By Quinn Pierce I have always been the type of writer who prefers notebooks and pencils to computer screens and keyboards. As someone who writes daily, I have quite a collection of notebooks, and my pencils can be found in every room of the house. Sometimes, I go through old notebooks in an attempt to recycle unused pages, and inadvertently, I end up recycling old memories, as well. Revisiting the Past Often, it's the emotional equivalent of cleaning out my closet. It's an opportunity to see how far I've come in the aftermath of my marriage and divorce, and it gives me a chance to let go of some misconceptions about myself and my ex-husband that I have since outgrown. But, once in a …
Sociopaths change how we look at the world
Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media. These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for about 90 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine. Bad treatment Then we realize that someone in our life isn't treating us well. We may think this person is reacting to our behavior, that we're doing something to provoke anger or elicit criticism after …
The sociopath, dogs and manipulation
Editor's note: The following another essay by the Lovefraud reader Quinn Pierce, who writes under a pseudonym. By Quinn Pierce The first thing I did when my husband and I moved into our first home together was adopt a puppy. I had grown up with many pets, and I can't remember a time when I didn't have a dog. I always felt dogs made a home more complete. So, I was thrilled when Ellie, a Border Collie, Golden Retriever mix arrived at my door step, literally. At the time, I was working as a veterinary technician. I had graduated from college in May, gotten married the following fall, and decided to explore my childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian. One morning, when I arrived at the …
Leaving the sociopath, applying for food stamps
Editor's note: The following essay is by a Lovefraud reader who writes under a pseudonym. By Quinn Pierce This isn't exactly the interview I had prepared for. As a matter of fact, this wasn't an interview I even knew how to prepare for. All I knew was that somewhere along the way, my life had taken a detour without any warning. Looking back, it's almost embarrassing how many warning signs there actually were, but in context, they were seemingly harmless acts that built up over time to construct the house of cards my life had become. But I didn't want to think about that at the moment, all I wanted was to get this over with, and go home. The waiting room was the perfect compliment to …
Letter to Lovefraud: Who will be my hero?
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Winifred." He was her hero. I am his hero. Who will be my hero? I attended my first meeting last week for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). I am an adult child of an alcoholic mother, but not an alcoholic myself ”¦ thank God! I am telling you this because one of the main characteristics of an ACOA is the compelling feeling we have to always pick relationships where someone needs us to rescue them! When my husband and I got together in 2004, I asked him why he married a sociopath (his ex-wife) and he stated that, "She needed a knight in shining armor, and needed to be rescued." It has been nine years, and I fin …
Finding a way out of the darkness through EMDR therapy
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Laura19." My Experience with PTSD Excruciating emotional pain. Numbness. Loss of appetite. Sleepless nights. Obsessive thoughts. Inability to concentrate. Loss of pleasure in cherished activities. Lack of energy. Anxiety and panic attacks. All of the above will probably sound familiar to those of us who have been devalued and discarded by psychopaths. When I discovered that the “relationship” I had with the psychopath was not real, that I had been deceived, betrayed, and used, I felt as if my entire world was turned upside down. I did not want to eat, I developed insomnia, and I was consumed by thoughts of …
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Using what you’ve learned to choose a better path
By Olga Rodriguez I've read so many times on Lovefraud stories of individuals who have started dating again only to find they are seeing the same characteristics in their new dating partner as they saw in the sociopath. I found myself in the same place recently. But this is when one's previous experience comes in place; this is when we have a choice. We find ourselves at a crossroad and our decision will determine our outcome. We must chose wisely! Do not invite yourself to a pity party: Oh poor me! Why does this happen to me? Instead ”¦ search deep ”¦ deep inside your soul and you will find the answers! This is it The pivotal moment The moment when you realize that the road is familiar …
Pain as motivation for freeing yourself from sociopaths
On Monday, I posted an article entitled, Healing your addiction to sociopaths. In it, I offered three steps for changing a pattern of falling in love with sociopaths. The steps are: No Contact with the current sociopath Do not date anyone for the time being Heal the vulnerabilities The real work is in the third step healing your vulnerabilities. What I suggest sounds somewhat like the good advice that we get on many topics, like: Eat your vegetables Make time for regular exercise Cut down on sugar, carbs and alcohol Get enough sleep We all know we should do all these things, but do we do them? How often do we skip going to the gym, or pour ourselves another …
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Communicating with disorder
Trying to solve problems or make any type of progress with individuals with personality disorders can be very difficult. Virtually every communication is insulting, repetitive, and circular. They are seemingly unable to stay on topic and have propensities for driving others off topic. Covering the same ground to no avail can be exhausting for the non-disordered participants, as they tend to push relentlessly for our participation in their arguments. It is easy to fall into their communication traps and become engaged in their attempts for power. However, with knowledge and diligence, we can re-train ourselves to successfully stand our ground by controlling our own behaviors. A few simple …
Healing your addiction to sociopaths
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman whom we'll call "Peggy Sue." I feel hopeless. I'm a target for sociopaths, or I'm addicted to them. My ex-fiancé was one. I was with him 7 years and was abused everyway possible. I was so confused with the lies and double life. He said I was crazy and I went on tons of medication and was completely isolated. I finally was able to leave after 7 years with the help of police, only to move back to my dads with nothing and to start all over. A month later fell in love with another sociopath. My friends and family think I'm gonna end up dead by him or killing myself. I have been to therapy they all just say move out and leave. I …