We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
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Dear Preacher’s wife,
Welcome to lovefraud, and so sorry that you had a need to find your way here, but since you do, this is the best spot you could have landed.
Knowledge is power so start reading, go to the author and subject archives and read every article here (there are over 700 of them) but they are you PhD course in learning about psychopaths and how to predict to some extent what they will do, and how to cope with your own emotions and how to heal. WELL WORTH the time.
Document, document document, and gather any evidence you can against him. Whatever it is.
Don’t allow what others think of you or those people he cons into believing that you are the bad person to get you down, I’ve been down that road and so have many others. TRUTH IS TRUTH and if we are the ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD THAT BELIEVES IT, it is still TRUE.
Keep your faith in God and remember that Jesus said that there would be wolves in sheeps clothing come into the flock for to destroy and He was right….they will lead astray some people who are not strong enough to see through their lies.
It takes a strong personality to disengage from a Sociopath, and I give credit to those that have accomplished that!
Sociopaths are leaches on a human being.
They suck your energy, life, career and money out of you.
Women make very good sociopaths.
When you first meet they are loving, cute, sweet, adorable, and need protection – vulnerable.
Then the manipulation starts – It starts with significant ‘share’ of a ‘personal’ injury to them – a parent accused, an ex husband, a previous partner……
Then when they have got your sympathy they start to drill into your being – bit by bit, peice by piece.
Cruelty to an animal – Huh? That sweet, cute girl – cruel> No, I must have been mistaken!
Laughs at the misfortunes of others – huh? The innocent, vulnerable dove – laughing at a friend? No…..can’t be!
And then the true ‘shadow’ comes out – revealing itself like a split personality.
Like a demon inside of a sweet, dimpled, cute girl – taking over from her and enveloping her like a demon that needs to be exorcised!
And the last laugh is to disengage!
Otherwise you will be a broken down likeness of yourself, with no friends, no career, no money and no family.
This post isn’t very interesting, but I feel compelled to write it anyway —
My divorce was finalized today. Since being financially wiped out by my wife as she simultaneously schemed for my eviction and subsequent homelessness, and moved into her rich, married lover’s mistress quarters, I pursued the lonely pro se path — attempting in vain to get the court to give a damn.
By the time of my deposition, which I’d read was a terrifying and suicidal event of biblical proportion, I simply didn’t care anymore. I’ve suffered a brutally cold winter in my car, with acute pneumonia (untreated) and two emergency surgeries I cannot pay for, faintly supportive friends (I committed the cardinal sin of being a MAN — in America), and chronic unemployment.
As I sat in the conference room opposite her attorney — not the paralegal who jerked me around every which way she could for eight months — but the senior partner of the firm (and, I strongly suspect, a friend of the rich lover) and the court reporter, I felt like I had absolutely nothing left to lose. I was aware that I was not to “converse” with the opposition, but I just didn’t CARE anymore, and I spoke what was in my heart.
And that was when the miracle happened. Twenty minutes into the deposition, he suddenly instructed the court reporter to stop, and wanted to talk off the record. With a completely new tone in his voice and softly asked me personal questions regarding my feelings about the marriage, what happened, etc., then asked me what I wanted. I told him, and he said he would speak to my wife and that he would see to it that I got everything I wanted (which admittedly wasn’t much). Then the court reporter chimed in with his two cents and the two of them couldn’t have been more supportive, and yes — nurturing. I walked out stunned.
Today in court I saw her again — as beautiful as ever, as she took the stand to testify. I sat there feeling strangely confused — I knew she’d behave as she was doing now: soft, shy, meek (the judge made her speak up several times) and she played the “foreigner” card to perfection, saying she didn’t understand many of the big English words directed at her — but I wasn’t prepared to feel moved by her act. I felt the old protective, loving urge, and found myself secretly wishing this was all a big mistake. She was clearly nervous — more, I suspect, because of my presence, than any sense of the seriousness of the setting; her accuser was sitting in the same room and she couldn’t run. I caught her repeatedly staring at me out of the corner of my eye, but I refused to look back. The pain came back in spades.
At the conclusion, her attorney came over and gave me the check (whispered to call him if it bounced) and I drove directly to the bank to deposit it.
I have a sense that her attorney has bailed her lover out of jams like this before, and is wearying of it (the a-hole is even on Youtube bragging that he’s a rich genius). I had a strong case — conspiracy, fraud, prostitution, tax evasion, illegal money laundering, and more — but in the end, lacked the funds to effectively prosecute. It was only my resolve to go it alone until hell froze over, and ironically, a sympathetic opposing counsel, that enabled me to “win” my divorce. Now, the puddle that is “me”, can slip away to salvage what is left of my life.
Did she have the last laugh? She destroyed me, which was clearly her aim, so in that sense, mission accomplished; and she leeches off her rich, married (father of four) a-hole, so she has money. But I survived, dammit, I refused to let the legal system beat me (the judge at one hearing came up to me on the floor and said, in a patronizing way, “You know what Mark Twain said about a person who represents himself — he has a fool for a client!”). I still live in the car, and I’m still unemployed, but no one can predict the future, and I may yet get back on my feet, spath baggage and all. Then we’ll see who has the last laugh.
Dear Shock: Please be strong!
shocknawe,
Do you have any family members or friends that can help you out at this time, giving you a place to live? I’m glad that you’re divorced from the spath. It concerns me that you don’t have a place to live.
Shockwave
My empathizes and sympathies are with you!
The sole destroying experience you have been through is not the end.
It can be the beginning of a new life – but it will take courage and fortitude not to dwell upon your situation.
I often suggest Alanon – if you can find a meeting – then go.
It teaches to let go and let God. You need His help at the moment and always and this is a great starting point.
Your local church will also help and so will the local housing or neighborhood office.
Reach out for help to house you, feed yourself.
Look after yourself.
Use this as your moment of clarity, your bottom – and rise to the challenge.
Do not keep repeating the words in your head – you will only drive yourself deeper into the chasm of the mind.
The mind is a dangerous place for you.
Shocknawe
Sorry got your username wrong!
If you are a vet – go to the VA.
They will help you, cloth you, house you, feed you, find you a job.
I connected with my N mother after not talking to her for a year. She came to the house today. I felt like I wanted to make some effort with her since I have such a huge disconnect from my family. It went OK. We’ll see how she behaves and if she reverts back to her old behaviors. I feel a little bit relieved and a little strange at the same time.
I am really bothered about my girl on the other side of my wall. I feel like things are not right with us and I owe her an apology. I feel so bad for putting too much on her and I think I stressed her and scared her. We haven’t talked since Friday and I feel sad about it. I want her to know how sorry I am but I am afraid to approach her yet.
Nolarn:Give it a minute, and make sure you have the right words to say.
Brotmannurse: My gosh what great advice! I concur, the mind is a dangerous place. Now especially after the trauma we struggle coping with after a spath. Mmm GREAT words of wisdom!