We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Ravenlesstower….I am so sorry for your loss. It is always good to read a post from someone whose life has been about taking the High Road. What a blessing you have been in your dtr’s life! (Actually, you have blessed your own life as well…good for you!) I wish all good things for you, even with your S/P licking your heels. I hope one day you will post again with news of all those good things in your life that have come your way.
Good blog and thoughts. I have often wondered about this topic. It doesn’t give me much pleasure, none actually. The S/P keeps moving forward, wreaking havoc. Of the many ppl I have known who fit this description, have yet to see any of them get their just rewards. Anyone see the excellent recent Academy Award documentary ‘Inside Job’? It’s about the global financial meltdown about the grandiosity and defiance of a slew of these monsters. They will dust themselves off and start again with a new little project of some sort. Good riddance! Hopefully, this time, though, no one will do their bidding or even listen to them…and we can have the last laugh.
How I wish that Donna, armed with a team of assistants, could begin an education campaign to enlighten our society about these evil creatures. It’s time that something is done…not in a mean nasty way, of course!! Imagine a world where we bring these monsters into the light where they can no longer slither under the radar.
Okay, interesting blog. Here are some interesting points to remember. While this may very, sociopaths are afflicted with poor impulse control. They are compelled to look for the next thrill with little to no sense of long-term repercusions, whether it’s being cruel to others, deriving a thrill from drugs or pursuing some other form of stimulation. If you’re looking for a last laugh, the knowledge of their own likely self destruction may be it. However, this too is a trap, because it focus your attention on them, even in their absence.
If you want the last laugh, disengage. Unless you have a child together and share custody, deliberately severe. Don’t make your closure dependent on what happens or doesn’t happen to the sociopath. This gives the sociopath power. Their absence from your life is your triumph, your last laugh and your victory lap!
The sociopath maybe laughing. The sociopath maybe crying. The sociopath may hit the lottery. The sociopath maybe dancing the Charleston with 500 albino monkeys. What this has to do with you is nothing at all! That’s the last laugh and it’s all yours.
Raven, I am so sorry for your loss. May you find peace. On your children learning, please don’t judge them too harshly if this is a lesson they take time to learn. He is still their father and part of them. This is a lesson they may have to experience a few times before they can truly understand.
The sociopaths get all the laughs included the last one. Because even avoiding intimate relationships with them once one has learnt to recognize them, in the work market is impossible to avoid them without paying with lots of stress and anxiety. They always win at making us feel the horror that produces the realization that we live in a dangerous world in which some feel entittled to destroy the peace of others.
Do they get the last laugh? Really? There is no peace and no satisfaction in what they do. “The Game” is never over for them… while they may be laughing about their latest coup, they are planning their next conquest. By their very natures, they are compelled to repeat and repeat. There is no satisfaction for them other than continuing their game. There is never a ‘last’ laugh; only an encore performance to another audience and another and another. That is the role of the compulsive predator.
What if they had to play their scheme to an ’empty house.?’
Bob, You’re right. Mine might be dancing the Charston with 100 albino monkeys, and whether he is or not, it has nothing to do with me. So very well said. We have NO control over them. They have had enormous control over us. Our recovery relies on our ability to accept this as fact. Let go, and focus our attention on ourselves.
Is it fair? Nope, but it’s healthier than continuing to focus our resentment and sence of injustice on them. That keeps us hooked in and in a constant state of negativity.
First we establish physical NC, then, after a time we establish emotional NC.
I still struggle with intrusive thoughts, but I’m much better at dismissing them than I used to be.
I want to be content. I don’t want the rest of my life to be caught up in some sense of injustice. Who t f cares whether he’s laughing, as long as I am laughing, too, and being free of him makes me laugh out loud! Joyious laughter.
Thank you very much for this article, Steven. It reminds me of a story.
A zen hermit allowed a thief to stay with him for a few days, and awoke one morning to find the thief gone with all of the monk’s meager possessions.
That night, as a full moon rose, the monk lifted his head from his daily meditation and gazed at the moon.
“That poor thief,” he said. “If only I could give him this moon.”
What we have in our hearts can be neither stolen nor replaced. We have a potential for empathy and joy that a sociopath cannot know and cannot touch.
Skylar, thanks for bringing up ACT therapy. I had never heard of it but googled it and it sounds really promosing. I am still looking for those links for you.
I have been devastated by what I have experienced and am currently experiencing. I married a sociopath who is also a minister and he did everything to get me yet when he did not get what he wanted he turned and tried to used everything to destroy me. He’s quite manipulative. He abused me and molested our child, but when he was faced with these things he tried to tell everyone that I am a fraud and there’s some things not true about me. If you listen to him, he is the victim in everything even though he is the wife beater and child molester! In the marriage he cheated repeatedly and lied about everything but because I reported his physical and sexual abuse to local authorities, he decided to try to ruin everything about me. It’s interesting that he even has manipulated in some ways the childrens services people to where they want to help “the whole family” when indeed the whole family is not abusive and out of control sexually, only the sociopath is. I was glad to find this site because it helps me understand what I’ve been through. Now I just need help getting through the rest of the struggle. Of course he has taken money, sought to ruin my reputation and lied to anyone that will listen to him. And he preaches to people every Sunday!!! I can’t believe leadership still lets him preach but that’s sociopathic manipulation at its best