We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Sebbo
At the end of the day, this woman only wanted your marriage and money.
When she found out that you were poor – then she discarded you.
I am not saying that you are infact poor – I’m just saying that she thought of you as POORER than her expectations allowed.
She wanted to be treated like a princess as you say.
She wanted a man who could give her the finer things in life.
But you didnt submit to her.
You SUBVERTED HER.
In her opinion – YOU “UNDERMINED” her.
A sociopath HATES being undermined.
You were smarter at the game that she was playing.
Unfortunately you got dumped and you got threatened
with a restraining order.
I know it must be awfully hard on you Sebbo and I am not
belittling your pain.
Step aside for a minute and see what could have been.
Do you understand how much WORSE it could have been?
You could have been strung along for months and lost many
more weekly wages on her.
If she never paid for anything then WHY did you let her
keep abusing you?
Please Sebbo. Dont be so gullible in future. I know its hard to hear but I’m saying this harshly because I really think you were too trusting of this woman.
Sure, you were in love.
Sure, you were “blinded” as you say.
But remember – a woman is not only skin deep.
A woman has feelings.
What you may misunderstand though is that this
woman you were dealing with was no ordinary woman at all.
She had so much testosterone in her body and gave you
a great time in the bedroom TO DISGUISE HER DECEIT.
You thought it was love.
NO. It was not love.
Sociopaths use promiscuity as way to LURE YOU IN.
She gave sex to you so that you could be DECEIVED further.
Please remember Sebbo that everything has a price.
Come on Sebbo. Pick yourself up.
I know its hard. I really do. I’ve been dumped as well
by my sociopath girlfriend. I cried too. I spent endless nights
tossing and turning in bed because I could not go to sleep in
such pain.
You need to live your life Sebbo. This is 1 person out of a million. There will be another woman out there for you who is a lot more sincere and honest than the sociopathic woman you dated.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss and I really do hope that you get better soon.
Best Wishes
Tony
Does the psychopath have the last laugh? Well, I’m still not laughing as I am still terribly in debt and he pretty much ruined my career. I often struggled with wanting to exact revenge and prayed for guidance and healing. I cursed him often though.
His health has deteriorated in awful ways: first with a flesh eating disease and finally with hemophilia and some kind of debilitating liver disease. His new woman inherited a serious invalid when she thought she was getting moonlight walks on the beach, long hikes in foreign place, a great skier, and Mr. Happy. Instead, he is depressed and impossible to please and she has to be his nursemaid. I did not see that coming. For a long time I felt discarded and thought he had gone off to a finer life.
Somehow all the poison in him turned on himself. I feel guilty for making these judgements but he has hurt many people and nearly killed me. He has slandered me far and wide with nearly everyone I care about and he is so convincing that they believed him. I was such a mess and so shattered by it all that I did look like a raving madwoman at times.
If ever I hear a man say his wife was a crazy woman I don’t believe it. I would find out for myself.
Sea storm
SeaStorm, why feel “guilt?” Doesn’t he DESERVE punishment for what he’s done? “Guilt” is reserved for deliberately doing something that harms someone else with this knowledge in advance. It’s nothing to feel guilty for by making a judgement that is accurate, yes?
At some point, we DO end up laughing. Not because we’ve won and they’ve lost, but because we simply don’t give two shits about whether they’re alive or not. We DO get to that point, SeaStorm, but it takes time and intense recovery.
Sure, they make us look certifiable because it serves their purposes. They do it because most people are not armed with the information about their tactics to effectively walk away and NOT expect them to feel remorse (or, any human feeling) for what they’ve done.
I am VERY wary of men and women who claim that their exes were crazy or abusive. I really give a wide berth to those people because they are terms that invoke instant judgement of people that I’ve never met, nor will I likely ever meet.
You’ll recover and you’ll laugh your head off at some good, jolly hilarity, at some point. And, the laughter won’t be about the spath. It’ll be about your survival and recovery – about expressing joy for being here. I hope to feel that joyous mirth, again. I look forward to it.
Brightest blessings
Sea storm:
Liver disease? Was he a drinker? I could only hope all those things would happen to mine…the one who does whatever he wants to people and goes along his jolly way. I don’t wish things on people, but he deserves some things to come his way…
Guys, would you Want to be like them even if they had a BILLION dollars, and no ability to love or feel love from someone else?
So we must decide what is “success” and realize that all the money they may have taken from us, or anything else isn’t going to provide emotional comfort to them, not that wonderful feeling of bonding to another human.
Nah,, they are the ULTIMATE LOSERS and that’s okay. I’d rather be the victim than the victimizer.
Truthy,
I get why Sea Storm feels some guilt. We become like the spaths when we proclaim what a person deserves. Spaths always say that their victim DESERVED what the spath did to them. Sea Storm senses that her spath’s evil is the cause of his illnesses, and it seems just, but then she has to wonder what punishment she will merit for her own transgressions, so she feels guilty.
Sea Storm,
I feel bad too sometimes, when I realize that I felt a sense of satisfaction when a spath got hurt. But I admit it, I do feel glad that they didn’t win. It’s because I’ve been playing that game with spaths for so long that it has become second nature. The only real winner is the person who doesn’t play the stupid game in the first place.
Oxy,
exactly right. And the only way we become not like them is not to play their games. The whole reason for living, for a spath, is to get others to play their games.
Bluejay,
I think this says it for all of us: “With me, I am very concerned about right and wrong, even though I have and do flub up at times. I have moments (when I am sitting, being still) where I am still dazed (in disbelief) over what has transpired in my life, over how my ex-husband has behaved while he’s been on this earth.” They seek us out for our trust and honesty and target it because they can. They love to project their evil onto us and then reap the rewards of our confusion and our despair at being vilified them and by others.
My daughter cut me off and referred to my “moral violence” because I will not concede to his manipulation through her and his warped logic. It seems she believes that confronting lies and telling the truth is violence and sees only his veneer of a pity party. It may be righteous indignation but I cannot accept “moral violence”. I have finally given up completely. She will have to see it on her own or never get it at all.
I have also been told I see everything in terms of black and white. I believe this is the result of being exposed to psychopathy. I do see shades of grey, but not where evil is involved and I have only contempt for those who will not see.
zimzoomit,
I have often wondered how many psychopaths are closet gays. I have come to the conclusion that the psychopath I married and had two children with is a closet gay and will not even admit it to himself. He is misogynistic, has that tight little butt walk and likes his female sexual partners to play dead. He has been divorced by three wives and dumped by a bazillion other women. Just like he will not admit that he is Jewish, he will not admit that he is gay. Not that it would bother me a bit either way. It is all his problem except for the psychopathy he has so freely inflicted on so many women and children.
Constantine.
Thank you for this sublime statement; this pearl of wisdom cannot be disputed or repeated too often. We know it but it feels so good to see it in print.
“In any case, what these people don’t understand is that after having lived through a sociopath, there is NO SUCH THING AS FEAR. Death threats? Blackmail? Public Shame? ”“ Are you kidding me?! No, what this person isn’t getting is that you can’t touch someone who’s already seen the worst life has to offer ”“ AND SURVIVED.”
Katydid,
I post too much here and do not hide my identity very well. I hope someone who reads this will recognize him and know what and who he is. Let him sue me. I have reported him to the police, social services, etc. and he has two other ex-wives and four step-children who will support me even if my own children (his spawn) will not.
Your posts are so honest and refreshing I do not see why it matters if someone suspects who you are. How can they know for sure anyway?
“All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”