We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
candy
katy – what a shite! Good advice from One Step. Could you change your name? Not post ‘personal’ things but maybe advise others?
Constantine
Dear Katy,
Well, that is messed up. However, what you have written here should be a source of PRIDE rather than shame. Even if the entire world knew your actual name, I think it would end up being something you could wear as a badge of honor! You might not want personal details escaping, and I understand that, but trust me, your words on this site do you nothing but credit.
So I say Fuuuuuuuuuu***************k him and his mindless little “protector”! Funny how new victims need to justify their victimhood by making the old victims into the aggressors and bad guys!
In any case, what these people don’t understand is that after having lived through a sociopath, there is NO SUCH THING AS FEAR. Death threats? Blackmail? Public Shame? – Are you kidding me?! No, what this person isn’t getting is that you can’t touch someone who’s already seen the worst life has to offer – AND SURVIVED.
I hope you find a way to keep posting, Katy. You are an intelligent voice that adds much to the high level of discourse on this site. But all the best to you if that is impossible.
PS It is interesting that the person associated with your ex found their (her?) way to this site. If that person is still reading (and I bet you are!), maybe you should ask yourself why you’re such a nasty little reptile? And also, do you believe in karma? – because even if you don’t, I think someday you’ll discover that karma believes in YOU.
C.
behind_blue_eyes
Katy;
I agree with Constantine. There is no shame in the truth. If the truth hurts them, so be it as the truth has certainly hurt you.
Hope to heal
Dear Constantine ~ “do you believe in karma? ”“ because even if you don’t, I think someday you’ll discover that karma believes in YOU.”
I LOVE this! I believe that you are right on the mark with your post also.
And yeah Katy’s x’s “friend” ~ You really need to get a life of your own and STOP being one of his minions. As Constantine said above: “Karma believes in YOU”.
aliciad456
Thanks for the bday wishes! 🙂 And Katy, I’m so sorry that someone did such an awful thing to you. Here we are on this site, just trying to get better and HEAL, and someone wants to prevent that!? Horrible.
Question: How do I deal with the plain old missing-him stuff? We used to talk almost every day and text constantly. As we know, spaths can be very charming and fun, and now I find myself missing that part of who he is. How do I fill that void of our “friendship” (even though I know now that most of what he told me was a lie)?
candy
What helped me was coming here to LF. I also taught myself chess on the computer, learned sudoku, did crosswords, threw myself into my job, did voluntary work, visited old friends, slept, did church stuff, volunteered to write minutes of meetings, painted……anything to fill the void. At least these things were REAL and NOT a lie. So find something, anything, knitting, babysitting for a friend, walking dogs, hospital work, volunteer at a local school/Samaritans – just fill your head with other stuff NOT him.
superkid10
Candy
I love what you wrote.
I am working to fill that void too. I want him out of my head.
It is just amazing how much it hurts to have interfaced with such a disordered person. The pain is amazing.
I was thinking this morning how angry I was that my spath slept with this sweet young girl, young enough to be his daughter. He claims she reminded him of a former girlfriend, they only hung out once, had sex once… and I’m thinking, how could he DO THAT to her? She’s vulnerable, fragile.
I mean, if somebody reminds you of your ex, do you have to F*CK them? What about just having coffee? Seriously?!
And then, later today, I realized that as much as I felt sorry for this young woman that he just invaded her like that, he did exactly the same thing to me, over and over and over again. He just TOOK what he wanted with no regard to boundaries or what is right or wrong or how it impacted me. He knew exactly what he was doing and blindly plundered forward. He HURT me.
Anyway, I need to breathe deep, and keep enjoying my job and sports and just work through it.
The pain is very real.
Superkid10
sarahsmile
Oh, KatyDid, I’m so sorry that’s happening to you. It’s one of my fears — as I said before, he outed me over a year ago on a blog about relationships. My paranoia over the thought of him reading these posts grows, as with each post I make, he escalates. I don’t feel safe posting details; I don’t feel safe anywhere anymore.
I hope you are still reading this. You are one tough broad, lady, and I mean that most respectfully and affectionately. You’ve helped me tremendously.
bluejay
KatyDid,
I liked what Constantine said – you have “seen the worst life has to offer” and made it out. You are a strong lady. I’m sorry about what has happened to you. Sistersister posted something a while back that I have been reading today (being anxious about something that my own spath is causing) – “I grow wings, I fly, I airlift out of their stupid world. I go somewhere else.” It’s a shame that your spath is trying to bully you (due to someone reporting you “being here” at times). Stay peaceful (for your own sake) and try not to let him and his minions get to you. Your friends on this website support you, being in our prayers.
aliciad456
“I airlift out of their stupid world.” That is PERFECT. Their world is stupid and depraved and just WRONG. We normal people have no place there.