Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Winifred." He was her hero. I am his hero. Who will be my hero? I attended my first meeting last week for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). I am an adult child of an alcoholic mother, but not an alcoholic myself ”¦ thank God! I am telling you this because one of the main characteristics of an ACOA is the compelling feeling we have to always pick relationships where someone needs us to rescue them! When my husband and I got together in 2004, I asked him why he married a sociopath (his ex-wife) and he stated that, "She needed a knight in shining armor, and needed to be rescued." It has been nine years, and I fin …
Finding a way out of the darkness through EMDR therapy
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Laura19." My Experience with PTSD Excruciating emotional pain. Numbness. Loss of appetite. Sleepless nights. Obsessive thoughts. Inability to concentrate. Loss of pleasure in cherished activities. Lack of energy. Anxiety and panic attacks. All of the above will probably sound familiar to those of us who have been devalued and discarded by psychopaths. When I discovered that the “relationship” I had with the psychopath was not real, that I had been deceived, betrayed, and used, I felt as if my entire world was turned upside down. I did not want to eat, I developed insomnia, and I was consumed by thoughts of …
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Using what you’ve learned to choose a better path
By Olga Rodriguez I've read so many times on Lovefraud stories of individuals who have started dating again only to find they are seeing the same characteristics in their new dating partner as they saw in the sociopath. I found myself in the same place recently. But this is when one's previous experience comes in place; this is when we have a choice. We find ourselves at a crossroad and our decision will determine our outcome. We must chose wisely! Do not invite yourself to a pity party: Oh poor me! Why does this happen to me? Instead ”¦ search deep ”¦ deep inside your soul and you will find the answers! This is it The pivotal moment The moment when you realize that the road is familiar …
Pain as motivation for freeing yourself from sociopaths
On Monday, I posted an article entitled, Healing your addiction to sociopaths. In it, I offered three steps for changing a pattern of falling in love with sociopaths. The steps are: No Contact with the current sociopath Do not date anyone for the time being Heal the vulnerabilities The real work is in the third step healing your vulnerabilities. What I suggest sounds somewhat like the good advice that we get on many topics, like: Eat your vegetables Make time for regular exercise Cut down on sugar, carbs and alcohol Get enough sleep We all know we should do all these things, but do we do them? How often do we skip going to the gym, or pour ourselves another …
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Communicating with disorder
Trying to solve problems or make any type of progress with individuals with personality disorders can be very difficult. Virtually every communication is insulting, repetitive, and circular. They are seemingly unable to stay on topic and have propensities for driving others off topic. Covering the same ground to no avail can be exhausting for the non-disordered participants, as they tend to push relentlessly for our participation in their arguments. It is easy to fall into their communication traps and become engaged in their attempts for power. However, with knowledge and diligence, we can re-train ourselves to successfully stand our ground by controlling our own behaviors. A few simple …
Healing your addiction to sociopaths
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman whom we'll call "Peggy Sue." I feel hopeless. I'm a target for sociopaths, or I'm addicted to them. My ex-fiancé was one. I was with him 7 years and was abused everyway possible. I was so confused with the lies and double life. He said I was crazy and I went on tons of medication and was completely isolated. I finally was able to leave after 7 years with the help of police, only to move back to my dads with nothing and to start all over. A month later fell in love with another sociopath. My friends and family think I'm gonna end up dead by him or killing myself. I have been to therapy they all just say move out and leave. I …
Intermittent reinforcement: conditioning helps explain why we stay with abusive individuals
An overview of conditioning from a behavior specialist's perspective I will not get too specific regarding behavior reinforcement schedules, but I will ask you to follow me through a brief overview of some of the basics. While I cannot do the explanation justice in a few paragraphs, I can present enough background to facilitate an understanding of why this matters to us. When studying behavior analysis, most programs, at least at some point, look to the work of B.F. Skinner, the 20th century developer of operant conditioning. Very simply, operant conditioning subscribes to the belief that learning is modified by consequences. The learner is motivated by reinforcement and punishment al …
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Love addiction with a sociopath
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/OYfoGTIG7pY"] According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain's reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video. Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can't get …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Survival tips when the ex is a sociopath
Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Winifred" contributed the following article. She also wrote The Other Prey — loving someone previously married to a sociopath. My husband's ex wife is a sociopath with borderline personality disorder. Here are tips on how, over the past 9 years, I have learned to stay one step ahead of her and survive with my sanity and our marriage! 1. Do your homework Remember even though you are nothing like them, you must learn to think like them so that you can anticipate their mindset and next deviant move. What they are going thru in their life at the present time will greatly affect how much hell they plan to rain on you, your children involved, or anyone close to …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath
Editor's note: The following letter was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "NomorePTSD." It refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. This letter comes after 3 years of realizing who my mother really is: a sociopath. The first few decades of my life I struggled with what felt like a 5,000 piece puzzle without the picture of how it was suppose to go together. I had every piece memorized— as a way to maintain sanity. I lived in a state of being numb and invalidated. My parents divorced when I was young. A first memory was my mother attempting to kill my siblings and I. It seemed like I was the only one capable of accepting the truth, until …
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