By Ox Drover
Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.
I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!
Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.
Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:
The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch POWER, or want to arm themselves against POWER. Amoral, cunning, ruthless and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power into forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Carol Von Clausewitz and other great thinkers. Some laws require prudence, some stealth, some total absence of mercy, but like it or not, all have applications in real-life situations. Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded, or been victimized by power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control.
The 48 laws are listed in the contents
Law 1: Never outshine the master
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Law 3: Conceal your intentions
Law 4: Always say less than necessary
Law 5: So much depends on reputation—guard it with your life
Law 6: Court attention at all cost
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Law 8: Make other people come to you—use bait if necessary
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument
Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally
Law 16: Use absence to increase respect and honor
Law 17: Cultivate an air of unpredictability
Law 18: Do not built fortresses to protect yourself, isolation is dangerous
Law 19: Know who you’re dealing with—do not offend the wrong person
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker—seem dumber than your mark
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: Transform weakness into power
Law 23: Concentrate your forces
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier
Law 25: Re-create yourself
Law 26: Keep your hands clean
Law 27: Play on people’s need to believe to create a cult-like following
Law 28: Enter action with boldness
Law 29: Play all the way to the end
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Law 31: Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal
Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies
Law 33: Discover each man’s thumb screw
Law 34:Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a king to be treated like a king
Law 35: Master the art of timing
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish
Law 40: Despise the free lunch
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoes
Law 42 Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once
Law 46: Never appear too perfect
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop
Law 48: Assume formlessness
Perfect advice for psychopaths
The preface of the book gets right down to business:
No one wants less power, everyone wants more ”¦ in the world today, however, it is dangerous to seem too power hungry, to be overt with your power moves. We have to seem fair and decent. So we need to be subtle—congenial yet cunning, democratic, yet devious.
This game of constant duplicity most resembles the power dynamic that existed in the scheming world of the old aristocratic court(s).
The author, Greene, then goes on to perfectly describe the psychopath’s ways, without naming him such “”¦those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.” What else but a psychopath could “recognize”¦by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice ”¦ but (they) are merely throwing dust in our eyes distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority”¦.you will see they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, …and they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use.”
Emotions
In directing his readers how to master the most important skills in acquiring power, Greene tells them that the most important foundation is to “master your emotions.” He states that an emotional response is the single greatest barrier to gaining power. In this particular thing, I totally agree with him, because if we are emotional about a situation, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, and as he says, “cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.”
Greene goes on to say that anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, and “clouds your vision the most.” Again, I totally agree with Greene in this statement, but then he goes on to add what I would think is directed more toward the vengeful psychopath than to less pathological people, “If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.”
The mask
Psychopaths have been described by many writers as “wearing a mask” or even “the mask of sanity.” Greene seems to be very aware of this “masking” when he advises his readers that, “You cannot succeed at deception unless you take a somewhat distanced approach to yourself—unless you can be many different people, wearing the mask that the day and moment require.”
Psychopaths tend to project blame for their behavior on to other people, to refuse to assume responsibility for any of the things they have done. They lie “when the truth would fit better.” Greene says, “Power requires the ability to play with appearances. To this end you must learn to wear many masks and keep a bag full of deceptive tricks.” He goes on to say, “Playing with appearances and mastering arts of deception are among the aesthetic pleasures of life. They are also the key components in the acquisition of power.”
Green does not seem to view deception or the acquisition of power as anything immoral, and he actually says, “Power is essentially amoral”¦power is a game”¦and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.” He goes on to advise the reader to not be caught by assuming that someone has good intentions, or that their good intentions matter. Greene advises his readers that some sets of moral judgments are “really an excuse for the accumulation of power.” I can definitely agree with that last statement. Frequently, religion and moral judgments are used as justification for a power stance that has no other legitimacy, and does great harm to the victims.
Chapter One
For each of the 48 laws of power, Green has a short chapter that consists of the name of the law, the first being, “Never Outshine the Master.” Then he has a section called “Judgment,” in which he explains more fully the named law of power. The first law is reasonably self-explanatory and makes sense, really, because if you show your boss you are superior to him/her, then he/she will resent you.
After giving several good examples of using this law, or failing to use this law, Greene finishes up Chapter One by saying, “You cannot worry about upsetting every person you come across, but you must be selectively cruel. If your superior is a falling star, there is nothing to fear in outshining him. Do not be merciful—your master had no such scruples in his own cold-blooded climb to the top. Gauge his strength. If he is weak, discreetly hasten his downfall: Outdo, outcharm, outsmart him at key moments.”
While this book seems aimed at the “amoral-wannabe-politician on the way up,” rather than the psychopathic “wannabe-gang-banger thug” on the corner who is illiterate, I think that those of us who have had or even will have associations with psychopaths, or “Snakes in Suits” (to highjack the name of the book as a noun), should read this to learn how to discern when we are being played by the power-seeker. If we can recognize the masks for their deceptive cover, we can avoid the consequences of being played, or possibly turn the play back on to the player.
Disturbing, but necessary, reading
Frankly, this book made me uncomfortable while I was reading it, I think possibly by showing me “red flags” of power plays that I had experienced in the past, but had not quite recognized at the time I was being played. However, I do think the knowledge I gained by reading this book is well worth the slight discomfort. It isn’t a book that you can “zip through” quickly, but one that must, like the textbook that it is, read and ponder, and even re-read, and ponder again.
The most personally disturbing part of the book was one in which he was discussing the siege of Troy, and he said, “Image: The Trojan Horse. Your guile is hidden inside a magnificent gift that proves irresistible to your opponent. The walls open. Once inside, wreak havoc.”
We must learn to protect ourselves from those power-players who have no conscience, the power players who will use calculated acts of kindness or proffered gifts to earn our trust. Selective kindness can be the biggest part of the arsenal of deception. “Aimed for the heart, it corrodes the will to fight back.”
The 48 Laws of Power is available on Amazon.com.
EB,
I’m not saying to copy my advice verbatim, obviously it is a different situation with a son who has been physically violent and has so little life experience to work with that he uses emotions instead of logic.
But the essence is the same: a person who doesn’t feel right, regressing toward infantile emotions and trying to drag YOU into their drama.
Rise above it. objectively and emotionlessly. Your mind will give you the answer.
and EB – if several of us could come over there and hall his f****** ass out of there, we would.
You have to get him out tonight chica. he can’t be there. he is terrorizing you on a really deep level. sometimes we have to save ourselves before we can do damage control OR backspath. YOU taught me that. PLEASE EB – call the police.
EB,
This sounds too familiar.
Sleep Disorders and depression go around like a snake biting its own tail.
And sleep deprivation and all the frustration add up to madness.
You aren’t going to DIE but I can very easily appreciate how you feel like it is too much all at once.
God knows, I’ve been there too.
My heart breaks for you both. I wish there was a way to intervene for you. You need a friend who will help the two of you get apart long enough to break the cycle you are in.
Before this rips you open, have you considered calling the local crisis hotline? I know in the Bay Area, they had unbelieveable resources…. Might be a thought?
Thanks guys…..i’m tired.
EB – before we move into acceptance we feel hopeless. the resistance to the change we need to make, and the changes we cannot control, can drain us. You are shutting down EB, and i am very concerned that there is imminent threat with jr. that you need to respond to.
EB,
Make the call to the Crisis Hotline and then tell us what they said.
I’m sure One, Oxy and I and others can help you figure out how to get resources and help.
We’re here for you and if you’ll hold on, we will all stay right here.
EB, darling! ((((EB))))) Yes, I know it does feel hopeless, but it is NOT hopeless….I know you are tired, and TIRED and ***TIRED*** to the max. It feels like as soon as you get one bear off your deck there are two or three move come back with him and take up residence. We get so tired of being strong all the time and we get so tired of the UN-NECESSARY BULL CHIT! The people you love are the ONLY ones that can hurt you in your HEART, and that is what Junior is doing right now! It is just like child birth only it is LETTING GO PAINS, and they hurt and the kid kicks and screams just like he did the day he was ripping your guts out being born. None of us can go through this pain FOR you, but we are HERE WITH YOU, COACHING YOU, TELLING YOU TO BREATHE—-BREATHEEEEEE—BREATHEEEE— Pant pant! Take a breath and PUSH! push!!!! Just like there was a time he NEEDED to get out of your womb, HE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE NOW. You took care of him in your womb until it was time for him to go, and I bet he felt like you were being mean to him thrusting him out into the cold world where he had to actually SUCK to keep from starving and had to breathe for himself. Well, it is TIME for him to get out of the “womb” of your house, and to get out there and feed himself, and house himself, and learn the ways of the COLD CRUEL WORLD. He’s a big boy now and while he is angry at you for this, it is WHAT HE NEEDS, and more importantly right now, it is what YOU NEED. If you had let him stay in your womb for another couple of months instead of FORCING him out, he would have been stuck there….same with the “womb” of your house. It HURTS, JUST LIKE BIRTH PAINS, but he needs it and so do you. As much as he protests, you have to be the PARENT right now. Parents are not always “popular” with kids for being parents and doing what the kids need instead of what they want, but that is your ROLE and you need to exercise it. Put your ADAMANT ON and be the mama! Even if you are the mama bear right now. It’s what he needs. (((hugs))))
EB, don’t think of all you have to get done,
just do one thing today…
I know you’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other,
that’s what you’ve taught us to do!!!
The whole thing seems overwhelming right now,
so break it down into do-able steps.
:/
delete!!!! oh my!
My son couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. He couldn’t go to sleep at night. Five Doctors told us he was a discipline problem and a fancy schmancy shrink said he didn’t like his choices and was acting out.
I didn’t believe it.
Stanford University finally said he couldn’t get up because his brain wasn’t getting air at night. He has sleep apnea. Badly. At 14.
For over a year his sleep schedule spun around the clock and the school sent social services and the advice of my family and friends was that he was rebellious and would never succeed. Throw him out.
The specialist said that he would never make it through school and we should move out of our home to go get help from our family.
Then we found out that specialist said what he did to keep us from going to a guy who knows how to treat circadian rythmn disorders but to whom we were not referred because the two medical groups consider themselves competitors.
My son only needed a simple prescription and some sleep maintenance counseling. Yeah, he has trouble sometimes, but he knows how to manage it.
He was frustrated, angry and nearly violent and he was sick. He punched holes in walls and distanced himself from me and his school mates. He rebelled. He quit.
He was a mess.
I guess based on my experience, I’d say understand the issues, don’t just get unhappy about the symptoms. A vet would give a horse or a dog that much attention. For example, Sleep can be one and getting it diagnosed and treated is a nightmare. And there are a lot of other things than can go on and go wrong.
Sometimes people tell me to be brutal with my child and I can’t think of an instance where it serves my son better than my own anger.
And I think of how exhausted and broken we traversed the continent to get to better doctors and seek help and moral support from my family.
My father met me at the door on the other side of the country after waiting for me to get there to give me the very shove you describe. I will NEVER forgive him for it.
So, I agree that our children need to learn to stand on their own, but I am concerned that parents who shove the little ones out of the nest (and usually with encouragement from other big tough adults) often don’t take the time or do the work to find out what is really the root cause.
My experience was, the first five answers weren’t right and that the resources who take money in exchange for their answers are as pathological sometimes as the disordered who brought us here.
So I am slow to judge with finality even if I do feel very angry about things that my child does sometimes.
But parenting is hard and the situations all vary.