By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
I feel like that cow, hanging in your hanger.
((((ErinB))))))) I’m sorry you are going through this—of course it is your fault, it has to be your fault, because he doesn’t want to face it that it is HIS FAULT. He need to get hungry and whatever you have to do to see that he gets what he NEEDS is what you have to do. I know exactly what you feel like, throwing your kid out into the snow….last year when my 40 yr old was “tossed out” (I game him 30 days to leave) he packed and left that night and then went ot work and told his boss and another guy he worked with that I threw him out with no where to go in the middle of the night—pooor baby. He had no money cause he had spent it on computers! Well, at first I was embarrassed because of what he said, but you know, I’m at a point now where I don’t care what they believe about me, the truth is he lied to me, then lied about why I threw his ass out. He’s on his own, and I hope some day he grows up, but I’m beginning to think he may not, but that’s not my problem. I hope that your junior who is a WHOLE lot YOUNGER and more “know it all” than my son C will learn. He is not so set in his ways yet, and at that age they think they do know it all, so let him take his problems and see if he can fix them since it is everyone else’s fault and he is so smart. He can sleep in his car or go to a shelter. (I would give him a C-note or at least gas money to get to a shelter if you’re not sure if he has it) Even that “homeless victim” (psychopathic) woman I took in last year, when i threw her off the place i gave her some money for gas just in case she didn’t have enough to get to a WalMart parking lot to park.
I know you get tired TIRED of all this carp! But I also know that you are one smart cookie, and I know that you have come back from a lot worse than this. ((((Hugs))))
Thanks silver…..
There is no time to rest….i’ve got to start liquidating my ‘stuff’, or at least get it out of house……
Proly no rest for a few months….I’ve got the foreclosure, the IRS, jr’s shit….my shit…..it’s ALL SHIT!
I’m scared……I don’t feel well.
EB,
If you are sure that your son is the problem, then you must be strong a little longer.
There are so many issues in your son’s past that unless I had a really good shrink confirm it, I;d still be looking for what the root is.
Young people can be driven to near madness because they can’t express what is really inside and the relationships we have, don’t always calm it down.
I know advice pours down from the stadium full and that only the matador faces the bull, but I wonder is the conclusion undeniable to throw your son on the street like this?
With help from the police?
I know how hard it is. I already did it once. And in time, came to find out that there were alternatives and things I did not know. And underlying medical issues.
I get tough love. Been there and lived that too. I know the gut wrench. And that there are no words to describe it adequately.
Either way, I will support you. I’m just asking, is it absolutely true and can you validate it with outside, objective opinion?
Because if you can’t, then that is going to be very difficult too.
This, I know.
EB, I feel like someone gutted and skinned me too (we’re posting over each other) —-oh, these old bones and joints hurt! But I told son D that 2 months ago I could NOT have done what physical activity I did today. I actually stood on my feet and worked hard since 7 this morning and we didn’t quit until about 2:30 this afternoon. I was bending and stooping, and even when we came in for a little bit of lunch I only sat about 20 minutes and the rest of the time I was washing saws or knives. So my physical fitness is improving over where I was a couple of months ago before I started all the exercises and weight loss, and not having to tote around quite so much LARD helped too I think.
I was so proud of myself today and son D and the young man that was helping us. He is one of our “regulars” here but he had never even butchered out a deer so it was all new and wonderful to him. I did a cow anatomy running commentary as we went and he dove right in and was doing great. One more time like this and I think he could do it himself.
Tomorrow will be cutting up and packaging the meat and mostly just standing and walking, not hard work, but lots of it and long hours. I wish you were here to help me, and I’d work you so hard you’d have no trouble sleeping tomorrow night. (((hugs)))
Don’t forget to breathe.
Foreclosure is hard. Brutal.
Stuff is just stuff. Be methodical. You can do this.
The best storage place I have found is called PODS. They bring a container to your place, you load it and they take it to a place to store. You pay by the month, have full access or they bring it to where you live next.
Tell Jr. to go to a friend’s for a couple of days.
Catch your breath.
Then, get an accountant. I can refer you to a Forensic accountant if you need.
The IRS will negotiate and you can get some breathing room.
It will all work out but you have onbe hell of a knot to untie right now.
EB – get him out.
you can reflect on your loss and grief when he is no longer punching holes in your walls. get him out. police. now.
don’t you take another minute of this. ADAMANT EB, ADAMANT – LET us be it for you tonight.
and this coming week, go to the doctor.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((EB – now.))))))))))))))))))))
He DOES need help, but he’s got to be honest with himself AND others to receive it.
EB,
I wish there was a website like LF, but for people like Jr. who need to talk about what’s really bothering them and where they can get toughlove and support for changing the way they think.
Yelling and screaming doesn’t work. Demanding that he see your point of view doesn’t work. I know you’ve got lots on your plate ASIDE from Jr. so you are naturally going to feel scared and sad, but in the case of Jr. there is only ONE thing that is going to work for YOU. you must be completely emotionless and objective. I recommend that you read, “why does he do that? inside the minds of angry men.” That is what helped me to understand my BF. and guess what? HE NEVER throws tantrums anymore. I can’t even bait him into it. Why?
Because I told him I LOVE his angry side, it’s really cute and makes me want to cuddle him. He asked me if it was reverse psychology, I said, “it is if you want it to be, but it’s the truth” (it kind of is, I had to change my PERCEPTION of his tantrums before I could change my reactions to them)
Either way, he’s a sweet loving man with no tantrums now.
Dear EB,
YOu cannot help those who refuse to help themselves.
If you and a tiny child feel out of the boat into the river, I would say to you, DO YOUR BEST TO SAVE THAT CHILD, let it ride on your back and swim as best you can, even if you go down trying, but….if you and an adult child fall out of a boat and the adult child says “mom, I don’t want to swim, let me ride on your back” it is FOOLISH AND STOOOOOPID to them sink you. You are no longer required to sacrifice you own life trying to save a child that is NOT CAPABLE OF SAVING THEMSELVES. He is capable of saving himself. He is capable of swimming for himself and he IS RESPONSIBLE for swimming.
Just because he expects and DEMANDS that he get a free ride on your back does not mean that you are RESPONSIBLE for giving him one or for feeling that you have failed by not letting him sink you because he is too freaking lazy to swim.
HE NEEDS CONSEQUENCES….he may or may not learn from them, but you have done all you can do.
Yes, he has anger issues, yes, he is depressed, but what can you do about it? NADA, ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH….so swim for yourself darling! You can’t be there to help him later if he decides to wise up if you sink now. You have to take care of yourself. YOU HAVE DONE ALL YOU CAN DO. You can’t do any more. He is responsible for himself right now, he is 18, and he may think and wish it was All your fault, but he is going to have to MAN UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR LIVE IN HIS CAR OR ON THE STREET.
Call the cops if that is what you have to do. I wish there was a way that several of us could put our arms around you and have a big GROUP HUG!!!! But you know we are thinking about you and that we HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE IN YOU THAT THERE IS. (((HUGS)))))
‘t