We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Welcome Darwinsmom to the best chat room on the planet. There’s lots of info here to help you on your journey. Stay and learn.
What you are describing is classic spath and the people here really will understand and offer help. Today is the day that you will start your journey along the road to recovery.
Dear DArwin’smom,
Welcome to LF, glad you found your way here and do maintain NC, it is the only way we can get enough space out of the “spin cycle” to start to see through the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and regain our strength and stamina.
Knowledge is power so read and read, educate yourself about them, but also about yourself. Use this time to help you get to know yourself again.
Again, welcome.
TY for the welcome 🙂
I’ve been reading and reading since the day he sent me a very short message that he met someone else and simultaneosly changed his facebook relationship status from me to the new target in an infantile manner. I immediately inquired with an ex-girlfriend of his to fill the gaps and wholes I always felt about the vague story I had from her, and learned that while he was in a 7-year long distance relationship with her he married and got divorced and fooled around plenty and had another relationship with another fellow country woman. I knew about those 3 main relationships, but not how they intertwined. And when we compared stories on his behaviour, and I learned how he tried to get permission to visit her in her country, when he was here for 3 months when we had a dispute, the puzzle started to fit more and more. And of course, a local “acquaintance” of his, who expressed worry for me during my last visit, was the one who tipped me off that he had been seeing the new woman already for a month and planned to visit her country soon. After that I finally had the nerve to politely inform with a suspected liaison of his. And once she befriended me after she revealed the unfortunate events for her, I could see his attentions to her on facebook intertwined with my little love reminders. Made my stomach churn over it.
All that while, the past half year, I was feeling miserable for missing him so much. I could not even enjoy myself when going out, because it just made me wish for him being there with me more. All that while, he convincingly expressed his love for me and wanting to be with me….
Once I had the evidence that he could do that to more than one woman at once, and there was calculation on his part when to discard me, I finally was able to recognize that he had no true affective feelings, nor empathy, and that it’s a pattern of 10 years since he’s 18 at least.
I hovered across a spath profile list last year once, wondering, but for the life of me, I could not see him as an egoist, when he seemed to love nothing more than say cook for me, seemed so affectuous, and his nighty party habbits had become but a biweekly thing. But now that I read Psychopathawareness, lovefraud and aftermath foundation articles and posts, I felt that’s it, that’s exactly how it is!!! Since then, all the weird subtle contradictions made sense.
I have a large support system of friends, he was the black sheep of his town and family already (lesson: don’t think you know better than the locals) and any credit he had gained from being with me was now lost. But I can’t keep talking about him to all my support (certainly not his family, they are such good people), I know that. They moved on and wish me to do the same, or think that at some point he truly had feelings for me. And I can’t even try to relate all the red flags I noticed but stowed away and ignored for a while. They won’t comprehend why I did not get out myself earlier. To them he’s a jerk who obviously never deserved me. I feel alone with the massive anger I feel towards him at times as well as this black abyss in front of me, this feeling of horror after accepting I loved a hollow shell.
Luckily for me, because of the distance involved, he probably expected me to be broken more, while most of the relationship I was able to remain much centered or at least was already centered enough for a long time before the relationship to reconnect with myself. He had not been able yet to chip away too much of my self-confidence, and I did not let him when he tried to push some buttons. Nor did he ever hit me personally. He mostly damaged me by his parasitic ways, and by making me believe I was part of a love-team when it wasn’t so. While I’m staring at a horror that I need now to give some place in my life history, I feel free and whole. When I read the stories of others, I feel lucky that it ended and with less damage than he might have tried.
And lastly, also lucky for myself. He was not the greatest love in my life. That spot had already been taken. And though there is no hope between that great love and I that we could ever make it work, and we both moved on a lot, at least I know he has true love for me in his heart, and I can fall back on that knowledge and idea, when I feel overwhelmed by the fact that my Creep’s love was all fake from start to end.
Tnx for the welcome, again
Hi Everyone, Six years ago I found this site – used it once and then life as a result of my short relationship (1990-94) with the sociopath became worse, and I had no time or strength to do anything else other than struggle from day to day with the appalling things he did to our family. I met him 21 years ago, and, during our relationship he told me I would, ‘Never get away from him’, and, despite my marriage to a lovely man 6 years ago, I never have completely got away from him. The details are awful, the situations beyond belief, but my reason for ‘blogging’ is to say that I am heartened by the ‘last laugh’ piece because last night I had the most awful nightmare which I am sure is about the sociopath in my life – I was trying to fly in this dream, and a huge dog pulled me back and took a chunk of flesh from my hand, I tried to fly again and this huge dog sunk it’s teeth into my leg and brought me down; on my third attempt at flying and when I thought I had finally got away from this dog, I realised that it had clenched it’s teeth around two bracelets on my wrist and again brought me down. This dream really depressed me until I read the ‘last laugh’ article and I thought, yes, this evil man probably won’t ever leave me alone, but his victory is quite empty because it’s all about negativity – taking; destroying; upsetting;abusing – there’s nothing positive in there, nothing good in there – rather like in my awful dream, he’s just a ravenous dog attempting to take away what someone else has because that is what he feeds on; that is what fulfills him, he can’t have his own true happinesses so he takes other people’s – but what he can’t take is what is in my heart, because he can’t take away the love I have for my husband, the love I have for my children (and believe me he has tried), the love I have for my elderly mother and father, my brothers and sisters – he can’t even get close to it, and he never will. Thank you for the ‘last laugh’ article, I needed to read that today. I send all of you my love and heartfelt wishes for you to stay strong and courageous always. x
Very interesting dream. I do not doubt your interpretation of it. I have done plenty of dream translations in the past, and perhaps you might find the possible more detailed meanings in your dream interesting or helpful.
The act of flying in a dream normally denotes a very high level of self confidence, but the dog tries to “pull you down”, by hurting your hand. You do not mention which hand, but hands may symbolize your ability to relate and communicate (we communicate without realizing often with hand gestures), and so the dog biting your hand, might mean that “you’ve been hurt in your ability to communicate in the way you would like.” When you try to pick up the pieces again and refind your self-confidence, your leg gets bitten. The ability to walk is our primary ability to go and stand wherever we want, our tools of independence. So the vicious dog attempts to harm your independence, your balance, your autonomy. Bracelets might be a symbol of your passion, and since it are two it suggests a passionate partnership.
I hope one day you can enjoy a dream where you fly freely without the dog attempting to bring you down
Dear ChrissieH,
Welcome back. Glad that you are doing well….and you are living proof that the BEST REVENGE IS TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE! You are doing it.
You sound like your dream is very symbolic of him trying to pull you down, but you kept on trying to fly and that is the thing that I think is so important. You didn’t give up.
I also hope that you can start to fly in your dreams as well…high above the dog! (((hugs)))) and God bless.
Hmm, I was just watching a movie, the first Zorro of the 2. Since my ex-fiance is from Nicaragua, it kinda fitted part of the cultural sphere of my relationship. And somehow I wonder, whether it is truly with malovent intentions that they start to idealize. Movies, certainly the ones like Zorro, are such a shallow version of romance and relationships.
There’s the immediate attraction, a woman needed to be conquered, they fall in love unable to resist the attraction, and then they marry and have a baby (on or off screen). There’s action, there’s drama, and there’s attraction automatically resulting in marriage and a child without any relationship hurdles.
If they have shallow feelings, it is impossible for them to even imagine true deep feelings. I wonder whether they do feel attraction (to a challenge) and may even feel something akin to falling in love (but then like in the movies), and then there’s marriage and a baby automatically following after it. And we women are the often shallow featured cardboard beings. But then reality comes in the way: a relationship requires work, empathy, responsibility, stability, constancy, and affection… something they lack. The financial conning aside, I wonder whether that is what they keep chasing: a happy ending with a cardboard woman like in the movies?
Hi Darwinsmom and Oxdrover
Thank you both for your support – I had forgotten how good it feels to be understood by women who have been through and are still dealing with the ramifications of similar experiences and alongside all the problems, still feel good about life!
By the way, I am very clear that it was the palm of my left hand that was bitten out by this vile dog – and I really value your interpretation, many thanks for that, and from the UK – Goodnight!
Hey Chrissie,
Left stands for femininity, whereas teh right for male
I must admit, that I actually feel a lot better since I came here, when I was absolutely filled with rage and hate (really do not like to hate… it feels like it turns on myself). The past 2 days I was able to unload a bit, while you know others truly understand. That helps. I kinda feared that I might be too focused on the P stuff, kinda get me to obsess… but it helped that I could just focus not on myself alone, but also the many other women here who have their enormous share of pain. Being able to try and give, while knowing I will receive the same amount back, helps me to feel “normal” almost.
Today, my past 21 months almost seem an abstract, instead of a whirlpool of drama I was sucked into. I haven’t even felt angry for the whole day. Today is a peaceful day, one I might actually get some more real life tasks done than yesterday, than the day before, and certainly the past 2 weeks.
I wish you all such a day, if not today, soon at least.
Thank you, Donna, for this site. Thank you, members and bloggers for sharing!