The United States, and the world, learned in horror last week that a 23-year-old student at Virginia Tech had gone on a shooting rampage, killing 32 people and himself. It was the worst mass shooting in American history. Amid the shock and grief, we quickly discovered that there were many warning signs that the killer, Seung-Hui Cho, was deeply disturbed. An article in today's New York Times—Before Deadly Rage, a Life Consumed by a Troubling Silence—explains that Cho always isolated himself. "From the beginning, he did not talk," wrote N. R. Kleinfield, "Not to other children, not to his own family. Everyone saw this. In Seoul, South Korea, where Sueng-Hui Cho grew up, his mother agonized o …
Love fraud: A spectrum (Part 2)
In Love Fraud: A spectrum, part 1, I defined four types of fraudulent behavior within love relationships. These represent points on a continuum from predatory love fraud, where the intent is to destroy the other party, to adultery. All love fraud has a negative effect on the children produced in these relationships. Here, I will make the case that adulterous love fraud makes it difficult for legislators to write laws protecting children from sociopaths. A case of adultery and emotional abuse Jim and Nancy married young and were initially in love. They had three children over 5 years. Nancy took time away from her career to care for the children while Jim stayed in the work force. Jim …
Understanding that sociopaths murder the spirit
Here is an e-mail exchange that recently took place between me and a Lovefraud reader: Arlene: I was married to a man for 23 years. I found out so much in the last few years. He murdered my soul, my spirit, and financially devastated me. He moved another woman ... brainwashed my children. My 18 yr old now is on cocaine...she was a nice girl...he has trashed her also and she is not living with me. The children now that were close to me are not empathetic and cold. He grew in power and is an intellectual. He spread vicious rumors about me to cover his tracks. I am just to move on. Even though I was such a devoted mother and this family was my life. I have tried everything to recover and I …
Love fraud: A spectrum (Part 1)
The recent post on marital misconduct, and the many letters I have received from Lovefraud readers, have caused me to conclude that love fraud is a spectrum. Because love fraud is a spectrum, there is some confusion about it. To clear up the confusion, this week I will describe the range of motives for this fraudulent behavior. Remember that one of the most important biologic/social functions of love relationships is to produce and raise children. In my opinion, love fraud that involves children is the most serious. These children did not ask to be born and are at the mercy of the adults responsible for bringing them into the world. Next week we will discuss the implications of the spectrum …
ASK Dr. LEEDOM: What is the difference between bipolar disorder and sociopathy?
A Lovefraud reader sent the following question: I have friend who is diagnosed as manic depressive. He displays or exhibits some of the traits of a sociopath, but I read that being manic depressives clouds whether someone is a sociopath. I don't want to believe he is a sociopath, but I also do not want to be a fool. Suggestions or thoughts? I have one person telling me he's a sociopath and I need to run away from him as fast as possible. That seems like the cowardly thing to do though. If we approached all people with problems that way, where would our society be? People with bipolar disorder have sociopathic traits only while manic Thank you for writing in with this important question. …
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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why are addicts and sociopaths similar?
Tough Cookie wrote: I have found that sociopaths often tend to be abusers of drugs. In my case, my sociopathic boy friend was addicted heavily to drugs. It seem to me that sociopaths and drug addicts tend to hold very similar characteristics (i.e. manipulative, selfish, impulsivity). How is one able to tell the difference between the characteristics of sociopath and the characteristics of a drug addict? You made a very good observation, that is, many sociopaths are addicts/alcoholics and many addicts/alcoholics have sociopathic tendencies. Remember, sociopathy is a spectrum, with mild, moderate and severe cases. Severely sociopathic people are called psychopaths. Why the link between …
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Lying, cheating and online dating
Online dating was the topic of a research report released last year by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. Here are some of the findings: 10 million Internet-using adults are seeking romantic partners 37 percent of them—3.7 million people—have gone to a dating website 43 percent of online daters think the activity involves risk 52 percent of online daters agree that a lot of people on the sites lie about their marital status Online dating is big business. U.S. residents spent $469.5 million on online dating and personals in 2004, according to Wikipedia. So online dating sites don't want their product to get a bad reputation—like they are full of cheaters. Most people …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: answers to your questions about sociopaths
Lovefraud is pleased to announce a new service for our readers—ASK DR. LEEDOM. Liane J. Leedom, M.D., is a psychiatrist who knows exactly what it is like to be deceived by a sociopath. Even with the best training in psychiatry—USC, UCLA and Yale—she, herself, failed to recognize the symptoms. She married a sociopath, who is the father of her son. Does she understand what you're going through? You bet. If you have a question for Dr. Leedom, send your question directly to her at drleedom@lovefraud.com. Your question will be posted on the Lovefraud Blog, along with her answer. Not only will it help you, it will help others who are recovering from a run-in with a sociopath. Please note: all qu …
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The high cost of sociopaths
Antisocial behavior in childhood is a major predictor of how much an individual will cost society. That's the conclusion of a study published by the British Medical Journal (BMJ) in 2001. It found that by age 28, individuals who as children had conduct disorder—kiddie sociopaths—cost public agencies 10 times more in services than children who did not have behavior problems. The study, Financial cost of social exclusion: follow up study of antisocial children into adulthood, by Stephen Scott, Martin Knapp, Juliet Henderson and Barbara Maughan (2001), measured the costs of crime, special education services, foster and residential care, state benefits and health care. It was based on a pre …
Unidentified psychopaths on Dateline TV
”˜Til Death Do Us Part is a series that began running in January on Dateline, NBC's true crime television show. It tells the stories of gruesome cases, recently in the news, in which husbands have murdered their wives, and at least one wife has murdered her husband. In the show Lady in the Lake, which aired January 2, Mark Unger was convicted of murdering his wife, Florence. She fell, or was pushed, off of a boathouse and fell onto a concrete dock 12 feet below. Although unconscious, she was still alive, until Unger pushed her into the lake and she drowned. In Body of Evidence, which aired January 9, Sean Goff, a former evangelical minister who claimed he found evidence in the Bible for “C …