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By | April 28, 2011 191 Comments

Do Sociopaths Get The Last laugh?

We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.

And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.

And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”

Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!

But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!

Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.

And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!

Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street.  

No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.

And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.

(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)


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Ravenless Tower

Bravo!  And well-timed for me – thank you!

I lost my 15yo daughter this month after a year-long battle with brain cancer she endured as a result of treatment for sarcoma diagnosed in 2002.  

Until last year, I thought she had “made it” and though her life was full of challenges related to radiating the frontal lobe, she was a smart and beautiful soul and I had the privilege of being her sole caregiver and advocate, benefiting in countless ways from her kindness, sense of humor and insight.  

Her father, an spath I divorced 10 years ago has never done anything for my children save sending court ordered child support and summer/holiday visitation. 

The religious ed coordinator for his church, he lives only 200 miles away and saw her only four times in the past year – leaving me two hours into an eight hour craniectomy to sit alone at an out of state hospital and await the results.  

He now refuses to assist with her funeral costs – not because he doesn’t have the money, but because he is desperately grasping for a way to continue his perceived “control” over me by wounding me financially. 

He knew years ago I would put relationships and career on hold to take care of her – and it gave him a false sense of control over me.  What he doesn’t understand is that I CHOSE to make my children my priority and have no regrets.  It has enriched my life no matter how hard the road.  He doesn’t realize I do not rely on his child support.  After the bankruptcy I budgeted as quickly as possible without considering it.  

At 45, with my beautiful angel safely in heaven, I can pursue career goals and maybe a relationship if I choose.  I can do so knowing I did everything in my power to ease my daughters pain and make her life joyous.  And while he laughs at the financial predicament believes he has put me in I too laugh.

I’ve handed the matter to an attorney and don’t plan to worry about compensation. 

While he laughs, he does not realize he has sent his other two children the message he is NOT there for them, he is apathetic and uses them to get to me.  

While he laughs, they realize as teens he is poison and look away, no longer willing to be manipulated.  

While he laughs, they receive an early education and understanding that spaths exist and are not to be trusted, but avoided at all costs.

Bravo Steve!  Thank you!

Ravenless Tower STANDING!

~Please do not feed the Sociopaths!

Eden

Thank you, Steve. I have not logged on to the site in a while, but I felt a need and the desire this evening. I think it was specifically to find this article. It was meant to be.

I would like to verbalize that after almost five months of sitting back and doing absolutely nothing but working on and focusing on my healing process, as apposed to focusing on the Psychopath, the Psychopath that so effortlessly twisted and tramatized me, is at this very moment being caught and called out, and experiencing his own very bad Karma that he earned himself. In the beginning of the aftermath, I had profusely wished, hoped and prayed that he would have Karma abound. Then as time went on, I had only wondered if he would ever have his day. Most recently, I have not thought about it much and have thought that it may not ever come. He is hanging himself as we speak, and is getting some of what he has had coming to him. Although I have never been one to wish anyone unhappiness, I am so contented. It is somewhat of a freeing feeling. I am not sure why. A few days ago, he had his home taken away from him. His business is going down the tubes. He lost his newest victim/girlfriend. Now I hope that he is kicked out of his office (my old office) so I may return! I would have never thought there would be a chance of this, but now I have associates calling me and saying, HE MIGHT BE LEAVING SOME DAY, VERY SOON… AND WE ALL WANT YOU TO RETURN. I just want to say it here out loud!! If this happens, it will be absolutely huge for me, people!!! Justice will be served!!!

Love,
E

Eden

Ravenlesstower, My prayers are with you… You are smart and very brave…

Eden

Hope to heal

Bless you Ravenless!! Condolences on the loss of your beautiful daughter. May you feel comfort in knowing that her suffering is over.

You and your children are well rid of the spath. I wish you health and happiness as you continue on your journey. (((hugs)))

Hope to heal

Eden ~ YAY!! I do believe that they get what they deserve eventually. Good luck to you on returning to YOUR office!

Eden

Hope to heal, Thank you so much! I apreciate your kind words!

skylar

Steve,
very nice article. Thinking of the talented Mr. Ripley, a movie with Matt Damon as the spath.

Ravenless,
Your daughter, though she needed you for support, she was your strength too. Her needs focused you. Made you look past the injury of the spath and you did what you saw and felt was right. Now she has focused your children too. They have been vaccinated against spaths.

Eden,
Well!!!
that is good news!!! and you didn’t even need to do a thing. He hung himself. Please, DO keep us apprised on the situation. We like good news.

wontgetfooledagain

Raven, Condolences re your daughter. I am sorry for your loss.

Eden, That is the kind of justice I can understand. OxDrover has kindly written to me several times today about this very topic, under different threads, but I am a very justice-oriented person. My Bachelor’s degree, believe it or not, is in Social Justice issues. I have one year of law school and, although I had to drop out due to s’path messing with my head, I still hope to be a lawyer to make the world a more just place. Maybe I am tired right now, but I still can’t get my head around the idea that this husband of mine, this cheater, would-be child molester, and sister-in-law rapist (and wife rapist, for that matter, as he did it to me too, even put plastic bags over my head for sexual pleasure) will ever get a taste of pain. I just don’t see justice – not until how world falls apart on him. Maybe it will, but all I see is him skipping merrily along from train wreck to train wreck. I know the idea being taught here is to focus on my well-being, but much of my self-identity is wrapped up in the notion of a just world, or at least helping to create a more just world. I mean, I actually MAJORED in the subject in college in my thirties! His actions are challenging everything I thought I knew about the world! I AM working hard in therapy at getting myself well, but I would like to see some justice like what you are seeing. It does make me hopeful. I just can’t get my head around this article tonight. Maybe I’m too tired. Maybe in the morning it will make more sense. I hope so! Thanks for tolerating the babble.

Ravenless Tower

Skylar… “Vaccinated against the spath.”

Indeed! What a clever way to put it!

Thanks to you, Eden, and hope to healfor reaching out to me on this difficult night in this impossible journey… I miss her terribly!

Peace…

Ravenless Tower STANDING!

Eden

Won’tgetfooledagain… Hang in there and keep focusing on you, and getting yourself back. I too, have been utilizing therapy. It has been an important and effective part of the healing process for me! You are most fortunate to have Ox Drover for support. She helped me here on the blog, probably more than she knows. She got me through some incredibly anger filled days. Keep your chin up, and go back to school asap. Keep it all about you and your growth and recovery. If you could live through what you have, you WILL get through to the otherside, and you WILL become a Lawyer, and fullfill your desire to gain justice for yourself and others. Yes, it is a journey, but keep looking forward!! Keep on Keepin’ on!

Much love and success to you!

Eden

ErinBrock

RavenlessTower;
As a mother my heart breaks for you at the loss of your beautiful daughter.
You have learned, through your daughter and the many lessons she must have taught you about life……what is truely important.
With tears in my eyes, I have no words to ease your pain, just know your in my heart.

XXOO
EB

Eden

Thank you, Sky! I will definitely keep you posted, and thank you for the encouragement!

Love,
E

super chic

raven, my deepest sympathy on the loss of your daughter.
Peace, prayers and blessings to you and your family.

super chic

Eden, wow, yay!!! and can’t wait to hear what happens next!!!

Eden

Super chic… Are you shabby??? If so, so nice to see you! And thank you. I will keep you posted. It may not happen for a while, but it looks positive. Hope you’re doing very well!

Eden

Ox Drover

Dear Ravenlesstower, still standing,

My heart and my prayers go out to you today, for the loss of your beautiful daughter…but NOT the loss because she is still with you in your heart.

In a way, the FINAL INSULT to your beautiful daughter by your X, whether HE knows it or not, is a GIFT to your other children….and you know, that is something very prescious.

It shows them absolutely that he has NO CONSCIENCE, NO CONCERN, NO RESPECT, NO COMPASSION. His refusal to help with the funeral expenses is the ULTIMATE “spitting on” the grave of his offspring. I hope that will be able to give your other children (and you) the ultimate CLOSURE with this piece of human garbage.

God bless you and your children. (((Hugs))))

Ox Drover

Dear Eden, thank you for those kind words, sweetie! I am glad that you are doing better…karma bites and many many times they will get what they deserve, they will “shoot themselves in the foot”, and just as this article talks about…even what THEY perceive as “success” is hollow, shallow, and empty. The REAL valuable things in this life they are totally devoid of because it cannot be purchased with either money or lies.

kim frederick

(((((((((((Ravenless tower))))))))))) You are a tower. A tower of courage and strength. God bless you.

lesson learned

Raven,

I feel absolutely grieved for your loss. I pray for you: peace, abundant love and hoping your strength, courage and wisdom continue to be the light for the rest of your children.

God bless.

LL

newlife08

Steve,

A truly valuable article. After our home burglary last month, and living as we do, it always seems he gets the last laugh.

But your words are so wise and , again, open our eyes beyond the immediate pain and scarring, to look at the bigger picture and KNOW that we are better off without them.

He is failing financially, has damaged repeatedly his relationship with our daughter, has some physical issues now, and is clinging to our son as if he were his salvation. He is also number 1 suspect for the robbery.

It is sad, I admit, to see his state from outside of our old life together. I don’t clearly know what emotions he evokes in me now – they change – pity, hate, sorrow, sadness, regret and sometimes a pang of what should have been .

Time moves on, I keep going and getting stronger as time passes. We are not divorced even yet – but hopefully soon all will be settled and we will see who truly has the “LAST LAUGH.”

Either way, I do see his warped personality now – in more ways than I care to count.

RAVEN …………..

My sincere prayers and thoughts are with you ………. no one should ever have to endure such a loss ….no one.

bluejay

Ravenless Tower,

So sorry about the loss of your daughter, my condolences. It’s got to be incredibly hard for you and your family, but comforting to know that she is in heaven, with the angels.

Steve,

With me, I am very concerned about right and wrong, even though I have and do flub up at times. I have moments (when I am sitting, being still) where I am still dazed (in disbelief) over what has transpired in my life, over how my ex-husband has behaved while he’s been on this earth. I realize that he is psychologically damaged (warped), being saddened by the fact that the marriage (my only marriage) I had was to a sociopath – how can it be any worse? How he is as a person is disturbing – I feel (and have felt) every emotion in the book (when it comes to him), mainly grief at this point in time.

superkid10

Ravenless

I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

Superkid

Ana

Steve,
Thanks for the article. Makes me feel better!

Ravenless Tower,
My prayers go out for you and your family. God Bless.

skylar

Blue Jay,
there are creatures in this world who do not have our values, so they are difficult to understand.

Their narcissitic view of the world is sooo pathologically ego-centric. When you are convinced that you are the one and only real person and that you are the star of the story, then you also believe that who you are and where you are and what you do, is the best. It’s the best because it’s all about you.

So even sitting in prison, they can’t feel like they lost, because they are still living in their own dramatic production and they’ve cast themselves in the center.

The only reason they attack us is because, they will see us as having something that they want. That something is the lime light. If, they notice that you are getting attention, well that’s not right because you aren’t the star of the show. You must be made to submit to your role.

My exP didn’t actually want attention. He had the chance to sign a recording contract, but just didn’t show up to the meeting. The other band members wanted to kill him. He didn’t want to be too famous because that would mean he couldn’t do what he really wanted. I’m not sure exactly what that is but I know it involves manipulating people with the pity ploy and stalking and torturing women. In the story my exP tells himself, he is an evil snake slithering around causing others to do evil and then he slithers away unscathed, while his victims’ worlds fall apart.

I only mention this in order to explain that he doesn’t want attention too much, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have it either. So the envy is still the same.

moveingon

I am so worried, spath no contact with daughter or son for 5 years, recently lost a court case (he was the applicant) owes about 60k. Daughter 18, academic scholar, shortly off to Oxford to read Physics (fingers crossed), son 16, also a scholar, classics and chemistry. (They take after me ..ha ha).

I sent bailiffs in last year regarding CM, spath claimed in court ‘current’ wife and him separated last year, this was untrue.

In the last 2 weeks he has emailed 14 times, he has previously gone to the police 18 times accusing me of harassment and even theft of my own car ..harassment call is his on going whine, the police laugh at the spath, he has tried to have my son arrested as well when he was 11.

I have not replied, however, even today when we were glued to watching the wedding, he emailed yet again claiming he wants contact with ‘his’ daughter, not my son who he abused. I divorced him for domestic violence, fraud and deception of my company and sexual assault, for which he was arrested and charged ..he simply lied of course.

He was warned by the DJ at the last hearing he will go back to court if he refuses to make a proposal regarding my daughter’s tertiary education costs as per the court order. He has not paid any maintenance for 2 years, I enforced, the bailiffs were assaulted by the current wife, the bailiffs called the police and got 5k I also froze his bank account. Obviously being a spath he never showed up during a 3 hour stand off with bailiffs, ‘current wife’ off internet friends reunited dot com and police.

My lovely, gentle daughter about to sit her exams for Oxford does not need this. The spath has repeatedly tried to get her kicked out of her private school, but she is deputy head girl, academic scholar, and has just completed her duke of edinburgh gold medal so we are off to St James palace later this year to collect her medal (she has invited mummy ..I am so proud, we hope its Harry giving out the medals!). She is outstanding, a true asset, and helps the school ‘ratings’, only reason she was not kicked out. Son same ..he has a ‘personality’ ..tall, sporty, into his debating ..and charming, a classics scholar, Latin, classical Greek and now Hebrew ..bless! (I am a proud mum, but have no idea what he is on about).

The spath has not seen daughter or son for 5 years, why is the spath doing this?? My whole family know he is a spath, I have spoken with the police, not interested. She is at boarding school, I have alerted the school he owes arrears boarding fees of 21k and another 28k to my son’s school (it is a 50% split, I work very hard to afford these fees), the rest is CM. The judge has ordered him to pay his share, he owes about 60k including this term and CM.

His bank statements showed he went though 201k in 1 year when he paid nothing in CM, so not hard up. 10k on wine, 1k on ‘mens’ underwear, he got through 44k in the first month he failed to pay CM. The spath is totally financially reckless, and as ever does not plan anything, I had to pay everything all bills in marriage ..it was like a child, used to hide the post in garage, under cushions, on top of dressers ..it still is at it ..also uses PO boxes to avoid the post ever actually being delivered ..out of sight ..out of mind!

What do I do, my daughter is about to sit the most important exams of her life and this thing now wants contact after 5 years, my daughter wants nothing to with the spath, but as I have learned what we want, a spath doesn’t.

I have today emailed the headmaster, but even though she is now 18, he can’t stop him turning up.

I just want this to stop, and most of all protect my daughter ..what more can I do, and why after 5 years is it back ..like a cancer ..my mother died of cancer and it is like this nightmare, a recurring nightmare, why cannot the spath leave us in peace.

Sorry to go on. My son is back at school my daughter goes back Monday, she is so beautiful, caring and simply lovely (I would say that) but she is, so clever as well and hard working. The next 6 weeks are so important, and this thing seems to determined to upset my daughter.

I really don’t get it, 5 years and now wants contact ..any suggestions, my daughter knows what he is, she told me ‘it’ was a sociopath …

Why can’t it just leave us alone, even my daughter 3 years ago said ‘he is just so embarrassing’ ..what don’t they get??

I just want help, this so just so weird. I do know the spath is jealous even of his own children. I had a McKenzie friend Dr Gill with me in court, he sussed out the spath in 30 minutes, called the spath ‘a con man, who insults our intelligence’ ..his lies are so mad ..comical ..

I am so worried ..

Raven, I add my deepest condolances to you and my admiration for your courage and spirit. It really continues to amaze me how callous and sub-human these spaths can be – regarding his behavior etc. But I can sense that what you have been through has made him seem ever so small and pathetic. Which he obviously is.

Movingon- As your daughter is 18 cannot she simply refuse contact? Go “potted plant” on him? I can see that you worry he might try to derail your proud and happy event, and likely more- but how could he force a visitation? In any event, all the best with your situation, and the drama and trauma that they love to stir up.

Dr. Steve, Great insights, and timely for me as well.

I have just filed a new court case against spath, as I uncovered LOTS of evidence about his shenanigans. I am sure he was thinking he had the last laugh until about yesterday.

He recently had a leg amputated, so I cannot help but think that he is “hopping mad”. When we get to court- I don’t think he will have a “leg to stand on”

Sorry, I know, enough of the sick jokes…but really..

He is LIVID that I found out what he is up to. LIVID. Self righteous indignation. How dare I uncover his secrets? His lies? His contempt of court? His purjury?

But I agree Steve, their laughter is as hollow and fake as everything else. That being said, I still think that going after justice is worth the fight- and the vision of his laughter turning to howls of disbelief and despair is truly satisfying at the moment.

Peace, A

Ox Drover

Moving on he is just trying to cause trouble, to get back at you (and your child) for trying to get the money he owes which he doesn’t want to pay.

I would just tell the school that she does not want to see him, have the school turn him away, if that doesn’t work, call the police, she is 18 and can say who she sees and who she doesn’t. He can’t force himself on her. Tell her to ignore as much of it as she can and to just concentrate on her tests….it is just trying to make trouble, he has no desire to “see” her except to whine and cry about money to maybe get her to see his “side” LOL Yea, right!

ErinBrock

” venal, pathetic, hollow indiviual”

Well…..I believe spath is heading back this way……maybe for the summer……
If his ‘drug case’ is continued….he will go to trial….but at the earliest Sept…..
He recently got a job….in a ‘new’ state…outside of his 5 states he’s been rotating through…..it’s a regular job like a normal person…..and I didn’t think it would last past the first paycheck…… drug dealer turned min. wage worker…..HAH…yeah…..OKAY!

So….he’s been whooing former clients in my town. Summers the busy season…..and a few of the peeps had NO relationship with him…….He’s starting the networking con……to come back.

He would think he could come back to the open armed celebration and make the legal money we did together….competing with me in business.
1. he’s not capable….
2. Yes….he could do the schmooze….win the client…..and then flounder at the work.
3. It’s the suck in currently that bothers me……STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY TOWN!!!!!!!

What do I do……

PREEMPT!

This is my mission currently…..pre emt his return.
Go on a mission to market myself. Be seen, and pull on my support to get the word out.

Plant seeds to make certain local folks/clients know HIS legal/drug issues……..

Our restraining order is up shortly…….and i’m certain he’s on his way back for the ‘win’.
Kids are doing well right now…..and I don’t want HIS shit in their world upsetting their progress.

Who the hell does he think he is…….
I guess I gotta set him straight!!!!

Farker!

Ana

EB,
After reading your above post, I laughed and said that poor bastard’s gonna get mangled….lol

Ox Drover

Go for it EB, hell you have already fought a bear hand to hand and won, so what can he think he can do against you!LOL

one/joy_step_at_a_time

EB -we have a legal entity here called a ‘sole proprietorship’, a type of small or micro business. People use the term ‘sole proprietor’ to donate their exclusive ownership. When i read you post above i was thinking that you need to start marketing yourself using that or a similar term, because that farker may well try to market himself as in business WITH you.

still think shooting him would be a faster and easier solution…but we all know that’s not going to happen.

ErinBrock

Life is GOOD without him in it…….I don’t want the stress or any anxiety….
But….I realized I only have control over our life…..and not what he chooses or where he chooses to live and why, so I spent one night freaking out…..until it came back to the top of the circle where I reminded myself of what I do KNOW and what i CAN do.

I WILLNOT allow him to wreak havoc here…..I have CLAIMED my town and chose to root here……and he is NOT welcomed.

He’s got the rest of the world to galavant around in…..and he can just stay galavanting.

I’ve kept ‘up’ on his antics and I have NO desire to be a part of anything to do with spath…..and I will do what I can to keep the exposure up.

I knew he’d get to the point where he’d want a home, a familiar place and the ‘legal’ money to portray himself as he wants….to hide behind….and it’s been 4 years since he’s been on the move. He’s worn out his welcome and exposed himself to everyone knew and i’m sure he is wishing that he could turn back the clock and have a family to hide behind…..because everything was easier then. He could carry on, have his ego stroked and no one knew any better.
Now…..he’s being asked ‘hard’ questions, doesn’t have a home to live in, cars to drive, and no posessions to fill a home, and the money he used to be able to spend without hiding is nothing like he can make at a fast food joint. His mask slipped to his new homey’s.
And he comes back to the ‘familiar’ turf.
Where he ‘had’ everyone conned for so many, many years.

Ummmmm nobody told him anything changed.

ErinBrock

One;
Oh yes…..he will CLOUD and MUDDY the business waters and try to work off my reputation….NO DOUBT. Tha’ts his MO.
Funny….that was what I wrote in my ad…..Sole Propieter EB has run xxxx company for yada years…..I, I, I, I, I, I,.

He’s already tried to portray himself as part of the company once…..he duplicated business cards, the same cards we had for 18 years…..and changed one part of the name….it was un noticable.
He put his name and address and phones……
SLICK.
He left them with all clients…..until I saw one sitting up against a phone at a clients office.
I questioned it.
Then I saw the box of cards in my rental property…..
I SHUT that one down quick.

Thank god I decided to change my business card……so now people know it’s me. If he duplicates that…..we’ll be in court.

I opened up a facebook in the company name….posted photos of my work, and made it very interesting….
I sent out an invite to the whole community, until fb shut me down from requests. I will ‘collect’ them as I can……
I will post daily tidbits keeping peoples interest and keeping me on the familair forefront…….so far the feedback is great.
There are a few ‘key’ ‘socialites’ that I connected with…..that I knew he would start with.

I also opened up gmail/hotmail and yahoo emails under any name close to my company’s. He’d go for the free sites since he doesn’t have a landline or cable to get a fixed address.
Shut that down.

So yeah……just trying to think ahead in preparation.

Ox Drover

EB, one thing is on your side,, and that is the COPS and I bet they don’t want him in town either…so you might notify them that he is thinking about coming back to town…they will probably make him feel less than welcome—following him home, stopping him for any roll through a stop sign, a tail light out…etc.

YOu can pass the word to a few people and the old home town might not be so welcoming as he thinks it might be. LOL hee hee

one/joy_step_at_a_time

ya baby!

(when i went back on the site that i met the spath on to let people know who she was and what her game was, i used an email connected to the main character in her con of me. she hacked the website and found that i had done that. hehe. i created accounts in the names of ALL of her fake effing characters. :))

one/joy_step_at_a_time

and you know the irony of what you are doing EB? his crap is gonna make YOU wealthier…BWAHAHAHAHA!

ErinBrock

Oxy-Done.

There has got to be irony here somewhere huh?

Everything happens for a reason…..isn’t that what I always say?!?!

Part of me thinks….WHAT….why would he come back to a county where the DA is aware of his shit…..judges are aware of his shit…..and the cops are aware of his shit…..
HE IS THE ONLY ONE who isn’t aware of his own shit?

Remember…..he was the one who told the judge…..”She can make anyone do anything she wants”.

He’s playing with fire…….

bluejay

moveingon,

I don’t see how the ex-spath can get to your daughter if she doesn’t want anything to do with him. My ex-spath is self-employed, having a P.O. box, getting mail, but not looking at it, knowing that a lot of it ends up in a big cardboard box (that’s where his papers always end up). When he has money, he’s reckless with it too. If we accept the fact that these men have no interest in being the way they should be, responsible human beings, then we’re a little less disappointed. I can’t stand the way they are, knowing life is easier without them in it.

I watched most of the Royal Wedding, thinking that the whole event was uplifting. It’s unfortunate that Princess Diana couldn’t have been there to witness this special day. I got a little choked up when I thought about her, feeling sad for her son, Prince William, that his mother was absent from his wedding. I like his bride, Kate – she’s a lovely person, someone who will be a great addition to her new extended family.

Stargazer

Asking if a sociopath gets the last laugh is implying that two people are playing a game with a winner and loser. To me, this is the thought process that keeps people trapped into trying to “get even.” It keeps people hooked. Sociopaths will always laugh because it’s just what they do. They blow off everything and laugh off everything. They don’t know how to do otherwise. It really has nothing to do with us. They have not “won.” It is just the way they see things and the game they play. They will be on death row and think they have “won” because of all their notoriety. I think the only way to break free is to stop playing the game and to become indifferent. It’s an unwinnable game. I backspathed my spath because it was the right thing to do at the time. And it gave me a sense of empowerment, that he “messed with the wrong person.” But I can almost guarantee that wherever he is, he’s playing someone else, even if it’s behind bars. To him, his whole life is a game, and the people in it are his pawns. What has this to do with me? “Does he feel like he has lost or won with me?” I doubt he even remembers who I am anymore. I think of them like walking tornadoes. Does a tornado “win” when it demolishes a house? It is just doing what a tornado does. And all we can really do is get out of the way.

bluejay

Stargazer,

What a good post!

Annie

Stargazer,
“Does a tornado “win” when it demolishes a house? It is just doing what a tornado does. And all we can really do is get out of the way.”

That is a very helfpful way to think about it. That’s exactly what they’re like; it’s just what they do.

That’s why I think what Donna is doing, educating the world about exploitative personalities, is SOOO critically important. Because society can’t defend itself if it can’t recognize them. And the higher up the food chain these “tornados” go the more damage they do to society.

The one particular path I’m thinking of was involved in a H-U-U-U-G-E scandal here where I live that dominated the press off and on for an entire year (billion dollar boondoggle). But, even though everyone involved knew that he was head honcho, he was only peripherally named in the press, and his flunkies got all the really horrible attention and public shaming. He had more ‘backers’ than not publicly coming to his defense. The problem with that is, he is high enough up that he was then, and continues to be now, one of the main creators of government and NGO public policy on a very critical public policy area (I don’t want to be more specific about the exact industry here). And now, two years later, we’re reading in the press that certain other public policy issues have measurable declines and problems which are directly attributed to the public policy changes he spearheaded. But, as usual, he himself remains publicly unnamed and invisible (I wonder if that’s because the press are afraid of him? They certainly seem to know who he is.)

Although your point about “I doubt he even remembers who I am anymore”, while true for most, doesn’t work for those of us who have the ‘stalker’ type of path. That type N-E-V-E-R forgets who you are and would happily kill themselves just to take *you* down personally (been there – that’s my mother).

EB, Good for your pre-emptive action!. You are a spa;th survior role model.

As to the “why?” would he come back? I think it might have to do with “supply”. Mine has come back to his territory where people know his stuff too, but they also remember his glory days, and I think he needs to be around that, to help fill the void, so to speak.

Sounds like yours wants to milk his glory days with you and reconnect with people that still don’t get it, or at least have not let him know that the mask has slipped once too often.

All the best in heading him off at the pass.

ErinBrock

True….a tornado does not ‘win’, because it’s just doing what it does….it’s a tornado.

But a spath knows and plots a course of destruction…..it’s not hapenstance…..It’s intentional.
There are NO coincidences!

Charlie Sheen sums it up for us nicely…..’WINNING”. That’s what it’s ALL about to a spath.
A spath survivor can counter that with….”PROTECTING”
That’s what it’s all about for us.

There are things we can do to midigate the loss from a tornado, to some extent.

And….there are things we can do to midigate the damage from a spath.

I believe it would be stupid to build a stick house without any precautions in tornado ally…..no shelter, no precautions taken into consideration.
Just like I think it’d be stupid on our parts to carry on and be blindsided if we know a spath is lurking with us on his radar.

I’m building my tornado shelter…..ready to go ‘underground’….and making sure I use the best of the best materials in building my shelter.

If the spath strikes harder….or faster…..and is successful in blowing my house apart…..well…..I tried.

In both instances……there is really….only so much we can do.
But to sit back, knowing he’s going to ‘blow’ my way…..and not know what catagory his wind levels will be and do nothing…..is just stupid.

Yes…..milking his glory days is a good sumization. Those days are OVER for him!!!

Ox Drover

EB, you know when you do live in “tornado alley” (I do) and a SERIOUS earth quake fault zone (I do) and down wind from a nuclear power plant by 35 miles (I do) you PREPARE and make an emergency plan.

You make sure you have drinking WATER available no matter what happens—you make sure you have FOOD available to tide you over no matter what happens, and that you have fuel for a generator and a generator (we also lose power during ice storms and big thunder storms year round so don’t want your freezer to melt down) You have preparations made so that your stuff is available…if the house gets blown away there is stuff in the barn, and aircraft hangar, and under the house….and so on, and ammo to defend it if you have to…and a bit of cash around in case the bank is blown away….or earth-quaked away…I may get darned tired of beans and rice and corn but I have 50 pounds of each stored up in caches where it won’t all be destroyed no matter what happens unless it is a BIG tornado direct hit and then it probably won’t matter to me anyway….

But you PREPARE, you carry INSURANCE and you LISTEN FOR WARNINGS and don’t IGNORE THE ONES YOU HEAR.

I think they said the locals here had 26 minutes warning (if they used all their time) before the tornadoes hit here—so if you didn’t heed the warning to get to cover, then you are partly responsible for being blown away.

PREPARE BEFORE HAND, then LISTEN FOR AND HEED THE WARNINGS…I think that is what a lot of us didn’t do in the psychopathic “storms” of our lives. NOW we are aware of just how dangerous these “storms” are and we listen to the warnings and heed them and prepare in advance to not be taken by surprise.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Nice to see you around again EB!

ErinBrock

One;
Thank you darlen……
I see you have work still…..as challenging as it seems….embrace it. Sometimes when we are challenged, we see the best come out!!!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

i made them so much damn money at the conference EB…i was awesome – crazeee, anxious, but awesome. they got a little grant, and now i have another contract – 6 months and am making a bit more per hour, even. found out on thursday. hahhahhaaaaaa. 🙂

ErinBrock

Build on the momentum!!!!!!
Gogetemgirl!!!!

Denise Guiney

They will not be laughing once money, even bank notes becomes more trackable. See the “where’s George” website for instance, Victims will have the last laugh then. You will be able to investigate what your significant other actually did with any money you gave them. We won’t be looking to pay to take legal action against these parisites, the feds will be doing it for us. They will be clearly able to see who is thowing all their money into poker machines and conning to make up, so when domestic allegations are made we won’t be treated like fools. These people have a disorder and the people who run gaming businessess are just as sociopathic as they are. We will have the last laugh as these people will become the new order of slaves as they pay for the fun they had at our expense.

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