We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Darwinsmom, That is exactly how I see my marriage to N x hub. Exactly!! And yes….he hasn’t learned a thing. He is still looking for the card-board cut-out of a woman.
That marriage ended 15 years ago. My more recent run-in with Spath feels a lot more calculated and deliberate. I was undeniably USED for his own gain. I think that, THAT may well be the difference between an N and a full-blown sspath.
Dear DArwin’s mom,
I’m glad that this site is helping you focus on your healing and letting go of the hate/bitterness…while anger is a natural emotion to injury, if it stays around and ferments into bitterness and hatred it becomes poison to US….being able to process that anger, to let it go, and to “forgive” them but that does not mean approve of, or give them another chance to hurt us again, it just means we LET GO of the poison they injected into us.
Just as a snake bites us and injects venom into our system, it hurts, but if we let it, it will eventually be absorbed and the pain will go away. We let go of the venom, lance the boil, and heal. As long as we hold on to the toxin we continue to hurt. They, however, skip merrily off iinto the sunset none the worse for wear…just being the snakes that they are. Glad you are here.
Kimmie, Glad you had a good MD girl’s day out with your daughters. I hope you are doing better and feeling better and more focused.
Summer seems to have arrived here and gardening and all that is going on so I’m getting out and enjoying the outdoors, the sun and the exercise. Pot some plants (real ones, not “potted” ones!) and enjoy seeing them grow. I even bought some flowers to put around my yard….along with the veggies. Moved the baby duckies to a bigger pen now (cage actually) and turned off their day time heat, they are growing like little weeds and eating themselves so full they can hardly stand up! Their little craws are full and bulging.
Well, I’ve cooled off so am back outside for a while. Give pinkie doodle a pet for me! (((hugs)))
A hollow individual indeed as stated in the article. Im realizing more and more how hollow, empty, devoid of any thing real, besides evil motive these creatures are. Even though Im still struggling to keep this freak out of my life I AM going to have the last laugh. Just simply getting to have fun, laugh, and have friends again is a cherished experience. I allowed someone/thing to steal from me more than half my life. Today I say, YOU DONT GET ONE MORE SECOND OF MY TIME. So yes, we do get the last laugh.
Don’t you just wish that we could have this effect on the Ps and Spaths?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe9raloACbg
Help….The ex-S in my life is still tormenting me, now more than ever with his “last laugh”…he’s leaving on a 3 week trip to Europe with another woman and he made sure I knew about it!…I had said NO when he asked me to do the same trip.
I’m struggling with un-employment, perpetual depression and chronic anxiety, a good part of it due to the devastating relationship I had with him. He didn’t steel money directly, but he stole my dignity, my soul, my heart and now my ability to be at peace and happy, and ability to focus enough…..all while he’s out there having the good time and living the high life!
I’ve tried blocking him from my cell phone as he likes to send text messages, but the cell phone co. tells me I have to pay monthly for this servicec or change my #. I’ve had this number for 10 years and don’t want to change it since so many people personal and business wise have it…..so….he started sending me texts again!
Sat. he sent me several text messages letting me know he was sailing with someone, sends a picture, all while at the same time texting that he still “loves me, and will never let me go”…..I deleted and ignored…..he texts me that he’s soon traveling out of town……I ignore and delete….BUT yesterday, friend told me that she ran into him and he made sure to let her know of his upcoming trip this week to Europe. I expect him to text me from the airport to let me know he’s boarding the plane on his way to Paris.
Why? Knowing all I know that he is a shallow pathalogical, psychologically damaged man am I still feeling such a sting from this insult? I’m struggling to survive and move on, while he’s taking off on another adventure with someone new.
I feel he’s getting the last laugh indeed…..try as aI may, I cant shake this feeling off.
aeylah – breath. your PTSD is triggered and it is getting the best of you. the corcodile pose will help calm your adrenal system (i have known this pose for a long time, but didn’t know it would do this) – lay on your stomach, with your arms making a pillow for your head (cheek or forehead to floor), and your feet about 2 feet apart, and your feet turned out ward so that the inner arches make contact with the gr8und. lay there and breath for 10 or 15 minutes, and it will help calm you.
tell your friend that you don’t want to hear what he is doing. that costs nothing.
how much does it cost to block his cell number? can you just get the text in feature turned off? Telephone companies in my country have to help if one is being harassed – have you actually tol them he is stalking you? I understand your attachment to your number – i do business on my home number also – but if she would have continued to harass me, i would have changed it.
so, you can see i have said nothing about the ‘feeling’. the feeling of his getting the last laugh is a mix of panic and fear about your own life and disbelief about his. He really doesn’t matter. YOU do. don’t compare your fear and struggles with his SEEMING success, because you know that it is false.
give yourself a big hug, breath lots and keep reminding yourself that it is about you. and be patient with yourself- this will pass.
Aeylah – I am sorry your going through this. I understand. But you have one option in my opinion and 1step touched on that. Sit down and list everybody that should have your new phone number and list everybody that shouldnt ( the people that keep you informed about him are not friends, if they understand what you have been through ) change your number to unlisted, call the people on your list, give them the new number. Your phone provider should not charge if you tell them your getting harassing calls. Until you do this and go no contact your going to live with anxiety..and a big HUG from your friend henry….
Dear Aeylah,
Yea, I had to change my number too…and I had had it for years and years and didn’t want to change it, but you know, my peace of mind is worth more than the number.
If him texting you is upsetting you this badly you only have three ways I can see to stop it….1) change the number 2) block him or 3) don’t read them
It is your call…your decision. We can’t make him stop trying to contact you, and neither can you, but no one makes you read them.
Take care of yourself first! FIRST!!!!!! Foremost! (((hugs))) You deserve it, he is NOT getting the last laugh unless you allow him to. God bless.
One/Joy,
Thanks for that post about the ‘crocodile pose’. I’d never heard about that before. I read up a bit on it – it sounds really powerful. Thanks to your post I’ve also come across Sally Kempton’s site talking about yoga and fear. Fascinating promising stuff.
Thanks for posting that.