For many of us, when we finally disengage from the sociopath, our lives are in shambles. We aren't just trying to recover from a broken heart due to the sociopath's unconscionable betrayal. We may also need to recover from financial devastation, ruined relationships with family and friends, lost jobs, lost businesses, lost homes, stress-related illness and the aftershocks of psychological manipulation. No wonder we feel like zombies. Where do we start? How do we rebuild our lives? In the beginning, our focus is rightfully on crisis management. We make sure we have shelter, food, financial support. We must find solutions for the basic issues of survival. Eventually, the crisis …
Divorcing A Sociopath: Avoiding Conflict and Other Mistakes
by Quinn Pierce For a long time, I tried to keep confrontations with my ex-husband to a minimum. I always thought that I could avoid causing my boys any further harm by just ”˜keeping the peace'. I considered it a small price to pay if I had to tolerate inconveniences and insults in order to give my children a drama-less environment. But, as is always the case when negotiating with a sociopath, the price was much higher than I ever imagined. Good Intentions I believed I was setting an example by taking the high road and not engaging my ex-husband in his game-playing antics. Unfortunately, what I was doing was letting a bully set the rules and move the boundaries at will. And whil …
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The journey from pain to peace
The Lovefraud reader "Kataroux" has been struggling with the profound betrayal she endured at the hands of a charming young sociopath who turned out to be nothing more than a parasite. She told her entire story in the post from September 25, 2013, entitled How I was duped by a young sociopath and believed all his lies until now! On October 4, Kataroux posted the following comment on Lovefraud: As I sit here tonight I find myself wondering how I ever let something like this happen to me and yet I know the answer. I just buried my husband and wanted to feel loved again and Spath jumped in with promises of a wonderful future and I bent over backwards to give him just that. Notice I said …
Was I ever loved?
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW One of the most confusing things people grapple with during and after a relationship with a sociopath is wondering if any of the “love” was real. It's a total mind f---. You think of the beginning of the relationship in which your partner was the most romantic person you ever dated — how attentive he was. (I'll refer to male sociopaths, but they may be female as well.) He may have even been thoughtful and empathetic if you confided in him about someone or a situation troubling you in your life. He may have remembered each occasion with wonderful gifts. You remember times being part of family and friends as a couple, even when things started to get ba …
Lessons in Life and Love I Learned from a Sociopath
By Paula Carrasquillo Editor's note: Paula Carrasquillo is author of "Escaping the Boy My Life with a Sociopath." Read Lovefraud's book review. A few years ago, I found myself in a relationship with a man who demonstrated zero empathy, zero remorse, zero compassion and seemed to lack any inkling of a conscience. He lashed out at me often, raged and accused me of doing things I never did and of being a person I could never imagine being. I tried desperately to make him "see the light" of his negative thinking and paranoia. But all of my pleadings and attempts to convince him that he was wrong about my intentions proved futile. The emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse he …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I no longer attract needy, disordered men
Editor's note: This is the story of a long-time member of the Lovefraud community, Stargazer. Spath-proofing my life I have been a poster on Lovefraud for over five years. It just occurred to me I've never written an article. I wanted to tell my story and write about what I have done to spath-proof my life in the last five years. It was never my intention to spath-proof my life. I only wanted to be happy. In taking the steps to make myself happy, I have successfully created a life where disordered people don't dare to enter. If they do, they don't stay very long. Why? I'm too happy for them. I don't buy into their sob stories; I have no need to fix them; and I have no need for their …
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Recovery From A Sociopath: Establishing Healthy Boundaries
by Quinn Pierce “But, I don't understand, what does he do?” And this is usually where the conversation falls apart. There is no easy way to describe the behavior that sends me and my children into a post-traumatic tail-spin. How do you explain to someone that you can just feel when someone is angry or disappointed with you? Or, what it's like when just being around someone makes you feel self-conscious, insecure”¦small. Obstacles on the Healing Path When I'm faced with this type of skepticism, I have two reactions: frustration that I have to try to convince people that the abuse, and subsequently, the post-traumatic stresses are real and jealousy that the person asking t …
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Divorcing a Sociopath: A Healing Journey
by Quinn Pierce Some days, the sunlight seems just a little brighter than usual as I let its comforting rays blanket my skin with warmth. And for that moment, I can taste the precious peace I so desperately want to give permanent residence in my life. Until, like a sudden rain cloud, a shadow creeps across my heart as a memory sparks to life. And, in an instant, I'm shifted off balance, struggling to maintain my footing, refusing to fall down. Another day, it seems, on the path to recovery after sharing my life for so long with someone whose every emotion was a lie. Necessary Interaction It's an exhausting paradox for me. I would love nothing more than to erase him from …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: After the sociopath, life gets good again
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader whom we'll call "Cherylann." I am really not sure where to start. My family and those closest to me refer to him as ”˜madman,' ”˜the beast'”¦ or as my brother put it, I married a cardboard box. I never realized he had no feelings for me or anyone but himself until maybe 2 years into our divorce proceedings. I am not known for my writing abilities and this is difficult to do; not because of the subject matter but because there is just so much that I could share about those 11 years that I was with him. I am not sure how to put it in the most ”˜readable' manner. Anyway, here goes. Not love at first sight Let me just sta …
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Ending My Relationship With a Sociopath: Separation and Manipulation
By Quinn Pierce Shattering the Illusion Once I learned that my husband was a sociopath, it was a lot like looking at one of those Magic Eye puzzles that don't look like anything except random, tiny shapes and then, suddenly, a three dimensional image appears out of nowhere. Unfortunately, this lead to the realization that my entire marriage was an optical illusion covering up a very scary reality. And once the illusion was shattered, I felt like I was living with a stranger who was capable of harming my children and me in ways I hadn't even realized. However, I also learned that separating from a sociopath and, subsequently, divorcing one is not any easier than living with one. W …
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