By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
Skylar,
My Ex H left me one week before our 25th Wedding Anniversary, and a very serious surgery that my autistic daughter was facing. I saw it coming as we had been fighting for weeks, make that about 4 months. The surface issue was that he was a hoarder and we were in credit card debt living on half of our income because of the debt. He would buy things to resell but got to the point where he would get rid of nothing. My argument was obvious. Lets sell some stuff at consignment shops work together and get out of debt. We would then have twice as much money. The final straw was when I threw away some of his moldy books. It all sounds so stupid now.
I was distracted for years because of raising and autistic daughter, by a previous marriage. He was very good to her. He met me when she was 10 years old. Of course I carried baggage in from first marriage.
Gaslighting could be the number 1 thing that he did. Devaluing me was the other. Rather than make this a long story, fast forward to the last three years of our marriage. I started taking a lot more initiative. I didn’t ask his opinion on everything. He had the house before we were married. Even though he was never married before as he was younger than me, he tried to make me feel as if he was doing me a huge favor by bring me and daughter into “his” home.
One day I woke up and said to myself “Wait just a darn minute here.” This is my house too and I can darn well do what I want with it.” I would decorate it. He would sabotage it. In fact he sabotaged a lot of what I did, including trying to lose weight. My mother was very critical so I spent a lot of time venting about her. When the end finally came and he walked out. He told me when I was on the phone to my mother “Why don’t you tell her what you really think about her? He also told me that “I will quit my job before you get spousal support, and I will burn the house down before I let you have it.
I got a good lawyer, I bought him out of his half of the house with my so-called inheritance from mother, and got spousal support. For some reason I didn’t feel good about that. I needed it for survival though, because of raising autistic daughter I didn’t work a lot. I worked but didn’t have a career or even enough social security points of my own. “You are worthless” seemed to be his mantra. Me trying to explain to him why I wasn’t was what I spent my time doing.
While I am working on me, I have to do one of two things regarding the house. Either get this house once and for all to reflect my total personality, or get it in resale condition so I can get rid of it and buy a small house without a basement. There is a lot of wasted space in the house that is hard for me to take care of. The basement was pretty much stripped of its carpet, etc because of mold and his hoarding. The upstairs is good.
I know he was more than just passive aggressive. PA explains gaslighting. What was it he wanted from me? When his shopping and hoarding addiction took over he wanted me gone so he could be alone with his addictions. He thought though that I might inherit some money from my Narcissistic mother. Once he called me a gold digger (projection). I think working through recent break up with BF is ultimately going to help me deal with issues of ex husband. I thought his personality had changed and that wasn’t really him. I think that unfortunately that was really him. One of the things I did to my disadvantage was feel sorry for him. Because he wasn’t a physical abuser, I thought my reasoning with him would help. It just made things worse.
TTS
Sky, “different strokes for different folks” that’s why some things give some folks “ah ha” moments and don’t others. I gained from Stout’s book, from Hare’s and many others, and also from this one. Yes, it is sort of ODD book, and there is almost a TONE of “approval,” or at least NOT DISAPPROVAL, of using these tactics to gain power and control over others (to the detriment of the other) but by knowing (for me) HOW people can use my own thinking and desires to control me, I have some advance knowledge when I see someone doing this and I can say “Ohhhh, you are trying to control me.” Maybe I wouldn’t have seen that earlier on in my healing journey but I do NOW. I don’t think we can ever learn too much, but we can sure be too ignorant for our own good. So any chance to educate myself I am taking, even if I have to take it in SMALL doses a few paragraphs at a time.
Dear True to self,
Yea, “manipulation” and “control” are words that we can say have BOTH a positive and a negative connotation so it depends on “whose ox is gored” which is the bad manipulation and which is the good.
I agree with KatyDid that teaching a child to make decisions is a good thing, but at age 2 sometimes they are NOT going to learn to do it because it is against their entire developmental stage…we were talking the other day and One I think it was posted the attributes of a 2 year old and decision making was NOT one of them. LOL Actually ROTFLMAO hee hee
But defending ourselves against an onslaught of a power play from a psychopath or an enemy of any kind we tend to think of as “all is fair in love and war” so it is okay. They of course think it is UNfair because they want the upper hand.
So I think the best thing for us to do is to look into our own hearts and minds and see what our intentions are. ARe we in it to just control them or are we involved in the situation in order to protect ourselves from aggression? What is our intention? Sometimes I know I am NOT the best judge of what my own intentions are even, because I am prejudiced FOR MYSELF. LOL
This book is the recipe for the BACKSPATH.
If your divorcing a spath……LEARN these ‘rules’, along with getting to ‘know’ how your spath ticks by his past with you and others…..study it….it’s the key to a successful divorce of a spath.
For a ‘normal’ healthy thinker, these behaviors/actions/thoughts are hard to digest. But it’s like a snowball…..if you can keep a balance and use these ‘laws’ to gain power over the spath…..and jump back into your normal self otherwise…..you’ll gain speed, throw spath off balance and this is where we need spath to be, to counter control him.
A spath thinks he’s got us cornered. He has trained us and groomed us to predictable behaviors….he counts on this.
Throwing this wrench into his game throws them off balance…big time. When they are off balance, their mask slips….they get desperate, they don’t back away…..and rethink things….they keep pushing…..THAT is the behaviors a judge needs to see. (others too) for exposure.
These laws are brilliant…..but NOT for public consumption and use. Only to counter control a spath.
It’s DOES count as the spaths handbook……but i’m not even sure a SPATH knows this.
Erin
LOL!!! BACKSPATH! I SO LOVE IT!
I BACKSPATHED MY EX SPATH!! BIG TIME!!! SO BUSTED! Had no idea what to do and his true colors came flying out because he was NOT prepared for what he effed around with!!!!
It doesn’t get rid of the pain I’m feeling, and it won’t stop him from victimizing other women, but at least for the big fish he thought he caught that was a challenge on multiple levels, it was a SAVE for her and BACKSPATH for me!! DELIGHTFUL!
EB, How are you doing? Did you get more snow? Looks like california is going to wash away though. We got 3 inches of rain here, today and it was steady all day, and we NEEDED it, so no complaints at all.
Did your bear come back yet?
Yea, that book is something for sure, and is CREEPY as it seems really to “glory” in the tactics rather than condemn them, but it is good information if you are dealing with Ps. I tihink if there was ONE and ONLY one book I could pour in to a young person’s head, it would be the information in this one. If they were a P it would make them worse, and if they were Not a P it would PROTECT THEM.
Just watching Criminal Minds and the perp mentioned the 48 laws of power, kind of funny how it happened right when I read this article.
This is very instructive, Oxy!
I didn’t read the jacket blurb to start with, since the font comes out rather faded, and I plunged straight into the 48 Laws instead. But it struck me right away that Robert Greene seems to be playing the part of a modern day Niccolo Machiavelli by documenting for a wider audience “How To Gain Power.” So when I returned to the blurb it came as no surprise to see Machiavelli’s name there as a major inspiration for Greene’s dissertation.
I was also reminded that about the same year Machiavelli was penning his own work (1513), Sir Thomas More was making this observation in his History of King Richard the Third:
That’s quite a reflection on the ruthless cunning of a king who sounds very much like a psychopath, and could well have been one.
Hi Oxy….yep….another 18 inches last night…..been cleaning up all day.
GF came over for our coffee and chat this am….got stuck at the top of driveway.
Kids dug her out.
This has really provoked some thought in me today. How I took each thing I realized (after the fact) that spath did….and reversed it back and used it against him. I had many interesting convo’s with my therapist about doing this…and after I explained my aproach…..after he watched the downhill journey keep sliding, when I was ‘playing’ nice…..he agreed….this is what is required. Actually, I was quite surprised, as he was the only one I shared my aproach with….that he wasn’t scared begeebers of me. thinking I was wacked……but after 1.5 years of me bleeding in front of him….and then sharing how I made the spath bleed…..and how it empowered me…..all we worked on then was…..the reminder of keeping ‘who’ I was near and remaining balanced.
This was helpful….because I did have to ‘deal’ wiht normal peeps in life…..but NOW…..if I sense spath…..I DIG my heals right in and counter control…..however minute it is…..just dig those heals right in.
We are due more and more snow…..so the horizon is looking wet here.
I’m just trying to come to terms and grasp (ie Talk myself into) this move…..however it comes about….foreclosure/shortsale….I’m moving. When…..not sure…..I’m hoping I can list shortsale and buy myself another 120 days….have time to clean out here, sell some stuff…..paint rental, make it homey rather than rentalish…..move the furniture out of there……and not be rushed out……but as we allknow…..things don’t always go our way. I just hate the thought of moving into a storage unit…..and then transitioning again. Maybe lightening the load substantially will be a good thing!!!!! Yeah….that’s it!!!!!
Jr said last night….Mom….isn’t it time you ask for help?????
WTF? HELP……as if in the past 2.5 years that never crossed my mind?
Then he sets dibs on my bedroom……UH, yeah……I said….um…..at 18, I really don’t have to include you in this move whatsoever…..so don’t be telling ME which bedroom your going to get and cop an attitude with me!!!!!!
I’ts ME time……i’m tired of salvaging others.
Or maybe i’ve just eaten too much rum nut cake today!
The bear has not been back since I started throwing rocks at him like Babe Ruth……shoulda been a pro bear rock thrower…..maybe it’s not too late!!!!
moving the spath stuff OFF my computer should be done by the time i am finished this post. I know there are dregs here and there, but i have the major amount of it.
i also spent some time deleting photos that make me feel upset – either related to the spath or the n ex. i don’t have as much time as i want right now to CLEAR OUT, but these bits DO help.
looking at some of the images i collected post spath – ouuu DARK place. maybe someday i will forgive my friends for abandoning me.