We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Alicia – Question: How do I deal with the plain old missing-him stuff?
just breath through it and grieve the loss. i laughed like never before with the spath. i laugh like that listening to eddie izzard too – and he is just as not real in my life as the spath was. i felt i had ‘come home’ with the spath. lies lies lies and manipulation.
at times i couldn’t let myself grieve the loss, it was too dangerous; it threatened pulling me back into the depths of shock and awe. so i didn’t greive it at those times, i locked it down. when it was/ is safe i grieve it. there are layers and layers of what I am ACTUALLY grieving. and i am sure there will be for you also.
Alicia – It takes time.. I was lonely before he came into my life, so I really enjoyed the company and companionship, I miss who he pretended to be, I miss the dream of happy ever after. But I also became used to the drama and chaos, it was a brain stimulant even tho it became a nitemare, I was addicted to it..To go from That to Alone again was a shock to my system, letting go of what never was is difficult to wrap your brain around..also that huge feeling of loss was overwhelming…I mean I made him leave so why was I feeling a loss? it takes time, it all comes together, just be good to yourself and meeting someone new also helps….
Hens,
sweetie, it is nice to meet someone new. Until it isn’t.
It has to be the “right’ someone new. And it can’t be, until WE are the “right” person for a good person. Until then, we just have to keep working on ourselves, whatever it takes to learn, we must do it.
Sky
I agree. Time doesn’t heal anything, it’s what you do with the time..
(((((((Katy))))))
Best of luck to you, wherever the road leads. You are one strong lady. I say that most emphatically.
And I second BBE’s point.
Constantine wrote :
A-men.
After my friends took me out for a bday dinner, I got a call from my 11-year-old daughter, who was crying and wanting to come home from her dad’s house. (He’s not quite a sociopath, but definitely a self-absorbed ass. I sure know how to pick ’em!) He was yelling at her and saying she could never go back to his house, blah blah blah, and she was freaking out. So I told her I’d go get her and bring her home.
Driving over, I thought, “OK, step in the right direction. If I were still with the spath, I probably wouldn’t have even gotten her call because my phone would have been off. I’m a better mom and person already.”
And then I got pulled over for doing 45 in a 35.
As the cop got my info, he asked if I was OK. (He was actually very nice.) I wiped away tears and told him it’s my birthday.
“I hope this ticket isn’t what’s making you upset,” he said, “because it’s not that big of a deal.”
I told him it wasn’t that. What I wanted to say was that I’m upset because I let a really awful person waste over a year of my life, and all I want to do is get back on track. But things like this keep bringing me down and making me think I can’t win, no matter how hard I try.
But even though I felt like crap at the time, the fact remains that my kids are home now, and my daughter is content and asleep in her bed.
Yeah, I got a ticket. If I’d been at the spath’s house with my phone off, I wouldn’t have gotten it. But on the flip side, my daughter would have eventually begun to feel that she had no one to count on — that no one was looking out for her. (She’s texted me before when I was with him, and I didn’t see it until the next day because he’s very anti-kids.) So it’s all worth it. My priorities are shifting back to where they were before I met him, and I’m very grateful for that.
And when we got home, my kids and I shared a group hug. It was a good way to end the birthday, despite everything. 🙂
Constantine wrote :
“In any case, what these people don’t understand is that after having lived through a sociopath, there is NO SUCH THING AS FEAR. Death threats? Blackmail? Public Shame? ”“ Are you kidding me?! No, what this person isn’t getting is that you can’t touch someone who’s already seen the worst life has to offer ”“ AND SURVIVED.”
A-men. x 12!~!!!!!!!!
Hi, all my wonderful friends.
I agree with all of the above comments. And since I had my heart procedure,{a stent}, I have been mulling over and re-evaluating my life. Im now more determined than ver not to waste one more cotton picking SECOND thinking about worthless people who only drag me down,-like my 2 spath daughters. Yesterday, I did a long journey to see my solicitor, re my last and final Will. Im leaving NOTHING to the spath daughters,a bit to SIL,and$10,000 each to older spaths 3 kids. Some money to the wonderful cardio unit where I got such expert care, some ,to “Children International” which helps the poorest of the poor children. Some to the “Free the Bears” organisation, which rescues bears from cages where theyve been cruelly milked for their bile. {Dave and I have one rescued Bear we support.}Ive increased the amount of kids I help from 2 to 5, per month, 3 from India and 2 from Colombia, Venezuela.The bulk of any estate left will go to our ‘adopted” Iranian kids.I had previously prepared 2 stat. decs, giving all my reasons why I was excluding my spath daughters from any part of my Will. So, all this was witnessed, and counter signed.Im so glad Ive done this.
Today I went to my Cardio re hab exercise class,-its twice weekly for 6 weeks, and takes me up to 6th Sept.My blood pressure today was down from 134 over 90, to 126 over 70! My pulse was 66, Ive lost around 7 pound s in weight, and feel so much better, in every way.Im tolerating my new meds very well, also.Last Sundy we hada mini party for Royas 26th Birthday. I did roast leg of lamb,with all the trimmings, and choc mud cake to follow, iced in White icing,”Happy Birthday Roya”. {I had it made, and it was worth it!} She love d everything, so did Abbas. We had such a nice, happy day.! A wonderful red letter day.
Hope you are all living spath free lives!!Were all winning!! Love,
Mama gemXXX
hello sweet gem – ah, life after hell! so good to read that you are finding peace and creating your new relationship with yourself and the world. I hope that your heart condition is not life threatening, just life provoking. I am not very eloquent first thing in the morning and I have been working with words too much lately so everything i say this morning seems stilted to me – hopefully not to you. you have worked hard to move out of the shock and awe and the cord cutting was such a big catalyst to you getting your life back.
so let’s hear it for the things we love an dcare about! for the ability and grace to reflect and change and move flaming on!!!!!
xo one joy
(can I make a suggestion , just for your safety – remove the $ amounts from your above post)