We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Bravo! Ă‚Â And well-timed for me – thank you!
I lost my 15yo daughter this month after a year-long battle with brain cancer she endured as a result of treatment for sarcoma diagnosed in 2002. Ă‚Â
Until last year, I thought she had “made it” and though her life was full of challenges related to radiating the frontal lobe, she was a smart and beautiful soul and I had the privilege of being her sole caregiver and advocate, benefiting in countless ways from her kindness, sense of humor and insight. Ă‚Â
Her father, an spath I divorced 10 years ago has never done anything for my children save sending court ordered child support and summer/holiday visitation.Ă‚Â
The religious ed coordinator for his church, he lives only 200 miles away and saw her only four times in the past year – leaving me two hours into an eight hour craniectomy to sit alone at an out of state hospital and await the results. Ă‚Â
He now refuses to assist with her funeral costs – not because he doesn’t have the money, but because he is desperately grasping for a way to continue his perceived “control” over me by wounding me financially.Ă‚Â
He knew years ago I would put relationships and career on hold to take care of her – and it gave him a false sense of control over me. Ă‚Â What he doesn’t understand is that I CHOSE to make my children my priority and have no regrets. Ă‚Â It has enriched my life no matter how hard the road. Ă‚Â He doesn’t realize I do not rely on his child support. Ă‚Â After the bankruptcy I budgeted as quickly as possible without considering it. Ă‚Â
At 45, with my beautiful angel safely in heaven, I can pursue career goals and maybe a relationship if I choose. Ă‚Â I can do so knowing I did everything in my power to ease my daughters pain and make her life joyous. Ă‚Â And while he laughs at the financial predicament believes he has put me in I too laugh.
I’ve handed the matter to an attorney and don’t plan to worry about compensation.Ă‚Â
While he laughs, he does not realize he has sent his other two children the message he is NOT there for them, he is apathetic and uses them to get to me. Ă‚Â
While he laughs, they realize as teens he is poison and look away, no longer willing to be manipulated. Ă‚Â
While he laughs, they receive an early education and understanding that spaths exist and are not to be trusted, but avoided at all costs.
Bravo Steve! Ă‚Â Thank you!
Ravenless Tower STANDING!
~Please do not feed the Sociopaths!
Thank you, Steve. I have not logged on to the site in a while, but I felt a need and the desire this evening. I think it was specifically to find this article. It was meant to be.
I would like to verbalize that after almost five months of sitting back and doing absolutely nothing but working on and focusing on my healing process, as apposed to focusing on the Psychopath, the Psychopath that so effortlessly twisted and tramatized me, is at this very moment being caught and called out, and experiencing his own very bad Karma that he earned himself. In the beginning of the aftermath, I had profusely wished, hoped and prayed that he would have Karma abound. Then as time went on, I had only wondered if he would ever have his day. Most recently, I have not thought about it much and have thought that it may not ever come. He is hanging himself as we speak, and is getting some of what he has had coming to him. Although I have never been one to wish anyone unhappiness, I am so contented. It is somewhat of a freeing feeling. I am not sure why. A few days ago, he had his home taken away from him. His business is going down the tubes. He lost his newest victim/girlfriend. Now I hope that he is kicked out of his office (my old office) so I may return! I would have never thought there would be a chance of this, but now I have associates calling me and saying, HE MIGHT BE LEAVING SOME DAY, VERY SOON… AND WE ALL WANT YOU TO RETURN. I just want to say it here out loud!! If this happens, it will be absolutely huge for me, people!!! Justice will be served!!!
Love,
E
Ravenlesstower, My prayers are with you… You are smart and very brave…
Eden
Bless you Ravenless!! Condolences on the loss of your beautiful daughter. May you feel comfort in knowing that her suffering is over.
You and your children are well rid of the spath. I wish you health and happiness as you continue on your journey. (((hugs)))
Eden ~ YAY!! I do believe that they get what they deserve eventually. Good luck to you on returning to YOUR office!
Hope to heal, Thank you so much! I apreciate your kind words!
Steve,
very nice article. Thinking of the talented Mr. Ripley, a movie with Matt Damon as the spath.
Ravenless,
Your daughter, though she needed you for support, she was your strength too. Her needs focused you. Made you look past the injury of the spath and you did what you saw and felt was right. Now she has focused your children too. They have been vaccinated against spaths.
Eden,
Well!!!
that is good news!!! and you didn’t even need to do a thing. He hung himself. Please, DO keep us apprised on the situation. We like good news.
Raven, Condolences re your daughter. I am sorry for your loss.
Eden, That is the kind of justice I can understand. OxDrover has kindly written to me several times today about this very topic, under different threads, but I am a very justice-oriented person. My Bachelor’s degree, believe it or not, is in Social Justice issues. I have one year of law school and, although I had to drop out due to s’path messing with my head, I still hope to be a lawyer to make the world a more just place. Maybe I am tired right now, but I still can’t get my head around the idea that this husband of mine, this cheater, would-be child molester, and sister-in-law rapist (and wife rapist, for that matter, as he did it to me too, even put plastic bags over my head for sexual pleasure) will ever get a taste of pain. I just don’t see justice – not until how world falls apart on him. Maybe it will, but all I see is him skipping merrily along from train wreck to train wreck. I know the idea being taught here is to focus on my well-being, but much of my self-identity is wrapped up in the notion of a just world, or at least helping to create a more just world. I mean, I actually MAJORED in the subject in college in my thirties! His actions are challenging everything I thought I knew about the world! I AM working hard in therapy at getting myself well, but I would like to see some justice like what you are seeing. It does make me hopeful. I just can’t get my head around this article tonight. Maybe I’m too tired. Maybe in the morning it will make more sense. I hope so! Thanks for tolerating the babble.
Skylar… “Vaccinated against the spath.”
Indeed! What a clever way to put it!
Thanks to you, Eden, and hope to healfor reaching out to me on this difficult night in this impossible journey… I miss her terribly!
Peace…
Ravenless Tower STANDING!
Won’tgetfooledagain… Hang in there and keep focusing on you, and getting yourself back. I too, have been utilizing therapy. It has been an important and effective part of the healing process for me! You are most fortunate to have Ox Drover for support. She helped me here on the blog, probably more than she knows. She got me through some incredibly anger filled days. Keep your chin up, and go back to school asap. Keep it all about you and your growth and recovery. If you could live through what you have, you WILL get through to the otherside, and you WILL become a Lawyer, and fullfill your desire to gain justice for yourself and others. Yes, it is a journey, but keep looking forward!! Keep on Keepin’ on!
Much love and success to you!
Eden