By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
Skylar,
With the appraisal prices of property going down now that the real estate boom has blown up, it might be possible for you to get the PROPERTY TAXES LOWERED on your property.
Check with your county assessment office (the people that are responsible in your area for assessing the value of a property and then using the “milage” rate that is voted on by the county to assess what you owe in taxes on that property.) This may vary from state to state and even county to county within a state depending on the RE tax approved in that area.
Say the house and lot used to be worth $50,000 but due to the neglect and the down turn in prices it is only worth $25,000 NOW, you might get it re-assessed and the property taxes cut in half for the future.
If you don’t pay the property taxes, eventually the county/state will sell the property at auction and if it brings more than the state or county is owed in taxes they will contact you and send you that money, but IT WILL NOT BE MUCH because it is sold at auction and people who are in the real estate “know” are the ones who pick up the properties for a song.
My husband had bought a lot on a lake in Nevada that turned out it was ILLEGAL TO BUILD ON. It wasn’t worth much, and because it was illegal to build on it, we just quit paying the taxes and eventually the county sold it, took their share of the money for taxes and sent us like $1500. It wasn’t any big deal for us, but if this actually is a HOUSE even one that is run down, it might be worth it for you to see about the taxes, and at least make an effort to pay them or to sell the place for SOMETHING.
If the property itself is in any way desirable it might be that you could call a real estate agent in the area where the property is and get them to list it for you and get something out of it rather than let it go for taxes. In my state 3, years of not paying your property taxes is all you get before it is put up for sale.
I just read the list in the playbook again or I should say I skimmed through it as it was so triggering. Yes, my recent Ex BF spath seemed to operate from this list. I am not saying he read the book, lol. I guess they don’t really need too. The things that struck me the most was absence, and letting people come to them. They also use people to do their dirty work.
His MO seemed to be when anything unpleasant came up in conversation he would disappear. He left my house one morning without saying a word. Of course I called him later. He once, after hanging up on me, turn the phone off for a week. I remember now, he did text me to not call him as his phone would be turned off. He did the same thing to his so-called best friend.
That is when friend and I spent the most time supporting each other as we both had been used by this guy in a different way. We would actually laugh about the strangeness of his Sociopathic ways, but realizing that in reality he couldn’t think his way out of a paper bag. In other words, he didn’t seem to premeditate any of his actions. I think otherwise now. He dropped his friend like a hot potato when he didn’t have a car anymore. I told you before that spath didn’t have a car because of unpaid fines in another state because of DUI’s. I had even offered my partially dead in the driveway car to him, which he worked on and tried to fix. In fact I offered a lot of things to him before he even asked. Since he had the same kind of phone I did but was using a “pay as you go” phone plan, one time I offered to put him on my plan. He never once offered to pay me his share which was not a lot as it was like adding another line, but still.
What I was absolutely amazing to me was his lack of embarrassment for ripping me off. He didn’t steal my life savings, or sell me time shares in the Bahamas, but I believe from the very beginning that he was stealing out of my drawer that I kept cash for the pizza delivery man, etc. His friend told me that he thought he had stolen a pack of cigarettes and a can of coffee, two different times, but neither one of us accused him because we couldn’t prove it.
Regarding topic he used the “let them come to you”, tactic as after a long absence I always seemed to be the one to call him. Even after he couldn’t use his friend for transportation I believe he still uses him to get to me. He admits he has no friends now. That would make me feel sorry for him, but DUH! Why would he think that is?
After my divorce from Passive Aggressive, probably NPD, don’t think he was full blown spath (at least not yet) I had a series of boy friends. Most of the relationships lasted from 2 to 4 months.
Spath has lasted off and on for a year an a half. My self esteem was worse after him then before him. I say was because I did break up with him more than once BUT have a hard time letting people go. So, what am I going to do? I am going to start the New Year with no alcoholic boyfriends or their friends who are also Alcoholic. I am going to set a standard if I have to write it down. Where do I draw the line, or what are deal breakers to me, and no matter how many crocodile tears I hear or see, I will end the relationship. By the way he also did the crying, which friend never saw or heard. He dealt with us differently and also used us against each other which sometimes made him look better.
Happy New Year Everyone!
True-to-Self
one of the reasons that this triggers me is because in the last 3 years as my spath was preparing to destroy me, he put some trojans in my neighborhood. One was a drug customer of his and her husband. This woman was adopted as a baby and her birth mom was a drug addict. Her husband was an ex-meth freak/car salesman who began building houses instead.
I got to know the woman and there was much drama as she decided to file a suit on the community water association (after I convinced her to volunteer as a board member). She was angry because I wouldn’t side with her that she should get 20 grand from our community, but she called me every day and talked to me for hours. And then she would say: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
She was a real sicko. But then so was crazy husband stealer and so was the spath. It was like they were surrounding me, which was part of his plan. He was convinced he would get me to kill myself. what a fucking idiot.
Sky
LOL “Fucking idiot”
Case closed!
Sky, one of the things I noticed in reading this book is that I will read the “law of X” and feel triggered because I Have an “AH HA flash” that makes me say to myself, “Hey, that is the very thing that So-and-so psychopath did to me” WOW!!!! FLASH!!!
It is at times quite triggering and painful to read this book, but at the same time, LEARNING ABOUT THE PSYCHOPATHS IS TRIGGERING AND PAINFUL but it is like CHILD BIRTH –in order to fix the problem, we have to PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN AND GET IT OVER WITH. Saying to ourselves, “Oh, this hurts to read this” isn’t going to get the knowledge we need about psychopaths and their TACTICS into our heads. The thing we CAN DO is to take it in SMALL BITES. And that I do. I still have not read every line of that book, yet, but I read it in small pieces, and then ponder each piece but when I have had “enough” of that thinking and learning, I put it down, push it aside and come back for another small “bite” of it later.
But I also find that a book that doesn’t “trigger me” a bit isn’t one that I am relating to very well either. Those that make me have “ah ha” moments are the ones that do trigger me, but also educate me the most too.
A friend sent me a URL called the “No asshole rule” which is a book written about how to recognize and combat ASSHOLES in the work place and in your life.
Some of the people we refer to as “psychopaths’ are indeed TRULY psychopaths, and some are just plain, garden variety ASSHOLES, but in EITHER CASE, regardless of what we call them, they are TOXIC to our lives, our health and our mental health and well being, and we sure do not want them in our lives.
The 48 laws of Power book is “heavy reading” and almost like a text book, it must be studied, but a lot of the “No asshole rule” (have only read blurbs) is a lighter reading I think and actually might be a good one to read. It is more on how to deal with these in our businesses and our jobs, but I think for those people who are out working AMONG them, it would be good information and might be less triggering reading.
Psychopath=asshole, but not all assholes are psychopaths, but it doesn’t matter—“asshole” is just a “lower level” of a selfish person, but NOT one I want in my life.
Oxy,
I know that you are right and that the book is filled with important information. I wish it didn’t trigger me because, I would MEMORIZE IT.
But this book is different from all the others about spaths because of it’s perspective. it is like the difference between reading about doing autopsy for medical purposes and reading about corpse mutilation. The effect is basically the same, but the content is different.
I can read the most accurate descriptions of spaths and have no reaction if it is written with the purpose of unveiling evil. But this book is more like encouraging evil, so it gets me upset that more people will behave this way.
Have you ever read, Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman?
It isn’t even about spaths, but I think it’s a sick book, because it describes how to think manipulitivaly (sp?) so you can be more empowered. It describes how this is done in advertising and in the corporate world. The call this emotional intelligence I call it emotionally arrested development. The book advocates the same basic stuff as what my spath did: manipulate others’ emotions. People thought it was pure genious but it’s pure infancy. sick.
Should come with a diaper and a binky.
Skylar, I understand your perspective on the 48 laws book and also on the Goldman book….and I agree that the 48 laws seems to be ENCOURAGING people to do these things for selfish reasons.
I also understand the difference between dissection and corpse mutilation….that’s a good analogy BTW.
I think though that there is more to learn from them than the triggering “costs” so yes, I have read and appreciate what I learned out of both of those books. At the same time, I can see why you would NOT want to read either of these books.
“How to Win friends and influence people” is the same way. Touted as a great way to teach “salesmanship” and “how to be a friend” and how to be a “leader,” but at the same time, a way to manipulate others to do what YOU want them to.
Cult leaders do these things to people to influence them and we see it every day with people who are politicians or leaders who use emotion to sway our thinking or get our vote. Bernie Madoff did it to get the people to invest their money with him.
Fidel Castro, Mao, Stalin, Putin, Hitler, (and some I could name closer to home) and so on, these people all used the “power of persuasion” to get others to follow them. That is why we must use WISDOM to be able to tell when we are being “led astray” by someone who is manipulating us. That means we need to recognize the way they do it. Those books are triggering, but they teach us how others can manipulate us. I want to know that enough to take small enough bites that I can “swallow” and “digest” that knowledge to use for my own protection.
Oxy-thank you for the book review. Most of these power moves require ruthlessness, something moral people cannot do.
The bible verse “be wise as serpents, harmless as doves” comes to mind.
I interpret that to mean that we must know what the serpents are capable of doing…and that is what this book describes.
However, we are to be harmless, not ruthless…., keep peace by either immediately fleeing the evil or wisely deflecting it.
We cant be harmless if we dont recognize it and that is where attaining wisdom is paramount.
I was not raised with the knowledge that evil can exist disguised as good….and that kind is the most dangerous evil of all…
. But now I preach to the choir.
I was also thinking that it doesn’t hurt to read the enemie’s handbook. That is what I took it as when I first read your post.
The reason I was triggered is that my ex BF could actually be the poster child for spath. His face would be in the dictionary next the word Sociopath. No he was not physically dangerous (that I know of) or a serial killer but he was a lying, manipulative game player. Only he seemed to know what that game was.
Flowerpower. When I was going through a two year separation and divorce, God led me through it mostly with the book of Psalms. I kept reading things like be careful of those with lying lips who want to drag you into a pit and other verses like that. He also said that he would cause them to be caught in their own net. Although I resisted and even told God that “He isn’t that bad.”. God knew that he was. I am talking about my husband of 25 years. My mother even told me that because he didn’t care about me that was the reason for a lawyer and court to protect my rights. My main weakness in both of my marriages was to either think that they were going to listen to my reason, or to feel sorry for them.
In my first marriage which was not as complicated I often said that I learned to beat him at his own game, which I was able to do. Unfortunately in the last marriage I didn’t know what the game was.
We need all of the help we can get. We don’t think like them, but apparently the book which is the topic of this thread does……so go for it. I might even get myself a copy.
TTS
Flower Power, keep preaching, the choir needs constant reminders to keep us singing strong.
True-to-Self,
You sound exactly like me: 25 years with the poster child and the dictionary picture, but could I see it? Yes, but WOULD I see it? NO.
Here’s some interesting stories about the man I couldn’t believe would actually physically hurt someone:
In the 1980’s there was a man-hunt for the green river murderer in our area. He is an infamous serial killer who killed dozens of prostitutes for over a decade before caught. One day, I was about 18, and sitting watching the news with my spath. They put out a bulletin for a blue truck with a primer patch on the passenger door etc… description matched EXACTLY my spaths truck. I felt a chill go up my spine and then told myself to stop being silly and having such a wild imagination.
I said nothing. Before the week was up, the truck was sold.
No, he wasn’t the GR killer (he was caught), but he was trolling for hookers on the hooker strip near seatac and he HAD been frightening them, so someone reported him as a scary “john”. Of course I can’t prove it, but knowing now what I know now…
Fast forward 20 years. We were living 80 miles north and he comes home with one of his fantastic stories:
“I was at the laundrymat, just doing my laundry and there was this guy and a girl and the girl had NO SHOES! and it was cold and I felt SOOOO sorry for her and the guy asked if I would give his GF a ride, and I felt soooo sorry for her so I said ok.” At this point he checks my face to see if I’m buying all the crap. then he continues, “So I drove but she wouldn’t say where she wanted to go and we just drove around and she wouldn’t tell me where she wanted me to take her so I pulled over and told her to get out. But she wouldn’t, then she started beating on me and kicked the windshield and broke it, but I thought I had to get her out of my car because she was going to accuse me of RAPE or something, so I finally opened the door and pushed her out and drove off!”
Sure enough the front window on the passenger side had been kicked and cracked. But you know what? There is no way she could have gotten out if she wanted to because for some reason and by some coincidence, the door handle on the passenger side was always broken (for years and on different cars) so the passenger couldn’t get out unless they knew the trick to the latch.
oh there were signs, LOTS of signs, that put a pit in my stomach but I just told myself that I was sick to think such things and I should control my wild imagination.
RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!
KEEP PREACHING TO CHOIR, FLOWER POWER.