We know that there are many unapprehended sociopaths who, exploiting others’ vulnerability, have greedily taken things from them, material and otherwise—valuable, precious things they neither deserve nor deserve to enjoy, yet which they may feel they both deserve and deserve to enjoy, and often perversely do enjoy.
And we know that many of these sociopaths possess smug, contemptuous and notoriously “shameless” attitudes about their exploitation—these attitudes, and the patterns they form, reflecting the essence of their disorder.
And some of these sociopaths may indeed, in a certain sense, get the proverbial “last laugh?”
Picture the sociopath lying on a Carribbean beach, or lounging on the patio of his upscale Antigua villa, sipping a martini with stolen wealth, smiling as if he’s fooled, and owns, the world!
But we must not forget to ask, especially in these cases, what kind of “last laugh” is theirs? And, of course, we must never forget who is doing the laughing!
Because the sociopath’s “last laughter” is a very different kind of last laughter. It is the last laughter of the emotionally damned”¦of a venal, pathetic, hollow individual.
And so his laughter itself, his mirth at having conned so successfully—should he feel something like mirth, flaunt and revel in it—graphically, screamingly reflect his emotional disorder!
Sure, he may look and feel as if he’s conquered the world, and deserves to toast himself, and be toasted; and be treated like the superman he may perceive himself to be. But again: one must never forget that this isn’t the celebration, even the contemptuous arrogance, of the narcissist who has earned his way to easy street. Â
No, while this may be the “last laughter” of a perhaps very clever individual, of a very skilled, perhaps even talented con artist, much more importantly we need to remind ourselves (and even his victims need to remember!) that, however extensive and traumatic the damage he’s inflicted, his is the “last laughter” of an incurably sick individual; of an individual whose “sickness of soul” consigns him, at best, to a hollow, shallow experience even of his pleasures, including those he’s stolen through his remorseless violation of others’ boundaries.
And so the unapprehended sociopath’s smug, contemptuous indulgence of the “easy life” he’s injured (and robbed from) others to falsely seize—that is, his “last laughter—”in the end exposes only one relevent phenomenon—the depth of his emotional perversion and its umbrella, warping effect on his whole personality, including his sense of humor.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not meant to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Ox Drover
Dear Shocknawe,
I am glad that you are here….glad that you got something from the divorce at least…no, she did not win and her married lover will tire of her eventually….so she has only DOWN to go….
Where as you have only UPWARDS to go….the advice by our new blogger BROTMANNURSE is good advice….find help, there is no shame in seeking help when you have been hit by a Tsunami and it sounds like you have been.
Imagine, finding a lawyer with a soul, conscience and a heart….who’d a thunk it ?
Welcome Brotman nurse glad you are here. Hang on Shock, it can only get better now. (((hugs))) and God bless you both!
shocknawe
Thanks, everyone. I’ve got to leave the library now so only have a minute.
The people at Americares have been great, and I’m on the waiting list at the various shelters (I just had to get screwed during a recession…). Meantime, the manager of the gym I trained at lets me use the showers and I have a few friends who let me sleep overnight on their couches once in awhile.
I’ll be OK. I finished my antidepressants yesterday (interesting timing) and I don’t drink or anything — actually, a bit of a health nut, though you wouldn’t know it by looking at me these days.
Brotmannurse, I agree: the mind is a terrible thing –;)
Oxy — yes, the lawyer floored me; I suspect the stories she told him were so off the wall that he had his doubts before he ever met me. Some people describe the spath effect as vampirism, and I have to agree — they slowly suck the life right out of you.
Gotta go.
Ox Drover
Dear Shocknawe,
You sound like you are starting to get your head together and are making some progress in working toward improving your living conditions….
I hope you will keep coming back here and using the resources and support that are here on LF….God bless you! Sincere (((hugs)))) from an old woman who has been there….homeless.
ElizabethBennett
I talked to my girl tonite and I think everything’s OK. I told her how sorry I was for putting such a huge giant thing on her last week. She said that it’s ok. She’d rather have me here. It was worth it because I’m still here. I thought she was really mad at me but is seems she’s ok. I gave her some space for a few days. All I can say is-she’s my friend but it’s so hard when she’s right up in my face talking to me cuz I wanna kiss her so bad.
backintothelight
Shocknawe –
Here’s a saying that I keep around me alot
“When you are down to nothing, God is up to something”
I lost everything in my divorce – only my clothes and some jewelry that I had before. I had gotten rid of my furniture that I’d had for 20 years to move in w/ my new “wonderful providing husband” (whatever) I’m thankful I have a job and have moved from sleeping on the floor to an actual bed and have a kitchen table couch and chair. Had to refill my kitchen w/ pots & pans, silverware and start over with fresh ketchup & mustard in fridge – but I do have my DIGNITY! I ran – I didn’t care about any of the materials I just needed out.
When there is no place to look but up – Look to God.
I’ll keep you in my prayers brother – and welcome to Love Fraud!
Ox Drover
Dear Sheila Leanne,
Good advice to Shocknawe from someone who has been there, done that and still standing! Your advice is right on. Glad you are here too, sister!
IrishSuds
Bob–You are exactly right! Once you are able to live your own life without thinking about the s-path, when your decisions are based on what is best for your own life, not what he will think or do, then in truth, you do have the last laugh!!
Once I no longer engaged with my ex, the s-path, I gained peace in my heart and my life, and he grew angrier and more erratic. Since the need to control is at the heart of his dysfunction, living my own life with no regard to him, has not only saved me, but has frustrated him!! His frustration and anger have caused him to “act out” and has shown more people who he really is (no one listened when I tried to tell them!).
Though I’m not an Oprah “follower”, I do tune in occassionally…. a few months ago she said this, “forgiveness is when you give up the hope that the past could have been different.” Very profound, very true.
Steve, as always, thank you for a great article!!
backintothelight
Thanks Ox!
You’re advice to others and your stories that I have read have really helped. I bless you! I’m glad I’m here too and hope that I can start helping others and inputting more than I have.
You are definitely an inspiration since your “encounters” have been with your immediate family. I’m lucky mine was just a romantic encounter… and a short 4 years.
Ox Drover
Welcome Irish Suds, good outlook on the way to handle the chaos…live our lives. “The best revenge is a good life” and it does frustrate them since they can’t control! LOL
Thanks Sheila, I’m glad you are here too…sounds like you are getting your head screwed on facing forward and are going in the right direction.
Here lately I’ve started to FEEL more empowered and less inclined to hide in my hole in the woods. Not sure particularly why NOW but I continue to make progress in my life and my healing. I realize it is a a JOURNEY, not a destination, but what is going on with THEM is less and less important to what is going on with ME.
Still have some challenges and hurdles….got to get back to a steady weight loss again and lose another 30 pounds…but am proud of the 30 I’ve already lost so there will always be something to work toward. When we quit growing, we die! (one way or another)
Keep up the good work and continue to share and to be good to yourself above all else!
candy
Irish Suds – welcome to LF.
Ox – well done for achieving your weight loss:)
Talking of journeys…….
I travel many miles each day to work and back. The other day I was following a tarmac lorry. There was wording on the rear and it read……’the road to perfection is always under construction’. It tickled me pink for the rest of the day.
Someone said on here last night that spath ‘filled a need we had at that time’. I’ve thought about that a lot today and yep it’s true.