How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is there a gender bias against men in the diagnosis of sociopathy?

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There is gender bias in our current mental health diagnostic system. This bias occurs for three reasons. There are genuine gender differences in the manifestation of behavioral disorders. Those creating the diagnostic categories are biased. Those making the diagnoses are biased. Each of these reasons for gender bias is operative with regard to sociopathy. We would hope though that gender differences found in behavioral disorders reflect true physiologic differences between men and women. This week I will attempt to convince you that physiologic differences between men and women account for the higher prevalence of sociopathy in men. That men and women are different physiologically …

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How to find out if someone is truly military

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My ex-husband, James Montgomery, told me he had earned the Victoria Cross, Australia's highest military honor, for his heroism during the Vietnam War. He said he continued his military service for 30 years, as an Australian attached to American Special Operations, including Navy SEALS. He said he became an intelligence analyst for the Special Operations Command and the National Security Agency. I saw the reports that he wrote about Islamic terrorists. Montgomery was the keynote speaker at a New Jersey Veterans Day ceremony in 1995. His photo, standing at the podium in a camouflage uniform and Special Forces beret, appeared in the newspaper. In 1996 and 1997, I accompanied him to a local …

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Optical illusions: autostereograms and sociopaths

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Editor's note: The following essay was contributed to Lovefraud by Kenneth Royce at www.javelinpress.com. Ken discovered that a "friend" was a pathological liar, serial thief and con artist. "Though he made off with over $10,000 of my property in a very complicated scam," Ken says, "it's had the ironic benefit of outing him for the sociopath he is, and thus warning many other unsuspecting people." Autostereograms produce an illusion of depth using only a single image. The image is usually generated by computer, by repeating a narrow pattern from left to right. By decoupling eye convergence from focusing operations, a viewer is able to trick the brain into seeing a 3D scene. How to see …

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The psychopath and our own self-image

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"His online personal ad shows him as a clean-cut, athletic man with a friendly face, a sense of humor and a love for the outdoors. Many women would consider him a serious prospect, based on his ad. The problem is, Mike Andes is a convicted murderer ”¦" A reader recently sent Lovefraud this news story about Prison Personals, produced by KATU in Portland, Oregon. It turns out that thousands of convicts are looking for love online. Prisoners generally do not have access to the Internet. But apparently friends and family members can provide information to websites such as WriteAPrisoner.com, which then posts ads. Anyone who wants to respond to an ad—offering a gesture of friendship to …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: What is the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath?

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The first question victims of love fraud ask concerns themselves and is generally something like, “Why is this so hard for me mentally?” The second question concerns the perpetrator, “What is wrong with him/her?” Many seek answers to these questions on the internet and in the popular psychology literature. A person looking for answers in these sources is just as likely to read about narcissism as he/she is to read about sociopathy. Thus the confusion between narcissism and sociopathy begins. When trying to understand the difference (if any) between narcissists and sociopaths, it is important to understand why we have psychiatric diagnoses in the first place. We have diagnostic categories …

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Symptoms of a disturbed personality

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The United States, and the world, learned in horror last week that a 23-year-old student at Virginia Tech had gone on a shooting rampage, killing 32 people and himself. It was the worst mass shooting in American history. Amid the shock and grief, we quickly discovered that there were many warning signs that the killer, Seung-Hui Cho, was deeply disturbed. An article in today's New York Times—Before Deadly Rage, a Life Consumed by a Troubling Silence—explains that Cho always isolated himself. "From the beginning, he did not talk," wrote N. R. Kleinfield, "Not to other children, not to his own family. Everyone saw this. In Seoul, South Korea, where Sueng-Hui Cho grew up, his mother agonized …

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Love fraud: A spectrum (Part 2)

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In Love Fraud: A spectrum, part 1, I defined four types of fraudulent behavior within love relationships. These represent points on a continuum from predatory love fraud, where the intent is to destroy the other party, to adultery. All love fraud has a negative effect on the children produced in these relationships. Here, I will make the case that adulterous love fraud makes it difficult for legislators to write laws protecting children from sociopaths. A case of adultery and emotional abuse Jim and Nancy married young and were initially in love. They had three children over 5 years. Nancy took time away from her career to care for the children while Jim stayed in the work force. Jim …

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Understanding that sociopaths murder the spirit

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Here is an e-mail exchange that recently took place between me and a Lovefraud reader: Arlene: I was married to a man for 23 years. I found out so much in the last few years. He murdered my soul, my spirit, and financially devastated me. He moved another woman ... brainwashed my children. My 18 yr old now is on cocaine...she was a nice girl...he has trashed her also and she is not living with me. The children now that were close to me are not empathetic and cold. He grew in power and is an intellectual. He spread vicious rumors about me to cover his tracks. I am just to move on. Even though I was such a devoted mother and this family was my life. I have tried everything to recover and I …

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Love fraud: A spectrum (Part 1)

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The recent post on marital misconduct, and the many letters I have received from Lovefraud readers, have caused me to conclude that love fraud is a spectrum. Because love fraud is a spectrum, there is some confusion about it. To clear up the confusion, this week I will describe the range of motives for this fraudulent behavior. Remember that one of the most important biologic/social functions of love relationships is to produce and raise children. In my opinion, love fraud that involves children is the most serious. These children did not ask to be born and are at the mercy of the adults responsible for bringing them into the world. Next week we will discuss the implications of the spectrum …

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ASK Dr. LEEDOM: What is the difference between bipolar disorder and sociopathy?

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A Lovefraud reader sent the following question: I have friend who is diagnosed as manic depressive. He displays or exhibits some of the traits of a sociopath, but I read that being manic depressives clouds whether someone is a sociopath. I don't want to believe he is a sociopath, but I also do not want to be a fool. Suggestions or thoughts? I have one person telling me he's a sociopath and I need to run away from him as fast as possible. That seems like the cowardly thing to do though. If we approached all people with problems that way, where would our society be? People with bipolar disorder have sociopathic traits only while manic Thank you for writing in with this important question. …

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