We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street.
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Someone said on here last night that spath ’filled a need we had at that time’.
YEP. i agree too, i always said if my situation was different when i met him i wouldn’t have wasted a second date on him. in fact, i often thought to myself, ok, this is temporary because when my situation changes, i will be strong enough to walk away. i think a huge amount of it is timing, situational vulnerability.
“Situational vulnerability” is definitely a problem. When I hooked up with the psychopathic X-BF it was 8 months after my husband had been killed in an airplane crash right in front of my eyes. I was 57, felt “old, fat, unloveable and ALONE” Oh, How I would never have admitted to anyone else those thoughts were going through my mind, but THEY WERE THERE IN SPADES! So when he started coming on to me, he hooked into my SITUATIONAL VULNERABILITY and my grief and my neediness and loneliness….and yea, I wouldn’t have given him a third date now….so that “situational vulnerability” is definitely a positive for them, and it seems that THEY CAN SMELL IT AT A MILE OR MORE in people….maybe they just go around “sniffing” for our smell of neediness or vulnerability.
I know that now I HONOR RED FLAGS THE FIRST TIME I SEE ONE WAVE—even a pink flag gets my P-dar working over time and ANY SIGN oif dishonesty, cruelty, lack of compassion, irresponsibility and ZIP!!!!! this old lady can run like a gazelle!
Once they have us hooked at the first with the love bomb etc. then they keep us in the SPIN CYCLE so we cannot get our balance and escape….just like a cat keeps playing with a mouse, letting it try to escape, then grabbing it back and so on….just for their amusement. I like my cats but they are psychopaths when it comes to their prey and WE are prey for the human version of the cats, the predator humans.
Ox running like a gazelle ……that is a wonderful image. 0 to 60mph in 20 seconds!!
Sniffing us out – yeah that’s about right.
We can look back now and wonder how the hell we fell for their bullshite.
I think I can spot a spath at 20 paces now……..and they are everywhere, especially in the workplace.
Soon I won’t be able to see the woods for the flags!!
I know what you mean Candy. I read a study the other day that backed up what I have always known and that is that NURSES ARE THE WORST BULLIES IN THE WORK FORCE….sheesh! I’ve always heard “nurses eat their young” and it is so true. Passive aggressive stab you in the back co-workers and in hospital is worst of all….and I am so glad to be out of that environment.
I think Colleges and Universities are the next worst that I have been working in….but I can’t even imagine trying to work in that psychopathic carp and try to heal at the same time. Or to raise a kid with a P X and “co-parent” like so many of the younger people here on LF have to contend with.
At least I am retired and don’t have to suck up to the stress causing creeps at work….there was a time when I thought there must be something wrong with ME that I had trouble getting along with some of these people and I finally realized in retrospect that a great many of these people were HIGH in P-traits and passive aggressive manipulation with little or no conscience to what they did to others.
My income went from affluent to poverty level when I retired, but thank God I don’t owe anyone a dime so I can survive as long as I live frugally and that’s okay by me. About the only thing I like to spend money on is books, and I’ve found where I can get them off the internet CHEAP. LOL So at least my addictions aren’t too expensive and they don’t foul my lungs or rot my liver!
I too am becoming very intolerant of red flags and dishonest people. The few friends I hang on to are worth their weight in Gold and the other ones just took up space in my life and didn’t add much to it. I think actually I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life and more secure and more content and satisfied with what I have. That makes me RICHER than Billy Gates himself.
Sometimes I think articles like “…Last Laugh?” only serve to pacify Spath victims in the sense that free-ranging Spaths move on to continue their lifestyles (games). Yet victims cannot change the course of events from Spath relationships, are sometimes stuck in life, have difficulty getting past the self-blame, need to learn to trust, and forced do the hard work that is necessary to survive.
Spaths don’t have to do the internal work — they are afraid to see what’s in there (or not in there).
The Spath I married and learned about even told me he likes who he is! He even conned himself. That’s the ultimate in blindness.
Sometimes I think these articles seem to smooth victim ruffled feathers but nothing is really done to the perps — there seems to be no consequences for Spath which is the biggest tragedy. They don’t go to jail, they abscond with personal identifying information from their spouses while collection calls continue ad nauseum, and victims have to patch the holes of a fractured life.
Spaths ARE CRIMINALS.
Spaths often breach contracts and covenants (marriage, etc.).
Breaching marriage covenants and contracts must become a crime. Breaching marriage contracts leaves the most vulnerable (often women and children) in bankruptcy which becomes a drain on society as a whole and the worst is, it ruins people financially.
American culture appears to be progressively more permissive.
Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Breach of a marriage contract should become a crime and carry significant penalties (aside from divorce. Some Spaths just disappear without even divorcing.)
I’m just sayin —
Yes Ox. I’m so glad I’m out of that culture. The firm I work for now do not tolerate spaths. I am happier than I’ve ever been. Money in the bank, not a lot (like you) but enough to see I don’t starve. Bills are paid. House is my own. Space is my own. TV channels are MY choice. Choice of meals are MINE. Please my self where I go, when I go and who I go with. And yes, like you I have learned to weed out those people who put me down or make me feel weak. Boy oh boy are we Rich. Who needs a lottery ticket?!
Yea, Candy, “rich” has nothing to do with the size of your bank account.
Welcome Alaska snowbird! I agree that many of the psychopaths’ behavior are CRIMINAL but it is an unfortunate fact of life that breaking marriage commitments (contracts) just like a lot of other contracts and commitments is no longer considered “criminal” in our society—ah la the “no fault” divorce….which many states have either by statute or by fact.
Even FRAUD is so difficult to prove or get prosecuted.
It is frustrating isn’t it?
I can tell you that they do NOT get the last laugh. They cannot help but repeat their patterns. While they controlled us when with they were with us, we CAN stop the control. For them, it is VERY difficult to stop the control their disorder has on them. They end up devoid of love and anything that matters in life. They are truly alone. WE are NOT. I don’t think this is about the last laugh. I think this is about how sad it is that people become this way and about who they hurt along their way. The rejoicing is in finally becoming free of them. No Contact is the ONLY way to go. It is the only way to be free of the disorder for good. It has taken me a long to disconnect. I do not let go easily. I felt I was the only one who understood what was really going on with him. I knew when I left, he’d be alone with his disorder. Despite the terrible things he did to me, (which I don’t excuse) I still knew that he was not just pure evil and knew I was really the only one who could help him understand his “condition.” Simply put: I loved him and wanted to “help”. But the disorder was destroying me too, so I had to finally let go and let God. Peace is now with me. Thank GOD!
NoContactRules,
You post is a good one, really identifying with it. You feel compassion for the sociopath, but know that you have to escape somehow, someway, or you will be destroyed in the end. We cannot cure them. It really is heartbreaking. Let go and let God. Put it into His hands – a good reminder to myself.
Magic!
I’ve been thinking about how spath ’got away with it’ and comparing his actions to those of a magician (apologies if there are any magicians on LF)
Firstly we are caught up in the glitz and glamour of the ’show’ (lovebombing).
We are hypnotised by the slight of hand, the tricks, the fast talking, the distractions guiding us away from what spath is actually doing behind his/her back.
For a time, sometimes for a long time, we are amazed by what spath does. He/she is so clever (yeah right!) that we are enthralled, caught up in the spell. We know it’s not real but something keeps us hooked.
We believe that what they are doing is real, although somewhere in our subconscious we know that it IS a trick. So we go along with it for a while but then one day while they are performing we see the trick unfold. And we say to ourselves ’I see what he/she is doing'(aha moment)
But spath’s are good at what they do and they keep the suspense going for a while longer. Finally the façade falls and our eyes are opened.
Eventually we see them for what they are, like Santa, or the tooth fairy, not real. Just an illusion.
Our dreams are shattered. We try to keep believing, because we know the pain we will feel once we admit to ourselves that the illusion is over.
But now we know the truth it is only a matter of time before we have to face up to reality.
The show is over. And the final curtain has to fall on the relationship. The stage is bare and we want that excitement back—.but it is gone. Reality resumes and we move on.
We cannot ’forget’ the experience as people who have not been in our situation may advise us to do. What we can do is find a place for it in our hearts and take it with us into the future because it is what makes us ’US’.