We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
kim frederick
preacherswife, There is a very good pod cast audeo on Psychopathy in the ministry on, Aftermath Radio. Google it. It might give you some insight into your snake.
Eclipse
Yes indeed this article is so right. It is totally disgusting what all monsters do to all of us who are kind hearted people. After the trauma of it all happening we all have one heck of a time ever trusting again,and it is a shame there are good people also. The good out weigh the bad as we all know.
Psychopaths are the worst of all to meet, lie cheat steal and destroy you inside of a long time. God will help the good and they will have a hard time in their life, once they damage the good. It all works that way.
God bless all those who have been so hurt by these monsters I cannot think of another word for them …………………
IMconfused
Even if caught, it’s all a game for them…they win some…they lose some. With each new game they hone new skills regarding what works for them and what to avoid to not get caught. So they get the last laugh.
It’s as if they’ve been caught cheating to win a game of Monopoly. Although those who played the game fairly might refuse to ever play that particular game with them again, there are other games those same people might agree to play.
If everyone who knows them eventually refuses to play their games, they can always move on to seek out strangers who don’t yet know about their con games.
It’s sad to realize that there are cons who use and abuse those of us who want to believe their lies and care enough to give them our love, trust, and more. Romantic victims, like myself, will even defend our cons and make excuses for their actions…until we wake up!
After you’ve defend another’s terrible actions, you’ve lost all credibility when telling others to head and believe what you might say regarding the con’s true behavior. You’ll appear to have a case of “sour grapes” and might even look “mental” if you eventually try to alert others. Since others have only been shown the con’s good persona, they think that he is wonderful. To others, that sweet, honest and good “con” has become the real victim… of your vicious slander. You might even seem to be in desperate need of professional mental health intervention!
When their con games are over, cons walk away feeling smug. Even if it’s a hollow victory, I think they still feel very good about themselves and their deceptive abilities.
Since they don’t love anyone besides themselves, they feel no remorse…unless of course, they haven’t yet finished with you. Then they suck you back in by pushing your hot buttons…until you eventually cry “UNCLE”.
Victims are left feeling wounded, in shock, and afraid to trust the next person who seems to care about them.
I seems that unless incarcerated, the perpetrator grinns and wins!
This blog sucks big time!
Arrrgh!
zimzoomit
preacherswife ..
Maybe you could post about him on these sites? .. just a thought:
http://www.christianpost.com/article/20070419/sex-offenders-use-pews-for-healing-hiding/index.html
http://reformation.com/CSA/allabuse.html
zimzoomit
preachers wife..,
SEE ALSO “Ex-gay ministries often hold up as a successful outcome for an ex-gay man to be married to a woman. They are so hidebound to their doctrine that homosexuality is chosen (or learned) that they will set up who knows how many people for the anguish of a failed marriage” and “Of course, the men in the article know they’re gay, they’re not pretending—to themselves. Reprehensible behavior: sexist (exploiting the women), as well as self-oppressive. This is the best argument possible for gay marriage—to give men the privileges of marriage without having to deny their sexual desires. Conservatives should support gay marriage, to protect all the women who would otherwise find themselves in this dismal situation” SOURCE: http://www.pamshouseblend.com/diary/2396/
IMconfused
Preacherswife,
I think that you need to try to find witnesses, victims and maybe some paperwork (motel receipts, etc.) to back up your experience.
Who did he have an affair with?
Did anyone see evidence of his violence…maybe the way he acted towards something insignificant, or maybe saw some bruises?
Don’t forget:
THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND.
Did he ever stop associating with another person because he told you that the other person was dishonest/evil, or shamefully had asked him to supply him with an alibi to cover up something …and your P righteously refused to be a part of the cover up, so the other person is no longer a part of his life? If so, maybe the “dishonest” person has information that validates bad behavior.
Someone must know something…check everything to put a chink in his defense and validate the truth.
Psyche
Regarding the last laugh: I can’t say I feel satisfied. Steve gets it right, their last laugh is a vile sort. It gives me little comfort to know they will get their laughs, again and again. The only thing that helps me is to deliberately make sure I stop making my ability to feel okay dependent on anything related to something an Spath can touch. For those of you who have kids with Spaths, I have nothing to offer, I haven’t learned to deal with something so complex. For me, as a single person, feeling okay again has amounted to killing off my own ego (what one -often falsely- believes about herself and, to some extent, the world around her), and finding happiness on the inside. Not an easy thing to do for those of us who have always sought happiness and love outside of ourselves before ever having found it within ourselves (thanks to parents who had no idea how to teach us anything better). Ego death is hideously painful and horrifying, but it does bring relief, and you get a new view of the world that is in better harmony with the ugly realities that were not (consciously) known to you before your experience with the Spath/N. When the change comes from within yourself, it has a way of changing the outide, too.
zimzoomit
IMconfused..
I liked your suggestion to Preacherswife,
“try to find witnesses, victims and maybe some paperwork (motel receipts, etc.) to back up your experience” “Did anyone see evidence of his violence”maybe the way he acted towards something insignificant, or maybe saw some bruises?”
My suggestion, if any SPATH hits any woman (though they often try to do it on your body where they think no one can SEE the evidence), to, RIGHT AFTER IT HAPPENS, get a friend with a CAMERA, hold the headlines of your local newspaper, with the DATE FROM THE PAPER, right next to your face, then again, RIGHT NEXT TO THOSE RED MARKS OR BRUISES, and have your friend PHOTOGRAPH THEM, as a witness. Also, call 911 IMMEDIATELY after it happens.
backintothelight
I haven’t quite finished reading all the posts, but I’m going to interject at this point with a couple of comments.
Raven – sympathies on the loss of your beautiful daughter, but I do agree that through this rainstorm comes the rainbow of your other children knowing first hand what their father is(n’t)
Bob – 500 albino monkey’s – luv it!!! I think out of all your scenarios – that one is the most visually likely for my exSpath! I really don’t know nor do I care what is going on his life – been absolutely NC since Mar 7th – the final court date, but never responded to any of his “ugly attempts” towards me before then. I am done. Haven’t even googled him name to see what comes up(patting myself on the back for that one) so lucky no children involved.
I have done exactly what Oxy has recommended throughout this website – I have been reading reading reading reading reading – old archives, new stories, just reading and learning and healing in the process of knowing that we are not crazy and not alone.
maybe he is dancing the Charleston with 500 Albino Monkeys – although I can guarantee that they have more rythym
okay back to reading the rest of the posts..
Thanks everyone!
Sheila
zimzoomit
Preachers wife..
Actually, I’m not sure I agree with that last sentence in Pam’s diary, “Conservatives should support gay marriage, to protect all the women who would otherwise find themselves in this dismal situation” ..
I think I’d like to see, before that happens, more COMMON-LAW marriages recognized in all states, not just a few, where women & men can “test the waters” on the other person’s ability to be financially responsible, so that SPATHS do not run off with his/her property, as well as his/her sanity. Prenupts do not always prevent that, and too often, annulments are not possible when SPATHS are often able to hide their SPATHICITY for years..often for even more than a decade..