We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
one/joy_step, Hens, Oxy,
Thank you all for the suggestions and kind support. I know I’m going through PTSD that got trigered again from the recent S-siting and text messages, especially after reading more on the topic.
I attended a cognitive thinking workshop and it is so very dificult to change the mental messages and subconcious words and images that linger…..but I’m trying.
One/Joy, I am an excersize fanatic and practice yoga from time to time too…but I had never heard of the “crocodile” pose, I tried it, and this along with alot of breathing and creative visualization seems to calm me down thanks for the reminders!
Oxy, and Hens, your right, the choice is mine…and I choose not to remain a victim, to ask “friends” that want to give me updates on his activities NOT TO TALK ABOUT “IT”, not to give this more energy by the temptation of reading text messages. I’m not ready to change my phone number YET since it’s on all the job resumes I’ve sent out, or pay for having the number blocked,….. but I CAN delete with out looking at the whole message. I am going to practice, practice, practice peace being a crocodile and delete, delete, delete.
Namastee to all
Hens,
Dear Aeylah,
Taking command of your life, your emotions and your actions!!! TOWANDA!!! That is the thing that we must do. Take back our power and not give it over to others.
It’s like riding a bike…wobbly at first, but you’ll get the hang of it and when you fall, just get back up and get back on it! ((((hugs)))
I was at the bank today and someones cell phone rang and it was that dreaded standard att ringtone. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and my armpits tingle…yes TINGLE…How dare that person have that ringtone…then I felt Onesteprs fairy rain wash over me and realized what a nitemare i had gone through and survived.
Aeylah just try ignoring him and maybe he will go away and you wont have to change numbers, but to me as long as he had my cell phone number it was like keeping him in my pocket, or in your case your purse…Changing numbers was THE moment I knew I was done. It really was taking back my power, taking away that last tool he had to play with my head……..and it really let him know I was not one of his options to toy with anymore..took the lead out his pencil for sure..
I’m struggling a little today.
My x-spath keeps pulling me back in, convincing me that maybe he’s not so bad — that maybe we do have a “special connection.” I feel like I’m drowning.
This is how screwed-up our relationship has become: We talked until 3:30 the other morning, during which time he had me agreeing to see him on the side while he dates someone else. Why in the world would I EVER agree to that? Since then I’ve told him (again) to go away and never speak to me again, but I don’t know if he’ll do it. (I mean, he might. He seems to have little trouble discarding people once they’re onto him.) I just pray that I’d be strong enough to resist if he ever contacts me again.
My best friend recently told me that if I keep talking to him, “you’re going to end up dead.” I mentioned that to my therapist, who wholeheartedly agreed. Not only am I putting myself at risk for a horrible STD (he’s a sex addict), but she pointed out that there’s another form of “dying” — being emotionally numbed from the inside. He’s already done that to me, to a certain extent. He’s changing me into a person I don’t even like.
Just wondering if you guys agree with my friend and therapist regarding how serious this has become. Am I going to die if I keep it up?
Dear AliciaD,
The answer is up to YOU….you have control over YOU, if you choose to exercise it, OR, you can continue to let HIM CONTROL YOU AND KILL YOU….either with an incurable STD (there are several besides HIV) or by killing your heart and spirit.
It is strictly up to you. We cannot save you, you must save yourself by doing what you KNOW IS RIGHT….GET AWAY AND STAY AWAY FROM HIM. YOu deserve better than him, but if you are not willing to ACT on what you know, no one can save you.
We are HERE FOR SUPPORT, BUT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MUST ACT! (((hugs))) and God bless.
Thank you, Ox. I needed to hear that right now. 🙂
AliciaD,
When you were little, or even graduating high school, did your dreams for your life look like what you have now?
When I separated from my husband I told him I did not have enough years on this earth to live the misery he put on me.
Your dude is not a man of dreams, he’s a nightmare on Alicia’s street. It doesn’t have to be that way, but you do have to get rid of the nightmare man in order to have the life you WANT. Of course it’s up to you but I hope you choose to LIVE. NC is the first step. YOU go NC and you set it up so he can not break your NC.
Best, Katy
allicia,
I lost contact with my best friend from high school and then learned she had died. Her brother told me she had driven out in a snowstorm, hit a tree, walked away, laid down and froze to death in the snow. This was over 10 years ago.
I also learned that up until that time, she had been in a relationshit with a loser. She would call her brother to come get her, move all her things out and within a week, be living with him again. She had checked herself into a mental hospital twice. This went on for years as her life spiraled out of control.
She used to be a straight A student in highschool. joined the navy, put herself through college and worked as a chemist. Unfortunately, she didn’t know about spath and that her entire family was full of them, including her brother. Without this knowledge, she never had a chance.
Alicia, you have the knowledge. Use it. Put your emotions to bed, they are bad advisors. Use your knowledge.
Katy and Skylar,
Thank you both. Your words of wisdom (and experience) are really what I NEED to hear right now to continue to think clearly. And Skylar, I’m so sorry about your friend. As shocking as her death is, I can also now see how a normal, high-achieving person can eventually lose her mind at the hands of a sociopath. (My ex was married once, for about a year. He claims that she then just suddenly up and left him, for no reason, except that she was depressed. He blamed it on her being too young to know what she wanted in life, and that HE paid the price. She “messed him up.” Now I know that she got out before he destroyed her completely, and good for her.
My problem this past week was that I started to rationalize things when he contacted me again. “It’s not THAT bad. I’m making this way more dramatic than it really is. We’re just talking!”
Now I know how dangerous “just talking” is, and what it leads to. My soul is being destroyed by a nondescript bank employee who looks like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. I never would have believed any of this was possible.
Sky and Katy – your posts to Alicia moved me deeply. Alicia, just keep posting and reading – work it out HERE, not just within your own head. you are still in the thrall of the whole thing, and you are right, you are not thinking clearly. Come here and we will help detox your thoughts.
best,
one joy.