will want to have sex. We manipulate the dog by petting him when he fetches the ball or shaming him when he poos on the floor. So manipulation isn’t “all bad” or all about a “power trip” but there are limits.
When my oldest son was little my husband and I had a friend who sold life insurance, and for kids as well as adults. I remember him trying to manipulate me into buying some for my child, by telling me a story about some people whose baby had died of SIDS. Like somehow if I bought the insurance policy it would keep my BABY SAFE and if I didn’t buy it, my baby’s life would be at risk. Of course I bought the policy! LOL But looking back, I can even feel the emotion I felt that day as he was giving me his sales pitch.
Life insurance pays money if someone dies. It does NOT assure that they will not die. LOL The thing is it doesn’t protect against anything for an infant except protecting the parents from not having the cost of a funeral.
skylar
True to Self,
All the signs were there. GLARING signs. But I didn’t know that’s what they were. my exP was my BF for 25 years because although we lived together, he didn’t want to get married – THANK GOD!
I didn’t know he was poisoning me, cheating on me, devaluing me, purposely trying to drive me crazy, gaslighting, slandering and sabotaging everything in my life.
I saw that he lied, but let it go into the WTF? bucket. lots of stuff that didn’t add up. So many stories of pity and persecution… you know the drill.
If I had read that book 25 years ago, I would have been really impressed by it, and if I had noticed that the exP was doing all the things in the book, I would have thought, “how amazingly smart he is because he does this to everyone else”. I never would’ve thought HE WAS DOING THEM TO ME TOO.
Oxy,
yes the book is good information for self-protection, but it just isn’t presented right. It makes it seem like it’s a GOOD thing to do. I think that’s where the revulsion comes in. I can only imagine stupid people, like my previous-self, thinking, “I’m going to do these things, because I’m so smart and I read the book.”
The books by Stout and Hotchkiss are better in that they present the REAL thinking of the spath and the evil that it represents. I didn’t feel repulsed reading them even tho I could relate to although I was familiar with the descriptions.
KatyDid
Oxy,
I had a great discussion with my daughter over that word “manipulate”. I decided that I “persuade” and “empower”.
Manipulate is when you get someone to do something that is DESTRUCTIVE by not revealing what you know the outcome will be or do to them.