One of the many shockers of being with a sociopath is their ability to coerce you into their criminal activity. When I was dating the spath, at first, he seemed so innocent and shy. As time went on he began to leak to me his stories. So he would lock me in with his intrigue, then feed me a portion of his past. The first shocker story came from his participation in the drug business in the country he grew up in.
Not until after I was married, did I find out that was one of the main reasons he came to the United States; he was running from the authorities. There was a time his family members had to hide him in a basement for long periods of time to escape going to prison.
Everywhere he went spelled trouble. No friends or family wanted to house him in the US because of the chaos of his reputation from home. I married him under the pretense that the drug business was in his past and he was a changed person now. I always believed in giving people a second chance because I would want one, however now I am definitely more cautious!
One night during the dating period, we were talking and his past came up again. He went on to tell me that growing up, he used to be involved in Santeria, which is a type of voodoo. He would tell me about the animal sacrifices and the witchcraft. He would tell me how witches would run on the tops of the houses at night, sneak into little kids rooms and sit in the corner to scare them. A little different version of the monster in the closet that I had grown up with. He told me about a spirit down by the river that was looking for her baby in the water and she would sit on a bucket and eat shrimp.
He would tell me how the witches would cast spells on neighbors and make them ill or kill them. He also said there was a time when he sold his soul to Satan. I was putting his clothes away one day and I found that he still had his beads hidden in his sock drawer. It had been years since he was supposedly done with Santeria, why were they still here? I told him that he needed to throw them away. He did. For some reason I don’t think it ever left him.
There was always a lot of change around the house. I kept asking myself, what is going on with all this change?! Who uses that much cash when debit cards are so prevalent? The change would pile up by the bag fulls. I would inquire about the large amounts of change, to which his response was that he uses cash to pay employees for side jobs.
Drugs in My Life
Years into the marriage the issue of his past involvement in drug cartel overseas became a moot point. Although I did find out that when I visited his country the first go-around I had had body guards of which I was unaware because of that exact thing. However, after a “family trip” in the last year of our marriage I had noticed he spent a lot of time with his ex brother in law, and he was loaded, loaded with tons of cash. They would use it to gamble and throw money everywhere.
I soon came to find out after overhearing his odd phone calls in secret, that he had begun to dabble in the drug industry again. This explained his recent obsession with the cartel shows on t.v. I confronted him about it and he admitted that he was doing a little business here and there. He would always down play the things that he was doing and told me not to worry about it. I didn’t know what to do at that point. How can a wife be knowledgeable of her husband’s drug involvement and not do something about it?
I feared for myself and for my daughter and our safety. The way he conducted himself in that business ran an extremely high risk for us. I was worried if he made a mistake or got on someone’s bad side that my daughter and I could face the brunt of it. I had seen and heard of hit men coming from across country lines to kill family members of people involved in the business, and I didn’t want that for me or my daughter. This wasn’t the life I wanted at all.
I went to a counselor and told him these exact things; he was dumbfounded. He didn’t even know how to counsel me. All he could say was that it was too much for a person to handle. Luckily less than 6 months after I found out that he was starting up that business again, I got out of the marriage.
Shadows and Dreams
When my daughter was born, I started having dreams, well they were more like nightmares. They were similar dreams over and over again. The dream was that there was this spirit in my daughter’s room at night and the spirit would bother her and wouldn’t let her sleep. Then other times I would dream that I went into my daughter’s room and she would be demon possessed or there would be two babies, one would be my real daughter and the other would be a demon, but look like my daughter.
I would try to figure out which one was mine until the face started to change on one of the babies. Then when I would see which one was the demon, I would try and cast the demon out in the name of Jesus. There were also a couple dreams when the same thing happened to one of my dogs.
I was so afraid of the demon that I was left speechless unable to cast it out. Other times during the day I would be doing laundry or walking upstairs and a shadow would pass by the corner of my eye. I couldn’t understand where all this was coming from. I had briefly studied about demons in the past, just for basic knowledge, but hadn’t put much attention to them for this exact reason, but the dreams and shadows remained years after.
One night I woke up from my sleep and went into my daughter’s room to get a stuffed animal my mother in law had given her when we visited her country. I took it out of the room and eventually threw it away. I had some sense that the stuffed animal was carrying something.
Slowly my response to the demons in my dreams became more assertive and stronger. I started to yell and cast out the demons in my dreams. I would wake up shaking and run to my daughter’s room and pray next to her bed for 30 minutes straight. When I came back to my room and saw what time it was, I couldn’t believe I was in there that long.
This went on for almost three years. I would tell the spath about the dreams and he would get mad at me and tell me I’m having them because I keep reading about demons and I’m attracting them, but that wasn’t true. I had briefly read about them years before and that was it. How could this still be going on?
When I left the house with my daughter during a three month separation period, I had stopped back at the house to get more clothes and when I walked in, I felt something that was very dark. It wasn’t right. My brother even mentioned to me that he didn’t like coming over because he got a strange feeling.
Interestingly enough, less than a week after I packed up all of his stuff, which wasn’t much, and kicked him out of the house, the dreams stopped and the shadows stopped. Whether the curse of Santeria never left him or he was involved in so much evil he attracted bad spirits, I don’t know, I just know what I saw and dreamed and felt, and I knew he was the perpetrator of those things. He was the one bringing evil in my house.
After I served him with divorce papers and kicked him out, I started cleaning through all the drawers. I came across many receipts. Now when you know you are being cheated on for a really long time, you go into this detective mode and that is how you cope. You are always trying to figure out what is really going on; you are attempting to uncover something that will give you the real answer to things. So of course I started looking over the receipt, the day, the time, the amount of food that was purchased.
One of the receipts was a weekend he was supposed to be in the mountains with “no cell service” to do a guys biking trip in California. But the receipts however were for a state fair in California six hours away from where he had told me that he was going to be. He had taken $500 bucks cash with him that weekend, which I thought odd for a weekend in the woods with bikes and men and camping. And there was the receipt, the purchase was in cash, and then another cash receipt and then another.
Cash equals change, and there was a lot of it. He knew that I would periodically review his checking account for purchases when I suspicious of him cheating, so he started paying for all his girlfriends in cash…for a while, then he just started to get lazy towards the end of our marriage and just let it all out. But I suppose it was a good game of cat and mouse there for a bit.
I don’t know if this is morbid or just me adding gratification to what happened, but I collected all that change and bagged it up. Now every time I want an ice cold soda, I dip into the bag of glorious change that is so conveniently there and walk to my apartment pool and get one out of the vending machine. Every time I go to get change I think, “girlfriend change, thaaaaank you!” The shadows and dreams are gone, and the drugs are gone since I have completely removed him from my life and my daughter’s life and life…is…good. So cheers!